Lilith Beatrice Mary Sasilion

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• Journal

  • An update

    Forgive me for my lack of updates. So much has happened I do hope I do not leave anything out. My last writing spoke of a fight Tero and I had. We made up not too long after. He forgave me and I agreed to work on my thoughts. The child is growing very fast and I find that I like her now. Her hugs are magical. Something in me warms when I hear her call after me. She loves me truely and I have grown to care for her. My Darling as I call her now. Tero had brought a young lady into the home, I had disagreed with this. my thoughts on her were correct. I have learned to care a small bit for her but she is running this family's name into the ground! Her displays toward the male sex is offending, to say the least. My talk with her on proper attire and manners have not sunk in. Tero stuck her a few nights ago because of her displays. If my darling picks up this behavior I would die. Lord help me not to rid this girl of my house! This girl is not my daughter..she has not earned this title. I must protect my own blood. I grow angery just writing this. Vira has gone away. She is working on helping the tribe and finding her place. I miss her so deeply it hurts. This new girl will never be my Vira. I think it is time to have another child. I think this would do well for Tero. He disappeared for a time. I joined a search party that found him and brought him back. His mind seems well now but I fear he will leave again. My soul, mind, and body become lost with out him. A whole month passed with him gone and I spent most of it shut up in the house. I even nailed down the doors. I had feared his death. I feared my death and my child's. With his return I felt alive again. The candle of our love relite. I am a strong minded woman but I have found that I have been tamed by him. His word goes rather than mine. Most days I am fine with this arragnement but I do crave that control I once had. I have an idea to start giving lessions on manners and the like. I think this will bring me some control back. I must leave you now. It is time for rest.

  • The fight

    Good Evening Journal,
    
    I come to you as my only friend. Those that I would speak to are not appropriate to speak to about this. I have never see my Tero so angry before. I understand I think his side but I am very agreeable with my own side. Many moons ago I visited the magical doctor in hopes she had the ability to change Elyisa. She herself was against this idea but shared with me her ability to permanently change this puppy into a human child. This is not as I wish. I want this child to have the ability to change at her will from pup to human from. She told me of a dragon with is power. Only when I have Tero's agreement will she help me find this dragon. A waited a while to speak with Tero of this. He demanded this not to happen and he threatened to take the puppy away. His solution to my issue was to bare another child or become happy with having one human child, Vira. He also spoke very disrespectfully toward the human race. If he hates my race why did he marry one of the human race? I am not the killers he described. I did not end his people. Tero believes that this magic will do harm to the pup, killing it in away. I do this so that the child can have the best of both worlds. She can live in the human world and also the were world. I only want to bond with my baby as a human. I am not able to bond with her in the way she looks now. I tried. Truly I did. I have prayed daily to help me love this puppy. I do like her. I enjoy my time with her when she is happy but I do not have the same feelings that I have when around Vira or Tero. After Tero stormed off I cried. It shames me to admit this. I have not cried in years. I cried my heart out after the death of my father. For days I cried. But once a few days passed I was able to push the pain down. This fight had me release all of my pain. I left after I calmed down. I spent the night in the church. I prayed and prayed. I returned home the next morning but was careful to avoid my husband. We have spoke casually but I have not brought up the issue again. I pray this fight is not the end of us. I shall update you in good time.

  • Birth

    I gave birth to a female puppy a few days go. My fears coming true. The labor was hard and long and produced a few broken ribs. The lord was on my side in the case of the broken bones for the doctor had powers that healed. I was once agaist magic and the like but now I feel it is a good thing. Death did not take me but during a few moments I had wished for it. The child looks excactly as Tero does. Its only hint of me is its eyes. I still do not believe this is my baby even if I felt it come out of me. Somethign is wrong, why would it not look even a bit like me if I am its mother? Tero's joy was as high as his love for the moon. I had never seen him so happy. This made me happy and sad. He loves this child so much more than I can explain. I feel...mostly nothing. i have held it once for a moment. It looked at me with such love, she craved my touch. My voice calms her. Some times when she cries if I just talk to her about some things she calms. I would like to love her. I only wish there was a way to have her look like me. Her cries do not even sound as a human baby. I shall see the doctor, maybe a magic spell will give me my baby...

  • Journal Entry

    Good Afternoon,
    
    At this moment I sit on my new bed, located down stair in the shop area. The reasoning for this is for I now have trouble move about due to the weight gained. I am now almost 7 months and in pain most of the day. My bones hurt with each movement. The doctor had feared with would happen. I must not beable to handle the weight of the baby. I hope to deliver soon. All of my clothing I have had to let out, minus my most formal attire. I am not wearing any queen worthy dresses, the weight would kill me. My current mood is of wonder, sadness, fear and anger. I fear a great many things. Will this birth be the death of me? i have heard stories of women meeting their maker during birth. How sad and lovely that is at the same time. She dies to give life to her child. I wish not to die. At this point in the stage of life as an adult I am much more valuable than a small baby. I may think differently once I have given birth to my child. Will Tero love me or or less after this child is in our lives? My father loved me a great deal more than my mother but there was good reason for that. Will I even like this child? Will it look like me? How will I feel if it looks nothing like me? I wish so badly to have a child like myself but I fear it will look just as Tero. I love my husband. Truely I do but is it so wrong to want a baby to look like you? I really do not like baby babys. I like them when they are able to speak and do things for their selves. I need to hire a nanny fast. I will post an ad in the paper. I am angry of how this baby makes me look. I am a cow. I am sad that i do not enjoy being with child as so many have before me. The baby is kicking a great deal. I must relax. If I am to die before I write again. Know that I love you with all my heart Tero. My darling Vira, take care of yourself and please care for your sister or brother. My grandchildern may you remember me, I love you even if I find it hard to show. To my child, may you learn who I am from this. I hope you have felt some love in my body. Your father can love you much more than I could ever and he will love you for the both of us. God, please grant me the power to deliver a child and live to see it grow. I am in your hands.
    
    Lilith

  • Journal Entry

    Dear Journal,
    
    In my last entry I did not give my name. I am Queen Lilith Beatrice Mary Sasilion-Sol of the former Kingdom of Sasilson, wife of Pteronious Sol Cheif of the Sol tribe and blacksmith of the town of Peddler's Hollow. I no longer use my title and only introduce myself using my first and last names. I am of royal blood but now live as a high class town person. At this current moment I keep order of the house and am a hostess in my home to my husband's clients. This life is less stressful although it do not come with the perks of being a royal. I am on better terms with my life as of now, Tero does very well in making sure all my needs are met. Whatever I request I shall have. I am almost four months along in my journey of carrying a child. Evidance in the way of a small bump as started, it only shows if I move in a certain way. I feel as If I have gained many a pound and that I am fat. I feel this feelings will only get worse. The doctor in town has put me on a strict eating plan. He tells me I am very underweight for a woman my height. I am of average height. I am not able to see as he sees me. Tero has always worried over my eating habits and now keeps a close eye on me. I am also a grandmother now. My adopted child Vira has welcomed an adopted little boy into the family. i have learned to care a bit for the boy but being a grandmother pains me a great deal. When I think of one that is a grandmother I think of an old wrinkled woman. Not a lovely 26 year old woman! Alas the boy does seem to care for me and I find joy when around him. I am not in the current mood to speak of my past. All that I have said brings pain, writing of the past will make it much worse. I bid you good night.

  • Myself

    Dear to whomever reads this,
    
    I have chosen to write for many reasons. I am currently with child and I have learned the dangers of childbirth. if I am to leave this world bringing forth a new life so be it. In the case of this event I shall want to be remembered not only in those who know me but those who came after me. I write this for my home kingdom is as I know of it no more. There for records of me are gone. I shall write so that my story lives on and so will the story of my family. I also write this for my child. You are of a great pain to me at this moment in time but I trust you will bring me joy in my life. i pray to the lord you are a female child. I have no training in raising boys. My experience only comes from the younger sisters and watching their care takers. Please know that I shall do my best as a mother and continue traditions of my royal family. Know that I love thee child, I find it hard to express feelings in words and facial expressions. Take this written I love you and keep it in your heart. Even if I am to fail as a mother I know that I gave thee the best father. He cares greatly for me, more than I could explain here. He loves you as well, he may love you more than I. I shall tell you in time of our story. Let us start at the beginning.
    
    I was born in the royal castle of Sasilion to King Richard and Queen Lily Sasilion. My father was kind and a gentle man. He was a great leader and loved by all his people. He loved me so very much, I was his pride. Tero reminds me of him in a great many ways. My mother was a beautiful but horrible woman. Our people disliked her a great deal. I am not all that sure as to why but i disliked her a great deal myself. In looks I am almost her twin. Even if i disliked her I love my beauty that came from her. Mother was unfaithful in ways of marriage and this is where my hate of her comes. In royal fashion I was raised by Ann, the misstress of good breeding. She was my friend, teacher and mother durning my childhood days. She caught a sickness and died when I was 13. My hired best friend was Sarah, we were the same age and got along wonderfully. She was a sweet girl and always did as I told her. Her hair was blonde and wavey and she had sea blue eyes. She was my better half durning my childhood and teen years. She caught a sickness and died the year of our 17th birthday. I miss her a great deal. Mother dissappeared when I was 12 or 11. She had given birth to my youngest sister not too long before. The kingdom's people had said I killed her, I hate them for this. I say to this very day that she left with some lover. many a towns person can not be trusted, they will take from you or harm you simpley because of your noble blood. With the lord's blessing the talk of her death never caused me harm. This is enough for now. I shall write again. Goodnight