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The Golden Tether
New Versailles

The Hidden

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    I love to roleplay just like everyone else, however there are a few things that I'd really like to avoid while doing so, and I believe this list can help prevent such things.

    1 - If you want to roleplay with me, drop me a whisper! I'm extremely whisper friendly. Please don't just post at me. Seldom am I actually looking at the Furcadia screen, and I'll probably make both of us look like jackasses because I won't respond to your post...

    2 - Say you and I start roleplaying, and you're really not digging where its going? Let me know! I promise I won't be upset or get angry at you. What will make me angry however, is "poofing" out of nowhere because you don't like our session. Let me know, and no hard feelings. Maybe we can actually work out your issue! If not, then your time was treasured, and I hope we cross paths again. :)

    3 - I know not everyone is that great with grammar... but please try and be concise and fluid as possible. I want to make sure I can understand every word that your posting to me, to its fullest. And if that means I need to wait an extra five minutes for your post, that's totally okay with me. I would appreciate if people were just as tolerant with me, so of course I'm going to give that same respect to you.

    4 - I'd very much appreciate talking plot points and things of the like with me before starting the roleplay. I will not roleplay Olena as a no consent character, so if you have any crazy ideas for my baby, talk to me about it first so that I don't get really upset when she loses an arm or something.

    5 - All I really want from you guys is to be honest with me. Critique me, too! I won't be upset. I know I'm not the best at these things, but I have a strong desire to get better and develop my characters as much as possible. With the help of yours, of course. I'm sure if you uphold honesty, you and I will get along!
  • Yes, please!! Yeah, probably! Maaaaybe... Naw.
    Yes, please!!
    • Long-Term Roleplay
    • Short-Term Roleplay
    • Consent
    • OOC Friendly
    • 18+ OOC
    • Story/Plot Driven
    • Whisper Roleplay
    • Public Roleplay
    • Steampunk
    Yeah, probably!
    • Romance
    • Substance Abuse
    • Sexual Scenes (with plot!)
    • Group Roleplay
    Maaaaybe...
    • Master/Slave (with plot!)
    • Pregnancy (with plot!)
    • Violence/Gore
      Naw.
    • Death of Olena
    • No Consent
    • Mutilation of Olena
    • OOC = IC
    • Modern
    • "Poofing"
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  • Personal Journal

    OLD Journal Entries


    11/10/19

    Ever since I left my homeland, nothing but tragedy and sorrow has followed me. I came to Guildereim to try and find my kin, some semblance that I belonged in this godforsaken world, and I finally found her. Xeit has been my ally, my closest friend, and dearest sister and I'm so thankful she fell into my lap. As time goes on, I wonder where that letter came from... I think it was Mother, trying to silently give me a way out of the life I was living. Oh, I wish I could see her one last time.

    I met many people along the way, and several of them have left their marks on my heart. But I fear I've done nothing but hurt them. I'm impulsive, stubborn, emotional, and flippant. I can be vain, narcissistic, and foolhardy, I know these things about myself... And yet, I've done quite possibly the worst thing I could do to all of them, and that was to throw my own life away.

    Poppy isn't something to be taken lightly, and I should have known better than to rely on it so greatly for my pain... physical and emotional. It's been over two months and I still can't shake the itch, the desire of the way it made me feel.

    9/16/18 -

    I've gotten a lot closer with Kraaloak recently... and I'm not sure how that makes me feel. I know he is growing, and changing, but the thought of a long and prosperous future with him seems a bit tumultuous at best. He baffles me with his straight forwardness, and part of me wonders how in touch he truly is with his human emotions. He doesn't exactly have the best mentor, if you would even call him that. I prefer to call him a self-righteous prick, but his birth name is Caledonis, and my sister adores him tremendously. I can't get in between that, despite my innate desire to do so. The weeks crawl into months before my eyes that I have been without our daughter, Alula. I wonder what color her eyes are now, they should be finally settled and out of that... baby gray hue that I have missed out on. I know it's for the best, but I wonder how different we would all be should you never have vanished. We might all be together right now, and I might not be sitting here, tearing up as I write you these damn letters that I know you will never receive. In all of Kraaloak's love for me, he still tells me sternly to let you go. He says he holds no ill will or jealousy, but some how, I do not believe that to be entirely true. I know there is a carnal and feral part of him that wants to keep me all for himself, and with you wedged in my mind, that... probably gets in the way, to him.

    I don't want to hide anything from you, or myself for that matter. I need to get it all down on paper, at least, so I don't fucking explode, but Kraaloak and I... made love, I think? I felt as though I lost myself in the euphoria of it all, and it was very touching, his attempt to connect with me romantically and intimately at the same time, but I don't think we have it quite down pat yet. I can tell he still has various veils shielding his vulnerability, and I do, too. I told him that I loved him that night. It felt right, but it was also horribly confusing, given my feelings about you and my daughter. I somehow felt like I was leaving the two of you behind with three simple words I uttered in the throws of passion. God, I sound so horrible... I know I do. I don't know how I feel about anything. I wish I didn't feel anything at all, but my impending psychotic break is coming, just know that.

    I feel terrible, writing about Kraaloak in these journals... But I sincerely have no one else to seek council with on him, or anything that has been transpiring on and off of the island. Clair is nowhere to be found, I imagine she high tailed it out of here the minute she confirmed my pregnancy on that fateful night after we returned from your home. I could see the look on her face, I could tell she felt as though she was being abandoned, and left behind. I know it all too well... I wanted to tell her not to be afraid, and that it wasn't some underhanded trick I pulled behind her back, but I never got the chance. And honestly? I feel like I've needed her over the past several months; her wit, her charisma, her encouragement, her logic... she is an extremely grounding person to be around, and that used to threaten me. I know now that it was foolish of me to feel that way about her.
    And of course, there is always my loving Xeit. I see her less often than I like, but I cannot stand Caledonis and the two of them are inseparable since she now has his spawn growing in her belly. Don't get me wrong, I am elated that my sister is going to get to experience the joy of birthing and raising a child with the man that she loves, but that is also the reason I am disdainful... I wish I was offered the same bargain. I wish you never fucking left, but you did, and I don't know why. I don't know if you're even still alive, but I will continue to write these damn entries on the off chance you do decide to come back to me. I want you to know... everything that happened while you were away, and I want you to feel everything that I felt during those times. I feel like I owe you that much, if you left me for reasons out of your control... like death.

    I should go to sleep. I've been up for days, it seems.

    8/30/18 -

    It has definitely been some time since my last journal entry... So much was happening at once, I don't think I could have written it all down no matter how hard I tried.

    You are still missing, and I have lost hope that I will ever see you again. I suppose I was just another notch in your bedpost, as I doubt someone who truly loved me would ever do what you have done. And if something terrible has happened to you that is out of your control... then I suppose my callousness will need to be forgiven, but as it stands right now, I am angry and I am scorned.

    I delivered our baby alone, without you and without Clair... without my sister, without Caledonis or Kraaloak, all by myself because I was afraid to count on someone again and have them fail me another time. I thought our daughter would be safe in my homeland; I didn't want to keep her within the debauchery ridden confines of The Golden Tether. But I could not have been more wrong, and I lost the last bit of my family I thought I'd ever have, except Alula-- Ah, yes, that is what I decided to name her, by the way. It means "first leap, first spring". Should you ever return, I'll just thrust this damn journal at you and wait until you've soaked up all my words on all the pages until I utter a word to that annoyingly handsome face of yours. Anyway, to make a long story short, my home was burned to the ground, my mother was murdered, all for political gain from neighboring throne contenders I once thought of as "friends". They used my Garou lineage as their mantra, but I don't believe for a second that it was a truer reason for invasion than an uncomfortable seat in a damn throne room.

    I reconnected with my sister, someone I didn't even know I could connect with at all. It was all thanks to Clair for making that tracking spell with the letter I had received. I could never thank her enough for that... I met another in your absence. A man who refers to himself as an abomination, and for good reason. He is a creature from one's worst nightmare, and he is dark and full of wretchedness. He preys upon the living, especially those of supernatural or magic blood. He isn't very easy to talk to, and to be frank, he's a little scary. But I have grown to see beyond all of that... to see a creature who wants to be a man, and a man who wants to be better than the title he has been given. I have often been told that I am responsible for making him more tolerant, loving, and empathetic, even though he only practices those things around me at this time. I hope one day he could share that with others, but I fear that day may never come sometimes. I fear what would transpire should I die, or disappear. I fear his instinctual desire to destroy and corrupt would take him over once again, as it had for many, many years prior.

    3/20/18 -

    I can't believe the news I received this evening... I never thought something like this would happen to me, though I don't know what I expected, acting as foolish as I did. I haven't seen Vir since we returned from his home; his absence deeply troubles me given my new condition. I know nothing about pregnancy, let alone a lycanthropic pregnancy. Xeit is here for me, should I need her, though she is just as ignorant as I am if not more so. Years of being an assistant midwife provided me with some knowledge, anyway. Her new friend, Kraaloak, is a bit concerning to me, as well. He knows much about my Garou lineage, though I suspect he plays only for number one. I'm keeping him at a distance, especially while I'm with child.

    I don't know how to balance all of these emotions, I don't know how to face Clair since she's a bit sore with me after she informed me that I was indeed pregnant. I also don't know what I'm going to say to Viratin when I see him again, or rather IF I see him again. I'm angry at him, but more so than anything, I'm just afraid. I've never felt more alone in my life than I do right now.    [/size]

    3/15/18 -

    Today was a very interesting day. Viratin took Claire and myself back to his home, though you can imagine how shocked I was to find out that it was practically a pocket...dimension, or something like that. I mean of course, it was very impressive, but I really was not ready to step through some chalk lines on the floor and end up in another home, let alone another plane of existence! Regardless, we are here now and I am quite comfortable aside from this damn stomach of mine. Hell, I can barely enjoy a platter of fruit without suffering the consequences shortly after; the appetite is just not there. It's only been about a week or so, but this type of thing seldom plagues me like this, and for this long. I'm beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me. Perhaps I will talk to my sister about it, next time I see her, or maybe I'll ask Claire what she thinks. I don't want to worry Vir with something like this, as it's probably nothing a good elixir can't fix.

    3/6/18 -

    My recent transformation was a rather rough one, and not only that, but its only the first one I will have this month... There is another at the end of March, since February had no full moon. I don't know if I can survive two in one month by myself, but I will have to make do. I am just about recovered, but Gods is it hot. I feel as though my insides are burning as brightly as my desires. Anyway.

    I ran out on Viratin and Claire right before my transformation. I knew I shouldn't have waited so long within the Tether to find shelter from myself during the transformation. The idea of a... poly amorous relationship was suggested for the three of us, and I must say, I was very much caught off guard, especially after the magical night I had so recently shared with Vir. I absolutely snapped. I felt it was thrown back in my face, and my heart ached for the possibility that he meant more to me than I meant to him. And also for the fear that I had made yet another mistake in who I chose to share my broken and battered body with. I said rash things, and I completely lost my composure in front of the two people I want to respect me the most. Will I ever learn? I have been in bed up until today, and thankfully, the two of them accepted my sincere apologies for my actions. They both seem to be on better terms with me, but I still worry this will leave a lasting impact in their hearts. I suspect I might get another visit here soon this evening, actually.

    I don't know if I can do this the way he needs me to, but I'm going to try to keep my mind open. I cannot help but be territorial, as this is my most feral trait, but if he asks me, I will try to overcome it. Perhaps I will feel more clear headed after his visit tonight, maybe we can talk more.    .[/size]

    3/1/18 -

    How could I let such a beautiful image, an idea, corrupt my reality? I don't know why I allowed myself to believe that there was even a single person on this fucking island that cared an ounce about my feelings and well-being, I was such a fool, such a damn fool.

    I don't have much time, I must reach the woods in time, and I must leave now.

    2/28/18 -

    I had the most... wondrous night. Vir and I made our way down to the hot springs below the Tether, I had no idea they were even there! I swear, I'm learning something new everyday because of a very select few people I have met on this journey. He showed me an amazing display of the night sky, much like the ones I used to see back home. I did not draw attention to the fact that it brought a small tear to my eyes, either. Its a shame I started to get dizzy from the steam, because I could have stared at that view all night.

    It has been... too long since I let another share my bed. I have to admit, I didn't think initially that Vir would be the one to share it with me, even if the thought did cross my mind from time to time upon getting to know him. Connecting with someone in that way was something that I didn't know I was dearly missing, and I can only pray it doesn't fade away along with my purpose in Guilderiem.

    I also know my transition is drawing near, and I need to get out of this damn place before I feel the need to rip the skin off of my body.

    2/26/18 -

    Since my last entry, I had spent nearly every day at some point, whether it be at lunch, dinner, or an evening stroll along the shoreline, with Vir. I wasn't lying when I said he was alluring, but the attraction is starting to grow into something I just cannot ignore. I wish I could tell him how appreciative I am for his emotional support in this journey of mine. I am sure it seems small to him in scale, but I have never done something like this before, nor have I ever even dreamed it. To find my kin was something I always thought impossible, until the day it finally happened. I also met another wolf, though I know he is not blood kin, he just doesn't smell like Xeit and I do. He seems rather aloof at times, though I am perceptive, and I believe he has agendas. We all do in this place.[/size]

    2/20/18 -

    My, so much has happened over the past couple weeks...
    For starters, I finally found my sister, after week after agonizing week, I feel as though I finally have a purpose on this shithole of an island, and her name is Xeit. She is however, very illusive. I do not see her as often as I would like, but slowly I will learn of my lineage, and maybe even our other kin, if they even exist. But words cannot describe how happy I am that Claire gave me that locator spell, and that it actually worked, thanks to her talents. I happened to run into her while I was having another one of my arguments with Evelyn. That woman surely knows when to cut me off, and she was right to. I made a complete and utter fool out of myself in front of such a beautiful and educated woman. She is quite kind, though I suspect there is more beneath her mask, and I'm not sure if I want to figure out just what demons she may be hiding. Apparently, her and Viratin also know each other. I suppose this should come to no surprise, as that mage is as charming as they come, gods dammit, but there is something about it that makes me uneasy.

    2/13/18

    I've been on this island for a few weeks and still no sign of you, whoever you are...
    I got your letter and I came here like it instructed. Just who in the hell would send me something like that back home? I shouldn't dare put this out there, let alone write it on these pages, but I am beginning to feel as though this is just some cruel joke someone is playing on me. There were rumors back home of my lineage, but never enough damning evidence to say for sure or not. But it would be fairly easy for someone who had a less than favorable opinion of me, to try and send me on some wild goose chase, knowing I'd take the bait because who the fuck wouldn't? If you have no family, you are constantly looking for it in everyone you meet. If you are presented with the opportunity to find some of your blood somewhere, knowing you never once knew it, you would take that bait in a heartbeat.

    I won't say this was a waste of my time, not yet. I'm still not convinced you don't exist. I still think you're out there, just as lost and just as scared as I am.

    2/16/18

    The more time that passes, the more I'm starting to believe this was all for naught. But every once in awhile, I meet people who are changing my mind about this place little by little. Viratin is an interesting man... to say the least. I find him so alluring, though I am not sure as to why exactly that is. Probably just because he's kind and just a bit mysterious. Then again, so is most of the Tether, so it shouldn't be so surprising.

  • Journal

    • 4.08

      I'm losing wasting time, and I know it. I don't need anyone shouting it in my face. Tough love never did a damn thing for me, it won't start now. Your lack of empathy makes me want to vomit.

      And you, oh, how I long for the day when I will be able to hate you for what you've done to us. I wonder what you'd think of me, could you see me now. What would you think of your daughter? What am I going to tell her once she starts asking where you are, or who you are? Am I to fend off all our enemies one by one, by myself with no help from you? How am I going to teach her the craft, or how to control herself? I don't think I'll ever understand why you came back to us in the first place, if all you were going to do was leave again... You clearly never loved me, or Alula. I'll just have to live with that.

      It's not much better than what I'm doing, though. I haven't seen my child in nearly two months. Xeit deserves a better sister, a better friend. She's a far more superior mother, anyway. I know if I weren't here anymore, Alula would be in great hands, at least.

      I need to see Acantha yet again, as I'm just about out. I expect Karsoth soon, and I expect to see Anatoli before the night is out... A smoke should calm the nerves enough before I head out.
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