I made this character the other day and am trying to polish her off for the character shelf. I think I like where she is at, but I'm a little unsure, so I would love feedback on her character as well as her page. I put as few details as possible on a character so that people have to RP with her to learn about her.
Comments, concerns, constructive criticism, etc., are all welcomed and wanted!
Comments, concerns, constructive criticism, etc., are all welcomed and wanted!
Everything looks good and polished well. I like the concept and the feel of the character.
My only two gripes, and very minor ones at that, I personally think that heterochromia has become a bit of a fad, and that she would stand out more and be better served by a single, more exotic color, like perhaps amethyst?
The other one is that you've got two very minor typos in the "staff" page, in bearer and whether.
Other than that, she looks like an extremely interesting character. I most certainly would make a pass at her RP-wise
My only two gripes, and very minor ones at that, I personally think that heterochromia has become a bit of a fad, and that she would stand out more and be better served by a single, more exotic color, like perhaps amethyst?
The other one is that you've got two very minor typos in the "staff" page, in bearer and whether.
Other than that, she looks like an extremely interesting character. I most certainly would make a pass at her RP-wise
I agree with Jay about heterochromia. So much focus on RP characters is always on the eyes, they have to be gorgeous and special and just... you know, amazing. Nobody seems to want to make just a brown-eyed or gray-eyed character anymore. A character who was "born special" is fine, but a character who overcomes mediocrity to MAKE themselves special is much more interesting, and watching that character's journey from common folk to legend is always fascinating.
I feel like this profile doesn't... really explain much about the character. You know what she looks like, and you know that she's definitely all about her staff and all about what the staff is about, but... that's... it. You don't really know what it is you're getting into when playing with this character. Is she, herself, some kind of spellcaster? Is she a warrioress who found a magic staff and is now learning magic? To a point, you don't want to reveal EVERYTHING about a character or you just take all the interest away, but this profile feels very... incomplete. Her motivations, her overall just... feel. The profile seems to describe a very two-dimensional character just waiting for that third dimension to make it whole.
Then there's the staff. The Staff of the Mistress of Storms seems... oddly specific. At the very least, some sort of history must come with the name, if not the staff itself. Who was the first Mistress? Did she make the staff or was it made for her? Does the staff only accept female users? Right now, it just seems very much like an RP prop that was designed specifically for this particular character, not a pre-existing relic of great power that she came across in her journey.
Overall, I think you're on the right track. I think the profile itself just needs more information to really bring the character to life. Not a LOT more, just... more. A character profile is just as much Advertising as it is Informational. You have to sell your character to attract people to it, and I think you haven't quite achieved that yet. You're not far off, you just have to find that balance between "too much" and "not enough."
I feel like this profile doesn't... really explain much about the character. You know what she looks like, and you know that she's definitely all about her staff and all about what the staff is about, but... that's... it. You don't really know what it is you're getting into when playing with this character. Is she, herself, some kind of spellcaster? Is she a warrioress who found a magic staff and is now learning magic? To a point, you don't want to reveal EVERYTHING about a character or you just take all the interest away, but this profile feels very... incomplete. Her motivations, her overall just... feel. The profile seems to describe a very two-dimensional character just waiting for that third dimension to make it whole.
Then there's the staff. The Staff of the Mistress of Storms seems... oddly specific. At the very least, some sort of history must come with the name, if not the staff itself. Who was the first Mistress? Did she make the staff or was it made for her? Does the staff only accept female users? Right now, it just seems very much like an RP prop that was designed specifically for this particular character, not a pre-existing relic of great power that she came across in her journey.
Overall, I think you're on the right track. I think the profile itself just needs more information to really bring the character to life. Not a LOT more, just... more. A character profile is just as much Advertising as it is Informational. You have to sell your character to attract people to it, and I think you haven't quite achieved that yet. You're not far off, you just have to find that balance between "too much" and "not enough."
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