Natalya Blanco

Burn

• Journal

  • The Ones You Love September 3rd 2016, 6:11 am

    I have loved and I have lost.
    
    
    Once upon a time, I loved a man. His name was Constantine. He loved me right back.
    
    I ruined it. I ruined our future. I remember everything: his gentle eyes, his kind soul, the way he knew me...
    
    I broke his soul. I tore Constantine's soul out, ripped it and held it pulsing between my talons.
    
    A part of me weeps because I loved him.
    
    Oh yes, even monsters are made. Stan found me when I was losing my mind. He saved me. He revived me. He didn't know my secret. Maybe if I told him, had been honest with him then, he would be here.
    
    He might even still love me. Need me. I miss him.
    
    I didn't tell him because I was scared. Constantine was a sorcerer when I knew him but what did he know about being dead inside while you stayed alive outside? Every night after he loved me, my head resting against his chest, I felt his heart.
    
    It beat pulsed under his skin, the sound wonderfully human. I never let him lay his head against my chest. He would have felt nothing but the hollow vessel of my inside.
    
    I killed murdered our child.
    
    I did it. I did it. I did it.
    
    
    His name was Samuel, my little Sammy. He was a mongrel, a half blood cursed to murder the one who gave him life when he grew. How could I tell Stan his son would tear his wife apart when he grew? Would he have to watch my pathetic shell die out when our child destroyed me?
    
    He didn't.
    
    Forgive me Sammy. I loved you so very much my darling...

  • Hunger August 19th 2016, 12:53 am

    
    
    What is wrong with me?
    
    I can't sleep. I can't die eat. There are no dreams when I sleep and I am in hell. I find myself going out with no objective in mind. I want to feel something, to be someone.
    
    Am I no one?
    
    My name is Natalya. I cling on to it, hoping for substance, for salvation. You won't see me when I strike, you'll be oblivious of the shadow whose sharp teeth will tear you in two.
    
    I am a queen, a woman monster, I have no name and no face. Won't you stay and watch me paint the world in blood?