Forums » Smalltalk » AMA: Mom of a kid with ADHD

I try to be an open book. I have a two year old with ADHD already. It was very easy to see the moment she started moving about the world. 🌟

Ask anything!
Or suggests on how to work with it. I dont have ADHD myself so i have had to learn about it. 🩷 though some research is not all that helpful either.

Hi there!

2 is such a wonderful age, the journey from 1 to 3 has been one of my absolute favorites with my kiddos.

What are some of the skills you're teaching and what learning methods seem most effective?

Hi! So lot of stim toys seem to be her favorite. Keeping her engaged (i know toddlers has a small attention span) i try to make it fun. Even if its something she doesn't like.

She hyperfocuses a lot on certain things and tends to have severe hyperactive outbursts. What i tend to do if shes going crazy (if the weather allows) i let her go play outside and scream as loud as she wants.

Im still learning some things about it.

That makes a lot of sense! Yeah some of this behavior sounds more "oh just a toddler" and then some of it makes me think "oh yeah that sounds different from my experiences" so it sounds like it can be difficult to identify what needs specific management and what doesn't. But it seems like you're doing a great job so far!

I love that you take such care to be gentle and let some outbursts run their course.

You say it was really clear - as a non-parent, I'm wondering what the signs were?

So i noticed that she was easily distracted, extremely hyperactive, and got bored easier than other kids her age.

Her father has ADHD as well so i would take how he acted and compared it to how she acted. They both hyperfocus a lot on a certain thing and if i broke their focus, it would cause a meltdown.

As a 18 yr old with ADHD, I have a lot of experience with this stuff lol. I'd like to know what its like from the parents perspective

It can get a bit frustrating. More so of the fact that i have no idea what its like. But luckily my kids father has it so i can ask questions to try and better understand.

Ive learned if she sits for too long she'll pass out. And her attention is all over the place so getting her to focus, ive had to make it fun.

Hey

as someone who does have ADHD and was only diagnosed as an adult (I've got the inattentive type, which is harder to catch), I'm glad that your daughter will go into life knowing about her condition! It hopefully will make things easier on her and spare her a lot of trouble!

So, I'm curious about the diagnosis. How is ADHD is diagnosed so early in life?

Also, you mentioned research that wasn't helpful. What research was unhelpful so far?

So we havent brought her to a doctor yet to catch it this early. I know its genetic and how she operates the world, i had a feeling. Though she is extremely smart. When she can actually focus.

Some of her mannerisms were the same as her fathers: always fidgeting with something or picking her nails, wasnt able to sit still for anything, and super hyperactive that she is bouncing off the walls till we force her to sit and she passes out lol.

The research was mostly google sadly and spesking to my own therapist about it. Trying to find ways to help her just a bit.

What does it mean to be a mom to an ADHD kid?

Do you have any plans to arrange for a neuropsych evaluation of your kiddo for a formal diagnosis as she gets older? What are your thoughts on pursuing treatment in the future?

Also, you mentioned you have a therapist. Do you find that you have a good support network for yourself as you navigate this situation as a caregiver?

I do plan on when she gets older to get her properly diagnosed. But i plan on staying away from medication for as long as i can. Teach her mechanism to help her when she starts school (which is so soon 😭)

And i have a great support system. I have many friends that have adhd that help me out with understanding her needs. Therapy for me has helped understand it more.

Can I ask why? All of the ADHD people in my life (which is a LOT, including my husband) rely on both; even with meds you need the techniques, and the techniques are so much less painful with meds. A lot of them struggle with shame over needing medication, but it's just a fact that they do, but because of the shame they periodically go off the meds and their lives get noticeably worse.

I have nothing against it by all means! I am on alot myself. If it comes down to it, i probably will when she is older. Its more so her father was on it and hated how he felt so he doesnt want her to feel that. But if she really needs it, she will get it.

If I can gently chime in with my experience as someone on ADHD meds - not all ADHD meds work the same for every patient. I was couch bound on a Ritalin derivative, but I feel perfectly fine and functional on Adderall. It's the opposite for some ADHD diagnosed folks I know. It's good that you're amenable to medication, but please do champion different treatment options if something isn't working. It can be an exhausting process, but worth it for many patients.

Since much of your focus right now is on helping her with task management, do you have plans to work out an IEP with her school to support her once she's old enough to enroll? Has your therapist directed you to any helpful resources?

Hi! I wasn't diagnosed until 30 and I spent many, many, many years in therapy learning all the ways to manage my symptoms before getting diagnosed and trying medications. I'm hoping to add some more information to your arsenal here so you can help your kiddo out to the best of your abilities.

A lot of ADHDers who were born 20-30+ years ago were medicated without any kind of psychological support (especially if you're in the US/North America in general). Countries also have a preferential treatment for medications and limit 'trying meds' to one or two, when there are significantly more, but meds tend to be stopped instead of changed to alternatives. In my country, a combination of therapy and medication is the primary recommended treatment for children and adults alike because research shows that therapy helps develop positive coping skills and other relevant techniques and medication helps balance the brain chemistry to allow the person to apply them.

I've been symptomatic of combined ADHD (hyperactive + inattentive) and autism all my life, with bouts of hyperactivity/inability to sit still with a lot of inwardly turned focus and daydreaming. I was a very sensitive kid who hated when people were angry with me, couldn't verbalize being overstimulated or upset, so I bottled everything up until the combination of all that with a less than ideal home situation made me.... exceptionally unhappy, vulnerable and at risk of very bad outcomes as a 14 year old. I won't dive too deeply into this, but it was absolutely not ideal.

I spent most of my 20s in therapy trying to figure out why nothing helped. I made endless lists, learned technique after technique. Everything worked for a week or two and then I kept sliding back into 'old habits'. Habit building never worked for me when people around told me it should. A lot of things didn't work for me like they should, and that also meant all of the techniques and coping skills I learned just... fell short, over and over again. It was a vicious cycle for me that made me feel hopeless about my life and future. I felt like a failure.

When I was diagnosed, I was given medication for the first time. I cried, so much. I spent 30 years without meds, knowing the answer to HOW do I do all these things, but never know how to APPLY all my knowledge. ADHD is not a condition of not knowing how to do things or how to use our brains. It's not about not having techniques handy. It's a condition of lacking specific connections in the brain that turn thoughts into actions, meaning that we want all the things but we can't make the executive functioning happening to execute our tasks. Our motivation is impulse driven because our reward center isn't functioning correctly, so we look for instant gratification and struggle with menial tasks with delayed rewards.

The reason I'm mentioning this is because the majority of adult ADHDers who were medicated as kids 'and didn't like it' seem to have never had the opportunity to try different medications, meaning different types, different dosages and different release versions. So I would consider that when looking at what's best for your kiddo that experiences don't always happen in the right conditions which makes the conclusions situational, not conclusive.

Medication is a key that unlocks our brains' abilities to apply the techniques we learn to self-manage. A lot of us can and do manage without meds, but that could mean any of the following:

- their symptoms are experienced much more mildly, as ADHD is not a one size fits all condition
- it can be done, but it costs a LOT more time and energy to manage
- just because we manage to exist without meds, doesn't mean we're actually happy and thriving -- sometimes we're just going hard and fast and look like we're doing well because the only alternative is to crash and burn

I would do a lot of research on the different kinds of medication out there. There are stimulant and non-stimulant meds for ADHD with varying degrees of successfulness. Some take longer than others before they take effect, some hit harder with side-effects than others. But as someone who spent 30 years without meds and, thanks to medication, has finally gained financial stability in life with a full time job (impossible before meds), I very, very strongly encourage you to consider medication and techniques/therapy as equal contributors to a healthy, happy ADHDer's life and to go into it without the bias from one person who may not have had the right meds to begin with.

Oh phew, that is such a relief. Scared me for a sec there.

Medication has helped me with my issues. If it is needed, she will get all the help she can get. Schools and other resources. I will fight tooth and nail for my kid to get what she needs ^.^

I know medication has come a long way since then. I tried to get her father on it but he refused at every turn. I will definitely be looking into it more when she gets ready for school. I want her to succeed as much as i know she can. She is super smart and a goofy kid. Just struggles with things here and there.