Forums » Smalltalk » Nagging Roleplayers

Have you ever role-played with just constantly nagged at you IC and OOC?
I find myself not wanting to RP anymore when I get these type of people.
For example: Let's say the person you Rping with isn't all that good and not putting forth effort. So you just gradually stop replying or flat out block them. They'll then spam you with messages until you reply or block them.

Anyone have any experiences with these people to share?

Yes and it is bothersome. Now before engaging in a game with someone I lay it out plainly; I simply can not offer multiple or even daily posts, and I don't take kindly to someone pestering or worse guilt tripping me about a game. That's not saying I don't enjoy ooc chatter and the like by all means let's connect - I find it makes ooc relations much easier when I am able to talk to my partner. However when that chatter turns to constant pestering or guilt tripping I usually walk away from the game no matter how much I love it.

Be up front with your partners from the very beginning about such manners - in my experience if they really wanna play they'll be understanding, and well if they're not it is their loss. There are plently of marvelous writers out there who do understand hope this helps.

Things generally play out much healthier if you simply let the person know that things aren't working out. I've had a few of instances where I've had to let people down simply because our styles didn't mesh, and they were always completely understanding and often felt similarly to myself.

All-in-all, a simple message is often all it takes to avoid pestering. No one likes to be left hanging!

Communicate. Tell people as it is when they offend you, and if they don't respect your limits, cut ties with them. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that. They might get butthurt, but then again it's not really your problem, is it?


On a somewhat relevant sidenote; if nagging is necessary for your partner to respond within reasonable time, end it. If they're even just slightly interested in what they're doing they won't need your begging for attention.

I imagine if someone gradually stops responding, their RP partner may get extremely worried and end up spamming out of concern, not so much to bother. I have friends who periodically check in with me to make sure I'm doing okay due to my health issues, and if I were to not respond to them I'm sure they'd be worried sick that something bad happened. Lots of RPers also deal with mental health issues, and it's scary to think someone may be going through a really hard time and you don't have any info because they're not responding at all.

I myself have anxiety issues where, if I don't hear from someone when I expect to hear from them, I fear they've run into a terrible accident or maybe even died. In my panic I sometimes start spamming. I've gotten better at it, but not knowing where I stand is one of the worst triggers for my anxiety, and you may be experiencing something similar from your RP partners. Maybe not to this dramatic extent, but close.

If I'm doing something that causes someone to feel upset with me, I'd like to know so I can move forward with that knowledge and perhaps even adjust my behavior to fix it if that's necessary. If someone's not having fun with our RP, I'd like for them to tell me so we can find a way to make it fun again. English is my 4th language, I really sucked at it in the beginning, and people not RPing with me because I was bad at it didn't help me improve. I'm forever grateful to the individuals who stuck with me and corrected/guided me when I made mistakes.

So I guess it's a matter of perspective. There are some individuals who struggle socially and have difficulties with boundaries. I've never known any of them to be less 'annoying' because I ended up ignoring them, but I have helped many gain a better understanding of what to expect and how to deal with situations by offering suggestions on how I'd have done it, or what I would have liked from them instead. Sometimes we're just incompatible RP partners and that's okay, but I always make sure to let them know that's how I feel.

As Cinders said, communicate. I do however urge everyone to be considerate and try to phrase their concerns in a non-accusatory manner when sharing their honest feelings. "I feel", "I think" and "It seems" are good words to include in your vocabulary when communicating with RP partners. Constructive feedback is good feedback. Acknowledge their feelings and try to understand their position while sharing how you feel, and you may find the amount of nagging can be drastically reduced.

I've had experience with that before but its hard to just tell the person in question that they just don't want to RP with you or that you don't mainly because it'll one cause drama or two cause that person to hate you and yes I've had it happen before well recently actually -Will not name anyone specific!-

I think we have all experienced this at some point in our roleplaying lives, or will in the future. It's just part of the roleplaying nature.
As Sanne mentioned, there could be endless reasons for why your partner keeps reaching out to you. And, as multiple people have mentioned, I believe the most important thing is to communicate.
If their constant messages are making you annoyed and causing you to lose interest in the RP, don't just ignore everything and let it go; talk to them. Say "I'm sorry, but I'm just not feeling the muse for this anymore" or anything along those lines. It's not nice to leave them hanging, and that causes them to send more messages because "is everything okay?" "was my post not good enough?" "are they having trouble thinking of a post?" are all thoughts that the other person might be having.

In the past, I have had someone message me multiple times and get upset with me when I didn't respond every day. I spoke with them, and ended the RP.
Now, especially where I'm currently at in my busy IRL, I always make sure that my RP partners know that there will be times that I don't respond.
I've gone a month or so without responding to some RPs, just because life is busy and I don't have muse. Most of my partners just let it go because they know and understand; sometimes, someone will message and be like 'hey, are you okay, are you still interested in this?' When that happens, I take a look at the RP, consider how likely it is that I can get my muse back, and speak with them on either 'yeah I'm still interested I'm just really busy, sorry!' or 'I'm sorry, I don't think I can keep up with this anymore'. They've always been super friendly and understanding.

So yes, the most important thing is to communicate That's what this site is all about, after all!

I never had it here, but I had it on other places. Small time forums that have intertwining stories with confusing threads. I can understand a person would want activity, but nagging and prodding is a turn off.

Some people need to learn users have a life and are always busy outside RP.

In this scenario, definitely just tell them directly. Otherwise, you're letting them dangle, which is at least as unpleasant as being nagged. Being told directly is infinitely better than never knowing, even if it briefly hurts your feelings. We have a guide on doing this here: https://www.rprepository.com/help/drama#134

i see it alot but never know wht 2 do.

I've run into this before. Back in 2006...yeah, back on Myspace. I was a greenhorn then.
I try not to nag, and if I am doing so, feel free to tell me. Sometimes, we all have a slip of judgment.
Remember--communicate! That's the best antidote for nagging! >_<

I will admit to giving people a nudge...or nagging if you must, tbf I generally only do it when I haven't heard anything from them for several days.

I do it because I just want to know what's going on. I'm quite understanding about things like writer's block, lost interest, real life or even simply being forgetful. Heck sometimes the other person even admits that they thought they had sent a reply, but actually hadn't.

I get that nagging can be annoying, but as it's just as annoying to be left going what the heck happened?

That being said, I offer no excuse for incessant naggers that just bug you constantly.

Honestly I think just ignoring people is really dang rude. It makes them worry. Did they say something wrong? did they not meet your standards? What did they do wrong? are you okay? Should they be worried about you?

I've got a few people who've just vanished on me and a few of them, even years on I think about. I wonder if they're alright. It's not a nice feeling.
There's also that concern that you're one of "those" players, the one who the person now ignoring you tells their friends about as "omg this rper was SOOO bad guys, like, omg" and that sucks too.

Basically, be a decent person. If it's not working TELL the other person for goodness sake! don't just stop responding, that's really rude and honestly quite nasty. You're leaving them with so many questions unanswered and paranoidly thinking they're not good enough.

Around this time of year I tend to assume people are just busy, but a little "sorry, i'm gonna be out of town" or "sorry i'm not 100%" if you're gonna be gone a few days would be polite too. Otherwise you worry you did something wrong and they're ghosting you.

Sadly, some people are just really inconsiderate.
I should actually send little nudges to the several people who've poofed on me but I figured i'd leave them be till after christmas, they probably just forgot. Least that's what i'm hoping. The paranoid part of my brain keeps insisting it's because i'm a "terrible rper and they now hate me".
*sigh*

I do remind people but I give them a week until I see there active and I will send a reminder after 3 days of seeing them actually posting.. even then I don't nag them it's more of a friendly reminder... People have to remind me some times.. and I start to worry of people leave and don't give me reason

I can understand both sides of the argument here, because I’ve been on both sides. However, you can’t just stop replying. We as people have the natural need to know what our mistakes were so that we may correct them in the future. Conversely, I understand it can be hard to reply when you feel your partner hasn’t put forth much effort. I don’t however think this can be used as a valid complaint, it is an excuse, plain and simple.

You need to give them a reason for why you stopped and try to make them understand. In my opinion, blocking should only be used in the most extreme of cases. Without reasoning we go mental trying to figure out what we did wrong, and naturally we assume the worst situations.

So while I do agree that spamming is not necessary, it’s a little hard to avoid when the person refuses to tell you what you’ve done wrong. This leads to a natural and irrational need to search for answers.

The best thing is to be direct, make it quick like ripping off a band-aid.

A small nudge is fine. Mainly if you are concerned about the person or just worried.

However, I encountered people as I mentioned above that would seriously nag a person to reply, regardless they are busy or not. It is more toxic when they play the guilt game.

This never happened to me, but I heard stories of a RP forum (It went belly up and is now inactive) where the admin would limit hiatuses on users. A user lost a family member and needed time to cope and gather their feelings. What did the admin do?

Go full blown anger mode and threatened to ban the person. Mainly people have lives outside the internet.

School, real life, etc come first.

People like that admin should never be admins in the first place and I would never defend people like that. Rp is a hobby and like any other hobby, it takes a back seat when more important stuff like school, work, family etc. come into play.

2017 has been a bad year for me and I have had to take more then 1 mini-hiatus this year. In fact I'll going to be taking another one soon, not sure exactly when, but soon.

That being said, I try to be upfront and let my partners know about my breaks. Wrote a message and then copied/pasted it to everyone each time.

Gosh. This is nice. I should so use it, but in real-life, people who ignore you are also as blamable than you "nagging" them, take responsability, stop running away, you got a business with me. OÎ.

I could understand nagging from young or newbie RPers who are just learning at least.

The demanding people no. Those need to learn that others have a life outside the internet.

I heard horror stories from my friends who joined other RP sites where the admins would give time limits to post, IC or OOC or be deleted.

I been accused of making up "excuses" when I wanted to move on from a boring RP and dropped a muse. Some Rps just loose my interest fast. Most that being group RPs. I really don't stay in smaller, user run forums due to admins not having people skills or experience in handling situations. Sometimes, certain Rps just loose their flare for people. Which is why I stay away from other RP sites or smaller user made RP forums with near tight rules.

When I was a rookie, I use to go to AniRP which was a hellish place of nagging and snobs.

Its the same most places. This is actually the first site where I actually get to enjoy rp with others I mean yeah I understand if the rp is good but. Like some people I don't have the greatest internet ~_~ And when a snow storm hits pfft I'm down to having to use my phone if I get a signal...Honestly if the rp has become boring just tell me and we'll end it...Like all of you I don't mind a nudge and hey I'll nudge back if you've let the rp stay quiet for a week.

It just gets aggravating when your trying to do a rp and you think its good and you don't hear from your partner saying "Hey I'm gonna be busy for a few days or a week or so." I mean it would be nice. I will admit I'm also not perfect sometimes I forget I have an rp going or I get really busy IRL and finally have a moment to sit down and go through my messages with active rps.

It really sucks more when your called out for nagging when in fact you setup a group and those players then don't say anything or bother trying to let you know "Oh hey ! I don't want to play.."