It's tough to find a compatible rp partner. That's why sites like RPR exist and help us discover new connections. However, I've noticed a trend among fellow RPers, especially in their late 20s to 30s. Over the past couple of weeks Buzzbomb and Creepmachine have been theorizing with me. There's a growing trend of RP commitmentphobes, and I'm one of them.
My issue started in gradschool. Prior to that I had been a healthy and active member of an immersive RP and chat client, but the demand for frequent, several hour sessions of rapid-fire paragraph posting multiple times a week became too much for my research-strained brain. It didn't help that I was constantly trying to tend to my responsibilities between posts in order to make the cut at school. For a time I was berated and looked down upon for my inability to post rapidly or be routinely available for RP. Any partners that I had for one-on-one also lost interest due to my instability. As a result, I started to reject offers for plots and roleplays and flat out stopped posting to some folks. It was just going to end with me disappointing them when I had to drag my happy bum through months of academic slavery.
Some of my dear friends offered to write together but they're incredible, frequent writers and RPers who I just can't realistically match with my present obligations. More often than not I discover that they're frustrated with me after a week of not seeing any posts or content from me. Because for me a week could mean a week with 14-hour days at work because something's broken at some plant in Timbuktu or a technician is too ill to work. These are frequent occurrences, and unfortunately they hurt and frustrate my partners too much for me to see myself as a reasonable candidate for long-term plotting. My friends are better off with better, more invested RPers.
I still have urges to write and create. However, finding a partner is a long and arduous process that is often fruitless. It seems especially fruitless when folks like us are trying to find partners who understand the implications of things like careers, children, and social obligations. Perhaps not ironically, those who understand are ALSO at their wits end trying to tend to all of the above and can't commit to a long-term storyline either.
So, I shut myself in. More recently I gave up building around my characters. While I still fund an Epic account, I hardly take advantage of the perks or buy art for fear of no return on investment on my characters. In the end, I've wound up afraid to look for roleplay or start a session -- and especially turned off of joining any active communities. Unfortunately, my availability is not up to snuff for some writers.
Anyone else have an experience with trying to venture creatively but finding it difficult to reach out due to your own shortcomings? Anyone else have to abandon their creative pursuits when they become more laborious than fun for both parties?
My issue started in gradschool. Prior to that I had been a healthy and active member of an immersive RP and chat client, but the demand for frequent, several hour sessions of rapid-fire paragraph posting multiple times a week became too much for my research-strained brain. It didn't help that I was constantly trying to tend to my responsibilities between posts in order to make the cut at school. For a time I was berated and looked down upon for my inability to post rapidly or be routinely available for RP. Any partners that I had for one-on-one also lost interest due to my instability. As a result, I started to reject offers for plots and roleplays and flat out stopped posting to some folks. It was just going to end with me disappointing them when I had to drag my happy bum through months of academic slavery.
Some of my dear friends offered to write together but they're incredible, frequent writers and RPers who I just can't realistically match with my present obligations. More often than not I discover that they're frustrated with me after a week of not seeing any posts or content from me. Because for me a week could mean a week with 14-hour days at work because something's broken at some plant in Timbuktu or a technician is too ill to work. These are frequent occurrences, and unfortunately they hurt and frustrate my partners too much for me to see myself as a reasonable candidate for long-term plotting. My friends are better off with better, more invested RPers.
I still have urges to write and create. However, finding a partner is a long and arduous process that is often fruitless. It seems especially fruitless when folks like us are trying to find partners who understand the implications of things like careers, children, and social obligations. Perhaps not ironically, those who understand are ALSO at their wits end trying to tend to all of the above and can't commit to a long-term storyline either.
So, I shut myself in. More recently I gave up building around my characters. While I still fund an Epic account, I hardly take advantage of the perks or buy art for fear of no return on investment on my characters. In the end, I've wound up afraid to look for roleplay or start a session -- and especially turned off of joining any active communities. Unfortunately, my availability is not up to snuff for some writers.
Anyone else have an experience with trying to venture creatively but finding it difficult to reach out due to your own shortcomings? Anyone else have to abandon their creative pursuits when they become more laborious than fun for both parties?
I've definitely found it harder to commit to RP the same way I used to when I was in high school, or unemployed. Right now, my schedule allows me maybe three hours of RP maximum a night, and that's if I come home with enough energy and creative enthusiasm to hop on and go immediately. That doesn't always happen.
What also makes it tough is those darn time-zone differences. I'm west coast, which means that by the time I get home and I'm ready to RP, at least half of my RP partners are winding down and getting ready for bed. It becomes really tough to maintain any major plots or multiple characters. I pretty much have to pick and choose what to cling onto and what to let go.
I don't think I've become a RP commitmentphobe, as I still RP fairly regularly. But I definitely don't allow myself to get involved in any plots that would require a lot of time and energy from me, since it wouldn't be fair to the others participating. Fortunately, the RP groups that I move in right now are, for the most part, my age, and the majority are dealing with those real life priorities that you mentioned. Thusly, they get it when I can't work up the energy to RP.
What also makes it tough is those darn time-zone differences. I'm west coast, which means that by the time I get home and I'm ready to RP, at least half of my RP partners are winding down and getting ready for bed. It becomes really tough to maintain any major plots or multiple characters. I pretty much have to pick and choose what to cling onto and what to let go.
I don't think I've become a RP commitmentphobe, as I still RP fairly regularly. But I definitely don't allow myself to get involved in any plots that would require a lot of time and energy from me, since it wouldn't be fair to the others participating. Fortunately, the RP groups that I move in right now are, for the most part, my age, and the majority are dealing with those real life priorities that you mentioned. Thusly, they get it when I can't work up the energy to RP.
Yes.
It's definitely far more difficult to commit to long-term plots now than it used to be 3-4 or so years ago. Personally, the amount of free time I have versus the free time of any potential RP partner is the major down-fall in most cases. Balancing studies, work, hobbies, a social life and other projects is a difficult task to do, and we've all got things on our plate, but the simple fact is some people have more free time than others.
As more responsibility has fallen over my shoulders, the more I recognized that some people who have more free time than myself most often did not want to wait for me, who wasn't able to RP day-to-day or every other day.
The opposite has also been an issue for me, where someone has a tight schedule and so they become more picky with who to give their attention to - there's nothing wrong with this, we all have the right to pick and choose who our friends are and who to hang out with, but the major downfall is when someone isn't honest and make empty commitments they don't end up keeping.
I by no means am perfect. RPR RPs for example. When I accepted PM RP on RPR, I used to forget quite a lot to respond to posts - most of the time, I tried warning the person that I could potentially forget to respond, and I often did forget.
No one likes the feeling of getting excited for a plot only to find out the partner in said plot (which you both have put time and energy in to creating) is not interested.
I'm generally quite a laid back and friendly person, and I try to get on with everyone, and I used to often put myself out there to try make new acquaintances and whatnot, but time and time again I have been 'burnt' by the feeling I previously mentioned. It's made me more reserved and generally feeling quite dejected - the 'why bother' mentality has taken hold to some degree.
Because of said things, I've found myself withdrawn and have that commitmentphobe (out of fear that someone will up and drop out on me without word) mentality. Part of me still wants to reach out, to work with people to create fun plots, but the fact is I feel exhausted of feeling like it's only been a one-way-street in a lot of cases.
It's definitely far more difficult to commit to long-term plots now than it used to be 3-4 or so years ago. Personally, the amount of free time I have versus the free time of any potential RP partner is the major down-fall in most cases. Balancing studies, work, hobbies, a social life and other projects is a difficult task to do, and we've all got things on our plate, but the simple fact is some people have more free time than others.
As more responsibility has fallen over my shoulders, the more I recognized that some people who have more free time than myself most often did not want to wait for me, who wasn't able to RP day-to-day or every other day.
The opposite has also been an issue for me, where someone has a tight schedule and so they become more picky with who to give their attention to - there's nothing wrong with this, we all have the right to pick and choose who our friends are and who to hang out with, but the major downfall is when someone isn't honest and make empty commitments they don't end up keeping.
I by no means am perfect. RPR RPs for example. When I accepted PM RP on RPR, I used to forget quite a lot to respond to posts - most of the time, I tried warning the person that I could potentially forget to respond, and I often did forget.
No one likes the feeling of getting excited for a plot only to find out the partner in said plot (which you both have put time and energy in to creating) is not interested.
I'm generally quite a laid back and friendly person, and I try to get on with everyone, and I used to often put myself out there to try make new acquaintances and whatnot, but time and time again I have been 'burnt' by the feeling I previously mentioned. It's made me more reserved and generally feeling quite dejected - the 'why bother' mentality has taken hold to some degree.
Because of said things, I've found myself withdrawn and have that commitmentphobe (out of fear that someone will up and drop out on me without word) mentality. Part of me still wants to reach out, to work with people to create fun plots, but the fact is I feel exhausted of feeling like it's only been a one-way-street in a lot of cases.
I struggle very heavily with this, and it probably doesn't help that I go through periods of having much more time before dropping off again, thus further disappointing a lot of my RP partners. There are times where I'm not around due to other commitments, and there are also times where I'm not around because of emotional/mental issues (I don't even talk to people during these periods, much less RP with them).
It makes me sad feeling that my RP days might be drawing to a close because each time I return to it, it's for shorter periods of time and with much less gusto, because I have such incredibly fond memories of sitting up for hours plotting and chatting with people and being genuinely excited about developing my characters.
Another slightly-related issue is that I'm super introverted and have trouble initiating conversation and RP, even if they're both things I really want to participate in. Coming back from long periods of being away makes it even harder because I feel as though I've missed so much in the meantime and that folks have either forgotten about me, decided that I'm not worth the trouble or seem very close to one another with no room for stragglers (which might not even be true).
I was (and still am) always understanding when an RP partner becomes disinterested in a plot or further developing a character they've invested time in, too. Sometimes it doesn't work out for a myriad of different reasons. I do think that I am the one doing the disappointing most often, though.
It makes me sad feeling that my RP days might be drawing to a close because each time I return to it, it's for shorter periods of time and with much less gusto, because I have such incredibly fond memories of sitting up for hours plotting and chatting with people and being genuinely excited about developing my characters.
Another slightly-related issue is that I'm super introverted and have trouble initiating conversation and RP, even if they're both things I really want to participate in. Coming back from long periods of being away makes it even harder because I feel as though I've missed so much in the meantime and that folks have either forgotten about me, decided that I'm not worth the trouble or seem very close to one another with no room for stragglers (which might not even be true).
I was (and still am) always understanding when an RP partner becomes disinterested in a plot or further developing a character they've invested time in, too. Sometimes it doesn't work out for a myriad of different reasons. I do think that I am the one doing the disappointing most often, though.
Owelle wrote:
I was (and still am) always understanding when an RP partner becomes disinterested in a plot or further developing a character they've invested time in, too. Sometimes it doesn't work out for a myriad of different reasons. I do think that I am the one doing the disappointing most often, though.
I feel all of this on a deeply personal level, especially the bit about long away periods making things increasingly difficult.
But I wanted to address this quote in particular. The only thing that's ever assuaged my guilt and fear about finding a partner is the folks who accept that sometimes, we're just not compatible. Whether it's style or time or interests. I hope more folks experience this kind of reception when things don't work out.
I found that due to negligence, perceived misconceptions, lack of communication between the parties or negative OOC experiences between players tend to hamper the creative process and want or wish to participate. And that sometimes due to these aspects of our experience in the realm of creativity we tend to hold on to them and utilize them as a reason or excuse for our self to not participate like 'oh what if I get hurt again' ' what if I am disappointed' ' what if I don't get what I want' etc etc etc. Instead of focusing on the general development of a character and going along for the experiences that they may have. And that a phobia to commit to a plot, development or idealism stems from multiple aspects of previous interactions via the creative sphere and not solely from obligations and other interest we may accrue in real life. It is something that people tend to struggle in working around, communicating or getting over wholly.
Personally, I am not afraid to commit to a plot, a character or idealism. And if I am I tend to communicate with my partners that ' they this isn't working for me either because of A, B or C' (A, B or C or all of the above could be IRL obligations, work, hobbies, friends, mental state, feelings and the like). However, I myself am not perfect in this practice at all and tend to become generally overwhelmed with real life whether it be mental, physical or other obligatory needs to be met. And at times have been rather poor at communicating my needs and desires with my partners in hopes to not offend or lose a creative outlet.
More often than not I feel disappointed by the lack of responses and follow-through via my partners in rp and often am left wondering if it is something that I have done on my part to be unappetizing with plotting and art. However, this is not to say that this is the case with every partner that I have had but like anything interaction between partners and even friends to have it's hills and valleys of interaction and interest. All I think I could ask for a potential partner is to be thoughtful and considerate of their partner and their feelings and obligations.and that they communicate with their partners instead of disappearing on to the newest and shiniest of toys to fulfill their attention span.
Personally, I am not afraid to commit to a plot, a character or idealism. And if I am I tend to communicate with my partners that ' they this isn't working for me either because of A, B or C' (A, B or C or all of the above could be IRL obligations, work, hobbies, friends, mental state, feelings and the like). However, I myself am not perfect in this practice at all and tend to become generally overwhelmed with real life whether it be mental, physical or other obligatory needs to be met. And at times have been rather poor at communicating my needs and desires with my partners in hopes to not offend or lose a creative outlet.
More often than not I feel disappointed by the lack of responses and follow-through via my partners in rp and often am left wondering if it is something that I have done on my part to be unappetizing with plotting and art. However, this is not to say that this is the case with every partner that I have had but like anything interaction between partners and even friends to have it's hills and valleys of interaction and interest. All I think I could ask for a potential partner is to be thoughtful and considerate of their partner and their feelings and obligations.and that they communicate with their partners instead of disappearing on to the newest and shiniest of toys to fulfill their attention span.
I often have complained to my dad the lack of understanding on most partners.
I think for them, its like reading Harry Potter. You just dont want to set the book down. Damn the consequences. I should know. I did that.
But I fully understand where you are coming from. Possibly partially seen in my actual profile. I no longer plot romance.
The basic is this. I have found maybe four. Loyal rp partners for romance or continuing stories on alts. Out of the entire fifteen years of roleplay. Zankantan. Lailai. Ivoire. And Asimas player. All four are wholesomely committed and I have zero doubts for any OOC reason that they would drop off my plot.
(Did you know Zan and I havent rped Riddick and Zan for three years?!)
Although they are a diamond in the rough. There are still out there. Others such as. (Unicorn on friendships. Harts player on long term. Overlord on baddies. Green on keeping past rps remaining IC)
Just gotta find the right crowd! So do not be overwhelmed and think none of us exist out there anymore that do RL and RP! Keep searching, you will find a handful.
I think for them, its like reading Harry Potter. You just dont want to set the book down. Damn the consequences. I should know. I did that.
But I fully understand where you are coming from. Possibly partially seen in my actual profile. I no longer plot romance.
The basic is this. I have found maybe four. Loyal rp partners for romance or continuing stories on alts. Out of the entire fifteen years of roleplay. Zankantan. Lailai. Ivoire. And Asimas player. All four are wholesomely committed and I have zero doubts for any OOC reason that they would drop off my plot.
(Did you know Zan and I havent rped Riddick and Zan for three years?!)
Although they are a diamond in the rough. There are still out there. Others such as. (Unicorn on friendships. Harts player on long term. Overlord on baddies. Green on keeping past rps remaining IC)
Just gotta find the right crowd! So do not be overwhelmed and think none of us exist out there anymore that do RL and RP! Keep searching, you will find a handful.
Clove wrote:
More often than not I feel disappointed by the lack of responses and follow-through via my partners in rp and often am left wondering if it is something that I have done on my part to be unappetizing with plotting and art. However, this is not to say that this is the case with every partner that I have had but like anything interaction between partners and even friends to have it's hills and valleys of interaction and interest. All I think I could ask for a potential partner is to be thoughtful and considerate of their partner and their feelings and obligations.and that they communicate with their partners instead of disappearing on to the newest and shiniest of toys to fulfill their attention span.
The part that's left a bad taste in your mouth as far as partners goes is exactly the aspect I struggle with providing. "The Follow-up" I take weeks to post at times. Sometimes longer. When I receive pressure or criticism for the lousy attention I can afford my current creative pursuits I feel forced to push them away because it's legitimately not fair to my partners if I can't meet their creative needs, too.
To agree with someone else who's posted, life, depression and other mental issues do indeed keep me from even touching the introduction forums or talking to anyone, let alone RP with anyone as well. I love plotting with others, and I love RP, and you think with all the free time I have on my hands, I would be 100% free to reply every hour on the hour. However, that's usually not the case. I feel unmotivated to do much in my life because of mental issues and stress, and I do want to reach out more and communicate that to others who do wish to RP with me. In fact, I always update my profile just to make sure people understand that I may be free in terms of time, but I'm not free in other areas.
I've yet to have anyone really complain that my life and depression has upset them enough to want to drop the RP, but I also experience a lot of people dropping without a word at first. Some do come back and apologize because life is hell and I respect that. I know that pain. Others, not so much, and I do feel that maybe I wasn't fast enough for them or I wasn't interesting enough for them to continue.
However, that's yet to deter me from trying, but maybe that's because I also feel that my RP career has truly begun; I've only done real-time chat RPs for a few short years and am just now loving the ease and relaxed pace of play by posts. Until then, I've yet to feel like I can't commit, but I do feel like I can't take on too much at a time or I'll crash and burn.
Overall, Michonne is right: I think it's a matter of finding those who understand that life is frantic and waits for no one, and is willing to wait for and compromise with you. They are out there, and I've met one or two of them.
I've yet to have anyone really complain that my life and depression has upset them enough to want to drop the RP, but I also experience a lot of people dropping without a word at first. Some do come back and apologize because life is hell and I respect that. I know that pain. Others, not so much, and I do feel that maybe I wasn't fast enough for them or I wasn't interesting enough for them to continue.
However, that's yet to deter me from trying, but maybe that's because I also feel that my RP career has truly begun; I've only done real-time chat RPs for a few short years and am just now loving the ease and relaxed pace of play by posts. Until then, I've yet to feel like I can't commit, but I do feel like I can't take on too much at a time or I'll crash and burn.
Overall, Michonne is right: I think it's a matter of finding those who understand that life is frantic and waits for no one, and is willing to wait for and compromise with you. They are out there, and I've met one or two of them.
I'd like to think I have some form of this. Often times when I propose to RP with someone, I feel as though my RP Characters and writing skills (typing skills, story making skills, yadda yadda that stuff.) may not be good or interesting enough to RP with. That's particularly why i'm quite reluctant to join multi-paragraph required RPs, as I am a bit known for being quite "straight to the point". Aka, not really wasting time on high detail actions and settings, unless it's something that I really like or appeals to me at the moment. (something like that anyway.)
Of course, that gives people the ability to world-build to their liking if they want to. But, back to the point. I am also at times (or at least in the past.) known for being so "straight to the point" that sometimes my posts would consist of things close to one-liners (if not one-liners themselves.), which really just happens when my character has dialogue with another character, but nonetheless a one-liner is a one-liner. Which makes me cautious about what RPs I join with who, for fear I might do something like that again. I've had a few times in the past where PM RPs have stopped after my post, so you can see why i'm fearful about that.
I was originally taught how to RP in a live chatroom thing, and I feel that has greatly influenced what I did in the past. But, that also makes me wish for times like that to come back. With a waiting, ever so patient party or audience to RP with, getting a response in the next few minutes or so. I greatly miss those days, and I wish for something like that to comeback, but I realize that can be viewed as selfish to some people. I feel as though that is the reason for my "straight to the point"-ness. I think at least.
Of course, that gives people the ability to world-build to their liking if they want to. But, back to the point. I am also at times (or at least in the past.) known for being so "straight to the point" that sometimes my posts would consist of things close to one-liners (if not one-liners themselves.), which really just happens when my character has dialogue with another character, but nonetheless a one-liner is a one-liner. Which makes me cautious about what RPs I join with who, for fear I might do something like that again. I've had a few times in the past where PM RPs have stopped after my post, so you can see why i'm fearful about that.
I was originally taught how to RP in a live chatroom thing, and I feel that has greatly influenced what I did in the past. But, that also makes me wish for times like that to come back. With a waiting, ever so patient party or audience to RP with, getting a response in the next few minutes or so. I greatly miss those days, and I wish for something like that to comeback, but I realize that can be viewed as selfish to some people. I feel as though that is the reason for my "straight to the point"-ness. I think at least.
I've noticed this myself, which has really turned me off to RP the last couple of years. I've been very fortunate to find someone I've been able to carry on very deep and long term plot with over five years now, but I will admit this is something very rare to find anymore.
I've been RPing... hell it's been 17 years now and It used to be no problem to find people to get into long term plots with. I used to have many that would span years at a time until life eventually took over. Usually it ended amicably since it's understandable that things change and IRL is always more important.
But I'd say this trend of flakey commitmentphobes became noticeable to me about 6 or so years ago, but has become extremely pronounced within the last two or three. It's annoying and makes older and long term RPers like me not even want to engage anyone outside of their immediate circle anymore. Why bother when they all just up and leave?
It comes by complete surprise usually, too. Everything is going well, RP is great, the plot is fantastic and looking like it had great potential, good enough to commission art related to it and everything, and then next thing you know the person is completely changing everything without the slightest warning and then bailing on you.
Like, what was even the point of that time and effort?
And then it happens again, and again, and then you decide - screw it.
I'd rather stick to the ONE person I know I can always depend on and be limited in plots (although really with us two there is a pretty wide variety) than bother wasting my time with people I don't know are reliable when the track record says probably not.
Then there is this other side of it where those flakes return to you after some months or a year, wanting to start something up again as if they never did anything wrong in the first place. So now you're bitter and untrusting too.
it's like i want long term rp SO BAD but it's just so hard for me to trust anyone even cares for it anymore even when it's offered
idk what happened but i don't like it
I've been RPing... hell it's been 17 years now and It used to be no problem to find people to get into long term plots with. I used to have many that would span years at a time until life eventually took over. Usually it ended amicably since it's understandable that things change and IRL is always more important.
But I'd say this trend of flakey commitmentphobes became noticeable to me about 6 or so years ago, but has become extremely pronounced within the last two or three. It's annoying and makes older and long term RPers like me not even want to engage anyone outside of their immediate circle anymore. Why bother when they all just up and leave?
It comes by complete surprise usually, too. Everything is going well, RP is great, the plot is fantastic and looking like it had great potential, good enough to commission art related to it and everything, and then next thing you know the person is completely changing everything without the slightest warning and then bailing on you.
Like, what was even the point of that time and effort?
And then it happens again, and again, and then you decide - screw it.
I'd rather stick to the ONE person I know I can always depend on and be limited in plots (although really with us two there is a pretty wide variety) than bother wasting my time with people I don't know are reliable when the track record says probably not.
Then there is this other side of it where those flakes return to you after some months or a year, wanting to start something up again as if they never did anything wrong in the first place. So now you're bitter and untrusting too.
it's like i want long term rp SO BAD but it's just so hard for me to trust anyone even cares for it anymore even when it's offered
idk what happened but i don't like it
I can relate to this thread SO hard. I also have so many fond memories of staying up all night and spending all day plotting and role playing.
I think most of my commitment issues stem from the countless times people who I had considered my friends abandoned me for more "popular" role players, or stopped showing up altogether. I can understand when life throws you a curve ball and you need to take care of things, but at least like... let someone know and don't let them wallow in a pool of anxiety and self consciousness. Lol.
I hold nothing against anyone, but at this point my confidence is completely shot. I have a full time job but because of the long shifts that leaves me more off days than the norm, so I have plenty of time to RP. So why don't I? No idea. Something in me is just scared.
This doesn't stop me from working on my characters though. I still enjoy making characters and working on their profiles immensely and letting them stay in my little head worlds. Some day I'll ease back into role play. Lately I've been trying to boost myself up and make more of an effort, so... we'll see how that goes.
I think most of my commitment issues stem from the countless times people who I had considered my friends abandoned me for more "popular" role players, or stopped showing up altogether. I can understand when life throws you a curve ball and you need to take care of things, but at least like... let someone know and don't let them wallow in a pool of anxiety and self consciousness. Lol.
I hold nothing against anyone, but at this point my confidence is completely shot. I have a full time job but because of the long shifts that leaves me more off days than the norm, so I have plenty of time to RP. So why don't I? No idea. Something in me is just scared.
This doesn't stop me from working on my characters though. I still enjoy making characters and working on their profiles immensely and letting them stay in my little head worlds. Some day I'll ease back into role play. Lately I've been trying to boost myself up and make more of an effort, so... we'll see how that goes.
I have found, with the right partner, things can last years. If they're patient with me, if they want to talk things out, if they want anything from me they speak up about it.
I loooove heavy plots, long term, but a lot of people see my busy schedule and go 'no, I want it now' and brush me off. It's understandable. There's so many other players out there with a lot more free time and the ability to give these people a ton of juicy RP in one sitting.
There are also rp partners I thought I could mesh with, get a handful of posts in, and realize I'm never going to enjoy their rp. Our friendship doesn't always mean our muses/styles will work together.
I'm okay with that. Everyone's different.
Everyone wants something different out of rp, and different depths of plot.
Blah blah blah I was supposed to have a point here.
Point is: communication and understanding.
(in my particular case, my partners need patience. lot's of it.)
ANYWAYS yeah I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I loooove heavy plots, long term, but a lot of people see my busy schedule and go 'no, I want it now' and brush me off. It's understandable. There's so many other players out there with a lot more free time and the ability to give these people a ton of juicy RP in one sitting.
There are also rp partners I thought I could mesh with, get a handful of posts in, and realize I'm never going to enjoy their rp. Our friendship doesn't always mean our muses/styles will work together.
I'm okay with that. Everyone's different.
Everyone wants something different out of rp, and different depths of plot.
Blah blah blah I was supposed to have a point here.
Point is: communication and understanding.
(in my particular case, my partners need patience. lot's of it.)
ANYWAYS yeah I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I'm not afraid to commit in RP, but I've actually found that a lot of people who have closely woven connections to your characters expect to monopolise your time. That's typically where my issues sprout from.
I'm a full time student who also takes evening classes so three or four days out of the week I don't roleplay, typically because I'm about six hours a head of most people I tend to write with. On top of that, I also have two staff characters in the area that I roleplay within, and I take my commitment to go on duty and host events seriously. So I have a lot of responsibilities on my plate.
I always make sure that before diving into a plot with someone that they are aware of my other commitments, though it doesn't always work out the way you want it to. I have a group of about six or seven different people that I roleplay with frequently that haven't ( yet
) flipped out on my lack of time, and I'm really glad I have these close friends. For deeper, long term plots I tend to stick within my circle at the moment simply because I know I can rely on them to maintain it.
I'm a full time student who also takes evening classes so three or four days out of the week I don't roleplay, typically because I'm about six hours a head of most people I tend to write with. On top of that, I also have two staff characters in the area that I roleplay within, and I take my commitment to go on duty and host events seriously. So I have a lot of responsibilities on my plate.
I always make sure that before diving into a plot with someone that they are aware of my other commitments, though it doesn't always work out the way you want it to. I have a group of about six or seven different people that I roleplay with frequently that haven't ( yet
) flipped out on my lack of time, and I'm really glad I have these close friends. For deeper, long term plots I tend to stick within my circle at the moment simply because I know I can rely on them to maintain it.
I don't have a phobia of RP, or getting into plots per se - I'm pretty good about not holding onto things, and so it doesn't translate to me being fearful or worried about getting into plots in fear of them bombing off. When I find someone I am comfortable with, I have no issues putting myself out there for a plot. My main issue, however, is I feel like I find it hard to find people who are patient and understanding enough to know that I have some issues I go through, I have other obligations (I work two jobs and it saps a shit ton of my energy), and some problems in my life that sometimes hinders me from being able to RP as frequently as much - so at least until I get through those things, I tend to only stick with the people I know will patiently wait for me to get all with it before resuming my plot with them. I feel like that kinda patience is hard to find.
Moki wrote:
idk what happened but i don't like it
We're addicted to paying bills and work numerous hours for The Man.
Kidding. Part of it is definitely that people became busier in adulthood, another is the importance people place on RP. I enjoy the heck out of it personally but between RP and traveling, riding, or hunting, I'm going to commit more time to the latter. I've been lucky with folks like Blitzkit, Clove, and Worgbeast because they're all avid outdoorswomen as well, and understand the call of a season's first kayaking trip or fresh powder on the mountain. There are some RP partners I've had who understandably found this (and surprisingly my workout plan -- you'd think people would want their RP partners of the not dead variety) frivolous and even irresponsible. Thus, I avoid reaching out to folks who might not like that I'm scuba diving or at a horse show when I've had a post due for two days. Instead I stick to those who are delighted to hear about the experience and share their own when I get back (and finally get around to posting and chatting.) Unfortunately, that's tough to come by so I try not to irritate people with my 'flakiness.'
In all seriousness though, this reminds me of another thing I've come across. There's another trend in RPers that's become widespread, especially in certain clients; Defensive Cliquing.
Rpers who form friend groups do so because they're afraid of reaching out to strangers, and believe that their needs can't be met by outsiders of that clique. The synergy is so great that it's not worth bringing in a stranger. Definitely sensible.
What's also sensible is the frustration some players brush up against when they can't break into a clique due to either an obvious difference, or due to the clique not being ready or open to investigating new players. The player trying to find a partner becomes understandably afraid and dejected.
Neither situation or mindset is wrong or bad, but you can see how both parties accidentally limit one another's willingness to commit or find a partner.
Yes and no, for mostly the same reasons that other people have mentioned above.
Commitment to a good roleplay partner or roleplay isn't difficult for me. I've got a single roleplay thread on RPR that's been going on for the past three years now. However, I tend not to find the motivation or interest to really commit any further than I already have. I'm happy with what I've got, why give myself more to answer and work on?
As it's been mentioned before, I think the majority of the 'commitmentphobia' comes down to the fact that most people don't stick to one character too long, or aren't around in the community for too long before they suddenly vanished for x, y and z reasons. My guess is that it's the product of the instant gratification culture we currently live in, where people aren't willing to wait weeks, or even months for a plot to unfold naturally, so they create characters to be romantically tied to one another or connected in some way with a deep relationship without anything meaningful behind it. And when that honeymoon period wears off, they move on and make a new character and the cycle starts again.
And, as people have mentioned, work, school and other real life things often take (or should take) center stage in one's life. The older we get, the less free time we have to spend roleplaying or doing what we like as hobbies. And I think, with most people around being from the same if not similar generations, we're all getting to that age. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing to be busy, but it simply means less time to commit to new, fresh roleplay partners so we simply regress into our comfort zones, around people we already know and trust. There's less 'open' roleplays as there used to be, but whether or not that's a bad thing depends on your take of roleplaying publicly. I try not to look at the past with rose tinted glasses, but I think it's a logical conclusion to come to, especially with a shrinking community like Furcadia.
Commitment to a good roleplay partner or roleplay isn't difficult for me. I've got a single roleplay thread on RPR that's been going on for the past three years now. However, I tend not to find the motivation or interest to really commit any further than I already have. I'm happy with what I've got, why give myself more to answer and work on?
As it's been mentioned before, I think the majority of the 'commitmentphobia' comes down to the fact that most people don't stick to one character too long, or aren't around in the community for too long before they suddenly vanished for x, y and z reasons. My guess is that it's the product of the instant gratification culture we currently live in, where people aren't willing to wait weeks, or even months for a plot to unfold naturally, so they create characters to be romantically tied to one another or connected in some way with a deep relationship without anything meaningful behind it. And when that honeymoon period wears off, they move on and make a new character and the cycle starts again.
And, as people have mentioned, work, school and other real life things often take (or should take) center stage in one's life. The older we get, the less free time we have to spend roleplaying or doing what we like as hobbies. And I think, with most people around being from the same if not similar generations, we're all getting to that age. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing to be busy, but it simply means less time to commit to new, fresh roleplay partners so we simply regress into our comfort zones, around people we already know and trust. There's less 'open' roleplays as there used to be, but whether or not that's a bad thing depends on your take of roleplaying publicly. I try not to look at the past with rose tinted glasses, but I think it's a logical conclusion to come to, especially with a shrinking community like Furcadia.
Vegas wrote:
I loooove heavy plots, long term, but a lot of people see my busy schedule and go 'no, I want it now' and brush me off. It's understandable. There's so many other players out there with a lot more free time and the ability to give these people a ton of juicy RP in one sitting.
Exactly this. Those folks are out there, but they're not me and that's okay. I hope those folks find the other folks that fulfill them.
Vinters wrote:
I'm not afraid to commit in RP, but I've actually found that a lot of people who have closely woven connections to your characters expect to monopolise your time. That's typically where my issues sprout from.
Yikes. That's tough to contend with especially if the plots have become character essential and you have to shut the person down entirely. People use some weird manipulation tactics to get RP sometimes and it's frankly not okay. You have my sympathies.
Gembone wrote:
I can relate to this thread SO hard. I also have so many fond memories of staying up all night and spending all day plotting and role playing.
I think most of my commitment issues stem from the countless times people who I had considered my friends abandoned me for more "popular" role players, or stopped showing up altogether. I can understand when life throws you a curve ball and you need to take care of things, but at least like... let someone know and don't let them wallow in a pool of anxiety and self consciousness. Lol.
I hold nothing against anyone, but at this point my confidence is completely shot. I have a full time job but because of the long shifts that leaves me more off days than the norm, so I have plenty of time to RP. So why don't I? No idea. Something in me is just scared.
This doesn't stop me from working on my characters though. I still enjoy making characters and working on their profiles immensely and letting them stay in my little head worlds. Some day I'll ease back into role play. Lately I've been trying to boost myself up and make more of an effort, so... we'll see how that goes.
I think most of my commitment issues stem from the countless times people who I had considered my friends abandoned me for more "popular" role players, or stopped showing up altogether. I can understand when life throws you a curve ball and you need to take care of things, but at least like... let someone know and don't let them wallow in a pool of anxiety and self consciousness. Lol.
I hold nothing against anyone, but at this point my confidence is completely shot. I have a full time job but because of the long shifts that leaves me more off days than the norm, so I have plenty of time to RP. So why don't I? No idea. Something in me is just scared.
This doesn't stop me from working on my characters though. I still enjoy making characters and working on their profiles immensely and letting them stay in my little head worlds. Some day I'll ease back into role play. Lately I've been trying to boost myself up and make more of an effort, so... we'll see how that goes.
This is so relatable. Once, I fell asleep on my keyboard and continued typing while dreaming. I typed out my dream -- and posted it -- which was a surreal mish mash about a department store.
I've noticed a lot of replies have come from Furcadia players, and if it makes you feel any better, I don't think you're being blown off for more popular RPers. The nature of Furcadia and communities on it is that they're highly dynamic and player-oriented. This is especially true of groups with live events like TGT. There is constant movement of character development and multiple plots. It's likely that your partners are just evolving their stories at the faster pace that the client allows for. It's one of the reasons I had to stop, personally. Just couldn't keep up with my current schedule and obligations.
I wish you the best in branching out and using your awesome free time to RP again!
These replies are all superb, by the way. From 'phobes and non-phobes alike.
Quote:
This is so relatable. Once, I fell asleep on my keyboard and continued typing while dreaming. I typed out my dream -- and posted it -- which was a surreal mish mash about a department store.
I've noticed a lot of replies have come from Furcadia players, and if it makes you feel any better, I don't think you're being blown off for more popular RPers. The nature of Furcadia and communities on it is that they're highly dynamic and player-oriented. This is especially true of groups with live events like TGT. There is constant movement of character development and multiple plots. It's likely that your partners are just evolving their stories at the faster pace that the client allows for. It's one of the reasons I had to stop, personally. Just couldn't keep up with my current schedule and obligations.
I've noticed a lot of replies have come from Furcadia players, and if it makes you feel any better, I don't think you're being blown off for more popular RPers. The nature of Furcadia and communities on it is that they're highly dynamic and player-oriented. This is especially true of groups with live events like TGT. There is constant movement of character development and multiple plots. It's likely that your partners are just evolving their stories at the faster pace that the client allows for. It's one of the reasons I had to stop, personally. Just couldn't keep up with my current schedule and obligations.
Lol, that is too funny! I've also fallen fallen asleep while rping, there was like two other people involved too the poor souls. When I woke up it was literally just "aaaaaaaaaaaadfffhhhhhhhh" or something similar posted or typed in the chat. Hehe.
But yes. That's definitely a more rational way to put it and you're probably right. This was several years ago and poor ole me just thought immediately "I'm not good enough". Especially the person I thought I was abandoned for was a very prominent figure in that community. But that is likely just me being self conscious. Looking back on it now I don't really blame him for trying something new! So thanks for shining a light on that for me.
Either way, I'm glad (and also not glad because it really is a sad thing) I'm not the only one with these kinds of issues. And really, I have no problem plotting with long time friends. I suppose I'm just afraid of new commitments. I'm very reserved and horrible at meeting people. Lol.
While I wouldn't call myself a commitmentphobe I really am more picky with which partners I take and how many games I play. Recently I worked two jobs, came home tired every night and didn't have the mental motivation for any RPs. Before that I worked a job at odd hours, and that also threw in complications.
I remember years ago, having 10 games running would have been the norm for me. If one was dropped by either myself or my RP partner it was really no big deal. I still had 9 more. Right now I have three - two PM RPs, and tabletop game.
One thing I've noticed is that I've started having a strong preference for partners above the age of 20. In one of my groups, all the players are older than 20. I remember I had to cancel a session and the reason was kind of personal t o one of my players. I gave no reason and just told the group "Sorry, next session cancelled," and nobody complained and nobody asked why. It was just amazing how understanding everybody was. Another time I was simply too tired to run the game, told everybody I was going to bed and they were very nice about it. I'm positive that if I tried to do that with a group of younger people there would have been a whole lot more complaining. In my experience older players tend to be a lot more forgiving of 'life stuff' happening. I'm sure there are bad eggs out there, but I personally haven't encountered them.
Sometimes here on RPR I see things on player profiles like 'if you drop a game I am blocking you' or 'You must post x times a day/week' and if I see that kind of message I swear I will never RP with you. I don't need somebody pressuring me to post when I'm sick or exhausted or have real life obligations.
So perhaps I am a commitmentphobe - I used to never turn down RPs, but these days I'm far more likely to. It could be because I think our play styles/characters don't mesh and it's not worth the effort for a game destined to go nowhere, or because I have an inkling they'll be a difficult player to work with. I'm less willing to give people a chance. That's for sure.
I remember years ago, having 10 games running would have been the norm for me. If one was dropped by either myself or my RP partner it was really no big deal. I still had 9 more. Right now I have three - two PM RPs, and tabletop game.
One thing I've noticed is that I've started having a strong preference for partners above the age of 20. In one of my groups, all the players are older than 20. I remember I had to cancel a session and the reason was kind of personal t o one of my players. I gave no reason and just told the group "Sorry, next session cancelled," and nobody complained and nobody asked why. It was just amazing how understanding everybody was. Another time I was simply too tired to run the game, told everybody I was going to bed and they were very nice about it. I'm positive that if I tried to do that with a group of younger people there would have been a whole lot more complaining. In my experience older players tend to be a lot more forgiving of 'life stuff' happening. I'm sure there are bad eggs out there, but I personally haven't encountered them.
Sometimes here on RPR I see things on player profiles like 'if you drop a game I am blocking you' or 'You must post x times a day/week' and if I see that kind of message I swear I will never RP with you. I don't need somebody pressuring me to post when I'm sick or exhausted or have real life obligations.
So perhaps I am a commitmentphobe - I used to never turn down RPs, but these days I'm far more likely to. It could be because I think our play styles/characters don't mesh and it's not worth the effort for a game destined to go nowhere, or because I have an inkling they'll be a difficult player to work with. I'm less willing to give people a chance. That's for sure.
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