Forums » General Roleplay » Silly and nonsensical RP - Henry the Man-Snake

Henry did nothing.

However, Captain Donnie would not make it far on his flying beaver.

It came out of nowhere - a creature so massive that its very existence blotted out the sun which shone into the white room from the empty sky above.
It was massive - a skyscraper of black, scaly flesh and wiry black hair. The face was apelike with a pronounced underbite and great fangs that sprouted up from the lower jaw. From either side of the head, where ears should have been, there were giant, waggling yellow snakes that hissed and flailed pointlessly, occasionally dripping a sticky purple substance which turned out to be entirely harmless, though it smelled vaguely of burning plastic and methamphetamine. The legs were short and stumpy, the arms long and muscular. From behind sprouted glorious angel wings that shed ivory feathers as they flapped.
It had sixteen eyes, sprinkled randomly over the general face area.
With one one great swing of the arm, the creature batted Captain Donnie and his flying beaver out of the sky - luckily they would land on a pile of pillows that had probably been there the whole time and were surely not a creation of Henry's.

The Majestic Common Canary squawked and flapped its wings, running about in a panic. As though oblivious to the giant, terrible creature that had just descended upon them from nowhere and cast a shadow across the land, he floated lazily over to the bird and hovered near her, soothing her with his presence.
These things mattered to Henry.

Then the creature let out a great, bellowing roar, flailed its rippling muscled arms in the air, and leaned in toward the group.
Its head was the size of a tractor trailer. The eyes all focused in one direction - all looking at Amelia.

Then the creature spoke in a low, bellowing baritone that trembled the ground.

"YOU ARE THE BREADBOX." It said, though not threateningly. "THIS BAGEL IS THE UNIVERSE, AND WE ARE ALL MEATY CREATURES. PASTY SANDWICH MEAT DRIBBLES FROM THE SKYPORES UNTO THE UNIVERSE AND WE BEHOLD IT WITH MAJESTY GRACE, WE ARE ALL BREADBOXES, BUT YOU ARE THE BREADBOX. SPEAK UNTO ME THINE GRAND BREADBOX, FOR MY CHALLENGE IS UPON THIS UNIVERSE AS THE BUTTER HARDENS IN THE WOMB OF CHUNKY PUDDING MEAT!"

... What..? Amelia thought to herself, obviously confused. She'd only caught a couple words and phrases, mainly because She was to busy staring in awe. She'd never seen this creature before either. She did catch that he wanted her to talk to him, though. Oh great.

"Uhm... Yes, hello." She said, unsure of what else to say. This was the one time in all of her hundreds of years of existence that she was unsure of what to say. "What should we call you?" She asked him curiously. She wasn't sure of he had a name, or a name of their species, or something else entirely. When faced with a giant hulking creature, what duf she worry about first? Her manners.

'Nobody bats me into a bunch of pillows and gets away with it!' yelled Donnie 'Now, Puffling!' and Puffling let out a screeching beaver sound, so high pitched Black Canary wouldn't stand it(bravo to those who understand the reference). A wave of multi-coloured beavers came flying through with guns, swords and tanks and began attacking the creature, 'ATTACK MY PRETTIES, SEND THIS BEAST BACK TO HADES IN THE UNDERWORLD!' Donnie yelled as Puffling yelled orders. The beavers used their supowerpwers of super sonic scream, heat vision, force fields, super strength, super speed, ice breath, telekinesis, flight,fire manipulation, water manipulation, earth manipulation, shapeshifting, and sorcery skills to fight the monster(Because what beaver would fight without superpowers?)

Henry did nothing.

Epic battle music had begun to play from nowhere in particular. The beavers swarm, the assault is relentless. Explosions. Fire. Chaos. (Specifically Planet Hell by Nightwish. Look it up and listen to it while you read this and the previous posts. Please. It'll be worth it.)

"I AM CALLED- The great creature began, but was interrupted by the sudden attack.

The great creature reared back its great arms and roared in a mixture of pain and the eternal rage of the damned. The snakes jutting from its earholes flailed and waggled wildly, then opened their fanged mouths wide and vomited an armada of smaller snakes. They were also green and bore a vague resemblance to common garden variety snakes, except that they were fanged and...they flew.
Very fast, too! They darted through the air like a swarm of furious wasps. They were much smaller than the rainbow beaver army and they were not as powerful, but much, much greater numbers. There must have been thousands of them.
They fired powerful lasers from their mouths, and dropped explosive egg sacs akin to advanced bomber jets. They screeched sonic waves, they dodged and weaved among the Beaver onslaught.

All the while, the great creature had beat its great arms against its chest, shouting in its great, booming voice "PROTECT THE BREADBOX! THINE FUZZY DEMON CREATURES RETURN FROM THE PLANE OF TERRIBLE FIG PUDDING AND FLOPPY SANDWICHES!!"

Then it leaped through the air (And majestically, too!) toward Captain Donnie, where it would attempt to strike him with either arm. Since he would no doubt dodge this, the creature would continue the onslaught when the massive snakes opened their massive snake mouths and unleashed explosive layers that pierced the very fabric of reality.
They tore deep crevasses into the mountains that were now present just behind where Captain Donnie had been as the beavers and snakes engaged in glorious and terrible combat above, dominating the skies with their chaotic madness. Ever the battle raged on as the great creature's eyes let shine sporadic, popping flashes of pure madness, radiating from the Shuddering Landmasses within the Plane of Madness, within the Dimension of Madness.

A tidal wave of beavers descended upon the creature, a monsoon of snakes descended upon the Captain. Both parties attacked, swarmed, then retreated to the sky where they re-entered the vicious beaver-snake-dogfight.

And the clash of the titans raged on.

The andalite started screaming again as this went on. Holy damn, all of those beavers!

Henry did nothing.

Creating a very small stir midst the chaos, the Andalite was suddenly not alone in his panic and screaming.
No, he had been joined my a tall human male wearing black trousers and an old fashioned red suit jacket. His face was gaunt, his tiny Serj Tankian mustache and goatee were black and rather greasy, matching the short hair slicked beneath a matching red top hat. White gloves and a super fancy cane completed the getup.

He was just standing next to the screaming Andalite...Also screaming.

"Stop Screaming!" Amelia shouted to the two frightened people. "You really think that's gonna help?" It was giving her a headache, and she needed to be filly concentrated to figure out a way out of this where no one died. Yes, the beaver riding one was annoying, but in no way deserved death... Even if he'd kinda asked for it by challenging the giant creature that was so far nameless.

"Hey, giant!" Amelia shouted to the unknown creature. "Please refrain from killing anyone here. No matter how annoying." She said. "Just... Just try to catch him or something." She said. Well, it was the best she had at the moment, so it would have to do. She then turned to the creature who'd been watching them this whole time with a small huff. "Can't you do something?" He seemed to be bringing all these creatures in, couldn't he somehow calm them?

(Idk what I just did... Sorry. )

(What're you apologizing for? Looks fine to me!)

---

Henry did nothing.

The man in the red suit did not stop screaming. In fact, all he did was turn slightly toward Amelia, and, still screaming, scream "Actually it is helping, looook!" And he pointed to the fields in the distance that the mountains bordered.
There was a cloud of dust gathering beyond the hills. Something was approaching in vast numbers at a very rapid speed.
They could be seen shortly, descending over the hill like an army of Huns.

"THE BREADBOX DEMANDS NO LIFEMEAT SUCKING! DETAIN THE BEAVERMAN FOR A THOUSAND GLORIOUS DRIPPING VICTORIES!!" the creature roared, turning momentarily to face the bulk of the battle, before returning his full attention to Donnie. Indeed,

Meanwhile, Henry - floating and swaying slightly, apparently entirely un-bothered by any of this, turned toward Amelia.

~Me?~ said Henry, but not with words, ~I had nothing to do with any of this.~ Or, that was the language-idea that his concept-projection implied. It seemed truthful. Of course, he didn't say that he couldn't do anything about it - only that he had not caused any of it. Right?

The thunderous sound of stampeding hooves had become the dominant sound now. Many of the flying snakes - and the rainbow beavers as well - had stopped mid-flight, mid-battle, to gaze upon the incoming hoard. It sunk beneath the hills again, and when the reappeared they were much closer and could be witnessed in their entirety.

They were boars - boars the size of elephants. Otherwise they were fairly normal - brown fur, long, ivory tusks, and great wings folded behind them, with very large, high-caliber weapons mounted on their sides, corresponding ammunition boxes on their hindquarters. Riding each great boar was what looked like a fairly conventional depiction of an orc, scaled to the size of their mounts. Green, musclebound, underbites with jutting lower canines. Slightly less conventional, they were all dressed in juxtaposed combinations of spiky, vicious looking metal armor, and black suits. Each wore an armored wide-brimmed hat. Many appeared to be cybernetically enhanced, some with mechanical monocle implants, others with armor that was a part of them, some with weapons implanted. All of them carried incredibly powerful looking weapons. This was a killing force. It was brutal - a massacre was coming. There was no way either party could stand a chance of survival in the face of these beasts.

They charged, screaming - the man in the red suit did not stop screaming, only turning around and pointing dramatically toward the bulk of the fray.

At a suitable distance, the army took flight, gliding lowly along the hills, ready to collide into the mass of battle and slaughter all that stood before them.

The great sheet of fancy orcs (Forks) descended upon them and...




In one, swift movement, all incoming creatures swooped straight up at the very edge of the chaos. They barrel rolled mid-air and turned away in the other direction, as though magnetically repelled by the battle.

Their battle cry, as they neared, could be heard as changing to

"Nope." "Nope." "Nopity nope!" "Nope nope nope!" "Neuuuuupe." And other variants.


After a good five minutes of this, the last of them had swung far and retreated, and they were gone.

The snakes and beavers took a short moment of silence to stare in awe at what they had just witnessed.


Then returned to battle as though nothing had happened.

The man in the red suit had finally stopped screaming, and he looked quite disappointed.

"Well, I thought it was helping." He said, pouting thoughtfully.



And still, Henry did nothing.