Forums » Smalltalk » Where has the beauty gone?

I've noticed something lately that annoys me quite a bit, yet I don't know how to beat it, how to get over it. Years ago, I used to be able to produce a lot of written work in the form of poems, little tidbits of emotion that flowered into beautiful works. At least, they were beautiful to me, and they seemed to flow out of my mind and onto written words with unnatural fluidity. I almost didn't have to think about it, I'd just write a few words and it was as if my hands simply took over, filling the blank page with beauty I never quite knew until it was finished. It was immensely satisfying, and for a while, even appreciated by people I knew.

Recently, I've been trying to access that beauty once more, yet every time I find myself falling short. It's as if it dissipated into the ether, there's this clear absence of something that was once there, and frankly it scares me. What once was second nature now seems forced, almost mechanical, and I find myself struggling to tie words in that uniquely beautiful way I used to. It's not just that the well has run dry, it's as if like the well never even existed, and now there's nothing but an eerie void.

Now, I admit that in the past my creativity was fueled mainly by two things: loneliness and love. But even when those emotions hit me full force, I can't seem to produce the elegant writing I used to, whatever talent I have seemingly locked away. Have I changed as a person? Is this something that commonly happens? My writing, my words, they're not a simple hobby. They're my soul, the very essence of who I am, an outlet for that hopeless romantic that has always lived deep inside me. Has that person died? Is my spark of romance, of creativity, gone forever?

And if it is, then who am I?

I know, it seems over-dramatic, and maybe it is. But I've always been proud of that skill, considered it my greatest asset. The thought of it being gone... it leaves a dull ache that seems to numb my mind even more, and I just feel... empty.

I've actually experienced the same thing! I used to crank out poetry all the time. Now I never write poetry. I think sometimes our minds shift focus due to things in our lives. Something you can do to try and shift your mental focus back onto poetry might be to check out the '100 themes challenge' on DeviantART. I know the themes have helped stir my creative juices, so maybe they will help your mind focus on writing. Alsi, sit outside. Take a walk. Being outdoors always inspires poetry for me. Most of all, don't force it! Surround yourself with inspiration and pretty things, and just let it flow when it's ready

I don't believe it is dead, it isn't something that disappears. Reading that post, there is something poetic about it. You word things well, and you clearly have the emotion for it. Do you think it is not that your creativity and well is gone, but that you now have come to a point where you judge yourself to harshly? Do you expect a certain quality from your word, look for something and expect too much from yourself? Perhaps you are now being too critical of yourself and it is stifling the freedom to write. It is so hard to say why these things happen.. but if you write for yourself, and write to express, there is nothing ugly or bad about your poetry. If it is what inspires, then it is your art. It might be different, your mind has grown and experiences have made things that were probably once fresh a bit stale. Where sometimes love used to be passionate, free and exciting.. maybe now it is frightening, old and an inconvenience. Our eyes change, and your eyes might have.. but I don't think that it dies.
I am sure it will come again for you, and I am sure it will be beautiful as it ever was. Just different and unique to yourself now.

Our perspectives change. Your goals change. The way we manage our time changes. Everything changes in our lives constantly. I used to have such a high drive to draw, to make a career out of it, but as the years went by my drive diminished. I got a job. I loved and lost love. I lost my best friend to his untimely death. All these things changed how I view life, and with it comes a realization that our priorities shift. The energy I once put into drawing for 8 hours on end now goes into other things, some by choice, some by necessity.

There are also things that influence our creativity greatly that are almost invisible to us. My daily routine and the people in my life when I was 16 was so vastly different, not just due to my level of maturity but also small things. Like a daily chat with my friendly elderly neighbor, that one friend who dropped in once in a blue moon but who was always somehow there etc. I don't have a lot of elements from my teens in my current life anymore, and it's made me different. I may experience the same emotions as back then, but the rest of my life has changed, which means my emotions don't necessarily fuel my creativity anymore.

But it's not gone. I'm passionate about knitting now. I still draw to unwind and because I feel like it, but not as much as I used to. I still roleplay because I freaking love it, but not as much as I used to.

Sometimes all it takes is an incentive to start small but frequently again though. I can sit down and doodle gestures for 10 minutes every day, and guaranteed that I'll train myself to consistently churn out art down the line - if I wanted to. I can sit down and knit a dishcloth a day, and before you know it I can churn out a sweater in a weekend if I dedicate myself to it.

If we spent a long time doing something consistently and then stopped for a long time, we can't expect to go back into it full swing again. We need to reorganize our energy and priorities and start slowly again, build it up.