Forums » Smalltalk » Lots Of Anger

Okay, guys i need some advice.I've been having a really crappy life lately.Bad things have been happening.It started back in December when my older brother was shot three times and paralyzed.A while after that his father killed our grandfather and shot or aunt.Luckily she survived and has recovered since then, but during that time i've been getting a lot more angrier than usual.I'll admit that i'm normally an angry person and have no problem with that.But i've gotten a lot angrier due to the events that happened with my brother, grandfather, and aunt.On top of that the police still haven't found the shooter and some people at school are pissing me off making me want to fight.I'm a person who loves to fight even if it's serious or just a practice fight.I do wrestling and martial arts so i'm a pretty good fighter.But these people are pushing me to the point to where i want to bash there heads in.I know if i fight them i might hurt them pretty bad, but won't kill them.I just don't want to be tried with attempt in murder or something because of my anger.So do you guys have any suggestions on how to calm down?Any help would be great.

Hi! I have ADD and get easily frustrated when I encounter a problem that isn't easy or that takes too long to solve. I also get annoyed when things don't go as I planned (which is all the time)

I would suggest taking deep breaths and counting to ten the next time you get angry. And whatever you do, don't fight whoever those people are at school. It isn't worth it.

Wow, what you're describing would make anyone angry! But you're right that giving into the urge to fight will make things worse. Does your school have a counselor you could see? Does the hospital where your brother was treated offer any kinds of support programs?

Thanks M i'll try.I don't talk things out, i just go somewhere quiet by myself and vent my anger out on a punching bag or something.My brother is doing a lot better he can pull his leg up by himself, but he is in constant pain everyday.

As somebody who used to get into brawls with family a lot, it provides temporary relief but doesn't really help vent the problem well. Your best bet is going to be to go talk it out man. Internalizing it only makes it worse - I did that for years and I'm paying for it now.

The guys at school are a bunch of douchebags, ignore them. They are less than the dirt you walk on if they are taking advantage of your emotions in a time like this. I've faced my fair share of ignorant folks at school as well, but that phases out as you get older. Kim's advice of checking out the school counselor or whatever you has access to is a good bet. It might feel good to punch things or people (I know how good it fan feel, believe me) but it doesn't really solve anything. You're strong. You can get through it man.

The trouble with "venting" like this is that you are training your brain that the best and maybe even only way to deal with anger is to punch things. It's worth adding some talking to your roster of coping techniques!

When I'm Angry I try Meditation, it's not for everyone but maybe it can help you, or even drinking some oolong tea, that always helps me other than that I don't know what to say.

I concur with Kim! I recommend asking around school for a teacher or special school therapist/counselor who is available to talk to you about stuff like this. (You don't have to pay for this as they're part of the school staff.) They can really help you out because they have tons of experience with anger management and bullying.

I've always been one who's uncomfortable with talking to any sort of trained person, so I do understand the appeal of trying to just vent and get through on your own, but don't. Stupid as it might sound, talking with someone is far more effective. The hardest part is usually seeking someone out and starting the conversation.

I have a friend with anger issues (he also had a really bad family and school life growing up), and nice of a guy as he normally is, his rages were scary. He didn't ever even hit anything, but it always felt like he might, and sometimes it was the stupidest things that would get him going. He finally looked into an online counseling thing that's low-cost and, if you're worried about people hearing what you have to say or the school panicking, would remove that issue. Even though he only just recently started it, he said he felt it's already been helping a bit, and he did at least seem less rage-y last time he drove me somewhere.

Well, speaking from my own experiences with anger and fighting (which I got into a ton of when I was younger, don't let my cuteness fool you), what I learned back then was the consequences usually weren't worth the actions I took. Breaking my stuff ended up in me not having it anymore. Hurting people = jail time, etc.

I started to keep that to memory just in case my anger started to rise, and I think that might help; like if you face off against some douchebagel in the hallway, stop. Remember all the good things you have going for yourself (even if it's hard, I know it was hard for me and still is) and ask yourself, "is it really worth tossing all of it away for a chance to beat this person's face in?"

Usually in the heat, you may not have that chance, but it's better to at least try to stop and think. That, and like the others have said, talking to a therapist or a counselor really helps. Just one hour or a few minutes actually works wonders, even if it's just knowing you have someone to vent to while sitting there.

I'm always around to lend an ear as well. Just talking to someone, anyone, and getting it off your chest how you feel helps a lot. I hope that helps, if only a little.

And of course.... It's okay to relapse and let go a bit, you're human. It happens. Don't beat yourself up, etc., and know you do have support in this rough time, even if you can't see it yet.