IN A KINGDOM
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Raised in a house where everything looked perfect — on the outside. His mother being intelligent, admired by anyone in their small town. Always having a glass of wine in one hand and a subtle insult in the other. Their neighbors knowing her as a devoted mother, making cupcakes for school bake sales, sitting front row at every piano concert. Behind closed doors, controlling every inch of her sons life. Not allowed to cry, saying: “Boys don’t do that. Do you want people to think you’re weak?”. Not allowed to talk, making her feel embarrassed in front of people. Love was conditional.
Getting a perfect score, she would hug him. If he didn’t, she wouldn’t speak to him for hours. She called it ‘’teaching him responsibility’’. Always choosing what he wore, if she didn’t like it, he had to change, even when he was a teenager. Not having any opinions, and his feelings were dismissed. He was told what he liked, who his friends were.
15 years old, beginning to show independence. Trying to find his own identity. His mother taking that personally, making him feel guilty. Being 18 when he moved out, having no idea who he was. Just a polished exterior. A performance. Getting a job at the local bar. He had learned how to anticipate what people wanted from him, how to be what they needed — not out of kindness, but survival.
Deep down loving her, that’s the trap he’s locked into. That damn trap. Mistaking control for care, not understanding emotional boundaries - he never had any.
Having his first relationship when he was 19; allowing himself to be vulnerable and hopeful for love. Discovering the betrayal of a cheating scandal felt like a personal rejection, confirming he was not good enough as he was. A life event that changed and formed him as a person. Not being evil, but deeply broken. His love language is possession and obsession. When dating, he doesn’t see a partner, he sees someone who should orbit, validate and never leave - or betray - him.
Wanting to be good, and genuinely he thinks he is being protective and caring. Always defended by his friends; he’s a true one. Bringing them soup when they have the flu, driving them home safe after a night out. Always introduced as charming, popular and funny. The ultimate good guy; he’s always there when you need him. A gentleman, always holding the door, remembering your birthday, and in front of friends, a respectable man towards women. Having no idea about his darker sides.
Jealousy, manipulative, possessive. Not letting them talk to another man, always deciding what they wear and making her change, if he’s not satisfied. A walking red flag. Calling all his exes crazy, but never telling why. Keeping photos of past girlfriends kept in a drawer. Deep down, afraid of being abandoned, a fear he barely admits to himself. His control isn’t cruelty; it’s a desperate attempt to hold onto something he’s always been afraid of losing.
The bar being his kingdom, a place where he can control the environment and interactions. Never taken a college education, bartender was a practical choice, yet he is still here. An escape, he feels seen and respected. Working late nights, living in an apartment nearby. When alone, surrounded by loneliness, frustration and regret within himself. Terrified of being invisible, he was always only seen when he was perfect. Stuck in a cycle, he doesn’t know how to break free off.
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