Forums » Smalltalk » A bit of advise?

A bit of advise,please.

I use to dwell on this user made forum, until life got in the way. However, the community is somewhat... small and a bit childish in some aspects. They name drop people or bring up events that happened in their circle from years ago that I was never a part of. I kind of asked him to stop, because it would make a bad impression for newbies. It continued again. I just left. What can I do?

Mind you, it's a forum.

The problem is. The user base is tiny and kind of adds to the drama as well.Mainly events that happened ten years ago to a few months ago.

With the name dropping, he said "It's private! No one can see it!" Still kind of rude IMO. When I humbly advised him to avoid name dropping people that I don't know to prevent fox hunts, he said. "They need to suck it up!"

What can I do? I left the place, but it just feels toxic for their own behaviours.

You already did what you could do: politely ask that if they want to be more welcoming to new players, they not focus so much on the past and instead welcome people in the present.

They chose to ignore the request and continued to enjoy their own nostalgia. Which is fine for them to enjoy, but as you pointed out, means their community is not very likely to grow because new members won't feel they have anything to talk about or be part of.

So you chose to leave and use your energies on more fruitful pursuits, as will others who can't break in. And that's also a valid and healthy decision on your part.

I don't believe there's anything more to be done, but to look for other communities that are more welcoming and focused on having fun in the present.

Thank you, Kim.

This place is more open minded and FAR nicer than that forum. Plus, they were really pissed that I enjoyed RPing here, because it doesn't feel like a chore. I mean. I hardly see any drama or bad eggs on here or in the groups I am part of on here. I mean, with RPR, I have not seen one ounce of issues or had any problems with people. This place is just heaven and feels safer to me.

Just I joined the guy's forum out of pity and tried to help him. This was back last year and just visted it at random. I did try to RP there, but I just felt out of place. I didn't like being nagged to post or make activity in site wide stories as his forum is. Apparently I found it was suppose to mimic or be a successor to a forum he and his friend ran. I mean. I am a nice guy and I did ask him to join here, but I just think it's kind of futile now and I should just let him go and delete the forum from my history and change my password on his forum to gibberish and log out.

Plus, his attitude was just...ugn.

At least I find RPR to be a much happier place and accepting.

I would leave for good...I second everything Kim said.

First of all, where you rp and how much you enjoy it is no one's business but your own.

Second, I appreciate joining a forum out of pity. But being nagged to post is not something any good moderator or owner does to any of their people.

It sounds like the person is using forceful tactics to try to rebuild his old stomping ground to get back his power and former "glory". The fact that this is his second attempt at a forum is unsurprising.

Let him go. Change password. Don't speak to them again. Life is too short for petty BS.

Thank you everyone!

While I toss in my agreement with what everyone has already said, I do have one bit of advice that I might give.

People cannot grow or change if there is nothing to grow or change for. They may (to put it bluntly) have their head up their rear in regards to how to handle a community, but without someone telling them such, letting them know that there is another way, one that doesn't stink of latrine, they might not know how bad it smells.

However...
Under no circumstances do owe this person an explanation for why you are leaving.
If sharing with them may result in mental or emotional harm, then I personally wouldn't give them the explanation.
If you do decide to explain, be polite but unyielding, remember that they are a person as well, but that you come first to yourself.

Hope this helps.

Thank you.

I keep people's names as anonymous unless they are okay with being mentioned .

I did tell him why I was leaving and that I don't wish to associate with a person who can't let go of past events, no matter how long ago it was.

Hell, I was angry when he name dropped this person and to the point of angry tears.

I do feel loads better and each and one of you helped.

I am pretty sure he is gonna ban or delete my account. I don't care. He is a host and should make things comfortable.

So the aftermath of this?

It had been concluded.

I wasn't banned or deleted. He did know I was peeved. I told him what he did was very toxic, regardless his posts are private or public. The behaviour wasn't acceptable and I just said I like places that aren't forceful or demanding.

He just acted like it wasn't a big deal. He didn't apologise. (Which I rarely accept apologies if the case is severe like this.)

The only one who respected me for leaving was some guy who wanted to know me better. At least he respected me.

You followed your conscience and did what you felt was right. I am proud of you, and I think that you should be proud of you too. And props to the bro that stayed in your corner. Maybe they'll come to RPR.

You did good, Asroc.