I hope nobody really minds a little rant. I mean...No harm right? It's not about this site at all, it's about another site.
Has anyone ever walked into a chat room, and suddenly the mod starts yelling at you for no reason at all? Like, you're new to the role play. You know nothing that's going on. Hell not even given enough time to meet the people cause the global message or something of the sort has to many rules, and links. And, the guy calls you an "dense idiot". Just cause you're new? Like...Why? It's just confuses me when a mod/admin is angry, a new person pops in. And that person gives him a hard time. Apparently that's allowed in random places.
Has anyone ever walked into a chat room, and suddenly the mod starts yelling at you for no reason at all? Like, you're new to the role play. You know nothing that's going on. Hell not even given enough time to meet the people cause the global message or something of the sort has to many rules, and links. And, the guy calls you an "dense idiot". Just cause you're new? Like...Why? It's just confuses me when a mod/admin is angry, a new person pops in. And that person gives him a hard time. Apparently that's allowed in random places.
Oh I feel your pain trust me ..like you said not this place.. this is heaven compared ..but I know what you mean exactly and it really sucks even more when theres nothing that you can do to change that because it seems like they have their mind set up on ranting at you..
It's really annoying when it happens for just entering the place. Apparently the ego "I have powah" mindset really loves it's stay in some places.
As a former moderator on both RPR and other sites, I've noticed that many times, moderators lose perspective and/or take things a bit too seriously. Often they don't have a good example to go by in regards to how to approach members and deal with issues, and unfortunately this also tends to translate into a very, very poor tolerance of people's variable learning curves.
I also know from other sites that often moderators are working preemptively on insane levels. In your case, you weren't given a chance to learn the rules because the moderators probably had a whole bunch of bad experiences and just toss you into the same bucket as those who gave them trouble, just because you didn't instantly get it, therefore you're assumed to never learn anything and are kicked out.
It's shitty, but it happens. When I was still a mod on this site, I often struggled with these things myself in the beginning. Previous sites I moderated operated on similar terms. Thankfully Kim has a very level headed approach on pretty much all issues and is a very good guide to help you see members as real people, and adjust your approach based on the member you're dealing with instead of assuming everyone is the same. I've learned a lot from her!
I've had numerous awful run-ins with groups such as on Facebook where the admins are batshit insane though. They're so completely irrational and screeching banshees more often than not I'm terrified of getting involved in any more FB communities in the future.
Some people are definitely not equipped to handle the stress of moderating, but rather than step down and own up to the fact they can't handle it, they take it out on other people. (This one FB group had admins who complained all the damn time about how stressed out they were and how unfair people treated them, when the solution was as simple as quitting.) People don't want to admit they can't do something and then normal people become victims of their attitudes.
I also know from other sites that often moderators are working preemptively on insane levels. In your case, you weren't given a chance to learn the rules because the moderators probably had a whole bunch of bad experiences and just toss you into the same bucket as those who gave them trouble, just because you didn't instantly get it, therefore you're assumed to never learn anything and are kicked out.
It's shitty, but it happens. When I was still a mod on this site, I often struggled with these things myself in the beginning. Previous sites I moderated operated on similar terms. Thankfully Kim has a very level headed approach on pretty much all issues and is a very good guide to help you see members as real people, and adjust your approach based on the member you're dealing with instead of assuming everyone is the same. I've learned a lot from her!
I've had numerous awful run-ins with groups such as on Facebook where the admins are batshit insane though. They're so completely irrational and screeching banshees more often than not I'm terrified of getting involved in any more FB communities in the future.
Some people are definitely not equipped to handle the stress of moderating, but rather than step down and own up to the fact they can't handle it, they take it out on other people. (This one FB group had admins who complained all the damn time about how stressed out they were and how unfair people treated them, when the solution was as simple as quitting.) People don't want to admit they can't do something and then normal people become victims of their attitudes.
Indeed but people like that just get more people to dislike them than the handful they try to impress
That is true sanne some of the mods have alot on their plates but some are just plain mean to new people..amd theres always the rest of the people that nag the mods for everything as well so I hink you can say people balance everything out.
Sanne wrote:
As a former moderator on both RPR and other sites, I've noticed that many times, moderators lose perspective and/or take things a bit too seriously. Often they don't have a good example to go by in regards to how to approach members and deal with issues, and unfortunately this also tends to translate into a very, very poor tolerance of people's variable learning curves.
I also know from other sites that often moderators are working preemptively on insane levels. In your case, you weren't given a chance to learn the rules because the moderators probably had a whole bunch of bad experiences and just toss you into the same bucket as those who gave them trouble, just because you didn't instantly get it, therefore you're assumed to never learn anything and are kicked out.
It's shitty, but it happens. When I was still a mod on this site, I often struggled with these things myself in the beginning. Previous sites I moderated operated on similar terms. Thankfully Kim has a very level headed approach on pretty much all issues and is a very good guide to help you see members as real people, and adjust your approach based on the member you're dealing with instead of assuming everyone is the same. I've learned a lot from her!
I've had numerous awful run-ins with groups such as on Facebook where the admins are batshit insane though. They're so completely irrational and screeching banshees more often than not I'm terrified of getting involved in any more FB communities in the future.
Some people are definitely not equipped to handle the stress of moderating, but rather than step down and own up to the fact they can't handle it, they take it out on other people. (This one FB group had admins who complained all the damn time about how stressed out they were and how unfair people treated them, when the solution was as simple as quitting.) People don't want to admit they can't do something and then normal people become victims of their attitudes.
I also know from other sites that often moderators are working preemptively on insane levels. In your case, you weren't given a chance to learn the rules because the moderators probably had a whole bunch of bad experiences and just toss you into the same bucket as those who gave them trouble, just because you didn't instantly get it, therefore you're assumed to never learn anything and are kicked out.
It's shitty, but it happens. When I was still a mod on this site, I often struggled with these things myself in the beginning. Previous sites I moderated operated on similar terms. Thankfully Kim has a very level headed approach on pretty much all issues and is a very good guide to help you see members as real people, and adjust your approach based on the member you're dealing with instead of assuming everyone is the same. I've learned a lot from her!
I've had numerous awful run-ins with groups such as on Facebook where the admins are batshit insane though. They're so completely irrational and screeching banshees more often than not I'm terrified of getting involved in any more FB communities in the future.
Some people are definitely not equipped to handle the stress of moderating, but rather than step down and own up to the fact they can't handle it, they take it out on other people. (This one FB group had admins who complained all the damn time about how stressed out they were and how unfair people treated them, when the solution was as simple as quitting.) People don't want to admit they can't do something and then normal people become victims of their attitudes.
Well all I know because of it, I ain't heading back over there. And it's while I understand your point. This mod was just angry for some reason. Apparently I was a "dense idiot" for not knowing the rp, and not reading their rules in less then 30 seconds. Like, honestly. Some people should be online if they're that angry.
Moderation is a generally thankless job. It has a hugely high burnout rate, can contribute to depression, and basically takes good-hearted people and chews them up and spits them out cynics. It takes constant self-awareness and self-care for a moderator to stay sane, and often the way that you know that you're running too low is by losing your temper and then feeling crappy about having done that.
A good site has processes in place to help detect a burnt-out mod/admin and encourage them to take time off to recharge. Others don't have enough staff for this to be possible, or don't even realize it's necessary.
Remember that moderators are being yelled at for doing their jobs about 90% of the time that they do their job. Even here. Even when phrasing the request as politely and gently as possible. Even when talking to friends.
Good, normal people get embarrassed when they are caught in a mistake, and a HUGE number of otherwise reasonable people lash out in that moment. The vast majority do this. It is painful and hurtful and it is very easy to end up in a head space that users are deliberately being nasty/breaking rules when almost every time you ask someone to respect a rule they tell you to go screw yourself, accuse you of outrageous and completely baseless misconduct, sometimes they even threaten you with physical or legal reprisal (also baseless but not fun to read!).
None of this is to say that it is excusable for a moderator/admin to be nasty to a new user. It's never okay. I'm just trying to explain that it probably wasn't personal to you -- that person may have spent the day being sent threats or being called horrifying names for having asked someone to please obey the basic forum rules.
But there's two sides to this, so I want to point out that you are not 100% blameless here, even though that person should not have spoken to you in such tones: You ARE expected to know the site & forum rules before you start doing anything here. I don't care if you signed up 30 seconds ago -- no one forced you to start posting within the first 30 seconds, before you'd taken five minutes to read the rules. Most places will have a similar "ignorance is not an excuse" policy, and by deciding to start talking without taking the time to read the rules (which is indeed your responsibility to do), you are making the already incredibly difficult job of moderation needlessly harder by forcing them to repeat information you could (AND SHOULD) have obtained yourself.
Because this can be SO FRUSTRATING after a long day of trying to ignore abuse, it is easy to snap at these little stuffs, because the person is essentially saying "I am not considerate enough to the other members here to learn how things are done before I interject myself into the conversation." Not taking the time to do this is often a red-flag for larger, more severe rule-breaking later.
This is why I have pre-written form letters for these common gaffes, so that no matter how ticked I am, the reminder that actually gets sent is always calm. And then I can go make a cup of tea and calm down before saying anything else.
A good site has processes in place to help detect a burnt-out mod/admin and encourage them to take time off to recharge. Others don't have enough staff for this to be possible, or don't even realize it's necessary.
Remember that moderators are being yelled at for doing their jobs about 90% of the time that they do their job. Even here. Even when phrasing the request as politely and gently as possible. Even when talking to friends.
Good, normal people get embarrassed when they are caught in a mistake, and a HUGE number of otherwise reasonable people lash out in that moment. The vast majority do this. It is painful and hurtful and it is very easy to end up in a head space that users are deliberately being nasty/breaking rules when almost every time you ask someone to respect a rule they tell you to go screw yourself, accuse you of outrageous and completely baseless misconduct, sometimes they even threaten you with physical or legal reprisal (also baseless but not fun to read!).
None of this is to say that it is excusable for a moderator/admin to be nasty to a new user. It's never okay. I'm just trying to explain that it probably wasn't personal to you -- that person may have spent the day being sent threats or being called horrifying names for having asked someone to please obey the basic forum rules.
But there's two sides to this, so I want to point out that you are not 100% blameless here, even though that person should not have spoken to you in such tones: You ARE expected to know the site & forum rules before you start doing anything here. I don't care if you signed up 30 seconds ago -- no one forced you to start posting within the first 30 seconds, before you'd taken five minutes to read the rules. Most places will have a similar "ignorance is not an excuse" policy, and by deciding to start talking without taking the time to read the rules (which is indeed your responsibility to do), you are making the already incredibly difficult job of moderation needlessly harder by forcing them to repeat information you could (AND SHOULD) have obtained yourself.
Because this can be SO FRUSTRATING after a long day of trying to ignore abuse, it is easy to snap at these little stuffs, because the person is essentially saying "I am not considerate enough to the other members here to learn how things are done before I interject myself into the conversation." Not taking the time to do this is often a red-flag for larger, more severe rule-breaking later.
This is why I have pre-written form letters for these common gaffes, so that no matter how ticked I am, the reminder that actually gets sent is always calm. And then I can go make a cup of tea and calm down before saying anything else.
Kim wrote:
A good site has processes in place to help detect a burnt-out mod/admin and encourage them to take time off to recharge. Others don't have enough staff for this to be possible, or don't even realize it's necessary.
Part of the issue is that many sites are created/run by people with virtually no people skills, and end up hiring moderators with low people skills because they don't quite know what they need. The combination is disastrous. RPR is truly a unique gem in online communities because, quite frankly, you're a unique site admin yourself who manages to guide her moderators into the proper direction and leads a good example. I don't know of any other site/community on the net who has a programmer with your people skills.
In most of my encounters with admins in other places, they're generally not nice. They often lack people skills and unfortunately cliques are formed and egos get bloated.
It's happened more than once that I was completely cooperative and nice and understanding and was met with explosive behavior and banishment, even though I was apologizing and just asked how to fix my mistake/not do it in the future. It never strikes me as the kind of response triggered by a burnout, but just a less than capable personality and the unwillingness to realize they're not fit for the job (either by themselves or their superiors).What you described is absolutely accurate for the moderators on RPR, don't get me wrong, I suppose I'm just not as optimistic about mods on other sites being victims of the job. I often consider them unfit candidates or following unfit leaders. It's no surprise to me that people are treated irrationally bad in other places, especially when I look back at my own experiences.
(I do agree with your take on familiarizing yourself with the rules before posting!)
Edit: To give an example, not that long ago I posted something in a FB group that I thought was on-topic (it explained how to save knitting patterns on websites as a PDF for easy saving/printing/cross device sharing, as numerous people had asked how to or struggled with it) and it vanished without a word. Nobody told me anything. When I contacted a mod asking what I'd done wrong, I was yelled at and threatened with a ban if I ever 'dared to post something off topic again'.
It was absolutely bizarre and staggering, especially since their rules didn't explain what is considered on-topic and what isn't. The moderators never contacted anyone about these things, so nobody even knew why their posts were deleted. When asked for clarifications on the rules, numerous people were yelled at but never received a clarification.
Something similar went on in another group I was part of. Needless to say I left every place where people were like this. Sometimes moderators just have no skills to do this job and people are treated like shit without being given chances to better themselves.
Kim wrote:
Moderation is a generally thankless job. It has a hugely high burnout rate, can contribute to depression, and basically takes good-hearted people and chews them up and spits them out cynics. It takes constant self-awareness and self-care for a moderator to stay sane, and often the way that you know that you're running too low is by losing your temper and then feeling crappy about having done that.
A good site has processes in place to help detect a burnt-out mod/admin and encourage them to take time off to recharge. Others don't have enough staff for this to be possible, or don't even realize it's necessary.
Remember that moderators are being yelled at for doing their jobs about 90% of the time that they do their job. Even here. Even when phrasing the request as politely and gently as possible. Even when talking to friends.
Good, normal people get embarrassed when they are caught in a mistake, and a HUGE number of otherwise reasonable people lash out in that moment. The vast majority do this. It is painful and hurtful and it is very easy to end up in a head space that users are deliberately being nasty/breaking rules when almost every time you ask someone to respect a rule they tell you to go screw yourself, accuse you of outrageous and completely baseless misconduct, sometimes they even threaten you with physical or legal reprisal (also baseless but not fun to read!).
None of this is to say that it is excusable for a moderator/admin to be nasty to a new user. It's never okay. I'm just trying to explain that it probably wasn't personal to you -- that person may have spent the day being sent threats or being called horrifying names for having asked someone to please obey the basic forum rules.
But there's two sides to this, so I want to point out that you are not 100% blameless here, even though that person should not have spoken to you in such tones: You ARE expected to know the site & forum rules before you start doing anything here. I don't care if you signed up 30 seconds ago -- no one forced you to start posting within the first 30 seconds, before you'd taken five minutes to read the rules. Most places will have a similar "ignorance is not an excuse" policy, and by deciding to start talking without taking the time to read the rules (which is indeed your responsibility to do), you are making the already incredibly difficult job of moderation needlessly harder by forcing them to repeat information you could (AND SHOULD) have obtained yourself.
Because this can be SO FRUSTRATING after a long day of trying to ignore abuse, it is easy to snap at these little stuffs, because the person is essentially saying "I am not considerate enough to the other members here to learn how things are done before I interject myself into the conversation." Not taking the time to do this is often a red-flag for larger, more severe rule-breaking later.
This is why I have pre-written form letters for these common gaffes, so that no matter how ticked I am, the reminder that actually gets sent is always calm. And then I can go make a cup of tea and calm down before saying anything else.
A good site has processes in place to help detect a burnt-out mod/admin and encourage them to take time off to recharge. Others don't have enough staff for this to be possible, or don't even realize it's necessary.
Remember that moderators are being yelled at for doing their jobs about 90% of the time that they do their job. Even here. Even when phrasing the request as politely and gently as possible. Even when talking to friends.
Good, normal people get embarrassed when they are caught in a mistake, and a HUGE number of otherwise reasonable people lash out in that moment. The vast majority do this. It is painful and hurtful and it is very easy to end up in a head space that users are deliberately being nasty/breaking rules when almost every time you ask someone to respect a rule they tell you to go screw yourself, accuse you of outrageous and completely baseless misconduct, sometimes they even threaten you with physical or legal reprisal (also baseless but not fun to read!).
None of this is to say that it is excusable for a moderator/admin to be nasty to a new user. It's never okay. I'm just trying to explain that it probably wasn't personal to you -- that person may have spent the day being sent threats or being called horrifying names for having asked someone to please obey the basic forum rules.
But there's two sides to this, so I want to point out that you are not 100% blameless here, even though that person should not have spoken to you in such tones: You ARE expected to know the site & forum rules before you start doing anything here. I don't care if you signed up 30 seconds ago -- no one forced you to start posting within the first 30 seconds, before you'd taken five minutes to read the rules. Most places will have a similar "ignorance is not an excuse" policy, and by deciding to start talking without taking the time to read the rules (which is indeed your responsibility to do), you are making the already incredibly difficult job of moderation needlessly harder by forcing them to repeat information you could (AND SHOULD) have obtained yourself.
Because this can be SO FRUSTRATING after a long day of trying to ignore abuse, it is easy to snap at these little stuffs, because the person is essentially saying "I am not considerate enough to the other members here to learn how things are done before I interject myself into the conversation." Not taking the time to do this is often a red-flag for larger, more severe rule-breaking later.
This is why I have pre-written form letters for these common gaffes, so that no matter how ticked I am, the reminder that actually gets sent is always calm. And then I can go make a cup of tea and calm down before saying anything else.
I understand what moderators have to go through, having been a mod at site where this had happened. But the site wasn't for forums. Chatzy if you heard of it, is like regular chat room where you can create your own chat room, and customize it. For this one chat, most of the rules were split between the entrance of the chat, and the actual chat it self. The guy basically told me the race(color, which were basically one since non-premium rooms in chatzy can't hold more then 10 people. So color's represented choices.) was dead.
I politely asked why, and he just calls me a dense idiot...From this stand point I'm wondering to myself, what did I do wrong? The rest of the rules were in the global message, and I didn't have the change to check as the mod began telling me this immediately as I got in. I guess I was being very vague with what happened, which happens a lot with me.
Either way, hopefully this rant didn't cause to much damage.
Edit: And I should state here I'm not 100% percent blameless. While this happen late at night, and there would of been plenty of ways to avoid this if I just thought of it through.
With the added information, that just sounds even more ridiculous. Sorry you had to experience that!
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