Yes. Zel is indeed ‘Good Soup’ 
(insert queer soup emoji)
But hewwo. Hi. I’m Sahara and I’m my own mess of queer labels. For ages I thought I was a ‘“straight” ace cis-woman’ but uhhh. Now I’m vibin with maverique femme leaning, aegosexual and panromantic using she they pronouns. It’s a mouthful but it’s taken over a year to figure it out and even then it might change again. My friends know I’m out but my parents still can’t grasp me being ace let alone not being cis or that thing… (gestures at identity)
Also I should say maverique is kinda like ‘trans lite’, at least for me I guess. Because I have gender. But it’s its own thing kinda thing lol. So I’m not identifying with the gender I was assigned at birth… but I’m not non binary or male 😅
(insert queer soup emoji)But hewwo. Hi. I’m Sahara and I’m my own mess of queer labels. For ages I thought I was a ‘“straight” ace cis-woman’ but uhhh. Now I’m vibin with maverique femme leaning, aegosexual and panromantic using she they pronouns. It’s a mouthful but it’s taken over a year to figure it out and even then it might change again. My friends know I’m out but my parents still can’t grasp me being ace let alone not being cis or that thing… (gestures at identity)
Also I should say maverique is kinda like ‘trans lite’, at least for me I guess. Because I have gender. But it’s its own thing kinda thing lol. So I’m not identifying with the gender I was assigned at birth… but I’m not non binary or male 😅
SaharaSunset wrote:
Yes. Zel is indeed ‘Good Soup’ (insert queer soup emoji)
But hewwo. Hi. I’m Sahara and I’m my own mess of queer labels. For ages I thought I was a ‘“straight” ace cis-woman’ but uhhh. Now I’m vibin with maverique femme leaning, aegosexual and panromantic using she they pronouns. It’s a mouthful but it’s taken over a year to figure it out and even then it might change again. My friends know I’m out but my parents still can’t grasp me being ace let alone not being cis or that thing… (gestures at identity)
Also I should say maverique is kinda like ‘trans lite’, at least for me I guess. Because I have gender. But it’s its own thing kinda thing lol. So I’m not identifying with the gender I was assigned at birth… but I’m not non binary or male 😅
(insert queer soup emoji)But hewwo. Hi. I’m Sahara and I’m my own mess of queer labels. For ages I thought I was a ‘“straight” ace cis-woman’ but uhhh. Now I’m vibin with maverique femme leaning, aegosexual and panromantic using she they pronouns. It’s a mouthful but it’s taken over a year to figure it out and even then it might change again. My friends know I’m out but my parents still can’t grasp me being ace let alone not being cis or that thing… (gestures at identity)
Also I should say maverique is kinda like ‘trans lite’, at least for me I guess. Because I have gender. But it’s its own thing kinda thing lol. So I’m not identifying with the gender I was assigned at birth… but I’m not non binary or male 😅
I, TOO, ONCE THOUGHT I WAS A STRAIGHT!
🤣
Nox_et_Aurum wrote:
Hello everyone! 
I go by Nox and I have to confess this is kinda like outing myself since I don't normally speak about my sexuality at all. Luckily (and note that I ONLY say luckily because if struggling to figure out your sexuality is hard I can't even imagine how tough it must be to have to do that same process with your gender identity) I am cis female.
I am inspired and moved by all of you folks so openly and furthermore, so proudly speaking about your gender identities and sexual orientations and gosh, I wish I could just do the same. I figure most people has been at some point in this stage of denial that makes you angry at who you are though mine has been so far like... 5 or 4 years long? And I can't wait to be done with it really, so as an exercise to one day achieve self-acceptance I thought, why not share my experience with folks of my community, specially as the topic starter is an incredible writer who I'd love to call a friend ^^.
So... I'm going to begin by clearly stating de labels I feel best describe how I feel although I don't feel entirely comfortable with them, though not because they don't suffice to explain my experience, but precisely because they do and there's a part of me that still refuse to accept that this is the way I am. But, there it goes. I am asexual and probably also aromatic. I have never felt sexual attraction towards anyone nor can I really say I've had romantic feelings towards anyone. I think once I came very close to falling in love with someone, or maybe I actually did fall, though I cannot say if it was platonic or actually romantic. The topic is still relatively recent and complicated and didn't get proper closure so I couldn't really do much introspection in that regard.
But either way, I do believe that asexual and aromantic are the best labels for me. I did consider saying I may be demisexual or demiromantic or something of the sort, but I realised that's probably just me trying to not fully come to terms with my experience. And I know labels are not super closed and that there is a spectrum! But this is me trying to get over my own denial. I was always too concerned about fitting in, so much that I keep on having boyfriend after boyfriend since I was 15! I had 3 in total, but each of them were years long relationships in which I tried to convince myself I felt things sexually and romantically towards them, just because I thought that's how I had to be. I did out myself to my last boyfriend, but when I told him I thought I was asexual he went "Oh that means you'll never cheat on me!" and I was like... umm yeah.. that's not exactly how it works
But anyway, I gathered the courage to break things off about 8 months ago now (wow, time goes by fast), and ever since I've tried to be just who I am without playing into what society seems to think is right, but it's HARD. I still haven't dared to come out to most of my friends because I feel like if I tell them I am asexual they'll think they can't speak about certain topics around me or I don't know.. *sighs* I feel like once it's out there, people are going to radically change their opinion about me and that's hella scary.
I hate to bring up a darker aspect of being LGBTQ+ with my post, one day I hope I can feel pride and not rejection for who I am, I am working on it. The thing is, when it's others coming out as asexuals or any other sexual orientation / gender identity all if feel is awe, and pride for them. And I want to be like them, like you! I want to speak about my sexual orientation and not feel like it will keep me from experiencing certain things in life, it that makes any sense? A-sexual feels privative for me, but it is how I feel. It is the word that best defines what I am.
SO as you can see, I came here as a freaking mess And I hope I didn't mess up all the good vibes in this thread because I really loved to read all of your experiences, you're all an inspiration for people who like me are still coming to terms with who they are. ;u;
I go by Nox and I have to confess this is kinda like outing myself since I don't normally speak about my sexuality at all. Luckily (and note that I ONLY say luckily because if struggling to figure out your sexuality is hard I can't even imagine how tough it must be to have to do that same process with your gender identity) I am cis female.
I am inspired and moved by all of you folks so openly and furthermore, so proudly speaking about your gender identities and sexual orientations and gosh, I wish I could just do the same. I figure most people has been at some point in this stage of denial that makes you angry at who you are though mine has been so far like... 5 or 4 years long? And I can't wait to be done with it really, so as an exercise to one day achieve self-acceptance I thought, why not share my experience with folks of my community, specially as the topic starter is an incredible writer who I'd love to call a friend ^^.
So... I'm going to begin by clearly stating de labels I feel best describe how I feel although I don't feel entirely comfortable with them, though not because they don't suffice to explain my experience, but precisely because they do and there's a part of me that still refuse to accept that this is the way I am. But, there it goes. I am asexual and probably also aromatic. I have never felt sexual attraction towards anyone nor can I really say I've had romantic feelings towards anyone. I think once I came very close to falling in love with someone, or maybe I actually did fall, though I cannot say if it was platonic or actually romantic. The topic is still relatively recent and complicated and didn't get proper closure so I couldn't really do much introspection in that regard.
But either way, I do believe that asexual and aromantic are the best labels for me. I did consider saying I may be demisexual or demiromantic or something of the sort, but I realised that's probably just me trying to not fully come to terms with my experience. And I know labels are not super closed and that there is a spectrum! But this is me trying to get over my own denial. I was always too concerned about fitting in, so much that I keep on having boyfriend after boyfriend since I was 15! I had 3 in total, but each of them were years long relationships in which I tried to convince myself I felt things sexually and romantically towards them, just because I thought that's how I had to be. I did out myself to my last boyfriend, but when I told him I thought I was asexual he went "Oh that means you'll never cheat on me!" and I was like... umm yeah.. that's not exactly how it works
But anyway, I gathered the courage to break things off about 8 months ago now (wow, time goes by fast), and ever since I've tried to be just who I am without playing into what society seems to think is right, but it's HARD. I still haven't dared to come out to most of my friends because I feel like if I tell them I am asexual they'll think they can't speak about certain topics around me or I don't know.. *sighs* I feel like once it's out there, people are going to radically change their opinion about me and that's hella scary.
I hate to bring up a darker aspect of being LGBTQ+ with my post, one day I hope I can feel pride and not rejection for who I am, I am working on it. The thing is, when it's others coming out as asexuals or any other sexual orientation / gender identity all if feel is awe, and pride for them. And I want to be like them, like you! I want to speak about my sexual orientation and not feel like it will keep me from experiencing certain things in life, it that makes any sense? A-sexual feels privative for me, but it is how I feel. It is the word that best defines what I am.
SO as you can see, I came here as a freaking mess
And I hope I didn't mess up all the good vibes in this thread because I really loved to read all of your experiences, you're all an inspiration for people who like me are still coming to terms with who they are. ;u; I don't think you messed up any good vibes, Because right now I'm rooting for you to get the goals that you just stated for yourself and your wants one day.
And it's okay if that's not today or tomorrow or in a week, But it seems like you've had a lot of struggles with your own self-love and accepting who you are personally for the reasons you have, And the fact that you recognize that and you're trying to take that first step even if it's an online forum(Not to devalue RPR, this is kind of the most awesome community lol), is incredible, and could be so Inspiring to those that may be lurking and not post, knowing that they could would day take a step to post like you did. There's a lot of us posting that are out and proud and happy about it... We need the people that are taking the first steps and the middle steps too.
So not only am I thankfully you posted but I'm willing to bet there's going to be a lot of people that are thankful that you posted to without feeling comfortable enough to say it yet.
Thank you so much for that. ❤️
Four wrote:
Nox_et_Aurum wrote:
Hello everyone!
I go by Nox and I have to confess this is kinda like outing myself since I don't normally speak about my sexuality at all. Luckily (and note that I ONLY say luckily because if struggling to figure out your sexuality is hard I can't even imagine how tough it must be to have to do that same process with your gender identity) I am cis female.
I am inspired and moved by all of you folks so openly and furthermore, so proudly speaking about your gender identities and sexual orientations and gosh, I wish I could just do the same. I figure most people has been at some point in this stage of denial that makes you angry at who you are though mine has been so far like... 5 or 4 years long? And I can't wait to be done with it really, so as an exercise to one day achieve self-acceptance I thought, why not share my experience with folks of my community, specially as the topic starter is an incredible writer who I'd love to call a friend ^^.
So... I'm going to begin by clearly stating de labels I feel best describe how I feel although I don't feel entirely comfortable with them, though not because they don't suffice to explain my experience, but precisely because they do and there's a part of me that still refuse to accept that this is the way I am. But, there it goes. I am asexual and probably also aromatic. I have never felt sexual attraction towards anyone nor can I really say I've had romantic feelings towards anyone. I think once I came very close to falling in love with someone, or maybe I actually did fall, though I cannot say if it was platonic or actually romantic. The topic is still relatively recent and complicated and didn't get proper closure so I couldn't really do much introspection in that regard.
But either way, I do believe that asexual and aromantic are the best labels for me. I did consider saying I may be demisexual or demiromantic or something of the sort, but I realised that's probably just me trying to not fully come to terms with my experience. And I know labels are not super closed and that there is a spectrum! But this is me trying to get over my own denial. I was always too concerned about fitting in, so much that I keep on having boyfriend after boyfriend since I was 15! I had 3 in total, but each of them were years long relationships in which I tried to convince myself I felt things sexually and romantically towards them, just because I thought that's how I had to be. I did out myself to my last boyfriend, but when I told him I thought I was asexual he went "Oh that means you'll never cheat on me!" and I was like... umm yeah.. that's not exactly how it works
But anyway, I gathered the courage to break things off about 8 months ago now (wow, time goes by fast), and ever since I've tried to be just who I am without playing into what society seems to think is right, but it's HARD. I still haven't dared to come out to most of my friends because I feel like if I tell them I am asexual they'll think they can't speak about certain topics around me or I don't know.. *sighs* I feel like once it's out there, people are going to radically change their opinion about me and that's hella scary.
I hate to bring up a darker aspect of being LGBTQ+ with my post, one day I hope I can feel pride and not rejection for who I am, I am working on it. The thing is, when it's others coming out as asexuals or any other sexual orientation / gender identity all if feel is awe, and pride for them. And I want to be like them, like you! I want to speak about my sexual orientation and not feel like it will keep me from experiencing certain things in life, it that makes any sense? A-sexual feels privative for me, but it is how I feel. It is the word that best defines what I am.
SO as you can see, I came here as a freaking mess And I hope I didn't mess up all the good vibes in this thread because I really loved to read all of your experiences, you're all an inspiration for people who like me are still coming to terms with who they are. ;u;
I go by Nox and I have to confess this is kinda like outing myself since I don't normally speak about my sexuality at all. Luckily (and note that I ONLY say luckily because if struggling to figure out your sexuality is hard I can't even imagine how tough it must be to have to do that same process with your gender identity) I am cis female.
I am inspired and moved by all of you folks so openly and furthermore, so proudly speaking about your gender identities and sexual orientations and gosh, I wish I could just do the same. I figure most people has been at some point in this stage of denial that makes you angry at who you are though mine has been so far like... 5 or 4 years long? And I can't wait to be done with it really, so as an exercise to one day achieve self-acceptance I thought, why not share my experience with folks of my community, specially as the topic starter is an incredible writer who I'd love to call a friend ^^.
So... I'm going to begin by clearly stating de labels I feel best describe how I feel although I don't feel entirely comfortable with them, though not because they don't suffice to explain my experience, but precisely because they do and there's a part of me that still refuse to accept that this is the way I am. But, there it goes. I am asexual and probably also aromatic. I have never felt sexual attraction towards anyone nor can I really say I've had romantic feelings towards anyone. I think once I came very close to falling in love with someone, or maybe I actually did fall, though I cannot say if it was platonic or actually romantic. The topic is still relatively recent and complicated and didn't get proper closure so I couldn't really do much introspection in that regard.
But either way, I do believe that asexual and aromantic are the best labels for me. I did consider saying I may be demisexual or demiromantic or something of the sort, but I realised that's probably just me trying to not fully come to terms with my experience. And I know labels are not super closed and that there is a spectrum! But this is me trying to get over my own denial. I was always too concerned about fitting in, so much that I keep on having boyfriend after boyfriend since I was 15! I had 3 in total, but each of them were years long relationships in which I tried to convince myself I felt things sexually and romantically towards them, just because I thought that's how I had to be. I did out myself to my last boyfriend, but when I told him I thought I was asexual he went "Oh that means you'll never cheat on me!" and I was like... umm yeah.. that's not exactly how it works
But anyway, I gathered the courage to break things off about 8 months ago now (wow, time goes by fast), and ever since I've tried to be just who I am without playing into what society seems to think is right, but it's HARD. I still haven't dared to come out to most of my friends because I feel like if I tell them I am asexual they'll think they can't speak about certain topics around me or I don't know.. *sighs* I feel like once it's out there, people are going to radically change their opinion about me and that's hella scary.
I hate to bring up a darker aspect of being LGBTQ+ with my post, one day I hope I can feel pride and not rejection for who I am, I am working on it. The thing is, when it's others coming out as asexuals or any other sexual orientation / gender identity all if feel is awe, and pride for them. And I want to be like them, like you! I want to speak about my sexual orientation and not feel like it will keep me from experiencing certain things in life, it that makes any sense? A-sexual feels privative for me, but it is how I feel. It is the word that best defines what I am.
SO as you can see, I came here as a freaking mess
And I hope I didn't mess up all the good vibes in this thread because I really loved to read all of your experiences, you're all an inspiration for people who like me are still coming to terms with who they are. ;u; I don't think you messed up any good vibes, Because right now I'm rooting for you to get the goals that you just stated for yourself and your wants one day.
And it's okay if that's not today or tomorrow or in a week, But it seems like you've had a lot of struggles with your own self-love and accepting who you are personally for the reasons you have, And the fact that you recognize that and you're trying to take that first step even if it's an online forum(Not to devalue RPR, this is kind of the most awesome community lol), is incredible, and could be so Inspiring to those that may be lurking and not post, knowing that they could would day take a step to post like you did. There's a lot of us posting that are out and proud and happy about it... We need the people that are taking the first steps and the middle steps too.
So not only am I thankfully you posted but I'm willing to bet there's going to be a lot of people that are thankful that you posted to without feeling comfortable enough to say it yet.
Thank you so much for that. ❤️
I could not have said that better myself, I wholeheartedly agree
I was once not telling people, and there are a lot of people who still don't know, including my own family, but it really helps to hear others being brave, others talking about the hard things.
But not to ruin the niceness lol I'm personally still struggling with it, going on 10 years or so.. I mostly just use online spaces to kinda.. pretend it's all good? to not think about for example all the misgendering irl and how.. I should just "be fine with it" lmao
Accepting things about yourself, even sometimes good things, can be really difficult, especially if it's not how you thought it was, or felt it was supposed to be like, but it will never make anyone less, it won't make you any less. I hope you know that(also anyone else reading this)
I think you are incredibly awesome for talking about it, for being so honest, and I wish you all the best in figuring it all out, and feeling good about yourself, you deserve it
I was called 
Okay so ive known I wasn't straight since I was like 11
I am kinda on the aroace spec in a sense
but I'm bi and polyamourus
but gender is a shitload. i know I'm trans but it fluxiates and its like gone?
Okay so ive known I wasn't straight since I was like 11
I am kinda on the aroace spec in a sense
but I'm bi and polyamourus
but gender is a shitload. i know I'm trans but it fluxiates and its like gone?
Wow! I’m glad people started replying to this forum. I love reading all your experiences and journeys with understanding yourself and what you’re comfortable with.
Hmm I did mention stuff about myself already, but understanding my gender and what made me comfortable took a while. Honestly, I don’t know a lot about gender identities and I’m still learning. For a while I thought I was genderfluid in middle school, and then when I was fifteen I thought I was nonbinary, then I thought I was transgender (FtM) and thennnnn I was like, maybe I’m Agender? The only thing I do know is that I feel like nothing, like I have no gender, I’m just a human being existing without anything. If that makes sense.
I’m still learning about the LGBTQ+ community so each time I hear new terms, sexualities, gender identities—I get giddy to learn more!
Hmm I did mention stuff about myself already, but understanding my gender and what made me comfortable took a while. Honestly, I don’t know a lot about gender identities and I’m still learning. For a while I thought I was genderfluid in middle school, and then when I was fifteen I thought I was nonbinary, then I thought I was transgender (FtM) and thennnnn I was like, maybe I’m Agender? The only thing I do know is that I feel like nothing, like I have no gender, I’m just a human being existing without anything. If that makes sense.
I’m still learning about the LGBTQ+ community so each time I hear new terms, sexualities, gender identities—I get giddy to learn more!
Nox_et_Aurum wrote:
Hello everyone!
[...]
SO as you can see, I came here as a freaking mess And I hope I didn't mess up all the good vibes in this thread because I really loved to read all of your experiences, you're all an inspiration for people who like me are still coming to terms with who they are. ;u;
[...]
SO as you can see, I came here as a freaking mess
And I hope I didn't mess up all the good vibes in this thread because I really loved to read all of your experiences, you're all an inspiration for people who like me are still coming to terms with who they are. ;u; Your experiences are valid and your hope is absolutely welcome. I lot of things can be confusing... We're all just doing our best, together.
pr1nc3sh0rtcak3 wrote:
I was called
Okay so ive known I wasn't straight since I was like 11
I am kinda on the aroace spec in a sense
but I'm bi and polyamourus
but gender is a shitload. i know I'm trans but it fluxiates and its like gone?
Okay so ive known I wasn't straight since I was like 11
I am kinda on the aroace spec in a sense
but I'm bi and polyamourus
but gender is a shitload. i know I'm trans but it fluxiates and its like gone?
Have you looked into things like like demigenders, genderfluid, and genderflux or fluxgender? Even if those don't feel right, they might lead you to something that does, or at least give you some more words and descriptions to work with.
Popping in to join the discussion here because I feel like my gender identity is one that doesn't get much visibility and I figure why not talk about it a little.
I'm neutrois. Which is basically the opposite of androgyny. Androgyny combines elements of masculine and feminine to find a neutral position. Neutrois is an identity fully outside of that binary (it's etymology comes from 'neutral' and 'trois' - the French word for 'three', as in a third gender). Neither male nor female. It also often comes with dysphoria, which I have in heaps. It's not the same as agender in that agender is not feeling tied to a specific gender, whilst neutrois is explicitly an absence of both masculinity and femininity. Personally, I'm an odd mix of both. Where in terms of dysphoria and physical ideals, I'm solidly neutrois. My dysphoria has me feeling hostility toward having any features specifically tied to either gender, though because of the niche nature of my identity, the health service in my country does not cover the kind of surgery I want (in fact in the official documentation, it's stated fairly clearly that they don't fund bottom surgery unless to transition anatomically from one side of the fence to the other), hormones would create their own problems, I can't afford to go private and there are no surgeons in this country who publicly offer what I need (unlike say America, where I know of two practices at least). So physical transition is well out of my reach.
But when it comes to the mental side of things, beyond the dysphoria and my physical ideals, I'm more agender, in that I feel I don't mentally and identity-wise fit into any gender, even neutrois (not fully anyway). Hence why I typically identify as a mix of both.
I hope that one day, the neutrois community (I've actually come across a fair number of other neutrois people online over the years) can get enough visibility for medical transition to be as straight-forward as other forms of transness. There has been progress to that end, such as with the aforementioned places in the US, but it's certainly not a universal thing.
Beyond that, I'm also aroace. Never felt attracted to anyone or anything, never really been all that romantically interested in anyone. I'm actually pretty apothisexual (that is, repulsed by sexual activity). That being said I have always considered myself open to a queerplatonic relationship (not that I've ever found a partner for such a relationship, thanks to extreme anxiety and other self-esteem and mental health issues).
I'm neutrois. Which is basically the opposite of androgyny. Androgyny combines elements of masculine and feminine to find a neutral position. Neutrois is an identity fully outside of that binary (it's etymology comes from 'neutral' and 'trois' - the French word for 'three', as in a third gender). Neither male nor female. It also often comes with dysphoria, which I have in heaps. It's not the same as agender in that agender is not feeling tied to a specific gender, whilst neutrois is explicitly an absence of both masculinity and femininity. Personally, I'm an odd mix of both. Where in terms of dysphoria and physical ideals, I'm solidly neutrois. My dysphoria has me feeling hostility toward having any features specifically tied to either gender, though because of the niche nature of my identity, the health service in my country does not cover the kind of surgery I want (in fact in the official documentation, it's stated fairly clearly that they don't fund bottom surgery unless to transition anatomically from one side of the fence to the other), hormones would create their own problems, I can't afford to go private and there are no surgeons in this country who publicly offer what I need (unlike say America, where I know of two practices at least). So physical transition is well out of my reach.
But when it comes to the mental side of things, beyond the dysphoria and my physical ideals, I'm more agender, in that I feel I don't mentally and identity-wise fit into any gender, even neutrois (not fully anyway). Hence why I typically identify as a mix of both.
I hope that one day, the neutrois community (I've actually come across a fair number of other neutrois people online over the years) can get enough visibility for medical transition to be as straight-forward as other forms of transness. There has been progress to that end, such as with the aforementioned places in the US, but it's certainly not a universal thing.
Beyond that, I'm also aroace. Never felt attracted to anyone or anything, never really been all that romantically interested in anyone. I'm actually pretty apothisexual (that is, repulsed by sexual activity). That being said I have always considered myself open to a queerplatonic relationship (not that I've ever found a partner for such a relationship, thanks to extreme anxiety and other self-esteem and mental health issues).
Hi. I'm ogle and I've had. A very complex lgbt journey. Lol. I'm intersex, I thought I was the "opposite" designated sex until I was 11, and I've been out as some flavor of gay/bi/etc. since I was 12. So it's been about 15 years that I've been some type of "out." I came out as trans when I was 15 but I've gone back and forth on what gender identity that makes me for years, from male to female to agender and everything in between to be honest. I've had to come out and un-come out and come back out again and it's been a mess, but I'm glad I'm lgbt and would never want to trade that for anything.
Currently, I identify as an intersex trans woman, as well as a gray-ace bi lesbian. I know a lot of 15 year olds on the internet think bi lesbians aren't valid but I've stopped caring about that and just accepted my identity as it is. I'm married to a man, but other than my husband, I'm not really interested in men, and if I were not married to my husband, I would identify solely as a lesbian. However, I'm very happy with my husband, and I love him more than I can imagine ever loving another human being, regardless of gender. I still identify a lot with lesbians and relate to them on many things though, and consider myself to be a part of that community, even if some people might find it strange. As for the gray-ace part, I've got a lot of mental health stuff that just makes sex a little impossible, and I've decided that it just makes more sense to add the gray-ace addendum to my sexuality.
As for gender...it took me a long time to identify as I do, since for a long time, I was really on the fence about even using the term transfeminine, let alone trans woman, to describe myself. I felt I wasn't valid in my identity and that I was just trying to call myself that to get some sort of attention or to fit into a community where I didn't belong. However, I eventually understood that I know myself, and I know my intentions, and I know my experiences. I'm intersex, but the closest term for how I experience gender--as well as how I'm treated by society, somewhat unfortunately--is transfeminine, and trans woman, and no one can stop me or tell me how to refer to myself. I know who I am and I know how I feel and I know what my life is like. I'm read as a trans woman in most scenarios by cis people, and I am treated as one, so even though I may not fit the mold of what people think a trans woman is, I am one regardless, and all my transfemme friends have told me it's valid. It's hard to accept myself sometimes even still, but I'm finally at a point where I think I'm comfortable with myself.
Something that I have struggled a lot with in the past is toxic masculinity. It's really really really difficult to unlearn all of the things society has taught me about how I should act and how I should (or shouldn't) be allowed to feel, but I'm still working on it and femininity has brought me so much joy and happiness and it just feels so right in a way no gender identity has ever felt for me before. I don't see a lot of people in the lgbt community talk about unlearning toxic masculinity and I think that's kind of a shame because it affects so so many of us. So many people want to think that toxic masculinity only affects cishet men and it's just not true.
I don't really know where I'm going with all of this and I'm kind of just rambling at this point but I really appreciate this thread. RPR is a great community and I love how safe I feel here to be myself.
Currently, I identify as an intersex trans woman, as well as a gray-ace bi lesbian. I know a lot of 15 year olds on the internet think bi lesbians aren't valid but I've stopped caring about that and just accepted my identity as it is. I'm married to a man, but other than my husband, I'm not really interested in men, and if I were not married to my husband, I would identify solely as a lesbian. However, I'm very happy with my husband, and I love him more than I can imagine ever loving another human being, regardless of gender. I still identify a lot with lesbians and relate to them on many things though, and consider myself to be a part of that community, even if some people might find it strange. As for the gray-ace part, I've got a lot of mental health stuff that just makes sex a little impossible, and I've decided that it just makes more sense to add the gray-ace addendum to my sexuality.
As for gender...it took me a long time to identify as I do, since for a long time, I was really on the fence about even using the term transfeminine, let alone trans woman, to describe myself. I felt I wasn't valid in my identity and that I was just trying to call myself that to get some sort of attention or to fit into a community where I didn't belong. However, I eventually understood that I know myself, and I know my intentions, and I know my experiences. I'm intersex, but the closest term for how I experience gender--as well as how I'm treated by society, somewhat unfortunately--is transfeminine, and trans woman, and no one can stop me or tell me how to refer to myself. I know who I am and I know how I feel and I know what my life is like. I'm read as a trans woman in most scenarios by cis people, and I am treated as one, so even though I may not fit the mold of what people think a trans woman is, I am one regardless, and all my transfemme friends have told me it's valid. It's hard to accept myself sometimes even still, but I'm finally at a point where I think I'm comfortable with myself.
Something that I have struggled a lot with in the past is toxic masculinity. It's really really really difficult to unlearn all of the things society has taught me about how I should act and how I should (or shouldn't) be allowed to feel, but I'm still working on it and femininity has brought me so much joy and happiness and it just feels so right in a way no gender identity has ever felt for me before. I don't see a lot of people in the lgbt community talk about unlearning toxic masculinity and I think that's kind of a shame because it affects so so many of us. So many people want to think that toxic masculinity only affects cishet men and it's just not true.
I don't really know where I'm going with all of this and I'm kind of just rambling at this point but I really appreciate this thread. RPR is a great community and I love how safe I feel here to be myself.
Riik wrote:
Popping in to join the discussion here because I feel like my gender identity is one that doesn't get much visibility and I figure why not talk about it a little.
I'm neutrois. Which is basically the opposite of androgyny. Androgyny combines elements of masculine and feminine to find a neutral position. Neutrois is an identity fully outside of that binary (it's etymology comes from 'neutral' and 'trois' - the French word for 'three', as in a third gender). Neither male nor female. It also often comes with dysphoria, which I have in heaps. It's not the same as agender in that agender is not feeling tied to a specific gender, whilst neutrois is explicitly an absence of both masculinity and femininity. Personally, I'm an odd mix of both. Where in terms of dysphoria and physical ideals, I'm solidly neutrois. My dysphoria has me feeling hostility toward having any features specifically tied to either gender, though because of the niche nature of my identity, the health service in my country does not cover the kind of surgery I want (in fact in the official documentation, it's stated fairly clearly that they don't fund bottom surgery unless to transition anatomically from one side of the fence to the other), hormones would create their own problems, I can't afford to go private and there are no surgeons in this country who publicly offer what I need (unlike say America, where I know of two practices at least). So physical transition is well out of my reach.
But when it comes to the mental side of things, beyond the dysphoria and my physical ideals, I'm more agender, in that I feel I don't mentally and identity-wise fit into any gender, even neutrois (not fully anyway). Hence why I typically identify as a mix of both.
I hope that one day, the neutrois community (I've actually come across a fair number of other neutrois people online over the years) can get enough visibility for medical transition to be as straight-forward as other forms of transness. There has been progress to that end, such as with the aforementioned places in the US, but it's certainly not a universal thing.
Beyond that, I'm also aroace. Never felt attracted to anyone or anything, never really been all that romantically interested in anyone. I'm actually pretty apothisexual (that is, repulsed by sexual activity). That being said I have always considered myself open to a queerplatonic relationship (not that I've ever found a partner for such a relationship, thanks to extreme anxiety and other self-esteem and mental health issues).
I'm neutrois. Which is basically the opposite of androgyny. Androgyny combines elements of masculine and feminine to find a neutral position. Neutrois is an identity fully outside of that binary (it's etymology comes from 'neutral' and 'trois' - the French word for 'three', as in a third gender). Neither male nor female. It also often comes with dysphoria, which I have in heaps. It's not the same as agender in that agender is not feeling tied to a specific gender, whilst neutrois is explicitly an absence of both masculinity and femininity. Personally, I'm an odd mix of both. Where in terms of dysphoria and physical ideals, I'm solidly neutrois. My dysphoria has me feeling hostility toward having any features specifically tied to either gender, though because of the niche nature of my identity, the health service in my country does not cover the kind of surgery I want (in fact in the official documentation, it's stated fairly clearly that they don't fund bottom surgery unless to transition anatomically from one side of the fence to the other), hormones would create their own problems, I can't afford to go private and there are no surgeons in this country who publicly offer what I need (unlike say America, where I know of two practices at least). So physical transition is well out of my reach.
But when it comes to the mental side of things, beyond the dysphoria and my physical ideals, I'm more agender, in that I feel I don't mentally and identity-wise fit into any gender, even neutrois (not fully anyway). Hence why I typically identify as a mix of both.
I hope that one day, the neutrois community (I've actually come across a fair number of other neutrois people online over the years) can get enough visibility for medical transition to be as straight-forward as other forms of transness. There has been progress to that end, such as with the aforementioned places in the US, but it's certainly not a universal thing.
Beyond that, I'm also aroace. Never felt attracted to anyone or anything, never really been all that romantically interested in anyone. I'm actually pretty apothisexual (that is, repulsed by sexual activity). That being said I have always considered myself open to a queerplatonic relationship (not that I've ever found a partner for such a relationship, thanks to extreme anxiety and other self-esteem and mental health issues).
I just say nonbinary and/or agender for myself, for no reason other than it feels Correct for me personally
With labels, there's definitely an effort to have words mean similar things to people, since that is such a major foundation of communication. At the same time, we are all trying to describe complex, personal experiences to each other in shortform, when even the other words we have to describe are going to have somewhat varying meanings to different people (for a super simplified example, some people may put the difference between "cold" and "cool" at different points, while others might not consider them different at all!). As everyone around the world is exploring things, too, we're ending up with so many words that it's easy to get confused by it all.
And the thing I have to remind myself of sometimes is simply: that's okay. It's okay if we have personal definitions that vary for the same word. It's okay if we had different words for seemingly-similar, maybe even seemingly-identical experiences. Different words will make sense to us in different ways, and feel right or wrong in different ways. And when that happens, we have the option to discuss those to help clarify our meanings to each other, and that's actually a pretty neat thing about language and communication. It can be as simple or as complex as it needs to be. It can be as flexible as it needs to be - and that's very flexible since we're all a bunch of beautiful, wonderful messes of life.
(And for clarity, I don't mean we're messes because we're queer. The cishets are messes, too!)
And the thing I have to remind myself of sometimes is simply: that's okay. It's okay if we have personal definitions that vary for the same word. It's okay if we had different words for seemingly-similar, maybe even seemingly-identical experiences. Different words will make sense to us in different ways, and feel right or wrong in different ways. And when that happens, we have the option to discuss those to help clarify our meanings to each other, and that's actually a pretty neat thing about language and communication.
It can be as simple or as complex as it needs to be. It can be as flexible as it needs to be - and that's very flexible since we're all a bunch of beautiful, wonderful messes of life. (And for clarity, I don't mean we're messes because we're queer. The cishets are messes, too!)
Zelphyr wrote:
...
(And for clarity, I don't mean we're messes because we're queer. The cishets are messes, too!)
(And for clarity, I don't mean we're messes because we're queer. The cishets are messes, too!)
This reminds me of my favorite thing , "Are the straights alright?!?"
The cis-hets are full of Chaos, look at Henry VIII!
🤣
Hello! The Lovely Milk recommended this thread to me, so I wanted to say hello.
Call me Korrok or KM for sort. Or even Kk, I'm not picky. I use He/him pronouns, 33 years old, Aquarius, and tend to use the title of queer for myself. It took a lot of trauma, trial and error and hoeing around to get to where I am now. I'm happily married of 4+years to my nonbinary asexual husband and we've been with our Third/live in boyfriend for a little over a year now. Though we do joke that he is our illegal husband as we can't get married to him where we live.
I can find romantic connection with people if we click no matter the gender or physical traits. I do not however partake in sex anymore. I can find people attractive and get aroused. I love hand holding and kisses and all that fun stuff, but the act of sex just isn't appealing to me. It doesn't matter the person, gender, the amount of people or even BDSM. It's just not for me and it was very difficult to realize that. I realized that right before I met my now husband and luckily when I told him at the start (cause I'm too old for games) he also had a similar journey and felt the same.
Call me Korrok or KM for sort. Or even Kk, I'm not picky. I use He/him pronouns, 33 years old, Aquarius, and tend to use the title of queer for myself. It took a lot of trauma, trial and error and hoeing around to get to where I am now. I'm happily married of 4+years to my nonbinary asexual husband and we've been with our Third/live in boyfriend for a little over a year now. Though we do joke that he is our illegal husband as we can't get married to him where we live.
I can find romantic connection with people if we click no matter the gender or physical traits. I do not however partake in sex anymore. I can find people attractive and get aroused. I love hand holding and kisses and all that fun stuff, but the act of sex just isn't appealing to me. It doesn't matter the person, gender, the amount of people or even BDSM. It's just not for me and it was very difficult to realize that. I realized that right before I met my now husband and luckily when I told him at the start (cause I'm too old for games) he also had a similar journey and felt the same.
KorrokMustache wrote:
Hello! The Lovely Milk recommended this thread to me, so I wanted to say hello.
...Though we do joke that he is our illegal husband as we can't get married to him where we live.
...Though we do joke that he is our illegal husband as we can't get married to him where we live.
Of course I'll leave in references to myself. Ha!
Also, Illegal husband. Amazing.
Four wrote:
I don't think you messed up any good vibes, Because right now I'm rooting for you to get the goals that you just stated for yourself and your wants one day.
And it's okay if that's not today or tomorrow or in a week, But it seems like you've had a lot of struggles with your own self-love and accepting who you are personally for the reasons you have, And the fact that you recognize that and you're trying to take that first step even if it's an online forum(Not to devalue RPR, this is kind of the most awesome community lol), is incredible, and could be so Inspiring to those that may be lurking and not post, knowing that they could would day take a step to post like you did. There's a lot of us posting that are out and proud and happy about it... We need the people that are taking the first steps and the middle steps too.
So not only am I thankfully you posted but I'm willing to bet there's going to be a lot of people that are thankful that you posted to without feeling comfortable enough to say it yet.
Thank you so much for that. ❤️
Echo wrote:
I could not have said that better myself, I wholeheartedly agree
I was once not telling people, and there are a lot of people who still don't know, including my own family, but it really helps to hear others being brave, others talking about the hard things.
But not to ruin the niceness lol I'm personally still struggling with it, going on 10 years or so.. I mostly just use online spaces to kinda.. pretend it's all good? to not think about for example all the misgendering irl and how.. I should just "be fine with it" lmao
Accepting things about yourself, even sometimes good things, can be really difficult, especially if it's not how you thought it was, or felt it was supposed to be like, but it will never make anyone less, it won't make you any less. I hope you know that(also anyone else reading this)
I think you are incredibly awesome for talking about it, for being so honest, and I wish you all the best in figuring it all out, and feeling good about yourself, you deserve it
Zelphyr wrote:
Your experiences are valid and your hope is absolutely welcome. I lot of things can be confusing... We're all just doing our best, together.
Just wanted to thank you all for the kind words and the support
. This thread really is a safe place to share one's experiences and I am so grateful just to have been heard ^^. It really was a struggle for me to decide to post, but I'm so happy I did after all. Sorry it took me like 3 years to respond to this tho.I've been reading all of your stories and they are really inspiring, all of them. I'm learning so much about gender identities and found out there's a lot more ace people than I expected (as it seems in my circles most people are either straight or bi), so it's been comforting to read all the different kinds of relationships you got. It also makes me hopeful to learn that those kinds or relationships are possible because I honestly can't bear the thought of a '''traditional''' one for myself so to speak.
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