Bernadette
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White as an Angel by day, Black like the Devil at night
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I was born in Denmark, down south close to the German border. I was just 14 years old when the second Schleswig war broke out, and that's where my life once and for all startet.
I grew up most of my life without my parents, my dad drank him self to death after my mother died years earlier after being sick for a longer period. So I only lived a couple a years with my dad, before he choose to put me in a girls home, I was only 6 years old back then. It was a whole new world to me, I wasn't use to share what had and suddenly I had so little. I wasn't selfish or something like that, I just hated that the only things I had left from my parents, have now become filled with some other girls memory. The 8 years i lived at the girls home was hell for me, i could't fit in and all the other girls either hated me or didn't seem to notice me at all.
Then the year turnes 1864 and the war began only a month into it. I was now 14 years old and was all ready smarter and quite grown up looking compared to the other girls i lived with. The ladies, who owned the children's home, desided that more had to become of us, instead of us all dying in this ridiculous war. So they sent us all around the world to diffrent convents, where we had to convert to god and live the life he has now giving us the oppotunity to live.
I was sent to London to live with 3 other nuns and a couple of nurses, including myself. The convent's name was Sankt Cliffort, one of the oldest convents in London. Time past and I got educated as a nurse and later did my final vows, so now I was a higly classified nurse and a Sister taking my prayers to times a day.
I'm now 27 years old, and still adapting to the fact that I live for god and his word only. There is something pulling me from both sites. The Sisters at Sankt Cliffort gave me life, an education and somewhere to belong, but there was just something about the streets at night. The young people who fell in love, the music, and all the sleepness nights seeing young women walking home after a night of dancing in their beautiful dresses. Sometimes i wished for this myself, wished i could fall in love and dance to the music like every other woman at my age.
x
So, it's been almost five month now and the sister in charge still haven't noticed that I vanish every night after evening prayer. I go out and enjoy the night, hoping that someday my mind would know what past a should take. Hoping to meet someone who can teach me the life of a normal young woman who isn't bounded to god. But things as a grown up wasn't easier than back when I lived at the girls home, people still didn't seem to noticed me. Maby it was because of the respect they had for the religious people or because they didn't know what to do or say to a nun in the street in the middle of the night. I often walk the street unseen like a ghost, so I had all the time i wished for to observe other people around me, learning their habits and their way of life. The more I saw the more I wanted this life for my self.
