At least for me, being a female that seeks IC male companionship.
1) The character is attractive, but they are a major a-hole, abusive, or violent.....and like blood/gore/horror
2) The character is attractive but is taken
3) The character is attractive but gay
4) The character is attractive, but completely uninterested
5) The character is attractive, but the player does not play romance
6) The character is attractive, but they aren't monogamous
7) People cannot distinguish between romance and smut/sexual relationships. One does not actually necessarily equal the other.
8.) People...rush...everything
9) The character of interest is not nearly old enough ic, or the player is not..within age range or preferred age range ooc
10) I'm going to be -that- person, and state that the player does not have the typing ability that is sought
11) The character is attractive, but the player either never replies to you or....they are inactive? x.x
12) The character is attractive, but they are more furry/anthro (and while I don't mind this for certain characters of mine, others..such as this one, I'd prefer more humanoid than anthroid/furry)
13) Certain "pre-story" idea's of how characters meet or know one another.....
So, yes, there's all that. I don't know lol, I sadly cannot find much for romantic rp, though I would like it. Romance with story, or plot..but not excessive drama.
But those are usually the problems I come across. That or, the player is far more advanced than I am RP wise and I feel that I could never measure up to them, or I'd loose interest because I do not have confidence in my writing skills anymore.
What are issues others have with looking for romantic rp?
1) The character is attractive, but they are a major a-hole, abusive, or violent.....and like blood/gore/horror
2) The character is attractive but is taken
3) The character is attractive but gay
4) The character is attractive, but completely uninterested
5) The character is attractive, but the player does not play romance
6) The character is attractive, but they aren't monogamous
7) People cannot distinguish between romance and smut/sexual relationships. One does not actually necessarily equal the other.
8.) People...rush...everything
9) The character of interest is not nearly old enough ic, or the player is not..within age range or preferred age range ooc
10) I'm going to be -that- person, and state that the player does not have the typing ability that is sought
11) The character is attractive, but the player either never replies to you or....they are inactive? x.x
12) The character is attractive, but they are more furry/anthro (and while I don't mind this for certain characters of mine, others..such as this one, I'd prefer more humanoid than anthroid/furry)
13) Certain "pre-story" idea's of how characters meet or know one another.....
So, yes, there's all that. I don't know lol, I sadly cannot find much for romantic rp, though I would like it. Romance with story, or plot..but not excessive drama.
But those are usually the problems I come across. That or, the player is far more advanced than I am RP wise and I feel that I could never measure up to them, or I'd loose interest because I do not have confidence in my writing skills anymore.
What are issues others have with looking for romantic rp?
Keep in mind none of this is meant to be insulting or harsh, I am just explaining my views as best I am able. I do understand where you are coming from but I feel you could use a different perspective.
I think a problem a lot of people run into, is they are far too specific about what they require for the RP, and then, that kills the RP.
Someone has an idea in their head of more or less the exact way the story should play out, and how the other character is suppose to react. I've noticed for example, you seem really hyped on the other character being 'attractive.' Now, that in itself is not too hard to find, as most people (myself included, being super guilty of this) play attractive characters. Is it a deal breaker if the character in question isn't some idealized version of what you personally find super-sexy? If a character was interesting and character and player were otherwise suitable, save for them playing a plain faced or 'ugly' or scarred up character would you refuse?
You also seem to against anyone being not as good of a writer as you, or a better writer as you. If you always cast aside people who you feel aren't up to your standard, you'll eliminate a lot of potential good stories. Now, I have limits too. If someone's posts make no sense and follow no logical patterns, and they constantly ignore my limits and guidelines, then yes, I'm not going to want to rp with them. RPing with newer roleplayers has also helped -me- be better because I've learned to be more concise and clear in my character's actions so that I am understood.
But, then in the same post you are also against people being 'better than you' If you never RP with a person who is a really good writer, how are you going to improve your own writing?
There will ALWAYS be someone who's writing is 'better' than yours, who crafts sentences with a better flow, who worldbuilds more.
Honestly you cannot expect someone to be
1.27 different factors that meet your own personal preferences in every way, and wanting the exact same type of story as you.
2.Exactly the same quality of writing as you.
If you are that specific in your needs you should start writing for yourself, not trying to RP. You have to keep in mind, other people are writing for their own reasons as well. When you are involved in an RP with someone you can't make it all about you and what you want for your character, you have to also think about what -they- want. They are not your paid entertainment and writing servants.
For me personally, '1 flavor' stories get boring fast. I can not do a story that is -just- romance, just action, just horror/suspense, or JUST light hearted and silly. I like to have aspects of a wide variety of things. I will never do an RP where the long term main focus is a romantic 1-1 between two characters. There -HAS- to be more. Romance tends to be an offshoot that can happen if this is the way things go. I'll never force a character to feel attracted to another just for story, I go with what naturally would develop.
When you start an RP out with so many requirements for the other person, especially ones that are abstract and not concrete rules it puts a lot of pressure on that person.
Just try to not be so self-focused in an RP. Try to expand your horizons and look for more than one flavor. Even if there is a main thing you want, if that's the only type of story you allow you'll miss out on a ton of chances.
I think a problem a lot of people run into, is they are far too specific about what they require for the RP, and then, that kills the RP.
Someone has an idea in their head of more or less the exact way the story should play out, and how the other character is suppose to react. I've noticed for example, you seem really hyped on the other character being 'attractive.' Now, that in itself is not too hard to find, as most people (myself included, being super guilty of this) play attractive characters. Is it a deal breaker if the character in question isn't some idealized version of what you personally find super-sexy? If a character was interesting and character and player were otherwise suitable, save for them playing a plain faced or 'ugly' or scarred up character would you refuse?
You also seem to against anyone being not as good of a writer as you, or a better writer as you. If you always cast aside people who you feel aren't up to your standard, you'll eliminate a lot of potential good stories. Now, I have limits too. If someone's posts make no sense and follow no logical patterns, and they constantly ignore my limits and guidelines, then yes, I'm not going to want to rp with them. RPing with newer roleplayers has also helped -me- be better because I've learned to be more concise and clear in my character's actions so that I am understood.
But, then in the same post you are also against people being 'better than you' If you never RP with a person who is a really good writer, how are you going to improve your own writing?
There will ALWAYS be someone who's writing is 'better' than yours, who crafts sentences with a better flow, who worldbuilds more.
Honestly you cannot expect someone to be
1.27 different factors that meet your own personal preferences in every way, and wanting the exact same type of story as you.
2.Exactly the same quality of writing as you.
If you are that specific in your needs you should start writing for yourself, not trying to RP. You have to keep in mind, other people are writing for their own reasons as well. When you are involved in an RP with someone you can't make it all about you and what you want for your character, you have to also think about what -they- want. They are not your paid entertainment and writing servants.
For me personally, '1 flavor' stories get boring fast. I can not do a story that is -just- romance, just action, just horror/suspense, or JUST light hearted and silly. I like to have aspects of a wide variety of things. I will never do an RP where the long term main focus is a romantic 1-1 between two characters. There -HAS- to be more. Romance tends to be an offshoot that can happen if this is the way things go. I'll never force a character to feel attracted to another just for story, I go with what naturally would develop.
When you start an RP out with so many requirements for the other person, especially ones that are abstract and not concrete rules it puts a lot of pressure on that person.
Just try to not be so self-focused in an RP. Try to expand your horizons and look for more than one flavor. Even if there is a main thing you want, if that's the only type of story you allow you'll miss out on a ton of chances.
I have to agree with Zhi somewhat here, and I also have to say that I don't mean to be rude or judgemental when I speak as well. We all have our preferences. Yes, standards are good. Standards weed out people who don't pay attention to things and read. And those current standards may have worked for you in the past, and may still work to this day. But... Too high of standards, and it gives off this intimidation factor, you know? When I read over your list, it kinda feels like you're writing yourself into a box. No offense or worries here, I do that myself at times because of my own bad experiences. That's why I have to reprioritize myself every so often and go, "Okay, so what I got so far isn't working and pulling in new RPs. What can I get rid of or modify so it doesn't feel too restrictive to others yet still feels right or comfortable to me?" If not a lot of people bite, maybe it's time to reprioritize a thing or two. Just a suggestion, really. Not much else to it.
But back to the subject at hand. When it comes to romance... I'm also not fond of one-flavor stories. Simple romance and nothing else bores me to tears, especially if I feel my character is incompatible with another person's. Give me excitement, give me drama, give me action and adventure! If romance comes during that, great! If not, it still makes for an amazing story.
Forced romance is something I can't stand either. Like, I'd rather have the characters' chemistry happen naturally via interactions instead of just going, "Hi, your character's cute, wanna date, marry, and have kids together with mine?" It doesn't happen like that in real life, why should it happen in RP, you know?
I think one more thing that irks me is when people ask for romance and also want it to end in pregnancy and marriage. Not all romance ends with marriage and kids. Some romances end in tragedy. Some end in mutual friendship. Some end in a one-sided romance instead of a mutual one. Some end with people being just lover and lover because that's enough for them. One can't even give or have children. The list goes on. That, and I've personally had experiences with some people who wanted my characters pregnant, and... They didn't even know the rest of their backstory yet, or their relationships with others. For all they knew, they were dooming their future kids because of a crazed aunt or psycho relative.
But back to the subject at hand. When it comes to romance... I'm also not fond of one-flavor stories. Simple romance and nothing else bores me to tears, especially if I feel my character is incompatible with another person's. Give me excitement, give me drama, give me action and adventure! If romance comes during that, great! If not, it still makes for an amazing story.
Forced romance is something I can't stand either. Like, I'd rather have the characters' chemistry happen naturally via interactions instead of just going, "Hi, your character's cute, wanna date, marry, and have kids together with mine?" It doesn't happen like that in real life, why should it happen in RP, you know?
I think one more thing that irks me is when people ask for romance and also want it to end in pregnancy and marriage. Not all romance ends with marriage and kids. Some romances end in tragedy. Some end in mutual friendship. Some end in a one-sided romance instead of a mutual one. Some end with people being just lover and lover because that's enough for them. One can't even give or have children. The list goes on. That, and I've personally had experiences with some people who wanted my characters pregnant, and... They didn't even know the rest of their backstory yet, or their relationships with others. For all they knew, they were dooming their future kids because of a crazed aunt or psycho relative.
Well, i never did state "attractive" were looks only. While inhavr a certain like of characters, i do actually look at over all aspects as far as personality if listed to further determine if there is any attraction in my head for further interest.
I like romance? But I like story as well. Pretty sure that fell under my "people rush things" so..
I'm allowed to be picky as far as quality. I'm actually fairly and accepting, but bad grammar and sub pat writing, that's a deal breaker for me. Nothing against those people, really. They may be fantastic writers, but if I'm reading constant and excessive grammar errors and misspelled words that are not actual typos, I loose interest super fast. I want to RP, not be a teacher of grammar and spelling. I did that for years in my past RP experiences, I'm done with it.
Age is a perfectly acceptable concern so....
As far as feeling I'm not good enough; while I've been told by many in the past that I'm "one of the best rpers they've ever met", I still feel intimidated by those I feel are better. I always will. It's a self conscious thing that's not just overcome. Been like that my whole life.
Back to the romance bit. I want story and development. But, right now...my goal is hopeful romance. Just like people look or want sexual rp, or gore, or friendship only. It's what I am currently seeking and, just as others are allowed to have limits, so am I.
It works both ways on being limited to contact people and finding/being contacted.
If I don't feel, that with my ooc anxiety issues, I could handle a characters actions IC...i won't bother. That's my choice. Separation of Ic/ooc isn't always easy in thay case, since the character is a extension of me. And i certainly wouldn't want someone to dumb down their character or play them off because I cant deal with things ooc right now.
I like romance? But I like story as well. Pretty sure that fell under my "people rush things" so..
I'm allowed to be picky as far as quality. I'm actually fairly and accepting, but bad grammar and sub pat writing, that's a deal breaker for me. Nothing against those people, really. They may be fantastic writers, but if I'm reading constant and excessive grammar errors and misspelled words that are not actual typos, I loose interest super fast. I want to RP, not be a teacher of grammar and spelling. I did that for years in my past RP experiences, I'm done with it.
Age is a perfectly acceptable concern so....
As far as feeling I'm not good enough; while I've been told by many in the past that I'm "one of the best rpers they've ever met", I still feel intimidated by those I feel are better. I always will. It's a self conscious thing that's not just overcome. Been like that my whole life.
Back to the romance bit. I want story and development. But, right now...my goal is hopeful romance. Just like people look or want sexual rp, or gore, or friendship only. It's what I am currently seeking and, just as others are allowed to have limits, so am I.
It works both ways on being limited to contact people and finding/being contacted.
If I don't feel, that with my ooc anxiety issues, I could handle a characters actions IC...i won't bother. That's my choice. Separation of Ic/ooc isn't always easy in thay case, since the character is a extension of me. And i certainly wouldn't want someone to dumb down their character or play them off because I cant deal with things ooc right now.
Also on my phone atm so my posts and grammar are horrid atm.
Luminary wrote:
As far as feeling I'm not good enough; while I've been told by many in the past that I'm "one of the best rpers they've ever met", I still feel intimidated by those I feel are better. I always will. It's a self conscious thing that's not just overcome. Been like that my whole life.
It might help to think about this. Confidence takes time, of course, but if you're always measuring your writing against other people's then you're always going to have a hard time enjoying yourself. It's entirely likely that your prospective partners are facing their own inadequacy issues and might consider you a better writer even if you think the opposite.
There will forever be people (in your own eyes, because it's all subjective!) who are better or worse than you. If you exclude those options then you're not going to have much luck finding anyone. You are absolutely allowed to be picky and have preferences, but if your current standards aren't getting you any partners, then it could be worth trying to approach this with a different perspective. You'll never know what new friends out there might be waiting for your PM! C:
You are on: Forums » RP Discussion » The Problem with Romance
Moderators: Mina, Keke, Cass, Claine, Sanne, Ilmarinen, Darth_Angelus