Heart Of The Ocean
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Dear Diary....
April 10th, 1912. The Day I Met Him.
Today was the best day of my life, for a many number of reasons. It started, as many of my days had, with pain, from my fathers latest beating. He had used his belt on me, but it was like he had sensed that I was leaving. He was meaner than usual, as if trying to break me. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. I was too full of excitement and adventure. I left that house, and I ran as fast as my welted legs could carry me. I had worked for months to save enough money to be able to board what people were calling ‘The Ship Of Dreams.’ The RMS Titanic was sailing away, and I was the most determined to board it. A few people asked me if I was okay, and I realized later it was because I had bruises on my face, but all I kept saying was I would be as soon as I was on the ship. And so, I boarded it. And god, was it beautiful. Even in third class. It was loud, and crowded and it was....it was perfect. Because I had escaped.
But what happened that night was something I never would have expected, and the biggest reason this day turned amazing. I heard something so beautiful that I wound up following it up to the second class decks. I followed it until I saw a tall, young man. He was probably the most beautiful thing I had seen yet on that ship. His eyes were closed at first, and his blonde hair was held back by a black ribbon. I watched him, enthralled by him until someone shouted at me. I hadn’t even realized I had crossed the class decks, not at first, but when I did, I was prepared to be thrown back down them. But for the first time in history, someone defended me. And that someone was him. The violin player. Raphael LaBlanc. Lord Raphael LaBlanc.
April 11th/12th 1912
The evening with Raphael was the most amazing. He had saved me from being thrown back down the stairs. I remember the way he had commanded them to leave me alone, but I also found out then he was a lord, though he did initially tell me that was a lie. Still, all we did was walk, and talk. He told me about him, revealing the actual truth of his status, and I told him about me. I sang for him, and out of complete graciousness, he allowed me into the Grand Staircase. I cannot describe how beautiful it was. And not the mention huge.
I told him that I could’ve fit my house in there five times over and still had room. Of course, my bubble was burst when we were interrupted by a nasty woman. She berated me, but...once again, Raphael didn’t hesitate to come to my defence. I couldn’t believe it. I wonder if it was then I began to love him. Not much more happened then, except he walked me back to my room like a perfect gentleman. Though he did invite me to spend the next evening with him. Which is where things got a little weird.
April 12th, The Evening
Okay, it got a lot weird. And quickly. Raphael invited me to a dance, and in the middle of it, HE PROPOSED. Just like that. I was in the middle of words with that mean girl from before, so I didn’t think he was serious. But I accepted anyways, because I didn’t think he was serious. He told me while we were dancing that he was indeed serious, but he walked away before I could say...anything. Yes, no, hold on, literally anything. And before I knew it, I had broken someone’s heart for the first time in my life. I have to fix this. I just have too. Even if he hates me for the rest of his life.
It was a lot to find him. Once I left his mothers room, I didn’t have any idea where he went. I returned to third class, devastated and disappointed in myself. Lady Gabrielle had terrified me with what she had said. I could have him, and all of it, but only if I married him, and though I realize upon writing this, she didn’t mean it the way I took it, it left me terrified. So. I ran. I had tried to attend the party below, a party Raphael and I were supposed to attend together, but obviously, I was no longer in the mood. I was half drunk by the time I left, and was about to go back up to continue my search when I found him. Alone, horribly drunk, and almost freezing to death.
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April 13th, 1912, The Biggest Moment.
The very first thing I did today....was to kiss him. I didn’t know if he would want me to, if it was proper, if we were supposed to. I didn’t care. As soon as I saw him, warm again under the blankets of my bed. Did I bring him here? I think I did. It doesn’t matter. As soon as I knew he was safe, I kissed him. And what was more amazing was,...he kissed me back.
He tasted...amazing. Like all the freedom I had been searching for, which was ironic, and I can laugh about it now. He tasted sweet. Like strawberry and cream. He apologized for putting me on the spot, and I apologized over and over again for hurting him. We were able to make up, though! Well. Almost. After this, I asked if he would spend the day with me so that I could explain. And...I basically told him he was selfish and spoiled and,...wow, I am a jerk. I don’t blame him for walking away from me for it. I didn’t think he would ever come back, honestly. Luckily, for me, he did. But he was sad. I had made him that way, and I was determined to fix it. So I invited him to a party.
I sang him a song. I wanted it to be more personal than it was, but I sang it as if he was the only person in the room. To me, he was the only person in the room. He was the only person I could see, and every time I hear that song, I think of him. Even if, at the time, I danced with others too. But my eyes hardly left him, or his beautiful smile. When I was done, his cheers was the ones I heard the loudest. He shocked me, again, as he played me a song. I think of that song so often. The way he moved, the way he played. The way he watched me. With all the simplicity in the world. I knew then I was in love. Big, huge, deep, scary, love. But before I could tell him, we were interrupted by a man who had been previously bothering Raphael. His name was Henry, and he was a vile human being, and I remember Raph hitting him... He was extremely rude to me, and....I still can’t believe this, but....I stood up to him. I saw the way Henry was looking at Raphael, and I refused to let him be hurt. I would’ve given my own physical safety for Raphael’s. And I did it without thought.
Raphael initially scolded me for this, but we moved on quickly. What we moved onto.....was the sweetest physical act I had ever experienced. It would be too crude to say I ‘slept’ with him. I know now what he did was love me. Completely. Emotionally, spiritually, and most definitely, physically. He took my virginity that night, and he gave me his in the same act. He touched me so softly, so sweetly. He showed me what life was, and what respect was supposed to be. He checked with me through every move, every time he even thought of touching me. And he did it in the most beautiful and thrilling way I had ever known. That I have ever known. Like he would lose me if he stopped. I think now I would have died if he had, because it was the first time someone had ever accepted me as completely, and as sweetly as he did. As...he always did.
I still smile when I think of it. And how he panicked afterwards because we.....weren’t exactly careful.
April 14th, 1912. The Day My Dreams Ended
Raphael and I made love the entire night. To be fair to us, we were both very new, but still. The thing I will never forget is when his mother knocked on the door. We both jumped like rabbits, but because we had decided to be together, she was less upset than she probably otherwise would have been. Or given his stature, should have been. Due to this, we then made love twice more before we officially joined his parents. We both apologized over dinner for our indiscretions, and Raphael’s father told me something that made me turn cherry red. He told me that when he’d met his wife, Lady Gabrielle, the two of them used to sneak off into the stables, where it most definitely wasn’t the horses she was riding. In the middle of my flustered state, I was asked to talk, and Raphael finally did the very thing I had wanted all along. He asked.
This time, I said yes. Willingly, completely, and instantly. I cannot lie though, even though I had a suspicion of what he was doing, my heart almost leapt out of my mouth out of nerves. He gave me the most beautiful ocean ring I had ever seen in my life. I couldn’t stop staring at it. When you move it one way, it looks blue, and another it looks green. If you look at it just right, it looks like the ocean. He told me that it belonged to his grandmother, and that it was meant for someone he loved very much. I am so proud to say that it was me that he wanted to give it too.
We spent the day together, and he not only invited me to dinner, but also asked me to move into the first class cabins with him. At the end of dinner and dancing, I left the dining room to go and gather my things. And this. This was where tragedy struck. Twice.
If you’re still reading this, this next part may be hard to both believe, and stomach, but I need to get it out. This was the worst night of my life for many, many reasons. Let’s begin with when I went to gather my things. I ran into Henry in the hallway, who made some stupid drunken comment that I ignored. But I hadn’t realized he’d followed me into my room. He even waited for me to finish gathering my stuff so I couldn’t use my hands. He threw me against the wall, and then,...he raped me. Brutally, and viciously. After being with Raphael, I was a bit sore from it all, given that I had given Raph my virginity. I can’t believe how much it hurt when Henry forced his way inside of me. If I think, I can still smell him on me. And it’s hard when the nightmares come. But I can never forget it, not just because of the brutal violation....but also because Titanic hit its fatal iceberg as Henry dropped me on the ground. I felt the shudder, and heard the scrapes, as I watched him walk out, and leave me in the dark.
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April 14 1912, The Scariest Night Of My Life.
I had to pause in my writing, because each time I think of it, it hurts. Mentally, emotionally. Physically. What I do remember, and what helps, is while I was trying to deal with the pain, and figuring out the ship was in trouble, Raphael was there. I didn’t make it far out of my room, and unfortunately the first person I ran into was the one who just attacked me. But I remember looking past him and seeing my beautiful fiancée standing there. What Henry said to him was so vile, I can’t even repeat it. It set Raphael off like I had never seen. He hit Henry so hard, and immediately gathered me into his arms, and I sobbed. Not for long though, because the ringing alarms reminded me of the ship. I didn’t know then what was to happen, but I wanted out of third class. I also noticed then that Raphael was hurt, and I couldn’t figure out how. He told me he fell, and I realized we both needed the doctor. He, naturally was more concerned for me than himself.
Raph and I made our way back to first class, where passengers barely knew what was happening, other than the ship lurched. He got the doctor, and I sat alone in his room while he was gone. I still think that moment alone was the absolute hardest of my entire life. I felt like if I breathed, I would break. My fiancée and his mother returned, and I cried in his mother’s lap while I was examined. Henry had hurt me, but suddenly, that wasn’t the concern. Stewards were handing out life belts, and starting to attempt to gather passengers to the lifeboat deck.
The ship was sinking. It was becoming more and more obvious, especially as the call for women and children began. I didn’t want to leave him, but Raphael convinced me to board the lifeboat. However, not before Meredith had to have one last word with me. We exchanged words, but in the end we both got in the boat. Raphael and I stared at each other while that lifeboat lowered, and I wanted nothing more than to jump off and run back to him. Before I got this chance though, Meredith had more words for me, and the stress of the situation made me snap. I called her a Godless, selfish brat and...she hit me. I was so shocked that I stumbled, and before I knew what was happening. I fell into the water. It was so cold. Like a million knives stabbing me. But my own fury kept me warm. Or motivated.
To avoid being crushed, I had to force my way back into the ship.
I thought I would drown there, but eventually I found where the water let up. All I knew was Raphael would be looking for me, and I needed him. The ship was in bad shape, and I couldn’t leave him again. As my unlucky streak continued, I found Henry instead. I’ve never seen someone look so angry, and he hit me so hard, the gate behind me broke and he made me bleed with his hit. I went flying, and all I remember is panic and cold. When I could breathe, my fiancée found me, and together, we fought our way to the top.
The Final Entry
The thing I remember most was how cold the water was. I grew up suffering some fairly extreme colds, but nothing like this. Water was crashing everywhere we went, everywhere we ran, glass shattering, people screaming. It was horrible. When we finally made it back to the deck, we learned not only that almost all the boats were gone, but that Raphael’s father had escaped. Now that only left us to worry about. I wanted to give into panic. The bow was starting to dive into the ocean, and....It was just impossible not too, but my Godsend of a fiancée was the most solid rock. He took me firmly by the arms and said “Tables.” I have never forgotten the way he looked when he said this. Strong, determined, bloody and beautiful. I trusted him completely.
Both of us were hurt, so getting a table was not an easy task. Between the people and the panic and the water, it took time to get one. We maneuvered it out of the dining room, and we brought it to the water. It would be easy to slide at that point, or so I thought. I don’t even know how we managed to do this, but we flipped it. Every time we stopped, the deepest freeze I had ever felt set in, but I kept moving. Raphael helped me onto the table, in the centre of it. I thought he was getting on it too, but I would soon learn...this was not my lovers plan.
I think I could’ve broken the sound barrier with how loudly I screamed. I remember him telling him that he loved me..., and then he pushed the table with the strength he had. He pushed me pretty far, far enough that my plan of jumping off and following him back into the ship seemed impossible. I watched him for....I don’t know how long. I was terrified, and freezing cold. I lost him among the people, and I tried to move the table. But I wasn’t strong enough.
It seemed like minutes at the time, but the reality was I sat on the table, floating for a while. I couldn’t say how long, but it must’ve been, because when the first funnel fell,...I was no longer underneath it. I should have been crushed by it, but all that happened was the huge wave flipped the table. I was so tired, and cold, and...weak that I couldn’t hold on. I lost the table at that point, and I remember....flipping, and swirling and moving without any control. I don’t know how I got back up that time, but I did. I could see the ship, and how tilted it was. It was almost straight up in the air. But in minutes,.....everything went dark as the ship lost power. And then....everything simply went black.
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Today, I Found Him..
+They Found Each Other+
Titanic Museum, Branson Missouri, April 10th, 2006.
+How This Happened+
A news report was released of the museums opening, and of Lillian’s original journal being found, and neither could resist going. Neither believed the other was real at first.
+What Happened To Them+
Upon realizing they were real, after Lillian spoke words Raph hadn’t heard in 94 years, they couldn’t, and wouldn’t be separated. They spent three days locked in a hotel room before they could even begin sorting out the mess of their emotions.
+And Still, They Fought+
Lillian and Raphael learned a lot about each other in a very short time, and not all of it was easily handled. Events led to Raphael breaking a piece of Lillian’s business, a club designed in the original Titanic. A place her heart lives, forever. However, the reasons led to a huge fight with Lillian’s best friend, Lydia, and Lillian herself.
+And Yet They Make Up+
After Raphael offered to pay for the repairs, spending a few days searching, he hired a special surprise as a gift to Lydia. Lillian and Lydia started to repair their friendship, and Lydia started thinking about forgiving Raph as wedding planning finally began.
+Their Theme Songs Are+
Savage Garden- To The Moon and Back
Cher, Peter Cetera-After All
+A Few Fun Details+
-Lillian, unfortunately, did not survive the sinking of the Titanic, but upon death, became an immortal being, and woke up in the water six days after the sinking. She was rescued by the feared pirate captain, Captain Black Bones.
-Lillian has two children. A boy named Thomas, with the werewolf Victor Axelrad, with whom she spent many years together. And a little girl named Genevieve, with her husband, Raphael.
-Raphael survived the sinking, but was later turned into a vampire by Lydia Gavlont.
-Lillian has always kept her engagement ring. She shines it every month.
-Despite her immortality, Lillian is a huge foodie, and her favourite drink is coffee.
-Luckily, Raphael cooks. Extremely well.
-Lillian, Raphael and Lydia are all still friends, though it took some work, fights, Raphael wrecking Lydia’s memorial, and Lydia breaking his nose, and very special surprise, before they were able to work to a friendship.
-Lillian still suffers nightmares about certain events, though as time goes on, they become less frequent.
-Lillian loves the castle they have in France, and is determined to spend every holiday there, if not eventually move there.
-Raphael would do, and does do, everything to make Lillian happy, even when she does not ask him too.
-Raphael is simply, and truly, the best thing to ever happen to Lillian.
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Today, I Married Him 🎊
The Wedding Date:
June 10th, 2006
The Wedding Song Is:
Safetysuit- Never Stop
Maid Of Honour:
Lydia de Bonvouloir
Best Man:
Brandt Karr
The Wedding Location:
Raphael’s childhood hometown in France, where they held a beautiful ceremony in the traditional church, and the party in their castle.
The Vows
Raphael’s
“Two shall be born the whole world wide apart,
And speak in different tongues, and pay their debts
In different kinds of coin; and give no heed
Each to the other’s being. And know not
That each might suit the other to a T,
If they were but correctly introduced.
And these, unconsciously, shall bend their steps,
Escaping Spaniards and defying war,
Unerringly toward the same trysting-place,
Albeit they know it not. Until at last
They enter the same door, and suddenly
They meet. And ere they’ve seen each other’s face
They fall into each other’s arms, upon
The Broadway cable car – and this is Fate!
I've loved you since the first moment I saw you, Lillian. I made you wait far too long for this so I'm going to stop talking because, if I don't I'll never stop. But I will need the rest of our existence together to explain how deeply I love you.”
Lillian’s
“Raphael,
Before I met you, I had no idea what love was. What respect was. What honour was. You were the first person to ever tell me I was worth anything. To believe that I could be. Love is not something that you find. It’s something that finds you. And I know I found it that day, and every day since, with you. We went through our trials, but always, we have come out the other side. Always, we have stood strong. Together. I know now that nothing can divide us, because in your love, I will always find strength.
It is because you have been the one constant in my life that I am so proud, and beyond honoured to stand here today. As your wife, I promise to be faithful, and loving. I promise to always do the little things that make you laugh. I promise that each kiss will be filled with more love than the last. I vow to love you as you love me, through all hardship, darkness, and pain to reach for our joys, our hopes, and always with honesty and faith. I have seen the best of you, and the worst of you. And I stand here today, choosing to love, honour and respect both.
I see these vows not as promises but as privileges: I get to laugh with you and cry with you, care for you and share with you. I get to run with you and walk with you, build with you, and live with you. To love you, to have you, to hold you. To cherish you, and to honour you. Yesterday, today, and for the rest of my life.”
It was a day of hope....
Of love, and laughter...
All were waiting, and watching....
Of beauty and style....
As all gathered to celebrate, hyped with anticipation...
As the Lord and Lady exchanged their beautiful vows...
Disclaimer; All pictures are visual references only and do not belong to me.