Forums » Smalltalk » What my rp searches are starting to turn into..

Me: Hello there fellow rper! I saw on your characters profile page that you enjoy one on one rps and ~insert plot or pairing here~, would you be interested in an rp with these things in it?

Them: Sure! I would love too! Have any plot ideas?

Me: Well actually, I just came up with ~insert number here~ plot ideas. They are a little rough, so there more for just seeing if you'd be interested in the overall concept, and then we could work together to build off of it. But don't worry, if none of these work for you then I would be more then willing to work together on an entirely new idea that way we can both be happy with the rp you've already agreed too. I'll post the rough ideas below. ~rough ideas go here~

Them: No thanks, I know you offered to make an entirely new plot in order for me to stay interested in the idea I already said I would rp with you, but you see ~insert made up issue or excuse here~.

Me: Oh...ok...don't worry. Thanks anyways!

~End Scene~

IS ANYONE ELSE HAVING THIS ISSUE BECAUSE ITS REALLY GETTING OLD!!

You're such a great role player though lol. They don't know what kind of rp they missed

DONT DO THAT TO ME. xD

Thank you. And I'm not always that nice when it comes to saying thanks, but I try to be. xD

(Your not exactly a bad rper either now. xD I'm really happy with our rp.)

Ahaha. So am I.
Watch, in a few hours I'll say "Hey I'm really happy with this role play were having but could we stop?" I'm joking I wouldn't hehe.

That happens too! People say they love the rp then just go 'I don't wanna' and leave me. It's the worst. xD

I won't. You are my far one of y favourite or if not my favourite person to rp with .

xD well thank you for saying so. Nice too know one person won't leave me. xD

This happens to me a lot, but from the 'them' side. Mostly because the plots I'm offered completely miss the mark on what will fit my character, and then I get the idea the person who's proposing the idea didn't bother reading my character's profile or just doesn't understand what I'm looking for. Then the idea of playing with them makes me uncomfortable, I have no faith they can be a good match for me even if we can work out an entirely new plot together. I spent far too much time on trying to work with people to make an interesting plot and then them doing things that don't work out all the time. Sometimes the characters they have or proposed just don't interest me or I get the impression my character wouldn't have much to go by to interact with them.

If people keep turning you down, then it's very possible you're picking people who aren't a good match for what you're proposing, or your characters don't strike that person as being a good match for theirs. It happens, it's frustrating but that's part of the roleplaying experience!

You can also start out with "Are there any plots you've been thinking of doing lately?" and then wait for them to propose something. Too many choices or too many ideas that don't fit can scare people off for more reasons than I just listed, and having them step forward with an idea themselves makes it much more likely they're in for a game!

xD I've had pretty bad luck using this idea too to be honest. What ends up happening is that anyone ask for plot ideas either says they have none, want to hear mine first, or instantly hate me because I asked them and they think I'm lazy now.

And while I understand the whole 'this person didn't read my character profile obviously' thing, I'm not one to do that. I may miss something from time to time, and if I do and they take the time to point it out I do my best to adjust anything I can in order to make it work, but that's not the issue I'm running into. xD and if it is then wouldn't it make much more sense for someone to say that rather then making something up or saying nothing more then 'no thanks'. Like. At least explain why you don't want to cooperatively create a plot first instead of leaving me with a 'no thanks' and expect me to just drop it after they say there up for an rp in the first place. Idk. xD I just feel like if people were a little more honest (and some more kind because some people can be just straight rude when they say no, and then they expect me to be nice to them) when they said no they wouldn't be that big of an issue, but so many people just feel the need to beat around the bush or say nothing at all about it and leave me sitting there wondering what the heck I did wrong, and if I even did anything wrong. xD.

Although thank you for posting that. It is interesting to hear it from that side and I'm sure I've been that guy who didn't read well enough and completely messed up at least once or twice. xD

I think that you could combine the two. "Do you have any ideas you want to use? I have a few to offer..." and put down your ideas for them as well. I often find that the people who come to me to roleplay aren't up to my standards or expect things that clash with my characters like Sanne said. I just refuse early because I can see they didn't put any effort into reading my profile.

I know a lot of people also get bogged down when they see a huge list of things people won't do and when they see that they know this isn't what they want.

xD that's not really the issue I've been running into recently though to be honest. They have a pairing or a basic idea of what they want in an rp on the profile. So I say, 'hey, I'd love to do this idea with you. I actually just came up with a few rough plots in my head if you'd like to hear them, but if mine of these work I'd be more then willing to make a plot with you.' So it's not like there not looking for it, they are, they just aren't seeing something in the ideas I share with them, but that's why I add the whole 'we can make a plot' thing because They only give me an idea, not the specifics there looking for. I just think that if your going to deny someone on an idea that you have, you should at least explain the reason and attempt to see if there willing to change the plot slightly or even start fromscratch, because a lot of people really just want to rp and they'd be willing to do that.

(Not sure how jumbled and confusing this is I wrote it as it came to my head. xD)

I should specify; I do not do sexuality rp with anyone but a small select few. All my profiles are marked with sexuality warnings (as well as the others) because sometimes I put up nude pictures of characters or I write about this sexuality aspect of them. I have rules in many of my private profiles that I only do fade to black if anything. I have, in my last round of looking for rp, had one character offered sexuality based rp three times right off the bat.

That tells me they didn't look at my rules or what I was offering. If they don't even loOK at what k looking for, I tell them we can't work it out. It's a firm issue and I make it clear from the get go.

I also only rp with people 18+ because I am looking to get I to education and laws here regarding rp eith a minor are iffy at best. If someone comes seeking rp under 18 they clearly didn't read the rules or what I want. I tell hem right away we can't play.

I don't rp witb people who suggest either of those right away. They want something I can not give them.

I personally don't think I'm obligated to tell anyone anything, or that I have to brainstorm with anyone, or give anyone a chance just because they're willing to RP and aim to be flexible. If I don't want to RP with you and I don't want to tell you why, even if I initially agreed to do it, then you should just drop it and move on. That's the respectful thing to do, even if the other person isn't exactly being polite about it. If you were to tell me these things after I refused an RP with you I would feel bullied or even harassed. In fact, people have harassed me about it before and it's extremely unpleasant that I need to block people over it.

I can have a million and one reasons to say 'yes' at first, and then change my mind for just as many reasons. That's my business only and it's up to me to share, or not to share. Implying I owe anyone anything more than that is quite unfair. I know it's frustrating for some people, but that doesn't really change everyone's rights to decline for no reason.

Most people are very willing, even enthusiastic, to work out the details of a plot.

If you are running into this problem a lot, and people are consistently unwilling to work with you to change minor plot details, it is possible that you have some habit that is making them suspicious that they can't - or can't easily - reach an agreement with you.

I'm not saying that they're right, or trying to accuse you of anything. I'm just saying that you have identified a pattern of behavior that is often directed at you, that other people don't necessarily experience themselves, which makes it possible that it's something that you could work on.

No one owes you an explanation as to why they changed their mind, as there is no requirement for anyone to RP with anyone else. In fact, if there IS a bad habit you have, most likely only your extremely close and trusted friends will feel able to tell you, and then likely only with your permission to do so (if at all). That's just how social structures typically work, weird and frustrating as it is!

xD and normally I would agree with you if two things hadn't happened while I was offline.

The first was a message from someone who had actually just done this sort of thing. The only difference being she gave me a reason that's explained a lot of why it's not working. The overwhelming majority of characters I've been getting denied from are in the same popular guild, and this person told me it's commonplace for people in the guild to not rp with anyone who's not in the guild even if they offer rps over private message or other forms of media.

The second was a good friend of mine who has continously supported my roleplaying style and my overall attitude, so I don't think that's where the issue lies the majority of the time (however we do all have those moments, so of course I can't rule out that these may have been the cause for some of my rp loses.)

But overall I think I can justify that it's not nesseceraily an issue with me, since I do have plenty of rps going on in other places, but more of the community I'm trying to rp with. A tight knit community who aren't all comfortable with rping with people outside of it. Which is totally understandable!

Even then though I appreciate the time and concern put into this so thank you very much, and if this does continue outside of situations like the ones described below I will defintely be checking with my trusted rp friends to see if there is anything I may be doing that could use a change.

(And as for the whole 'people don't need to explain' thing, I'm not trying to make it sound like I demand it because I deserve it or anything. I'm just saying that too me it seems like the right thing to do. Help your fellow rper out anyway you can that way they don't run into this issue again you know? I meant it as more of a 'this would be something that would be a courteous action to show to an rper' not a 'you better do this or I'll hate you' sort of thing.

I think a part of the problem might be that people don't mean the phrase "I'd love to RP with you" as a promise to RP with you, but you see it that way. I think for a lot of people it's just a polite way of saying "let's try and come up with something and see if we want to RP after that".

Another issue might be that some people may not have much time for RPing. So, when they think an RP or a plot won't be awesome, they prefer to drop the whole thing and wait for a better match (and, for example, do some productive real-life stuff in the meantime). Whereas you seem to be willing to take the risk and RP even when you don't think the RP will totally work and will be amazing. Personally, I think it's possible to miss out on great RPs if a player takes their opinion of 'this won't work' too seriously, but I still think that people who do it are totally justified - it's their life and their priorities, and if they prefer not to have ten failed RPs for every fun one, for whatever reason, it's absolutely their right to strive for that.