Forums » Smalltalk » Depressed and in need of help.

Not sure if anyone will care to read this, but here goes..

Something happened yesterday in a group I'm part of and it's really depressing me. I'm not sure if this is the right place to talk about it, but I have trouble expressing my feelings, especially to those involved.. So, let's see how this goes..

I'm part of a really wonderful group, the only problem is the OOC chatroom.. it's usually fine, I just constantly feel left out when people are talking about stuff I have no idea about and no ability to contribute to the conversation. It's especially hard since I'm home all day and have no one else to talk too, but that's not the point of this topic. The point of this is, that they are some truly wonderful people but they're pretty perverted. It's not usually a big deal, except when they get to talking about things that make me really really uncomfortable. I've already told them they make me feel uncomfortable, and they've said they'll try to be more considerate, but it seems like they don't really mean it. They don't see a problem with talking about the stuff they talk about because it's "rated PG-13", but I have problems with it. When they bring stuff up I drop some sort of hint saying it's making me uncomfortable, and they usually stop, but yesterday.. they didn't. I ended up so upset I was crying and told them I'd be taking a long break from the chat. But now I feel horrible. I feel like they need to be considerate, but then I feel like it's not fair to make them stop talking or take it elsewhere just because I'm the only one that has a problem with it. At this point I'm so upset that I'm considering leaving the group for good, but I really don't want to do that and end up regretting it. I really need someone to help me.. I love them all and I don't want to leave them, but right now I'm regretting ever joining RPR.

Well.. I guess that's it.. I'm really doubting anyone will respond to this, let alone take the time to read it.. Sorry for wasting time and space..

Hey, if those people are bothering you... then don't be around them!

But don't let them get to you! So tell them, that they shouldn't say that stuff around you. Or you can turn your back on them. Simple and plain as that. I just hope that this advice helped.

Just so you know, I'm perverted, but I keep stuff to myself because well... people don't want hear that. Most people that is.

I feel you are being a bit vague here. What was the topic that offended you?

I have dealt with something of a similar manner before. The only advice I can give is that they make uncomfortable. This is an issue. Remove the problem. Leave them and don't feel bad, for something else to do join a different group. But if they hurt you mentally, this is a type of harm/poison. The only way to fix it is to cure the poison/get rid of the problem. And I'm sorry if I sound cold, mean, like I dont get how much you like them, or something like that, but I get it. Like I said ive had to lose a few friends because of stuff like this.

Your Feelings matter. Fact.
You do not need to say sorry for being a human being that needs to know that their feelings matter. Fact.
If people attempt to refute these facts, then they do not deserve to enjoy creating new stories with you.
You matter, and anyone who figures to act like you don't is lessened.

And, if you want to be able to RP somewhere where your feelings both IC and OOC matter, then The Open Worlds of the group I manage are Open to all who wish to travel, explore, develop and live.
If you want a World like the World you were a part of in this other Group, I'd be happy to lend my hand in helping recreate a world that lives with the same rules.


(Edit to include link as suggested. http://www.rprepository.com/g/sessionsAndSpace/forum/Open_worlds )

nice.

You should leave a link for it.

What concerns me is that I'm hearing you're in an environment labeled PG-13, but the topics that arise and upset you are of a sexual nature. If this group is on RPR and it's not labeled for sexual content, or the topics that are brought up are not of a legal nature, please get in touch with a moderator and give them as much detail as you can so they can help you deal with this situation.

If the group is labeled for sexual content and none of the topics being brought up are of an illegal nature, then my only recommendation is to find a group more suitable to your needs as this one clearly is mismatched for you.

Either way, from your description it sounds like your feelings are not respected. You have kindly asked to be respected, but it doesn't happen. That begs the question, do they care about you at all? If it's a one-sided relationship, e.g. you love your friends but they don't really love you as a friend, then it's really hard to continue being in that kind of relationship and be happy and content. (Perhaps even impossible.)

You may also not have made a strong enough case for yourself out of fear of upsetting others. Be firm, put your foot down - it's not mean to say "Guys, please stop, this is upsetting me badly" in no unclear terms. If you're too careful about addressing your concerns, saying things like "I'm not sure I like this topic" for example, your friends may not be understanding how severe the impact is to you. I can only echo what's been said - your feelings matter. Don't put them aside out of fear of hurting others. You can't really hurt others by telling them their choice of topics upsets you.

It also helps to stop saying things like "I'm sorry for wasting your time and space, I doubt anyone will respond/read" etc. I understand where this comes from as I did it myself, but I also understand that it's a way of feeding your depression. If you tell yourself you're not worth anyone's time or consideration, it gets really hard for others to give you their time and consideration. You could try phrasing it differently, like "Thank you for taking your time to read and respond". This article has exemplary tips for that. It may seem like something insignificant, but if you diligently practice this approach, you will notice your demeanor becoming more positive over time, and people will react more positively too. I hope this will be helpful to you.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this, but thank you all for responding.

I have been talking with several of them (including some not even present when it happened), they all seem genuinely sorry and have already made some changes. They basically all said what you said Sanne, I need to be a little more assertive when it comes to myself. So far from what I was reading yesterday they seem to be doing what they said they would. I think I'm going to stick it out a little longer and see if they really care and are going to make the chat safer for me and everyone else like they say.

Good job Guardian Girl.