Forums » Smalltalk » What are the funniest quotes/scripts you know?

Basically, this is a thread to share what you think are the funniest quotes from anything. A youtube video, a movie, and RP you did, or just something you and your friends said that was funny.
Be sure to include what it's from, but if it's only funny out of context, then don't.

I'll start, it's from the youtube video: "BUNG Chronicles: Norse Code" (if you haven't watched him, I suggest you do, he's really funny.

*An Japanese god I don't know, Horus from Egyptian Myth, An African/maybe Mesoamerican god, Chinese god, an unknown god, Native American god, and Vishnu from Hinduism are all sitting on a couch floating through space watching TV*
AFRICAN GOD: We are NOT watching Gods of Egypt AGAIN!
HORUS: Well it's either that or 47 Ronin.
JAPANESE GOD: Me no likey.
HORUS: Hey Vishnu, can you do something about the setup?
VISHNU: Oh, so because I am Indian I am suddenly tech support?
HORUS: Yes, that's why I asked you.
...
VISHNU: Okay give me one moment.

*Later on in the same episode, the main character and some Norse mythological characters are going to stop Loki. So far they have a Valkyrie and Fenrir (a wolf). they find a frost giant's head in a bucket named Mimae, still alive, but he can answer any question asked correctly (even the impossible ones)*

BUNG: Okay, just for proof: Which is better? cookies and cream or mango?
MIMAE: Neither. Mint Chocolate.
BUNG: Damn, he's good.
FENRIR: Okay, one more cosmic question. Who's a good boy?
MIMAE: You are.
FENRIR: You're damn right.

Mark fnaf video (can’t remember which one)

Mark: *stairing at bonnie* he you do you and I’ll do me and we won’t do each other probably...

Me and my friend
My friend: hi I don’t mean to alarm you but that puppet you just shoved in that box is your sister
Me: what?!

If you like out-of-context quotes from gaming youtubers...
Game.
Grumps.

"Shalom, and happy Hanukkah!
…you must die."

"...I misunderstood how touching works."

"I don't see color because I don't see."

"If we believe in ourselves, we can smoke ALL this weed we spontaneously bought!"

"I AM YOUR CHARACTER ARC!" or "ONLY EGGS CAN SUSTAIN ME!"

"I'll light whatever the **** I want on fire."

"Don't you want your frumple diddled?"

"WHO CAN BUY TWINKIES AT A TIME LIKE THIS?! WE'RE ALL GONNA ****ING DIE!"

and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on.

My favourite Critikal quotes aren't forum-appropriate so here's some others, to be read in a deadpan tone.

- "That man probably bathes in hydrofluoric acid just so he can finally feel something"
- "I look like a vulture jogging"
- "I go on the beach and pretend to be heterosexual and stuff"
- "It appears I am some abomination"
- "Scientists agree that drinking without a mouth will lead to a huge mess"
- "I'll decapitate you with this dust pan"
- “You can never really know a person until you’ve walked a mile in their skin suit”
- (in surprise) "You've gotta be putting my groceries away"
- "Did a little ballet maneuver then skedaddled"
- "He looks like a sad, deflated balloon animal"
- "Last night was the drunkest I've ever been. I vaguely remember holding hands with a bouncer and talking about cars for some reason."

Well, I usually don't watch that show called 'Sam and Cat', but one day I was watching it with my brother (he forced me to) and heard something that I thought was quite funny

Cat(I think that's how it's spelled idk): "What are the states where Sam cant go? Arizona, Utah, and Ohio."
Nona: "Oh My"
Cat: "There's three more states where Sam can't be, Texas, New Hampshire, and Tennessee."
Sam: "I'm also not welcome in Europe!"

I mean... I cracked up

Okay, I gotta throw in a Simpson's quote here:

*Homer and Marge start kissing in a toy car Bart's driving*

Bart: "Hey, knock it off back there"

Homer: "But we're married!"

Bart: "Okay, but keep it PG"

Homer: "How about R?"

Bart: "PG-13"

Homer: "Woohoo! Adult situations!"

Gotta love the Simpsons

My nephew was watching a new Cartoon-Network series called Apple & Onion. It's the classic two brothers/friends that just go on adventures. It's a little childish, but it's conquered by the surreal humor of all the characters being personified food.

"i'm covered in ketchup and I AM ketchup which makes me feel uncomfortable"

*after an adventure to build up tips to get on a hot-air balloon* Oooh! Look! Five-star luxury cruises- for only $200 dollars! Lets not go.


ONION: "I really appreciate you, falafel. you're always there to help... with plumbing stuff, but also- Apple what are you doing?"
APPLE: "I dunno you seemed sad"
ONION: "Tears of joy, Apple. Tears of joy."

*exploring the dollar store* "This giant useless plushie is one dollar! This easily breakable toy, one dollar! This set of Ogel Bricks- Oh wait they're ten bucks."

*Onion's playing professional basketball, his different emotions are discouraging him* "You can't do a single thing right..." He responds with "All you guys do realize you're me so you're technically bashing yourselves."