Forums » RP Discussion » How picky is too picky?

About to sit down and hash out an ad for a character I just made (after not doing much for months by this point because of how sick I've been) but in the past when dealing with my own ads, I've come on the bad habit of trying to not be too picky. I'd sometimes end up with partners who were very nice people but not entirely my style, or I'd get too many responses and try to accommodate multiple people when I can really only deal with 1-2 things at once due to my health and other life things.

I feel like I should learn to be more discerning but I'm also worried that if I'm too picky, I'll just end up without partners. I don't struggle with assertiveness (Well, I struggle with being a blunt instrument but I guess that's struggling in the opposite direction) but just with knowing when what I want is a reasonable request or too specific.

Most of my time on here has been answering ads. I've seldom made them in the past, even for tabletop games, so I'd like some advice from people with success making ads?

I've found doing two things helps me

1. Set parameters. That's post length, grammar level, experience in years, maybe even be outfront and tell in the ad that you will vet whoever answers the ad.

2. Be honest. Be polite, but be honest. If it's not working out, politely tell them you aren't interested, and maybe a bit about why. You are not obligated to continue if you aren't having fun, and eventually your disinterest will affect the roleplay as it is

Now, as for what is too picky?

If you are asking people to dedicate their life, all of their time and effort into roleplaying, that's too much. Realistic expectations are a must in this hobby, but it sounds like you aren't that way at all.

Hope this sheds some insight

I can only answer as someone who answers Ads more than I write them (have only done one, but it was rather successful in finding compatible partners!)

But what makes me answer ads tend to be the following:
> Be precise about the things you won't budge on. I WANT to know your limits, it's supposed to be fun for both of us - it's not too picky if it's something that would kill this for you.
> Demonstrate what you're flexible on. What you're open to do is more interesting to me than what you're not open to do. More importantly, what you're EXCITED to do is more interesting than what you aren't.

Like an ad that says, "I won't do X, or Y, or Z." doesn't actually tell me what you're looking for, compared to, "I want to do A, or B, or C. Not X."
I'd answer the ad because I'm excited for A/B/C, not because we agree on not doing X/Y/Z.
If Y and Z are negotiable, you can talk about it if it comes up, otherwise - why is it even relevant?

boundaries are super helpful and let others determine more quickly if they want to take a chance on responding or not. there is no such thing as 'too picky', because every scrap of information is incredibly helpful to other people who want to be comfortable making their own preferences known!

you'll likely get more responses, not fewer, when you're specific and up-front about what you'd like to write.

i think 'too picky' might be, like, the character has to prefer denim jackets over flannel. like, anything that wouldn't have an actual impact on the story itself, probably doesn't need mention, lol unless flannel is your squick ig

This is completely relatable and I've been there. At this point in my life, I know exactly what I'm looking for and that makes it really hard for me to find the right partner. However, I find any time I lower my standards, I end up disappointed. In my opinion, it is best to set the bar really high, talk to people before you start, and make sure both sides understand expectations. The payoff is worth it in the long run.

I personally don't think there's anything called "too picky", I wouldn't consider myself a very picky role player but I do have some boundaries that I strongly enforce. However, I might be able to talk about this from another perspective, from the perspective of the person who is looking to write WITH you.

I am happy to write with someone who is clear and direct with their demands, no matter how strict they are. If you put out an RP ad or you approach me with an RP idea and you tell me straight up from the very beginning: "Aya, I demand X, Y and Z from my partner", I would do my best to accommodate you. I wouldn't think that you're being "picky", because I would rather write with someone who has clear and transparent rules/requirements from the beginning rather than someone who is very vague then would randomly get mad at me for doing something that I didn't think was against their rules (they never mentioned it beforehand).

So, please don't lower your standards for anyone at all. If someone really wants to write with you, then they should be able to follow what you are asking and if they don't, feel free to drop them (unless of course you weren't being clear about what you want from the beginning). So nope, there's no such thing as too picky, and as a role player you shouldn't feel bad about wanting quality writers and having standards.

This thread was full of useful advice.

Bit late but I wanted to say I did end up making an ad for exactly what I wanted and I got exactly what I wanted out of it so I guess being specific is a good idea.