Forums » Smalltalk » Coming Out(Advice Needed!!)

I have a little of a situation that I need advice on. I'm bisexual, leaning more to the lesbian side of things.(I'm physically a girl.) Most of my friends, and a few select close cousins know this, but none of the adults do. Even my dad. I'm afraid to tell them. I've heard my dad and my great uncle talking about when my cousin first came out, and how they strongly disagree with it all. I just don't want to cause greater tension with my dad then what we already have. What should I do????????

I just have a few questions! Nothing negative, I assure you.

When you consider coming out to your other family members, do you feel safe to do so?
Do you feel they could still respect you enough to know?

Are there other members you could come out to before them to know you have more support somewhere else? Perhaps a mom, aunt, or others that have relationships with these two that could help you still get support even if they aren't too keen on your views?

I ask these questions because my mother, for a long time, was not supportive of the LGBTQ way of life if it were in her own family. She would say negative things and insist "not my child. My child is better, but those people can live how they want." It was hurtful, but in the end she actually turned out to be 100% supportive of me and my husband.

This could even be a possible reaction from your father and uncle.

Coming out is NEVER simple and easy and it's okay to be afraid. I thought my family wouldn't love me at all, but I was quite wrong.

Another question; is there a reason you may regret telling your dad? Other than him being possibly unaccepting? I live a life where I choose not to do make choices I know I will regret and think and sleep on this thought until I'm definitely certain about what I want to do.

I hope I'm being helpful to you in some way.

First of all, I am bisexual and have a personal preference for women too. So I completely understand. My father knows, and my friends, but no one else in my family really.

I realized probably about two years ago, that them not knowing, doesn't make me in the closet. You're only really in the closet if you're in denial, and if you claim to be not bisexual. If you live your life how you want, then not straight up telling your father or another adult in your family you're bisexual does not matter.

It's really not even their business. And think about it, the only reason you even 'have' to tell them you're bisexual is because they assume you're straight. Which is their personal issue, not yours! Straight people don't need to tell others they are straight. They just live their lives, and date who they want to date.

Believe it or not, you can do the same thing. Coming out is really in reality nothing more than accepting yourself, and if asked, not lying about who you are. In order to come out, you're not obligated to tell anyone. It is not your problem they are homophobic or that they just assume you're straight. You can live happily, and let them feel with their shock and anger when you one day have a girlfriend, fiancee, and wife. (If you do) it will teach them not to assume things.

If you really want to tell them still, then, by all means, that's something you should do. But if you're too afraid of them, then know you're not obligated, and it doesn't mean you're not 'out'. You are.

I hope I helped at all.

This this this and more of this, yes. Beautifully said.