Forums » Smalltalk » School, D&D and Time - In Need of Advice

I don't even know where to start, and I keep dumping this on people, but I really need to get it out there.

So, I took five years off of school. I worked. I was unemployed sometimes. I longed to go back, but feared I wouldn't be able to do it. It was the happiest day of my life when I got the letter that I was accepted. I was happier than anything in the world, even my wedding.

I didn't want to overburden myself, so I decided to take four classes a semester rather than five. I just wanted to dip my foot in the water even if it would add another year to my 4-year BA.

Now, I'm also part of a D&D game that's been going on for over two years now with lots of breaks because of other people going to school full time and working. That's fine, a bit annoying, but their education and ability to feed themselves was more important. I get that. I totally do.

Now, I have readings I have to do every day for English, I get assignments in my classes that are due the next day. This means that for the most part, the weekdays are out for me. I told them that since Wednesday I have more time in the afternoon I like to do homework for the week that day. One girl has commitments on Tuesdays. One of us can't do Thursdays.

I chose Thursdays/Fridays because everyone else in the group is part of a secondary D&D group that gets together on Saturday nights. My husband and I work on our bigger assignments on Sundays.

Here's the thing though: I reluctantly said I would do this following Monday, if only to keep us up for once a week because previously we've gone MONTHS without playing. This was cancelled.

And rescheduled without my permission for Wednesday. When I mailed them back saying that wouldn't work, they said that the following Wednesday after that would work.

I also got an email poking light fun at me for "studying too hard." This makes it feel like they're trying to poke me in the ribs and say "Oh, you're only a first year student, you don't have that much work."

I love the game, but I'm starting to resent the people who are playing in it. I think I'm going to quit. I don't want to lose my character forever, or even the only D&D I'm in... but how can I play with people who are clearly not respecting me?

I need some advise.

Lily, I think the best thing to do here is find a new group to play with. I'd be more than happy to get a game going, even though I know next to squat about D&D, and see if I couldn't get some people involved that were more respectful of your schedule and time situation.

Perhaps you're reading too much into it? From what you wrote, I don't see any implication that they're trying to jab at you for being a first year student, so perhaps you're projecting a fear of being condescended as a first year student onto what others are saying.

That they rescheduled it without your permission to another date is a cruddy thing to do, but it's easy to slip up on these matters. It's not necessarily a lack of respect (unless there is more going on that you haven't said here).

Going by the information you gave us, I think you're stressing out a little too much and it might be a good idea to step back, take a breather and look at it again. If you don't get upset about these occurrences, do you still have fun playing? Or are you really just still in this group because it troubles you to let go of what used to be fun?

And, the most important one yet, have you talked to these people about how this makes you feel? If they're unaware of how this affects you, you can't expect them to shape up about it either. Maybe before you make a decision, play your cards and let them know what's troubling you. See how they respond, they might surprise you. Or maybe they'll reply in such a way it's easy to make a decision to sever ties with them.

The one girl involved in this has twice said "Well, you'll give in eventually" about scheduling. I used to actually leave game, go to work and come back having missing several hours at time just so they could play. I mentioned in my last email about the fact that I am only availably Thursday/Friday and two of them asked privately if I can do the Monday instead. They also have now (since my first post) posted that we will be doing a Wednesday game and have told me to do me homework/readings the night before or before class. The one girl emailed me to tell me directly that it can't be that hard to do things on any day but Wednesday or Monday.

I've put in an official quit, because I am tired of having spent the last two years trading shifts, telling my boss no and telling my other friends that I have to reschedule because the game is important.

I do still have fun playing, but I can't take them any more. I've been letting them walk all over me because I don't have anyone else irl.

I was with Sanne that I wasn't sure how much of this was stress and how much was disrespect until this:

Good for you for quitting. This is rude. You bent over backward for them and they got way too comfortable pushing you over. Set those boundaries and set them firm! There are other game groups out there in the world.

Maybe its just me being tired and you mentioned that, but is it a group irl, or do you rp via another medium. If its irl, i would talk to them directly and asking whats the issue. If they are friends they will understand. If its a group online, I'd try to find another if i would be you.

I have played some similar RPG irl for a few years, but sadly the one that kept the group together (we were just 3) is traveling through the world. I would not give up a irl group easily, but if its online i wouldnt stress myself and just find another.

I'm sorry that you had to quit, if I read what you said right, but it sounds like the right thing to do, unfortunately. They don't respect you enough to make the time for you, it's likely that that never have and they never will. I also have a poor view of people as a whole.

Now tell me where they live so I can set them on fire.

I don't know either of their addresses, just that they live in the same city as me, Jay. Thanks, though.

What part of the city do you live in? I'll set the rest of it on fire.
And salt the earth.

Because nobody messes with my AdorabLily

It's also important to remember that, well, there's more ways than ever to run a game over the internet. Like I said, roll20.net is a great way to run a virtual tabletop.

So even if you can find a group nearby, I can talk with mine, we need more people in the Gaming Weisenheimers...that's my Online gaming clan by the way. x3

We where planning on starting a Marvel Heroes game, if the Game Host ever recovers his health enough to feel up to running it. If not, we can always find something else to play, dear.

Things will work out.