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Lorelei (played by Sanne)

I'm nearing the completion of Lorelei's profile. I tried to include as much information as possible without it being overwhelming but I'm unsure how complete the profile is. There's only one page left to fill in which is the animal companions page and then I'm done. For now.

Before I have a party, I'd like to know if there is information that's maybe missing? Are there questions you didn't get answered from her page? I'm interested in even the small things, details make a nice profile after all :D If you find the setup confusing somehow I'd like to know that too, I value easy access and navigation on my stuff.

Thanks for your time :)
I thought it was a really great and nice profile, you've clearly put a lot of thought and research into the character and it comes through in the pages, good stuff. The forthright OOC information and mobile-friendly code are great touches too.

What I would add: Some elaboration on her likes and dreams and what about her makes her unique. Merchant merfolk are an interesting idea but don't stop there, the more you can make her stand out in some way from her peers, the easier it will be for people to imagine how their characters would interact (and then approach you for RP).

What I would remove: The purple prose from the general description. Excessively flowery language is kind of distracting when you're trying to figure out what a character looks like.
Lorelei (played by Sanne) Topic Starter

sland wrote:
I thought it was a really great and nice profile, you've clearly put a lot of thought and research into the character and it comes through in the pages, good stuff. The forthright OOC information and mobile-friendly code are great touches too.

Thanks! I find accessibility important as I use different platforms to get on the site too. :)
sland wrote:
What I would add: Some elaboration on her likes and dreams and what about her makes her unique. Merchant merfolk are an interesting idea but don't stop there, the more you can make her stand out in some way from her peers, the easier it will be for people to imagine how their characters would interact (and then approach you for RP).

This is a tough one. She hasn't been developed yet in roleplay and my experience has shown that characters who are too specific end up too inflexible to fit in new environments. I will probably do this after I settled her in a story and build from there. She may potentially end up in New Versailles in which case her merchant ways will be different than if she were in a different setting. So this is pending for now but on the list :)
sland wrote:
What I would remove: The purple prose from the general description. Excessively flowery language is kind of distracting when you're trying to figure out what a character looks like.

Been thinking about this for the past few hours and I'm going to keep it this way. Her description is only a rephrase of what is already present in her stats. Nothing that is wrapped in the flowery prose can't be found in the stats widget, so I'm not too concerned with those two paragraphs. I feel the point of a mermaid is to be ethereal and overly pretty, so having prose befitting this image was my intention. I left it out on the village paragraph because that info isn't found elsewhere :)

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