Forums » RP Discussion » RP partners: falling out & should it affect the RP

Hi everyone. Firstly I want to apologise for disappearing from the site for a wee while and missing epic week; had a lot of stuff happening recently.

Anyways. I'm not sure how to really express this topic in a title, but I've given it my best shot.

What I mean is, we all know that IC squabbles are between the characters right? So that doesn't/ shouldn't translate into a disagreement between players.

However.

What about the other way round? Can you still RP with a person even if you've had/are having a disagreement in person? I want to say yes, but from a recent RP partner's behaviour, I guess I just don't know what to think anymore.

Is there a line that if crossed, it will inevitably affect the RP? And does that line differ from person to person?
Should there be a case of "suck it up and don't let it affect the RP" in some instances, and when does letting it affect the RP become justified?

I don't want to turn this discussion into a tale of woe thread or anything, I'm just really curious about everyone's views on the matter to see if they tie in with my own.

Yes, it absolutely is something that will vary from person to person. I also think though, that playing with someone you are personally having trouble with will make that game less fun.

Ideally, you work it out. If you can't, I can only think of a few reasons to continue playing with someone, such as for the sake of a group which, overall, you still have fun with. But RP is a hobby. It is not something you are ever required to do, and it is something that you have every right to leave for, honestly, any reason you might have.

^
| This. Personally, if you're having trouble with someone OOC, I'd say don't rp with them. You're not obligated to afterall.

You already answered that question yourself, I think! You're seeing behavior that makes you doubt, so a line has been crossed.

I agree with what Nova said. I think that there is a huge difference between OOC and IC relationships that shouldn't be confused. A well written character's feelings are fictional. That's why the rule "don't take IC drama OOC" works well - your character's feelings are not real and exist solely for entertainment purposes. But your feelings are very real, and so are your RP partner's, and those cannot just be dismissed and worked around as if they don't matter.

I also get the impression that people who 'work around it' always have this negative, 'walking on their toes' undertone running through their RPs when they try that. I can't imagine that is fun or relaxing at all!

Honestly, I feel as though I could go on through, even though I am a worried wanda, (wanda not being my actual name) I can easily get distraught if someone doesn't reply for a long time without telling me what's going on. However, since this is a matter of dissagreement I would say I would have trouble if I argued with someone. A small little spat, I'll suck it up. However when it's a full on argument (i haven't had one on here) I would NOT be able to cope with my feelings. I'm a VERY emotional person, and quite honestly, a brat when I'm angry.

It depends soulfuly on the argument and how deep the argument is.

Yes, absolutely there are lines that can be crossed where it is impossible that it won't affect the RP. And no one can fault another human being for that.

For one thing: People will only force themselves to show up to do something they dislike for a limited period of time, if at all. If you aren't enjoying a game, then you aren't going to play that game. And shouldn't have to! It's not as if you're building hospitals in third world countries, where you might want to "suck it up" and continue to work with someone who is an outright monster in order to benefit more people than just yourselves. Nothing will collapse if you decide to step back from one game/scene/RP and spend more time on another.

Is this freeform RP? If so, the only thing that keeps it on track is a willingness to trust one another. There's not even dice that can function as a tie-breaker if you disagree on what should happen ICly or what the consequences of an action will be. If your disagreement is based on mistreatment, perceived or real, the necessary trust for peer-based story crafting will not exist.

If the OOC disagreement is, say, you didn't vote for the same politician, you can probably work around that and continue to do activities together. If the disagreement is of a more personal nature, it may be much harder -- and possibly not even advisable.

No matter how great the RP is, the world will not end if you decide it's not worth the energy any longer. The person will find another RP partner, and so will you.

I think I'm pretty much in agreement with everyone else - it doesn't have to, but it can. I'm thinking that the cases in which an RP could best carry on even if things were chilly OOCly is if it was a group RP, and the two players had other people to interact with. If a group scene occurs and the characters have contact, well, you don't necessarily need to be communicating to each other about it. For a 1x1, that may be more difficult.

It's probably also important to consider that there's all kinds of sides and scales to all kinds of things. Some grievances between players may be liveable with for the sake of an RP, but if for whatever reason one of the parties doesn't want to have contact, that should be that. There's no point in trying to force anything, in either direction - the game will obviously stop being fun for one person, if not for both, and then you've lost sight of what this is all about to begin with.

What about the other way round? Can you still RP with a person even if you've had/are having a disagreement in person? I want to say yes, but from a recent RP partner's behaviour, I guess I just don't know what to think anymore.

In my honest opinion, if you have a problem with what happened ICly OOCly, that's taking IC to OOC. If you have a problem with person OOCly, no reason you still can't roleplay with said person, but it takes a strong understanding that you do not ever take OOC to IC. Which a lot of people seem to have issues with as of late. And it seems that some people....some new roleplayers who have never played DnD or any of the like and have just stepped into RP don't seem to grasp what IC to OOC is.

Quite simply put, whatever you feel OOCly doesn't matter.

What your character feels matters for the game to go on. So stuff your own personal feelings and desires aside, and deal with what is given to you for your character to react ICly within the bounds of her personality.

Agree with the above, but I'm a pretty black-and-white person.

If you interact IC, leave OOC where it belongs.

edit: Whoa this blew up. Drunk me didn't really specify that communication and making sure everyone's having a good time is important.

And this is why we can rp so well together Lyu

I disagree with some points, however.

What someone feels OOCly absolutely matters, even if the characters may still have a connection. There is still a person behind the screen with feelings and rights. One of them being the right to refuse RP with someone on account of a falling out, regardless of where the RP is or was beforehand. If the OOC relationship is toxic and stressful, then they have every right to refuse associating with the person or their characters.

I've dealt with such things myself, seen how people are treated OOC and I disagree that they should let it slide for the sake of a roleplay. You wouldn't hang out with someone IRL if they were mean to you on a regular basis, and thus, why should interacting with someone with the same attitude online be any different?

I agree with a lot of the prior statements as well as Crowling. It is however, in my opinion, more destructive to associate or force association with a person OOCLY for the sake of roleplay if there's been extreme levels of disagreement, abuse, distrust, etc. Keep in mind that you can have a falling out with someone and remove a character connection but not take the falling out IC--meaning, you're not translating your own feelings to your character about said person's character and having it interfere with your roleplay, you are instead removing a source of stress to continue enjoying a hobby.

Sometimes I can stomach a group rp with someone I've had a prior poor experience with OOCly--depending on the environment and people involved, and other times being in the same chat-room or virtual online-space as someone I've had excessive drama with can be stomach churning and prevent me from partaking in an event. Do I do it to let them win? Do I do it because I'm being petty? No. I'm doing it because it's no longer fun for me and my comfort and health is important. I'll make an rp decision based on my own enjoyment, and the only negative impact that usually has on my character is when I'm forced to remove a prior heavy connection (someone I rped with 1v1 for say 2-3 months) where that development comes to an abrupt end.

Sometimes I'll continue on as if it never happened, but it depends on the situation really, usually I just write the character out of my own character's story with either a detailed explanation or a simple 'they stopped coming around'.

But as previously mentioned--fall outs, disagreements, arguments, etc all entice various levels of reaction and each experience is different from one another. Roleplay partners can have disagreements or arguments all the time, mine specifically aren't /typically/ about roleplay although I have experienced people taking ic oocly before, it isn't usually the source or cause of a falling out. It comes down to my personality doesn't mesh with my rp partner's own and it's simply time to break away and move on.

I'm generally a tolerant person and most arguments are forgotten after an hour cool down both online and offline, mainly because I have a thick skin and find it tiring to hold grudges.

That said, if someone is constantly antagonistic or if they blow up at me for no discernible reason (usually due to jealousy I've found with a couple of people) then I have to cut them off at that point - delete connections, remove from Skype etc. because this is my time to relax not try to deal with damage control. I also don't like it when people judge me on who I RP with which can turn me off the person saying it instantly. If they're going to say that about someone, what if they're saying it about me?

I think it affects everything really at that point which is why I'm wary of rping with new people lol

I've hit the point where I'm extremely picky about who I plot long term rp's with, because I seem to attract the ones who blur the line too easily.....
I've been able to rp with people my whole friend group dislikes, or myself barely tolerates OOCly, but our rp isn't affected by it, oddly enough, because I'll give people a chance and form my own opinions. Plus, I'm here for rp first, friendships are just a bonus.

I do form attachments to people I rp with daily, so when things go sour ICly, it can have bad effects OOCly for me. If I wasn't aware of it, to be specific. But I don't let that make my character bitter. Cause I just...that's not my style.

And I can move on, because there's plenty of fish in the sea.... lol

If I'm going to interact with someone on the daily, be it strictly oocly because we're in the same circles/group/etc, plots still involve their characters, and we've had a personal tiff, I'll try to mend things quickly. I'm all about communication, and I see a lot of people struggle to convey that they feel neglected when they see plots with my other characters happen (that doesn't even involve them?, what the heckie...), so...bleh.

Words are hard but tbh if there's a falling out w/ rp partners, it's usually just a cross of bad wires and can be fixed with communication or...just move on, let things go. Don't try to fight to keep someone who isn't interested in you. xP (IM TOO TIRED TO BE CONCISE IM SORRY)

I agree with Marius’ statement on many points especially when it comes to the interaction of players that might have that track record of being antagonistic or abusive OOCly and not wishing to push yourself or your group of friends through that kind of suffering (I AM ONLY TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO HAVE A HISTORY WITHIN MULTIPLE GROUPS FOR HAVING A PENCHANT OF NEGLECT AND ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR, not even touching on the idea of deliberately pushing someone out of a group because their style or ideals may not align. )


However, one can also include (AND people can scowl, bitch and moan about it) the notion that IN CHARACTER (IC) actions performed by players are ultimately directed by OOC decisions. And that it is really easy for people say that they are not afflicted by this or they are not afflicted by that, when in reality we are. Especially if the character is near and dear to our own hearts, oldest baby, so on and forth which ( I am sure many people get that picture) And that the notion of communication between players about the interactions, plots and etc between two character’s is an important and often times over looked aspect as to why ‘drama’ is often occurring. (Why is sandra mad? ??? oh maybe because I haven't talked to her in a month but have rped//chatted with brenda nonstop + ignored sandra's messages//messaged in one syllable//caveman grunting.) Hinting that sometimes decisions that are created by a player are NOT communicated thoroughly to afflicted parties.

To exemplify; Character A cheats on Character B with Brunhilda von Sexypants even though Character B and their player were under the assumption their relationship was monogamous nor had any idea Character A and it’s player were going to do that or it being completely out of character. I.E LACK OF COMMUNICATION ON ANY AND ALL FRONTS. (Drama especially happens when one of the players heavily invests in the character relationship with artwork, digos and etc). And that if it is brought up between the parties performing these actions, sometimes one of the participants within these discussions may feel belittled, ganged up on or unimportant.


To be honest? I think of the whole diatribe of NO MIXING OOC AND IC is a bunch of BS, and instead of consistantly enforcing that ideal, we as a community should work on being consistently considerate to our partners or potential partners more so than telling someone to suck it up because it happened outside of an rp, in an rp, personal life wherever. This is inclusive to any kind of relationship and or pairing people may have, that way players can weed out feeling of being belittled or neglected by other players. Idk that whole thing about communicating maturely and effectively? Like -- hey I want our characters to experience this kind of relationship, be sexy buddies, be violent to one another, so n so is going to cheat, we should break up , so on and forthwhich. It's hard but it saves for a lot of heart and head aches down the road.



And in light of the commentary that Hab and Konnie had mentioned about wariness or even pickiness with rping with strangers --

I think it is extremely easy for RPers to get to a certain point of comfort with particular partnerships/groups and plots that they rarely tend to explore new options even if they participate in ‘public’ roleplay events and threads. And that can be incredibly disheartening when you have a person trying to fit in to a community or even step outside of their own sphere of comfort to experience other styles of writing and character development. It is like getting shot down or even pushed back constantly/forgotten that can cause certain detrimental behaviors to crop up. Because they don’t feel appreciated or wanted or even bullied to conform.

Couple this with the fact that many players become gunshy from being at the butt-end of OOC drama or witnessing it happen at whatever scale – groups, friends to mary su/gary stu down the street. Creates inadvertently a concoction of player stigmatism and drama between people and groups. (A.k.a being labeled as being so and so’s clique or being called various, belligerent terms).

From personal experience I have found that through communication with other people and giving them a chance to interact, to have found my self richer as a human being.


Over all COMMUNICATION, CONSIDERATION & CHANCE are pretty awesome!

best advice for everyone to chill n remember it's all words n images at the end of the end. We're all hallucinating scenarios with each other's creations and that's so weird and magical...


U know I'll probably write something more relevant and useful in a bit tho.

I never said that someone not desiring to roleplay with someone anymore OOCly because of OOC crap that built up was wrong. That wasn't my intention of putting what I put. My intention was to state that, if you can get past that. Good for you. If not, then that's fine. What we all seem to be lacking is IC to OOC. Yes, there is a player behind that character. In DnD, you don't get a chance to get "attached" to a character. Because it will die eventually. Dice luck runs out. But here, you can set rules and boundaries. Allowing you to get attached to the character. It's a foreign concept thusly for me, to get so heavily attached to a character that you refuse to roleplay with this person or this person because of OOC. The main reasons I have lost partners, is because of how much they have taken IC to OOC. It sours me to the point that I don't even wanna bother roleplaying with them anymore. That's me OOCly being fed up. So yes at that point, it's completely understandable. Way to point it out Crowling! My bad for not recognizing what I did there.

Being considerate of players is a must, but how far do we take it? Because if we take it too far, then we might find ourselves hurt when the rp is cut off due to their own OOC reasons.

I think it all depends the situation, I mean I roleplay with people who I don't associate with oocly just because we don't click or our personalities don't mesh, but I don't let it come into how my character interacts with theirs.

However recently I have came about a person who took extreme butthurt because my character didn't fall head over heels for theirs, may I add my character is still in mourning for his deceased wife and that was made clear. Anyway, long story short this person took it as a personal assault and has made a point of making all of their characters be rude and act ridiculously horrible around mine, making it awkward and frustrating whenever I have to interact with them.

My point of view, if somebody is taking IC to OOC and sucking the enjoyment out of something that is supposed to be fun...kick 'em to the curb! We all come here for escapism, to avoid real life drama, you don't need any more it.

I agree with a lot of what Clove said actually. Sometimes, bringing things OOC from IC cant be helped because we grow attached to our characters and what happens to them can affect us. That and, decisions our characters make are actually our own to some extent.

For me, personally, once I've had an interaction with someone OOCly that has become negative, I'll drop all communication with them and not bother to interact with their characters unless absolutely necessary. While occasionally I will try to reconcile, because I hate for there to be 'bad blood' between myself and others, sometimes it doesnt work out. And that sucks because sometimes its the other person's behaviour or its my own or its simply that the pair of us cant find common ground/good communication.

We're not perfect.

"Fiebs
best advice for everyone to chill n remember it's all words n images at the end of the end. We're all hallucinating scenarios with each other's creations and that's so weird and magical...
U know I'll probably write something more relevant and useful in a bit tho."

That right there is true. To like word! Where we all will have our own thoughts or opinions on this matter. I rarely plan anything oocly. But I am a player that goes with the flow and likes to be shocked or like OH NO HE/SHE DIDN'T when writing. And most that play with me also know this.
I feel that if I plan something out to much then I will change my character to fit that. And to me sadly, that is not true to the character. It's really whatever slaps your pickle though. If you like planning that stuff and make some happy ever after more power to you. If you like to go with the flow and see what happens even better. To each your own, and with that keep in mind that even planned things dont always happen. You can not control another persons character. Not from how they look to who or what they look at/do.
That being said, we are all here to make stories and escape just a little bit form the real world. It should be fun, dramatic, suspenseful and heart wrenching (good or bad) but it is all ic.