Belle

Bored

I'm so bored--

All I hear is the same thing day in and out


Lord please send me something to pass the days
All I hear is the static in my ears

I miss my Campbell
I miss my music
I miss Dani

I'm so god damn exhausted

I'm nervous, diary.

But I'm so excited.

I'm excited for the life I'm going to live and the life I'm bringing in.


I'm going to be Belle Beckett..


And I ain't the tiniest bit scared of what its going to mean.

Tomorrow.

I'm going to tell him tomorrow.



Dear God, please don't let him hate me.


-Belle

Something bad is coming



I can feel it

Summer, 1984

Dear Diary, I'm scared of things lately. I see the news and I see all these murders.. I was at the local gas station the other day and I saw a picture of a woman that had my face turned up dead on the shore of the beach. My neighbors at the market give me these funny looks lately, like they think they're seein' a ghost but I think there's more to it than that. My neighbors- specifically the Calhouns- swing by on occasion to the house to make sure that I'm doing ok, occasionally coming up to the cabins to bring me things. Lois especially seems sweet, she gives me these passing glasses though and I'm not quite sure what they mean. I'm sure she's just being friendly but it makes you wonder. I think I might be in deep with Soup. The more time we spend together- even if its just the same that we've been doing since we met- I think things are happening. My heart is full. I wonder if I make him feel the same way.. Its silly to say but I know the moment he asked me- if he did- I'd say yes.. even if there was no ring. Even if there was no huff and puff, pomp and circumstance. I'd say yes. Belle

Wake me up with laughter Wrap me in your arms This aint no morning after Never been so warm It didn't take so long For us to feel this way Can a good thing last Longer than a day? Where do we take it now Now that we caught fire? Will something greater grow Out of this desire? Should i drop my guard At the risk of being used? But the way you do those things to me How can i refuse?

I could get addicted To your energy The way you take me over Pulling on me Our hearts beat together Our timing is the same Can i trust my feelings Save myself the pain? Where do we take it now Now that we caught fire? Will something greater grow Out of this desire? Should i drop my guard At the risk of being used? But the way you do those things to me How can i refuse?

Summer, 1984
Weather- Hot, muggy and a little rainy.


Dear Diary,

I'm not sure how to properly catch up now that I got a new one of you to write in. Its been a solid couple years since I ever thought about writing thoughts down but being in a new place seemed like a good idea to start again.

The summer has had big surprises and its turning into more than I ever dreamed it could. I left home to start new, I never expected to find a new passion for everything the world had to offer.

Campbell and Finn have been by to help put the house together and make it sturdy. They've already made sure the supports are 'supported' again so there's less chance the upper floor is likely to crash down. I've been helping where I can, tearing up old linoleum from the floors so that I can eventually put new ones and carpet down. While I don't got use of the kitchen yet, it doesn't stop me from using my money to set up lunch for the boys. If I'm not careful they're gonna get fat with all the stuff I shove their way, not that I think either mind it too terrible.

Campbell is wonderful, Diary. Once upon a time I used to shy away from people who looked like him because my parents put this stupid thought in my head.. but I think he's what I need. He's making me want to live this life to the fullest. Before Camp, its like I was never living life. He makes my heart fluttery when he calls me 'Baby Belle' and when he yells 'Don't Be Crazy' its like this switch in my head just flips. I just want to hear him yell at me for the rest of my life I think.. When we goose around its like he sees me as the only woman in the world honestly, diary, I think I feel that way about him too.

It's early but I'm starting to think all those story books that talk about soul mates and true love might not just be fables for once.. He makes me feel and I just want to stay beside him forever. Diary, I might even say those three little words.

The garden is in full bloom now, but the one thing I didn't account for was all the excess I'd have. I bought stuff to start canning so when I get a chance, I'm going to sit down and start making jellies and salsas, and just preserving some of this stuff. Never know when a crop will be bad, right?
The Cadillac is up and going again, but I need to find time to get into town and ask how much it'd be to get the upholstery taken care of and a full check up on the engine. Better safe than sorry, learned that lesson once.

Dear Mama,

My flowers and vegetables are growing! I've managed to not kill everything I bought and I got a whole ton of little sprouts coming up. I also have a chicken coop and a bunch of chickens running around now, laying eggs and if I fatten them up enough it'd be an easy enough task to butcher them for dinners. Things are shaping up here.

I saw the news about Gabe. I know you and Daddy said we aren't ever allowed to talk about him anymore but I feel like we have to address it eventually. I just wish you would give him a chance.

Things with Campbell are good. I think I could even say they're better than good. We had a date the other night and I think it went well. He'd such a good man, Mama and even though I don't think you or daddy would like him, I just want you to know that I think he's just perfect for me right here and now as he is. I don't know what thats gonna mean for us or if it'll last, but I want to find out.


I love you both, Hugs and Kisses,

GO BUY THINGS DO NOT FORGET--


Lady things - found missing boxes in trunk of car[/]

New clothing - - - - Thrift store????

New hair brush

Work boots

Work gloves

gardening tools - Joseph at farmers market selling tools

condoms

Note books and pens

Water color set

chicks and feed - Sandy at farmers market sells chicks

Sign up for lessons at gun range

pistol - Hunting Rifle


pesticide

batteries

Frilly stuff

Hunting knife

straw target - Found abandoned hay bales, had Joseph move hereG

Now I've got arms
And I've got arms
Let's get together and use those arms
Let's go
Time's a wastin'

I've got lips
And I've got lips
Let's get together and use those lips.
Let's go
Time's a wastin'

The cakes no good if you don't mix the batter and bake it
And loves just a bubble if you don't take the trouble to make it
So if your free to go with me, I'll take you quicker than one, two, three
Let's go
Time's a wastin'

Now I've got blues
And I've got blues
Let's get acquainted and lose those blues
Let's go
Time's a wastin'

Now I've got feet
And I've got feet
Let's start to walk where the lovers meet
Let's go
Time's a wastin'

You've got me feeling love like I've never have felt it
Your full of sugar and I think I'm the butter to melt it
Now I've got schemes
And you've got schemes
Let's get together and dream some dreams
Let's go
Time's a wastin'

Dear mama and daddy,

I don't understand why you aren't reading my letters home. Did something happen? Is daddy not doing ok? I've sent so many letters since I've been here and you haven't responded, but today the post man brought me all the stuff I'd sent to you. They even had new stamps.. I don't understand why you won't talk to me..

I've tried calling the house so many times but it rings forever or it rings for a bit and then just goes dead..

Why are you angry at me for trying to live my life? Why are you mad at me for wanting to grow? I don't want to lose either of you, but I don't want to live a lie.

I miss you both, please don't do this to me.


I love you both

Dear Dylan,


I know it's been a while since you've heard anything from me, I'm not sure what my parents would have said or done to inform you that I'd left.. so I suppose that brings me here.

I know that I ended things on abrupt terms, I know that it was a lot to process that afternoon and I'm sorry. I don't expect to be friends after everything, I understand that you're probably upset. I would be too, I don't think I'd forgive me either... but I have to be honest with myself and you by proxy.

We were engaged out of obligation to our parents' friendships and business, I don't think that in that remark it would have been a good fit.. I have to acknowledge the fact that even after three years together, I don't think we loved each other. I know the love wasn't there for me and I'm sorry if it was for you.. I just can't be with someone I don't love.

I've seen a bit of what's going on back home and I decided to tell you myself that I didn't get kidnapped like they've told the police. I moved to Los Suenos of my own volition to pursue my career. I didn't want you worrying, I didn't want to be unfair to you.. You should move on, Dylan. You are a wonderful man and you deserve a life with someone who loves you back, and unfortunately that person isn't me.

Best health and best wishes,

Dear Mama,

Life is good here. The rains came in and watered all the plants in my garden so that saved them from the impending heat wave. I think I'm going to end up building an awning to go over the top of some of the planters just to keep them safer in the long run. I think it'd be a pretty addition to the garden but what I really want to do is get a porch swing so I can just sit out with the flowers.

How are you and daddy? I saw the news that you bought another company in Tennessee for chocolate making, but I'm not sure if that means you're just doing a partnership or spreading into new product territory? I know I don't have a mind for business at all but daddy always liked it when I tried to have an interest.

Speaking of interest.. Last letter I wrote about my new friend Campbell. He's real swell mama, he's offered to help me fix up the house, even though he probably has a million other things to do. I think he might be sweet on me, and mama? I think I might be more than just a little sweet on him too. It feels different, just that one car ride we took together made me feel like we'd known each other forever. I don't know if it means anything for certain, but maybe deep down I'm sort of hoping it will. Please don't tell daddy. It doesn't need to be a huge deal as long as we don't let him know, right?

Anyway. I just wanted to write to tell you both I love and miss you. I hope you got my first letter, I'm still waiting on your first one back, but I think because I don't have a mailbox right now it might be hard for the post man to find me.

Love you both, hugs and kisses.

Dear Mama,

It's me! That's silly I know since you could see my name on the front of the letter but I just wanted to write you and daddy. I miss you both but don't worry, I've settled nicely in Los Suenos.

I got my own house and mama it's a dream. You and daddy will have to come stay with me sometime so you can just see how peaceful and serene it is. I've got a large acreage with tons of trees, wild flowers and places to put apiaries. I'm talking to some people about starting an orchard out back, I just love the idea of making a place for kids to come visit during autumn.

I started my new job at the Los Suenos Public School District, the children all love me. I'm working with elementary students and mama its everything I ever wanted it to be. I know you were worried but you and daddy can sleep well knowing that this house, this town and this job are all coming together to provide for me.


I met a boy today! His name is Campbell and I think he's really nice. I think he gets a bad reputation around town- like the rest of his family- for whatever reason but I'm not sure I see how anyone could find a hurtful bone in Camp's body. We met when he came up to the house to see who'd moved in and I think we got on like bees with flowers. We're just friends, so tell daddy not to overreact at all, but I'd really love for you both to meet him if you come to visit me.

That's all I wanted to say I guess, and I hope you'll write me back really soon. I love you both and I hope things are going ok back home.


Hugs and kisses