Forums » RP Discussion » Mental Illness and Roleplay

@Nova: if you need help specifically and aren't opposed to letting me know what state/county you're in if you're in the US, PM me. I'll try and help you find something as more of an entry point. Unfortunately or fortunately, I have lots of experience with this, so I'd be more than happy to help.

@BoneBag: Yeah, I get ya. I feel like these resources are just not accessible to the average person. I've been 'sick' for over a decade now and just a few years ago I found out that these programs are available more widely than I thought. It takes a bit of digging, which is disheartening.

Generally you shouldn't handle mental illness with JUST medication. Therapy is a vital component, whether that's one-on-one, group therapy, day programs, etc. The latter I thought were kind of useless but it's about getting out there and being social if you're not doing one-on-one. People are social animals, yanno?

And ey, wish me luck y'all. About to start DBT and exposure therapy, god bless the funding NJ gets. Haha. Anyone else who needs any kind of help at all, feel free to PM me, even if it's just to talk. Peace.

I've had complex PTSD since I was about four years old, so I've never really known a life without mental illness. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder as a teenager, but it turns out this diagnosis was super incorrect, as I was voluntarily hospitalized in fall of 2014 and properly diagnosed with Rapid Cycling Bipolar 1 ten years later. Since this runs in my family, it wasn't a total surprise. We'd tried to diagnose me years earlier, but I had so many deaths of loved ones in a two year span that they felt they couldn't accurately track my moods due to bereavement. Fun times!

I've since been voluntarily partially hospitalized once more (this past January), and I see a clinician weekly for maintenance and recovery work. I'm fortunate enough to live in an area with good support of people with disabilities and good state healthcare, as mine leave me unable to work a 'real' job. I suffered for years due to misdiagnosis and poor medication management that led to some really bad self harm behaviors. Let me tell you, make sure you educate yourself on potential side effects. I am a much better informed, much stronger advocate for myself now having been through some rough experiences. I've been on the clinician and medication merry go round more times than I care to count, but when you find a good care team, it makes a world of difference.

On a side note: I am extremely candid about my illness and my recovery work. I try to practice self-care and self-kindness, and I'm happy to discuss my treatment plans and experiences freely. I strongly believe in destigmatization of mental healthcare, as it's a vital component of overall wellness.

For me, RP has always been a means of escape as well as a way for me to work through thoughts and emotions. While I really love coming up with overarching plots and events, I actually tend to RP with a very small number of people on a regular basis out of familiarity and comfort. A big part of that is social anxiety. I have a difficult time reading tone and intent until I get to know someone, and when other people stop talking to me for some reason, I end up worrying that I've done something wrong. Self-blame is a pretty big problem -- odds are if anything goes wrong, I end up yelling at myself for it before I'll consider their fault. Conversely, I've had people take things too far OOCly and it's made me gunshy about meeting RP partners. I tend to keep most people on friendly terms just beyond my immediate bubble of personal needs and space, regardless of how candid I seem.

I've been RPing since I was twelve (I'm an old fart at 28 now), and it actually at one point brought up repressed memories of trauma -- so that was a big bucket of fun.

tl;dr I've been mentally ill since I was a toddler and I get it, dudes. I'm here for you.

I'll keep that in mind in case I get stuck again, but I'll be trying to use what I've been given first. Thanks.

I, TOO, fall into the lovely group of multiple issues. I was first diagnosed with depression at the age of 12, though I was showing depressive behaviors as young as 6 (when I started self-harming due to stress). I also have a severe case of Major Depressive disorder, a Mood Disorder NOS, Borderline Personality Disorder, and an atypical (gasp) Schizo-effective disorder that they believe is late-occurring Schizophrenia. (Yes, the S word, which is like a curse word even in mental health areas?)

Because of THAT single thing, people seem to assume that when I rp, I have a split personality or I'm hallucinating or that I'm unable to decipher RP from reality, which obviously isn't the case. I do rp as stress relief, though I can very easily decide 'no no no thats it eff that' and leave, because I can get stressed. I DO get attached to my characters--as most of us do--and while I like drama as much as the next person, when the stress actually bothers ME as a person, I have to take a few steps back.


That said, I recently got arrested for an explosive incident in which I punched a police officer, which resulted in me being hospitalized for a short while. I got new medications. The thing about medications and treatments, though, is that you have to keep y=up with it, and also realize that medications aren't a miracle. I had an anti-psychotic that caused me to clench my jaw, and tensed the muscles of my throat so tightly that I couldn't swallow, and my tongue would spasm so I couldn't speak.

During that time, I roleplayed A LOT, because I felt like it was the only way I could get out and vent some of my frustrations in a constructive manner.

@ Sylvirr, I had no idea you were going through all of that. I'm sorry that you've been so unwell! (Let me know if I can help at all, yeah? ) RP is definitely an amazing and healthy outlet for working through that.

I can definitely empathize with medication side effects. Last month, a new medication I was on resulted in my ending up in the ER when my side effects mimicked the symptoms of stroke. It can be a Real Struggle to find the right balance, and often you end up trading some measure of well-being for the sake of mental stability. I'm stationed firmly in Executive Dysfunction Junction right now, but I'm also the most emotionally stable I've been in ten years.

Right now I'm at a place where it's super hard for me to go out all the time and have a social life, so RP fills that niche until I'm at a point in my recovery where I can do more than just exist. I'm too tired to spend time with groups of people, and I have no mental stamina for being out and about more than a couple of hours at a time. At least with RP, I'm engaging other people in some social activity. Plus, community management helps me feel like I'm doing something meaningful with my time. I may not be able to sleep through the night, keep track of what day it is, or remember to eat, but hey, people from all over the world hang out in my guild and RP so I still get to feel good about myself.

Honestly, reading some of the posts here actually makes me feel so much better, in the "dear Gaia, I'm not alone and there are many others like me who are living normally" sense.

I've been through my share of hospitals, all giving me a different diagnosis until they finally settled on my current ones. I seriously thought during the times that I was sitting in a "living room" with a bunch of other patients that I was always gonna be hospitalized and will never be "normal" (whatever that is nowadays). Not fun times. However, looking back on it now, it was necessary for me to grow as a person and cope with my issues.

I wish I could give other adults advice about where else to get help, but I was forced into hospitalization when I was young. Sanne has already given helpful tips about where to find help, so I say start there. Doing research about the mental health services in your state and near your area is also a good idea as well, as they all have different systems and companies that offer different types of care.

But for the younger roleplayers, I do have a bit of advice. Never be afraid to talk to your parents or a counselor if you think you have a problem. They may be more understanding than you think. If they say you need to be hospitalized, don't fight it and think they don't love you/never did love you. I know it's scary, I've been there. But it's better to know what's going on with you via official diagnosis, rather than guess by yourself and make things more difficult.

If you can't talk to your parents, talk to a counselor. If you can't talk to them, talk to another adult in your life that you trust. It's important to get the help you need. And never, never be afraid to ask questions about your diagnosis. Don't wait until something major forces you into a hospital for assessment.

This of course is speaking from my own experience, but I'm just throwing what I've learned out there in hopes of helping someone. I think what's most important to remember at this time is that every single one of us are still alive and able to talk to each other like this; that's the best thing ever in my opinion, even if it may not feel like it. (Just some words of encouragement.)

WELL I ENJOY HANGING OUT WITH YOU, you lovely person you.
I tend to put off my 'lets not talk to people today' tendencies towards just being introverted, though that's likely only a small part of it. I try to have a group meeting every week (D&D with only three other people() but sometimes, even THAT is too much. I even cancelled the past two weeks. However, I'm pretty blessed by the gods because those people in my group actually understand that sometimes, the anxiety gets to be too much, and I need a break.

I think that's why a lot of people gravitate towards online communities--its easier for us to form bonds based upon the thoughts in our heads, we can collect and gather our words more eloquently and get across our points more sharply and accurately. We're also not forced to be face to face with people, looking them in the eye where they can see all of our side effects, or see the scars, and it helps us feel more confident in starting a conversation. I, for one, know that when I make a friend online, I feel like that online friend may actually understand me better than someone in real life, because I can easily pull out of a conversation that makes me uncomfortable, but I can also take the time to pick my words when I speak to them.

It may just be an anxiety side effect, or a symptom of something deeper, but when I make my characters--specifically, main characters (like Beau), some aspect of their personality is always a part of me. Always. And often times, its not a good aspect, either. I'm hyper-aware of my flaws and the things I don't like about myself, so what I do is I'll make a character with an obvious flaw, and then use the way they work out that flaw, those issues, in THEIR lives, and apply it to my own. That was how I managed to convince myself to go to therapy. It helps.

I haven't been diagnosed with any mental illnesses but I do have low motivation sometimes, and tend to procrastinate on my work. Roleplaying is a hobby, but I find myself RPing much more than usual when I'm procrastinating.

It's probably a symptom of a larger problem. If I told a doctor about it, I suspect they'd just dismiss me as "high-functioning" and tell me to put myself in an environment with fewer distractions so I can work.

In that sense, I suppose RP is actually a distraction for me. But of all the possible distractions out there, it's probably one of the better ones.

I'm not the OP, but I still want to say thank you all for sharing your stories. It's encouraging to read how much progress you've all made in life and how you've been total champs dealing with your situations! Hearing success stories could be the difference someone else needs to make progress of their own.

I can totally sympathize with these feelings. As for the 'They'd probably just dismiss me' part, please be careful with this kind of thinking. Filling in blanks with our own ideas and expectations before we have an actual answer can be very damaging. We're very good at being wrong when we fill in the blanks! You don't know what a doctor will say, so it's worth giving it a shot and talking to them about it.

If your procrastination is affecting your life negatively (such as putting off simple things like important chores, personal hygiene, school/work, being tired all the time and not getting things done in general) then you definitely need to let a professional know. It could be nothing - just a case of the lazies, bad weather, maybe your diet isn't giving you the energy you need, perhaps you just need to change your environment after all - but it could also be an early symptom of a condition, whether it's mental or physical. Getting it checked out by a doctor is worth your time and effort. If it's nothing, then at least you don't have to worry about it being something serious and make the changes needed to feel better.

I put off seeing someone for a long time and it pretty much made my life fall into shambles. I don't recommend it. I thought that I would be dismissed too, and I wish I hadn't listened to that voice and instead reached out. Please take care of yourself, you're very much worth someone's time and effort to get this sorted.

Thank you for the kind words, Sanne, they're much appreciated. You're absolutely right that making these assumptions can be harmful, and even self-deceiving. I'm due for a checkup soon anyway and I think it wouldn't hurt to bring it up. Motivation is such a strange thing, and even something as simple as a lifestyle change or a visit to the doctor could affect it.

And thank you as well for sharing your own experiences, it sounds like you've been through a lot. Hopefully you're doing better now that you've seen someone.

I am part of the many as well it seems - major depressive disorder that has been kicking my butt horrendously lately, severe GAD, as well as SA, PTSD, and as much as I hate to admit it, some pretty dark things that come along with all of that.

When it comes to roleplay, it's both a blessing and a curse, depending on where I am in my mental health journey. Sometimes? It's really a great cathartic release, and I can roleplay days and days and days on end without a break (sans for work and life things) and it really helps improve my mood. Other times? It can be horrifically stressful, mostly because sometimes RP life comes with drama (talking OOC mainly; it happens, even when we all wish it wouldn't), or I just flat out don't have the mental capacity while dealing with stuff to be able to work on posts, and I become incredibly self-critical about my own ability to roleplay, or what others think of my ability, or if I'm boring, or if I'm doing well enough, etc etc. I also can have difficulty approaching people when I'm in this state of mind. I wish it weren't so, but that's presently where I am right now; slowly working my way on trying to be better.

The biggest symptom that truly ruins RP for me in relation to mental illness is my anhedonia - literally being unable to feel pleasure. It's hard to force yourself to do something like RP when it no longer brings you much pleasure (or at least it doesn't last) like most everything else. I've been struggling really badly with anhedonia, and have recently resigned myself to trying medication for the first time in many many years to try and stabilize whatever is going on up in there, to stop myself going down this slippery slope as most nothing else was helping. Fingers crossed this does.

We're all fighting the good fight here. Be strong, stay bold, and support one another - we're all going through a difficult thing. We got this in the bag!

I have depression, anxiety and PTSD.

Roleplaying helped me cope and I feel better when I engage in a good roleplay. I have met some people who use their disabilities or claim to have them as some sort of crutch to wriggle their way out of being called out. I have met too many people who claim to have something to sponge sympathy.

Having PSTD and anxiety isn't fun.

If Maladaptive Daydreaming was considered a valid issue by the psychology field, I'd be a textbook case. I also have what I'm guessing is depression, though I haven't been diagnosed. I don't know if it counts, but I'm also my absolutely worst enemy because of my childhood. To put it simply, if I said the things that go through my head when I make a mistake to another person I would be classified as emotionally abusive. The thing is, those are just the things I know how to put into words. I once joked that I could probably be used as a valid psychology project, but I think it might actually be true.

Clinical depression and anxiety here. It for the most part helps me.

I too have PTSD, depression, and general anxiety, all diagnosed.

Rping doesn't really help, it can serve as a nice distraction, but poetry is way of coping with things.
I just enjoy creating stories with others, the idea of creating a world with another where we can do as we please and interact is nice.
Hm, I guess it helps a bit.

I'm sorry that you don't really find RPing helpful. But at the same time, I'm super happy that you have something to help you cope!

Well so far i know that i have Social anxiety disorder, Separation anxiety disorder and Generalized anxiety disorder, which i got diagnosed when i was 14, and that was about 1,5 year ago(I'm 16)

Other than that we've(me and my mom) been trying to find out what is "wrong" with me and why i have the problems i have, the last 13 years, but we haven't really even gotten any help.. they didn't really listen, and they still don't, it's very annoying

Thought my mom is pretty sure that i have Autism, and i had a test thingy and the result was very close, but i kinda knew what they wanted me to do, so they said the result wasn't something we could trust completely
Also my mom is Bipolar, and i'm a bit like that, so that could be a thing too, we just don't know T-T (we didn't know about my mom being bipolar until about 1-2 years ago)

I've been rping since i was around 11, and it have helped me a lot to deal with how i felt and a way for me to get out my feelings
A few years ago when i was around 13, everything was just too much, that was when i started barely going to school and when i was there i would sit alone in the hallway untill the lessons ended.. I was self-harming and i usually had maybe 10 rps, i just buried myself in them while listening to music, i wanted to just disappear in them basically.
I haven't been doing homework for like 5 years, and i've missed maybe 2 years of school, but in November 2015 i moved to a different kind of school where we're about 19 students put into 2 classes and then there is like 9 or 10 teachers/helper thingies, and in June i finished school, and i got good grades c: (i'm taking an extra year on the school i am at now)
So at least i got somewhere?
I'm still hoping to get more help at some point, and find out what the problem is so i can do something about it, and hopefully be able to live and not just survive

Also i'm from Denmark, so sorry if something is confusing

I have had clinical depression and been on antidepressants since I was 9. As for rping helping, well it certainly doesn't hurt it, not so sure if it helps though, but it is still one of my favorite hobbies. What helps me most is just love, whether it be from friends, family, pets or romantic love.

I've been diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome, OCD, and ADHD at the least, one other thing was mentioned when I was younger but I don't remember what it was. I don't usually talk with people outside of the internet cause it makes me worry that they're judging me. RP is a bit different cause I can at least cope with what ever has messed with my head that day. (when I do rp.)

I know that when my twins were born (5 months ago) we had to take the younger of the two for genetic testing... I bring this up because I have to go myself for testing on what is called the 22 Q Deletion Syndrome. Basically, what happens is, around puberty, girls (mostly) become monsters. We go from being happy and friendly to "back off don't effing touch me".

I'm not saying that this could be your issue, but! I am suggesting that you ask your doctor about getting tested for it. *shrugs* Maybe it might point your doctors in some sort of direction to help you.

Well then, (smart ass tone) start RPing more silly!