Forums » Art & Creativity » OFFICIAL CONTEST: Baking/Cooking

So I'm going to redo this as I go along and add while I finish my recipes.

#1 Coffee Crusted Fish
Once upon a time I played in a 3.5 game where the DM was obsessed with food and more obsessed with coffee. He would spend a whole game describing meals if we let him. Coffee crusted fish was one of them, and it's stuck in my head, so I decided to write my own recipe.

This is the marinade on my Coffee Crusted Fish.

Fish of your choice (I used Pollock)
1/3 cups Coffee of your choice. (I used Level Ground Trading's Bolivia organic coffee. It's a medium roast and tastes amazing for a medium roast.)
1/3 cups honey.
A dash of ground ginger
A dash of salt
Two dashes of ground cloves
1/4 tbs Vanilla extract
3 drops orange extract.

GRIND the coffee until it's fine. Some chunks are fine.
MIX all the ingredients well, minus the fish. Cover one side of the fish as you see fit. The mixture is sticky and very thick. It doesn't stick well, but it doesn't need to. Just cover what you can.
MARINADE over night.

To FRY: fry the size covered first in HOT oil. Be careful not to burn yourself! The fish should cook in about 4 minutes on both sides, but watch for the fish to start turning at the corners.

To BAKE: Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place fish on tinfoil folded up at the edges to hold the juices OR a glass pan. Cook for 25-30 minutes or until it flakes.

#2 World of Darkness Punch

(Note: I used the scraps of the melon for this since it's a single drink instead of the one I'm making for the group, so they are sadly not very world-like)
My RL gaming group is going through every major gaming system in whatever order we choose (read: whoever gets bored of running chooses someone else to run who panics and picks something out). I'm currently running a Hunter: the Vigil game so I wanted to bring a drink to the game because I'm insane like that.

INGREDIENTS:
1 Honeydew melon
2 litres grape or blueberry juice (I chose grape juice, but blueberry has a better look to it)
1 lirtre 7Up or Sprite (I chose Sprite)
Fresh mint
8 drops orange extract (or fresh orange)

To make:
1. Use a melon baller to make balls out of the melon. Put these in the freezer for at least two hours. You will use these in place of ice cubes.
2. crush the remaining melon and put the liquid into a punch bowl.
3. crush mint into the bottom of the punch bowl as you see fit. (Optional: crush it into the glasses. That's that I chose to do because I know one of my gamers does not like mint)
4. add the juice and soda into the punch bowl.
5. add the frozen melon balls.
6. Serve with a creepy smile.

(I also have a shot version, but you'll have to ask for that if you're of drinking age)

#3 Gelatinous Cubes

A staple monster in the D&D world can now be yours! (I had some with chocolate eyes, but my partner decided that they were too tempting and ate them before I could take a photo!)

INGREDIENTS:
Lime Jello
Mint Leaves
Banana

Chop up the mint leaves and make the banana into pieces. Place into cube shaped ice cube tray.
Make jello as per the instructions on the box.
Pour into the tray. Don't spill.
Serve - but eat it before it has the chance to eat you.

#4 Slurm

I am a HUGE Futurama fan, so I got to talking with a friend of mine about how someone should make Slurm and, well, I did. It's cucumber melon with a touch of Mountain Dew (and some thickener).

INGREDIENTS:
1/2 Honeydew melon
1/2 cucumber
1/4 cup Mountain Dew
Baby rice cereal

Remove as much of the flesh as you can from the honeydew and toss out (or recycle!) with the seeds. Cut the cucumber into pieces and set aside. (I am using mine for my next recipe, but you should eat them if you're not going to do that because they are delicious and good for you.)

Puree the melon and cucumber until it's smooth.
Decarbinate the soda by pouring it from one glass to another. You really want to do this because you DO NOT want to put this in the blender or food processor while it's fizzy!
Add the cereal until you get the right consistency. It should be thick but still drinkable.
Refrigerate and serve cold.
(Optional) if the Slurm isn't green enough for you, add a drop or two until it turns the right colour green. I didn't add the food colouring so mine is slightly orange because I don't have green food colouring. I have literally anything else except green.

#5 Soylant Green

Okay, I haven't seen the movie myself, but everyone and their dogs knows that Soylant Green is people and made as such because only the rich can afford vegetables, so I went for the ironic and made mine completely vegan. Oh, and soy free!

INGREDIENTS:
2-3 cups peas
2/3 cups black beans
1/2 cucumber's worth of peels
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1/3 teaspoon basil leaves
1 dash ground cloves

Puree the cucumber peels first and set aside. If you try to puree them at the same time it's not going to work. Believe me.
Clean and drain the peas and black beans. Mix together and then put a half cup in the food processor with some of the pureed cucumber peels. Continue doing this until it is all mixed. Some chunks are okay! Mix in the spices and give it a really good hand mix.
Put onto a tray and try to make it as flat as possible without being too thick. If it's too thick they won't dry properly.
Set the oven to 350 Degrees and place the tray in once it's reached tempature. Check on the crackers semi-regularly to make sure they are cooking. Once they are crispy (this time will vary by how thick you made them!), you can remove them, cut them with a knife.
Return them to the oven for another 5 minutes or until they are the right crispiness for you.



5.5 Soylant Green
This is just a pork jerky recipe I don't have time to make today. I chose pork because people say that it's the closest to human flesh you will ever taste. I do NOT want you to go out and tell me if this is true. (Also, I totally get if my hypothetical recipe doesn't count as an entry since I didn't actually make it!)

INGREDIENTS:
Pork, preferably a roast, cut into thin strips
2 cups brown sugar (raw sugar or pale with the molasses added back in)
1 cup water
6-8 drops green food colouring (or as many as little as needed)
3 table spoons mustard
1 large white onion
spices to taste

Chop the onion into pieces and place into a ziplock bag with the brown sugar, water, mustard, food colouring and spices. Shake it up and make sure it's all mixed.
Add in the strips of pork. Massage the mixture onto the pieces through the bag. Marinade over night (or longer if you prefer.
Pull out the pieces. If they aren't green enough add some food colouring to some water (1:5 mixture) and put it on the strips until they are a better green.
If you have a dehydrator, aren't you lucky! Add the strips in and dehydrate as per instructions on the machine.
If you have to use an oven, place tin foil over the bottom of the oven and place the strips of meat over the (hopefully) clean rack. Bake at 350 degrees. Check on it regularly to see how dry they are getting. It will take a while. Give it at least 2 hours before the first check unless you suspect they are on fire. Then check them immediately.

If my experience with making jerky with venison is right, it could take anywhere from 2-8 hours. Check on them often, and if you need to, don't be afraid to chuck them back in the oven.

Once finished go immediately to a dystopian future and sell them as food stuff to replace vegetables for the poor until people begin to go missing.

Ha, I was starting to wonder if anyone was going to actually enter this!

Those are so clever, and the descriptions are fabulous! I cannot wait to see the rest of this feast you have planned!

I was going to ice a cake to look like a Deck of Many things for my birthday, but I ripped the cake into about five pieces and I'm far too lazy. I have two more things to make, but I'll likely do it tomorrow or Sunday!

love your entries Cacophony!! Come on guys, there are still a few days left to enter this one...let's see what you've got! (and who doesn't want to win a cool prize while they're at it?)

I would totally enter this, but I'm at college, oven-less, until the end of the week. Which basically means that any cooking or baking is impossible xD
These entries are cool to look at though!

I'm currently ovenless So I cooked!

I'll be doing a series of meals from George Martin's Ice and Fire series (the books). All are my own recipes. Some are not quite edible. But that's totally intentional ... because I didn't manage to carefully read what the contest was about, mainly the part that said that the entries were supposed to be treats, lol. But never mind, selecting dubious-looking ingredients has been fun, and remember, characters were willing to risk their lives to get to eat the first two dishes listed here!

Beware of spoilers!

The first culinary masteripiece first emerged in the Eyrie.

Mord's beans!


These are the beans that Tyrion often risked his life for when imprisoned in the Sky Cells. To prepare them, throw a bunch of dry white beans in water, add salt and cook slowly. Take a nap. Or two. It's not like the prisoners have anything else to eat, so why put any effort into it?

(These were cooked for about 10 hours because I cooked them overnight and I overslept. I was using a slow cooker, though, so doing that was safe. It just ruined the beans. Originally, I was going for a beans and bacon recipe from the same series, but this was what I ended up with.)


Bowl of brown
Another not-quite-edible recipe, at least if you like to know what you're eating. If you want the good version that you can serve to your family and/or friends, you can find that here. I, however, was going for authenticity.



The recipe:
Obtain some meat (I used a turkey drumstick, a piece of fish and marrow bones to get the greasy film on top). Add pieces of carrot and onions (and turnips, if you can get some. I couldn't, they're not in season. So I used an apple instead). Add some bay leaves. Cook for about 8 hours. Remove the meat, use a pair of forks to tear it into pieces, push the marrow out of the bones, leaving it in the soup and removing the bones. Return the meat into the soup, too. Add some apple pieces, and barley. Cook for another couple of hours to get the right overcooked look.


Yes, like this. Can you identify the fish bits?

THE REST OF THE MEALS ARE ACTUALLY EDIBLE, I SWEAR!

Illyrio’s Dubious Mushrooms
“Mushrooms,” the magister announced, as the smell wafted up. “Kissed with garlic and bathed in butter. I am told the taste is exquisite. Have one, my friend. Have two.” -A Dance with Dragons



Obtain about half a pound of non-poisonous mushrooms of your choice. Wash them and cut them in halves. Melt about three tablespoons of unsalted butter in a frying pan. Peel a couple of cloves of garlic and crush them with the side of your wide knife, then toss them into the butter. Cook on low heat, waiting for the butter to absorb the garlicky goodness. Then, toss in the mushrooms. If you want the juices to run, add salt, otherwise wait until they're almost done (the mushrooms will start losing their liquids and shrink very much right after you add salt). Add pepper to taste. Cook for at least ten minutes. Serve with crusty bread. Be courteous and if you're serving them to someone, take the first bite. You wouldn't want your guest to think you're trying to poison them, after all.

It doesn't look like much, but it's super tasty!

Ned's and Robert's breakfast
Consisting of black beer, eggs, fish fried with onions and bacon with some black bread, and an orange. Eaten back in the days where it seemed that everything would turn up alright (i.e. very early into the first book).





Cut a couple of thick slices of bacon into big pieces, start frying them. Add a couple of chopped spring onions. Cut a fish fillet into bite-sized pieces and, once the bacon has browned, toss them in. Fry until the fish is cooked through. Serve with black beer, bread and an orange for breakfast.

This was really good, too, and my morning was very, um, interesting after this one. Strong beer for breakfast, yay!

I updated mine with my latest dessert.

Okay so. This is a recipe I recently 'discovered' after I made a character of mine cook and eat this. I decided to try it out myself and it's amazingly delicious!

In the RP, the character roasted slices of bread over a fire and used some different herbs from a medieval setting (Skyrim), so consider this the modern day version! It's super filling and I've made it a couple of times since then. It's also the first recipe I made based on a roleplay. I hope that makes it qualify! I've considered making a Skyrim mod with this recipe just because I can.

Also because leeks are freaking EVERYWHERE in that game.

Leek omelet sandwich



Ingredients:
- 1 1/2 cup of chopped leeks
- 2 eggs
- Water or milk
- Salt
- Pepper
- Crushed or ground garlic
- Ground/powdered red paprika
- Finely chopped fresh or dried parsley
- 4 slices of bread
- 1 tbsp Butter

Instructions:

1. Roast (or toast) the slices of bread to your preferred crunchiness.

2. Melt half of the tablespoon of butter in a medium hot pan and cook up the leek for about 2-3 minutes, or until they're glazed and soft.

3. Mix the two eggs with a small pour of milk/water, a pinch of salt, pepper, garlic, paprika powder and parsley to taste. I like to be generous with the garlic, paprika and parsley.

4. Add the remaining butter to the pan, melt and pour in the egg mixture. Let it cook on medium heat until it's mostly set on the top. You can use a lid to help it firm up faster.

5. Use your spatula to slice the omelet into 2 or 4 pieces while still in the pan, then turn over each piece to briefly cook it on the other side (my character's dice roll decided she couldn't flip the omelet in one piece, hah). I personally don't like runny eggs so this is mandatory for me. Also, characters have a chance to contract a random disease from raw food, SO COOK THAT FOOD THOROUGHLY.

6. Butter your toast or leave it unbuttered - whichever you prefer - and divide the omelet between two slices. Cover with the other slices, and voila!

This sandwich gives 120 seconds of Strength and Endurance boosts.

Here is my Submission, which is both testament to my love for Minecraft, as well as my downward spiral towards Diabetes.

There is no real recipe to make it, but should you happen to want to, this is what you need!

1) 4 boxes of cake mix. I used Two boxes of chocolate, one of maple flavor, and one standard white.

2)One box of Blue Jello

3) One pull apart Twizzler, black or died black.

4) Small sized marshmallows

5) Way too much icing, food colour, and time on your hands

6) Toothpicks for stability

7) A propensity for uploading even your greatest failures to the world wide web.

Here it is, Minecraft Cake!

Wow, it's getting increasingly awesome in here. o.o

Alecias bowl of Brown -- looks so tasty, hnggg ....

Ahhhh I'm so glad this is an official contest now! Made this tonight and it has been much the hit, don't know if anyone remembers the computer game Pizza Tycoon but it was an early sim game. Anyway, there were many recipes on there but part of it was creating your own. Of course this isn't the recipe for the pizza which can be found here but my own creation in homage to an oldie but fun sim game!

Fabulous Fruit Pizza
Ingredients

1-Bag of Purple Grapes
3-Kiwi
1-Container each of Feta and Goat Cheese
1-Bag of Sharp Cheddar Cheese
1-Box of Fresh Strawberries
1-Package Applewood Smoked Bacon
1-Pizza Crust
1/2-cup butter
1-package cream cheese
2-teaspoons garlic powder
2-cups milk (I used 2%)
6-ounces grated fresh Parmesan cheese
1/8-teaspoon ground black pepper
1/8-teaspoon each cinnamon and nutmeg

First I made the sauce, a white alfredo. Melt butter in a medium, non-stick saucepan over medium heat then I added cream cheese, garlic powder, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Stir it with a wire whisk until smooth, then add milk slowly continuing to whisk to keep any lumps from happening finally add in the pepper and parmesan. Stir until it's to the thickness that you want and then remove it from the heat, let it cool and then place it evenly on the pizza crust.

While the sauce was cooling I took the fruit and started to chop it up. Kiwi was sliced and then the slices were halved, the strawberries were sliced and then cubed, and the grapes were halved. Once the sauce was down I evenly spread the fruit over it, then added the goat and feta cheese, finally covered it with the sharp cheddar.

All the while the oven was preheating at 450 degrees, once it was all ready in the pizza went flat on the rack for 30 minutes.

Oooolalala the final product!

Whoa, that is seriously creative. I have never heard of a fruit pizza!

Really? The pizza place down the street here has been making fruit pizzas for years. It's called a tropical pizza in general!

Oh, man, everything's looking superb and delicious so far! (Er, excepting the ones that maybe aren't supposed to be delicious. Properly, um, grubby-gruely? )

I'd best go get my entry in the oven. :p

I've heard of pizza with pineapples, but that's about it.

I'm familiar with dessert pizzas, of both the fruity kind and a more chocolate-y sort.

Now dessert pizzas I have seen oodles of, what with their cinnamon and chocolate and cookie varieties.

It's a regional thing Kim.