Im curious what people think or if I'm just silly for feeling this way 
I've had a problem for a while now that I have been told a character of mine is kind of boring by a couple of different people. Granted, in the context of asking why they prefer a "side" character over the main character. I asked them what makes them boring and they listed off the traits that I thought made them endearing.
It kind of hurt my feelings really badly, both times. I asked them what would make them or the rp more exciting and they suggested things that I tried to implement but felt it wasnt true to the character.
Of course, I told myself the usual "who cares what they think" and "it's your character so you can do what you want with them" but I find that I really want this person's approval. I really respect them as a writer and a friend and if they find them boring, maybe something is lacking on my end and in my writing. I took it very personally when I know I should have let it slide. Because I put so much of myself and my effort into these characters, having been told they were boring made me feel as if they thought I myself was boring or unlikeable. I thought maybe i just lacked the skill as a writer to make my character enjoyable.
I know this is not the case. What I wanted to know from you guys was if you ever felt it personally when you hear that a character you like is disliked by your friend or someone whose opinion you respect. You know you shouldn't care because everyone has different taste but you still do.
I've had a problem for a while now that I have been told a character of mine is kind of boring by a couple of different people. Granted, in the context of asking why they prefer a "side" character over the main character. I asked them what makes them boring and they listed off the traits that I thought made them endearing.
It kind of hurt my feelings really badly, both times. I asked them what would make them or the rp more exciting and they suggested things that I tried to implement but felt it wasnt true to the character.
Of course, I told myself the usual "who cares what they think" and "it's your character so you can do what you want with them" but I find that I really want this person's approval. I really respect them as a writer and a friend and if they find them boring, maybe something is lacking on my end and in my writing. I took it very personally when I know I should have let it slide. Because I put so much of myself and my effort into these characters, having been told they were boring made me feel as if they thought I myself was boring or unlikeable. I thought maybe i just lacked the skill as a writer to make my character enjoyable.
I know this is not the case. What I wanted to know from you guys was if you ever felt it personally when you hear that a character you like is disliked by your friend or someone whose opinion you respect. You know you shouldn't care because everyone has different taste but you still do.
Please take into consideration, that if they dislike your character for any reason, they can choose not to roleplay with it. Even if it's a friend, someone you like. You can still be friends. Because when changing a character to get approval from someone else, while disregarding your own preferences, you allow them to control aspects of your character, your intellectual property, and that is a huge no-no for me. You wouldn't order pizza for yourself with your friends favorite toppings, would you?
But that given, if you honestly think there's any truth at all to their words, take it as constructive criticism instead of getting sad or upset about it, and keep it in mind it next time you create a character. That's what I would do. I'm not scared to try new toppings, they might be tasty.
tl;dr: Don't change your character. If you want to, you can view it as constructive criticism and move on.
But that given, if you honestly think there's any truth at all to their words, take it as constructive criticism instead of getting sad or upset about it, and keep it in mind it next time you create a character. That's what I would do. I'm not scared to try new toppings, they might be tasty.
tl;dr: Don't change your character. If you want to, you can view it as constructive criticism and move on.
I think every author in the history of writing has wrestled with this. That's really what we do here too; it's role play but it's also mutual storytelling in most cases. We might not be published (and kudos if you are!) but we're all writers.
We pour a lot of time and energy into our creations, it's natural to want other people to like them. It can be hard when said creation doesn't get the reception we'd hope for. I've been there plenty of times where I had a great idea for a character and they just... never quite take with others. It's frustrating to be sure, even hurtful if you put a lot of yourself into said character. In that case, even though it's a fictional creation, it can feel like an aspect of yourself is being rejected.
All of this you've basically said already, but I wanted to validate your feelings on the matter. It is hard. It does suck.
Without more information, I can't really say if the feedback you've gotten is constructive or not. I would suggest mulling it over and thinking about what was said, especially since you said this criticism came from a trusted friend, and at the end of the day, you decide. Are traits of the character annoying or is it that the character isn't this other person's cup of tea? If it is the traits, then more than that, is it the way they're being portrayed? You don't need to change a painting to put it under a different lighting setting (I love metaphors too, I know).
Personally, I've often found a glass of wine makes just about everything better as well. If you needed a fresh perspective or someone new to brainstorm with, feel free to PM me, or if you just want to chat more privately. I'm on semi-regularly though I'm sure several of my RP partners would like to beat me for the sometimes slow post rate I make them suffer with.
We pour a lot of time and energy into our creations, it's natural to want other people to like them. It can be hard when said creation doesn't get the reception we'd hope for. I've been there plenty of times where I had a great idea for a character and they just... never quite take with others. It's frustrating to be sure, even hurtful if you put a lot of yourself into said character. In that case, even though it's a fictional creation, it can feel like an aspect of yourself is being rejected.
All of this you've basically said already, but I wanted to validate your feelings on the matter. It is hard. It does suck.
Without more information, I can't really say if the feedback you've gotten is constructive or not. I would suggest mulling it over and thinking about what was said, especially since you said this criticism came from a trusted friend, and at the end of the day, you decide. Are traits of the character annoying or is it that the character isn't this other person's cup of tea? If it is the traits, then more than that, is it the way they're being portrayed? You don't need to change a painting to put it under a different lighting setting (I love metaphors too, I know).
Personally, I've often found a glass of wine makes just about everything better as well. If you needed a fresh perspective or someone new to brainstorm with, feel free to PM me, or if you just want to chat more privately. I'm on semi-regularly though I'm sure several of my RP partners would like to beat me for the sometimes slow post rate I make them suffer with.
*hugs* so sorry to hear this. It is really upsetting when it's a character and something you've poured a lot of yourself into. It could very well simply be a case of rp style not meshing. I've had that happen many times where your style and the way you like to play characters simply doesn't mesh with the other player and it causes conflict and frustration on both sides.
I knew a girl who loved to tell stories, problem was, her stories usually only involved HER characters and the other pcs in the game were just along for the ride, their actions meant nothing, they couldn't impact the story in any way or be involved as anything other than side characters. Suffice to say, it was REALLY unsatisfying for everyone else.
I had another game where what one player thought was "omg hilarious" was just cringe to me and what I thought was funny didn't make them laugh. So all our attempts at humor in a light hearted rp just fell flat.
Sometimes style of players just don't mesh and it doesn't work.
That doesn't mean there's something wrong with either writing style, just that you aren't well matched to the collaborative effort that IS rp.
But still, when you respect another person it really can hurt when they're negative about a character you wanted them to like. I remember writing a story once and making the mistake of asking for honest critique, assuming i'd get criticism on the narrative and plot and some help fleshing some bits out. Instead I got a long tirade about how unlikable my character was and how he sounded like a whiny teenager not an adult and had zero likable traits to make someone wish to continue reading his narrative.
Suffice to say, i was absolutely devastated because it had never occurred to me my characters' internal monologue (first person narrative) could come across as immature and annoying like that. It hurt to be told I wrote like a 12 year old when I was in my 20s, and I admit, it really put me off sharing any writing for a long time.
I'm still not comfortable doing so because it feels like i'm exposing too much of myself to attack.
And that's the thing, with writing especially it's quite a deep personal part of ourselves we're laying bare. Criticism can be especially difficult to take because when we write or create a character or a world we invest a lot of ourselves into that creation. It's like... our child almost.
I'm also honestly of the opinion that sometimes boring people are interesting to throw into extraordinary situations anyway. Not every character needs to be exceptional, there's a certain charm, I think, in playing ordinary people.
I think you have every right to be upset, that's only natural but remember, you can't please everyone. Much like ifyou think of your favourite book or tv show and how some people HATE it and you can't see why, rp and characters are much the same. What one person loves and finds interesting and fun another person might find mind numblingly dull.
Other people have given great advice, all I can add is to try not to let it crush you and don't feel like you have to conform to something you don't want to be just to fit in with one group. Find different rpers, ones you mesh with.
I used to rp in a chatroom for many years and one time we all sat down and noticed that we'd split into little groups, all our characters basically only ever interacted with certain other players characters and we sat down and asked "but why?"
It turned out we gravitated toward those specific players because their play style and the way they thought matched our own well so we were on the same wavelength and found it easier to predict and play off one another. Also because we were on the same wavelength what we found interesting the other player found interesting and fun, so we enjoyed rping with one another while interacting with people who's thinking and play style was a bit different was harder and less natural feeling.
It wasn't that we were being intentionally exclusive and cliquey, it was simply that we preferred the play style of particular people and so by subconscious preference would gravitate toward their characters.
And that's the thing about rp, it's much like real life friendship groups. Some people just don't get along, no matter how hard you try. Some people don't click.
If you find traits endearing there may very well be someone out there who agrees. Or you may simply need to further flesh out your character by playing them. The best way to flesh out a character is, after all, by actually rping with them. It's amazing how much they can change, evolve and grow as people over the course of one game/story. I mean, heck, i've had very one dimensional characters who've over the course of a game become extremely fun to play. it's a case of getting to know the character and finding out more about what makes them tick.
Good luck!
I knew a girl who loved to tell stories, problem was, her stories usually only involved HER characters and the other pcs in the game were just along for the ride, their actions meant nothing, they couldn't impact the story in any way or be involved as anything other than side characters. Suffice to say, it was REALLY unsatisfying for everyone else.
I had another game where what one player thought was "omg hilarious" was just cringe to me and what I thought was funny didn't make them laugh. So all our attempts at humor in a light hearted rp just fell flat.
Sometimes style of players just don't mesh and it doesn't work.
That doesn't mean there's something wrong with either writing style, just that you aren't well matched to the collaborative effort that IS rp.
But still, when you respect another person it really can hurt when they're negative about a character you wanted them to like. I remember writing a story once and making the mistake of asking for honest critique, assuming i'd get criticism on the narrative and plot and some help fleshing some bits out. Instead I got a long tirade about how unlikable my character was and how he sounded like a whiny teenager not an adult and had zero likable traits to make someone wish to continue reading his narrative.
Suffice to say, i was absolutely devastated because it had never occurred to me my characters' internal monologue (first person narrative) could come across as immature and annoying like that. It hurt to be told I wrote like a 12 year old when I was in my 20s, and I admit, it really put me off sharing any writing for a long time.
I'm still not comfortable doing so because it feels like i'm exposing too much of myself to attack.
And that's the thing, with writing especially it's quite a deep personal part of ourselves we're laying bare. Criticism can be especially difficult to take because when we write or create a character or a world we invest a lot of ourselves into that creation. It's like... our child almost.
I'm also honestly of the opinion that sometimes boring people are interesting to throw into extraordinary situations anyway. Not every character needs to be exceptional, there's a certain charm, I think, in playing ordinary people.
I think you have every right to be upset, that's only natural but remember, you can't please everyone. Much like ifyou think of your favourite book or tv show and how some people HATE it and you can't see why, rp and characters are much the same. What one person loves and finds interesting and fun another person might find mind numblingly dull.
Other people have given great advice, all I can add is to try not to let it crush you and don't feel like you have to conform to something you don't want to be just to fit in with one group. Find different rpers, ones you mesh with.
I used to rp in a chatroom for many years and one time we all sat down and noticed that we'd split into little groups, all our characters basically only ever interacted with certain other players characters and we sat down and asked "but why?"
It turned out we gravitated toward those specific players because their play style and the way they thought matched our own well so we were on the same wavelength and found it easier to predict and play off one another. Also because we were on the same wavelength what we found interesting the other player found interesting and fun, so we enjoyed rping with one another while interacting with people who's thinking and play style was a bit different was harder and less natural feeling.
It wasn't that we were being intentionally exclusive and cliquey, it was simply that we preferred the play style of particular people and so by subconscious preference would gravitate toward their characters.
And that's the thing about rp, it's much like real life friendship groups. Some people just don't get along, no matter how hard you try. Some people don't click.
If you find traits endearing there may very well be someone out there who agrees. Or you may simply need to further flesh out your character by playing them. The best way to flesh out a character is, after all, by actually rping with them. It's amazing how much they can change, evolve and grow as people over the course of one game/story. I mean, heck, i've had very one dimensional characters who've over the course of a game become extremely fun to play. it's a case of getting to know the character and finding out more about what makes them tick.
Good luck!
Desiring acceptance is a normal part of life. I've been rping my characters since I was ten and I've noticed how much they've changed along with my style. During my teenage years I just craved to be accepted and took things personally, although as I became more confident of myself and matured, I was more relaxed in playing other kinds of characters.
As the other's have said, its part of our lives, we want validation for what we've made. Purple_monkfish has a point as well, it comes down to wavelength. There's some folks who I just can't rp with.
After rping for a long time (Close to er... 20 years now I guess) I deliberately make characters that can be difficult to rp with, but I enjoy doing it because its a challenge. I have a semi-amnesiac character who runs on a weird sort of logic and tends to be on the annoying side, but he's deliberately made to be like that, and adjusts accordingly to the situation. I've been told before that he's difficult to rp with because of his very nature, but the question comes down to if you want to be true to a character as well or not.
I think you'd have to be careful as well of how much of yourself you put into a character. With RP, the line between OOC and IC can be blurred fairly often and unintentionally. Its best to know how to put a distance between yourself and the character. How different are you from the character, how much do you identify with them? I'm not saying you shouldn't put yourself in a character or that you might be, but its something I've noticed in characters that people make. It makes it easier to take offense when someone doesn't like a character the more similar they are to their creator.
That being said, I do somehow develop characters that are deliberately annoying / boring as a challenge. I have an OCD character who, when I'm in his frame of mind, can spend several paragraphs just detailing how he rearranges things and is only able to eat food if its cut into perfect squares. I know in the frame of mind of another character who is a lot more action-based, I would find that chara boring to interact with. Like who wants to read paragraphs just on arranging things?! But that is how the character is and that is important to him. So I write true to him.
But going back to your point, I guess the question you might want to ask yourself as well is, is playing the character as such enjoyable to you? If it is then... well they're the ones missing out on enjoying that aspect of your character and you!
*waves to Darkon*
As the other's have said, its part of our lives, we want validation for what we've made. Purple_monkfish has a point as well, it comes down to wavelength. There's some folks who I just can't rp with.
After rping for a long time (Close to er... 20 years now I guess) I deliberately make characters that can be difficult to rp with, but I enjoy doing it because its a challenge. I have a semi-amnesiac character who runs on a weird sort of logic and tends to be on the annoying side, but he's deliberately made to be like that, and adjusts accordingly to the situation. I've been told before that he's difficult to rp with because of his very nature, but the question comes down to if you want to be true to a character as well or not.
I think you'd have to be careful as well of how much of yourself you put into a character. With RP, the line between OOC and IC can be blurred fairly often and unintentionally. Its best to know how to put a distance between yourself and the character. How different are you from the character, how much do you identify with them? I'm not saying you shouldn't put yourself in a character or that you might be, but its something I've noticed in characters that people make. It makes it easier to take offense when someone doesn't like a character the more similar they are to their creator.
That being said, I do somehow develop characters that are deliberately annoying / boring as a challenge. I have an OCD character who, when I'm in his frame of mind, can spend several paragraphs just detailing how he rearranges things and is only able to eat food if its cut into perfect squares. I know in the frame of mind of another character who is a lot more action-based, I would find that chara boring to interact with. Like who wants to read paragraphs just on arranging things?! But that is how the character is and that is important to him. So I write true to him.
But going back to your point, I guess the question you might want to ask yourself as well is, is playing the character as such enjoyable to you? If it is then... well they're the ones missing out on enjoying that aspect of your character and you!
*waves to Darkon*
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