Posted by Kim on December 4, 2012, 8:05am
It's the Festival of Being Excellent to Each Other, and this year we're focusing on dealing with those inevitable troubles that arrive between peoples who play together for ages -- so you can keep on playing for ages!It's incredibly tempting to not address problems with your friends, for fear of rankling them and destroying everyone's fun.
But here's a thought: When you bottle up problems, you stop having fun. Honest. Life sucks when you feel like you're putting up with someone else's disrespect or issues. You're not a martyr, you're a gamer. There's a difference!
And when you stop having fun, you stop wanting to play.
So here's my point. Given the nature of RP, you can only game when your RP partners are turning up to game. If your RP partners choose to stop playing instead of telling you what's wrong, you're not having fun anymore! Talking stuff out can be difficult, but it's much more fun than the alternative.
So the next time you're considering leaving because you're not having fun anymore, remember: Your RP partners want to have fun too, and the only way they can have it is if you are having fun. Remind yourself that you're not being mean, you're doing your partners a tremendous favor by discussing issues with them.And it goes a step further! Most people don't just want to have fun, they also want to feel that their RP partners like them and are their friends. If you don't want to confront because it might be mean, consider that it might be much meaner to assume that your friend won't try new things to help you be happy and comfortable.
During this Festival of Being Excellent Each Other, help your friends be Excellent to you. Tell them (gently and with love) what they can do to help you be a happy member of your group.
Fun holiday trivia wrote:
Last year, the Kudos system was introduced during the Festival of Being Excellent To Each Other. The system was partially installed the night before it was officially announced but there weren't yet links to make it easy to use -- even so, in the twilight hours between its installation and the announcement about it, over 50 glowing kudos were given. Now that's love!
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Comments
I agree with this wholeheartedly! I'd also like to point out that it's easier to confront someone the earlier you do it. The longer you let a problem linger, the tougher it is to confront the other party. I call it "Point Easy." If I'm frustrated with someone for being over powered in the RP, the longer I wait, the worse the problem gets, and the harder it is to confront the other person. And the other person had no idea that they're doing anything wrong! 
Great post, it edified me greatly! This is really a great idea, this Festival of Being Excellent to One Another. 
~Oaky
Great post, it edified me greatly! This is really a great idea, this Festival of Being Excellent to One Another. ~Oaky
Both those things are in fact in the pipeline, Sanne! 
I also wish people would poke me a bit more often about my RPs! I'm super scatterbrained when I can't organize things the way I try to, and I also found out I lose track of my post-its very easily. 
(Damn cats!) So I tend to lose track of my roleplays, especially when I'm busy dealing with other things.
Often times people just don't poke me about it and go silent, then sometimes even delete the character without a word.
I just feel awful about it because it's never because I don't have fun, I simply get too swamped and forget about it.
I wish there'd be a way to 'favorite' some subscribed topics or to categorize them more easily, as well as a revamp of the PM system.
I know the PM system will be in the works down the line, not sure about faving/categorizing subscribed topics. But that'd sure help me out to find topics I need to reply to again!
/long ramble
Other than this, I'm usually pretty good about being up front about something. If I don't enjoy the RP anymore or think it won't work out, I let the person know and all is well.
(Damn cats!) So I tend to lose track of my roleplays, especially when I'm busy dealing with other things.Often times people just don't poke me about it and go silent, then sometimes even delete the character without a word.
I just feel awful about it because it's never because I don't have fun, I simply get too swamped and forget about it.I wish there'd be a way to 'favorite' some subscribed topics or to categorize them more easily, as well as a revamp of the PM system.
I know the PM system will be in the works down the line, not sure about faving/categorizing subscribed topics. But that'd sure help me out to find topics I need to reply to again!/long ramble
Other than this, I'm usually pretty good about being up front about something. If I don't enjoy the RP anymore or think it won't work out, I let the person know and all is well.
TheLily
December 4, 2012
10:56am
I just thought I'd leave this here for you
~
I am loving all this thoughtful feedback!
I think you hit it on the head, Lily. Self respect is priceless, and even the "worst case scenario" of losing the game after making a solid effort to address the issue is loads better than losing the game through silence. No "what ifs", no more self-loathing. And losing a game can even be an amicable experience, where two people discover they just have different play styles but still like each other as people. It's hard to like each other as people when stuff has stayed bottled and unexplained and gone sour.
I think you hit it on the head, Lily. Self respect is priceless, and even the "worst case scenario" of losing the game after making a solid effort to address the issue is loads better than losing the game through silence. No "what ifs", no more self-loathing. And losing a game can even be an amicable experience, where two people discover they just have different play styles but still like each other as people. It's hard to like each other as people when stuff has stayed bottled and unexplained and gone sour.
TheLily
December 4, 2012
10:39am
I'll admit that I'm crappy about standing up for myself, but recently I had to leave my D&D group permanently due to massive amounts of disrespect towards me. I felt like I didn't get anywhere every time I tried to tell them how I feel and the other night I just ended it. I lost a friend in the process, but all the terrible feelings I had about myself have gone away! I might not have people to play D&D with, but at least I feel like a person again.
Besides, more time with you awesome guys!
Besides, more time with you awesome guys!
I totally agree with this! I've had people just stop responding to my RPs, and it makes me so sad! If they aren't having fun, then all they have to do is tell me and I'm sure we can make it interesting together! I am always up for plot happenings and excitement, but then people just stop responding.
I understand that life gets busy (trust me I know that xD), but when people stop responding to their RPs with me and I see them responding to other RPs, it makes me kinda sad.
So confront them!!
I am always up for plot happenings and excitement, but then people just stop responding.I understand that life gets busy (trust me I know that xD), but when people stop responding to their RPs with me and I see them responding to other RPs, it makes me kinda sad.
So confront them!!
As someone who can attest to things utterly falling apart due to a lack of communication on one of both sides, I can only advocate very strongly how important it is to talk to people when you're not having fun or think something went sour; hopefully it's something that can be fixed between you and your friends and partners!
But you won't know until you start talking! That's one of the reasons I adore the RPR so much-- we're all so open and honest between each other, it couldn't have built a more nicer community if it tried-- actually scratch that. Let's strive to make our friendships on here even stronger and friendlier with even MORE communication! We all like talkin', right?
</flings self off of the soapbox and into RP, huzzah!>
But you won't know until you start talking! That's one of the reasons I adore the RPR so much-- we're all so open and honest between each other, it couldn't have built a more nicer community if it tried-- actually scratch that. Let's strive to make our friendships on here even stronger and friendlier with even MORE communication! We all like talkin', right?
</flings self off of the soapbox and into RP, huzzah!>
Kim
December 4, 2012
2:05pm