This problem has been exterminated. Thank you for your somewhat helpful advice.
Since I don't know you guys, I can't offer very specific advice. I only know one side of the story and I'm not about to be that person saying "break up!" without getting the full picture first. I'm just going to be objective and try work with what I know.
The usual catch all for relationship issues is to communicate. Communicate your feelings, your needs, and your expectations. At the same time, you should listen to all of her feelings, needs, and expectations. Try to compromise.
If you're feeling distant, try to find out why. Are you two disagreeing about something? Are you having a hard time relating to each other? Do you feel like she doesn't know you well enough or vice-versa? Do you feel smothered or are you not getting enough attention? What do you think the relationship should be like? Do you both agree on how "serious" your relationship should be?
If she is upset with you for roleplaying romance or smut or something - even though she does it too - ask her a few questions without focusing on the hypocrisy. Why does it bother her? Why does she roleplay those things? Why do you roleplay those things? Can you both separate your feelings from roleplay? What does she want you to do? While considering the answers to these questions, do you think her solution is fair? If not, try to compromise.
Lastly, please discuss, don't argue. Don't be confrontational, don't use someone's flaws against them, and don't do the "point scoring" nonsense. I can't think of anything more toxic for a relationship than to treat an argument like something you need to "win".
The usual catch all for relationship issues is to communicate. Communicate your feelings, your needs, and your expectations. At the same time, you should listen to all of her feelings, needs, and expectations. Try to compromise.
If you're feeling distant, try to find out why. Are you two disagreeing about something? Are you having a hard time relating to each other? Do you feel like she doesn't know you well enough or vice-versa? Do you feel smothered or are you not getting enough attention? What do you think the relationship should be like? Do you both agree on how "serious" your relationship should be?
If she is upset with you for roleplaying romance or smut or something - even though she does it too - ask her a few questions without focusing on the hypocrisy. Why does it bother her? Why does she roleplay those things? Why do you roleplay those things? Can you both separate your feelings from roleplay? What does she want you to do? While considering the answers to these questions, do you think her solution is fair? If not, try to compromise.
Lastly, please discuss, don't argue. Don't be confrontational, don't use someone's flaws against them, and don't do the "point scoring" nonsense. I can't think of anything more toxic for a relationship than to treat an argument like something you need to "win".
MinetteDuMal wrote:
Since I don't know you guys, I can't offer very specific advice. I only know one side of the story and I'm not about to be that person saying "break up!" without getting the full picture first. I'm just going to be objective and try work with what I know.
The usual catch all for relationship issues is to communicate. Communicate your feelings, your needs, and your expectations. At the same time, you should listen to all of her feelings, needs, and expectations. Try to compromise.
If you're feeling distant, try to find out why. Are you two disagreeing about something? Are you having a hard time relating to each other? Do you feel like she doesn't know you well enough or vice-versa? Do you feel smothered or are you not getting enough attention? What do you think the relationship should be like? Do you both agree on how "serious" your relationship should be?
If she is upset with you for roleplaying romance or smut or something - even though she does it too - ask her a few questions without focusing on the hypocrisy. Why does it bother her? Why does she roleplay those things? Why do you roleplay those things? Can you both separate your feelings from roleplay? What does she want you to do? While considering the answers to these questions, do you think her solution is fair? If not, try to compromise.
Lastly, please discuss, don't argue. Don't be confrontational, don't use someone's flaws against them, and don't do the "point scoring" nonsense. I can't think of anything more toxic for a relationship than to treat an argument like something you need to "win".
The usual catch all for relationship issues is to communicate. Communicate your feelings, your needs, and your expectations. At the same time, you should listen to all of her feelings, needs, and expectations. Try to compromise.
If you're feeling distant, try to find out why. Are you two disagreeing about something? Are you having a hard time relating to each other? Do you feel like she doesn't know you well enough or vice-versa? Do you feel smothered or are you not getting enough attention? What do you think the relationship should be like? Do you both agree on how "serious" your relationship should be?
If she is upset with you for roleplaying romance or smut or something - even though she does it too - ask her a few questions without focusing on the hypocrisy. Why does it bother her? Why does she roleplay those things? Why do you roleplay those things? Can you both separate your feelings from roleplay? What does she want you to do? While considering the answers to these questions, do you think her solution is fair? If not, try to compromise.
Lastly, please discuss, don't argue. Don't be confrontational, don't use someone's flaws against them, and don't do the "point scoring" nonsense. I can't think of anything more toxic for a relationship than to treat an argument like something you need to "win".
If you were honestly 'dragged' into the relationship and you guys communicate better online than in each other's presence, ignoring the fact that you're already thinking about leaving- it sounds like this relationship wasn't high on your 'want to-do' list as it is. If you're unhappy, and from what it sounds like, you already got a foot out the door, end it.
Close your google account, make a new one if you're that concerned and let it go. The whole thing doesn't sound fulfilling or satisfying for either of you.
Close your google account, make a new one if you're that concerned and let it go. The whole thing doesn't sound fulfilling or satisfying for either of you.
It's a case of easier said than done, my friend, but if this is how you feel about the relationship, and your partner cannot trust you and will go through your account, then it's already over. At this point, the two of you are just wasting your time with each other.
I would strongly encourage you change your passwords and end it. Trust me when I tell you that neither of you want to be stuck in a relationship that makes you miserable, as the only thing you'll wish, when it's finally over is that you'd ended it sooner.
I know that this is one of those "break up with her!" posts, but I'm not saying this from a place of blame or a place of judgement, I'm advising you based on my own experiences. I was in a relationship for 5 years, and it was a relationship I should have ended after 2 of those years. Neither of us were really happy. I couldn't give her what she wanted - love and children - I didn't love her and at the time, did not want children.
I stayed with her because I didn't want to hurt her, and she stayed with me because she hoped one day I might change my mind. I finally broke up with her after she had clumsily (not maliciously) caused too many problems between me and my friends. I wished I had broken up with her sooner, not for any other reason than I wasted 3 years of my life, and she wasted 3 years of hers.
I would strongly encourage you change your passwords and end it. Trust me when I tell you that neither of you want to be stuck in a relationship that makes you miserable, as the only thing you'll wish, when it's finally over is that you'd ended it sooner.
I know that this is one of those "break up with her!" posts, but I'm not saying this from a place of blame or a place of judgement, I'm advising you based on my own experiences. I was in a relationship for 5 years, and it was a relationship I should have ended after 2 of those years. Neither of us were really happy. I couldn't give her what she wanted - love and children - I didn't love her and at the time, did not want children.
I stayed with her because I didn't want to hurt her, and she stayed with me because she hoped one day I might change my mind. I finally broke up with her after she had clumsily (not maliciously) caused too many problems between me and my friends. I wished I had broken up with her sooner, not for any other reason than I wasted 3 years of my life, and she wasted 3 years of hers.
It reads like you don't want to be in the relationship.
What you need to do is be honest with yourself and your feelings. If you don't want to be in the relationship, bail. Do so respectfully and safely, but get out. If you /do/ want to be in the relationship, you need to work on your communication with your partner immediately.
One way or the other, don't allow this to just linger and fester. Judge your heart and make the decision that's right for you and act on it.
What you need to do is be honest with yourself and your feelings. If you don't want to be in the relationship, bail. Do so respectfully and safely, but get out. If you /do/ want to be in the relationship, you need to work on your communication with your partner immediately.
One way or the other, don't allow this to just linger and fester. Judge your heart and make the decision that's right for you and act on it.
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