Forums » Smalltalk » Are you my friend?

Recently I've been feeling pretty neglected by a person I felt a long time ago was my friend. Now it seems like they don't want to do anything with me anymore. Sure we talk now and then but it is usually months at a time and very little is actually said. I remember looking up to them and thinking "WOW, this person is so cool!" or "I wish we could do this more often together, I think you're really great". But now... Maybe its just me feeling unworthy but I don't think they want much to do with me anymore. They seem busy at times but somehow they always have time for other people besides me... So I try to impress them by becoming better at what we are both passionate about, but even that doesn't seem to work.

I don't know how to deal with this... What should I do?

I know this M get not be what you want to hear, but it might be time to move on.

I suggest you let them know how you feel and let them know you're interested in hanging out more and working on the friendship, but don't put in all the work. If you're constantly running after someone and trying to do things for them and not yourself, you end up feeling like you don't matter and your feelings don't matter - and that's not nice.

I speak from personal experience: people grow apart and even though you might love being around someone, friendship it a two way street and you shouldn't be expected to do all the work. Don't just give up, but be ready to find someone who will work with you as a friend, you'll both be happier for it.

I can only mirror Caco's words. Communication is important, see if something's wrong. I sometimes don't really talk to friends for a while when my health isn't up to par, but I tell them I'm just tired and not up for chatting if that's the case. Maybe your friend is a little burned out and needs a recharge. Maybe you're trying so hard your making them uncomfortable but they don't want to hurt your feelings. Inquire and have adv open mind for the response!

If you don't get anything in response and it's a one way street, there's no point in pursuing that friendship any longer. It's sad but it happens. Time for new friends!

Either way, don't start making up all sorts of stories or reasons about being not good enough, even if it feels shitty. It's a pretty toxic habit that turns into a self fulfilling prophecy because you will load yourself up with negative energy and stop having positive things to give, when none of it was true in the first place. I've seen people fall into this trap and it's pretty heart breaking.

You've got tons of good qualities, I'm sure there are many new friends to share those with when your other friends are busy.

Bro! you and I are besties, don't forget that.