I used to feel like the internet was my safe haven with all kinds of art, entertainment, and wonderful people to talk to. I don't know whether I have changed or if the internet has changed, but I no longer feel this way. For the past few months, every post, every video, and every comment I come across is plagued with negativity. Above all, It feels like I'm seeing more hatred than ever before. It's exhausting!
I keep telling myself I need to avoid the negativity but I don't know how. When I see something like a sexist comment, my instinct is to try to change their thinking. I want to encourage people to be kind and respectful of all forms of life, but of course, my replies are only met with more hatred. Not replying leaves me feeling hopeless because I can't decide if it's the right thing to do or if it's just cowardly. If I comment, they won't listen. If I don't comment, then I become yet another bystander. There's no winning.
My other predicament is that if I start avoiding things like news and politics altogether, I won't know what's going on in the world and so many things will just fly right over my head. I don't want to be oblivious. I want to see things change and I want to be part of that process.
I've gone without stuff like Facebook, Instagram, Reddit, and Twitter my entire life, but even if I never touch those websites, I'm still surrounded by people who do. Steam and Youtube are now just as toxic as those other websites so it seems my abstinence from social media won't save me. Quitting the internet won't save me either, that would be a massive inconvenience. Not to mention I hate the idea of denying myself all of the wonderful things the internet has to offer simply because some people refuse to be kind. There is no way I'm surrendering one of mankind's greatest inventions to a bunch of trolls!
I'm sorry for the unruly train of thoughts. I don't know where else to ask for help, RPR feels like the only social website that hasn't turned toxic. How do you guys cope with the nonsense? Or am I the only one who feels this way?
I keep telling myself I need to avoid the negativity but I don't know how. When I see something like a sexist comment, my instinct is to try to change their thinking. I want to encourage people to be kind and respectful of all forms of life, but of course, my replies are only met with more hatred. Not replying leaves me feeling hopeless because I can't decide if it's the right thing to do or if it's just cowardly. If I comment, they won't listen. If I don't comment, then I become yet another bystander. There's no winning.
My other predicament is that if I start avoiding things like news and politics altogether, I won't know what's going on in the world and so many things will just fly right over my head. I don't want to be oblivious. I want to see things change and I want to be part of that process.
I've gone without stuff like Facebook, Instagram, Reddit, and Twitter my entire life, but even if I never touch those websites, I'm still surrounded by people who do. Steam and Youtube are now just as toxic as those other websites so it seems my abstinence from social media won't save me. Quitting the internet won't save me either, that would be a massive inconvenience. Not to mention I hate the idea of denying myself all of the wonderful things the internet has to offer simply because some people refuse to be kind. There is no way I'm surrendering one of mankind's greatest inventions to a bunch of trolls!
I'm sorry for the unruly train of thoughts. I don't know where else to ask for help, RPR feels like the only social website that hasn't turned toxic. How do you guys cope with the nonsense? Or am I the only one who feels this way?
Well, in my personal opinion, it was always like this, ever since I started actively surfing the web.
It's not much different from what I experienced in real life during school years and university - there were always people who were spiteful, rude or hateful, but not to an overwhelming degree. But there also were lots and lots of good decent people as well.
Nice enviroment isn't "default" one. The world is largely indifferent and often harsh. I think you need to change your perception of it and try not to pay as much attention to it, especially if it doesn't involve you or if you can't do anything about it, because you are wasting your energy on things beyond your control and it saps any enjoyment away. My family often says "If you can't change the situation, then change your attitide towards it". I believe it will save you lots and lots of energy and make things less stressful for you.
P.S.
All of the things stated above are personal opinions, not The One And Only Truth. I am just sharing my point of view on the matter.
It's not much different from what I experienced in real life during school years and university - there were always people who were spiteful, rude or hateful, but not to an overwhelming degree. But there also were lots and lots of good decent people as well.
Nice enviroment isn't "default" one. The world is largely indifferent and often harsh. I think you need to change your perception of it and try not to pay as much attention to it, especially if it doesn't involve you or if you can't do anything about it, because you are wasting your energy on things beyond your control and it saps any enjoyment away. My family often says "If you can't change the situation, then change your attitide towards it". I believe it will save you lots and lots of energy and make things less stressful for you.
P.S.
All of the things stated above are personal opinions, not The One And Only Truth. I am just sharing my point of view on the matter.
I'm sorry and I'm sure you've heard this before but besides turning off your device or closing your eyes there is no real way to avoid negativity online. It is everywhere you go and always will be.
But I have a few tips that might just help you and others deal with this.
1. Try to remind yourself that a lot of if not most of the horrible posts you'll see on line are not representative of the real world population. By this I mean even if you see nothing but racists and sexists everywhere you look online that dose not mean that the world is really full of people like that. These horrible posts mostly belong in 1 of categories.
The Troll/bully. These people will say horrible things just to get under someone's skin. But while it doesn't excuse their actions don't forget that to most of them it's all a big joke and hardly ever the way they really feel in real life meaning that most of them are less racist/sexist and more just immature. You can't reason with them you can't change them you must ignore them.
The hyperbolic. Lots of people say very nasty things but deep down the likely don't really mean it. They are just very mad about something and so they use the worst words they can come up with. These people are rarely like this IRL. The fact that there is a screen between you and them gives them a feeling that they can let loss and say any crazy thing with out real consequences. But you shouldn't try to tell reason with them either because most of the time they will try to defend them self with just as many hyperbolic terms.
The vocal minority. and lastly there are some people out there who really truly hold these horrible ideas to heart. They are a loud minority of people in the world. and While they do have a real problem posting to them online is not going to change them. I've spoken to many of these types of people in real life and online and I find that if you do really want to help them you need to become there friends first. Not something that is done in youtube comments.
So with all 3 of these type of people you can see that talking to them online isn't really going to help but I hope you can be claimed knowing that most of them don't really mean what the say and the ones that do are such a small part of the population that they don't really effect the world as much as you think.
2. Know when to pick your battles. No one changes the hearts and minds of people by arguing with them online. If you see something wrong with the world and you really truly want to do something about it don't go yelling at the people who are doing it. Instead talk to others about it maybe try to start a movement or join one or just be good to people you meet in real life and talk about the troubles of the world. Sure it might not seem like much but understand your just one person and while you might not be able to wipe out negativity you can help to lower it bit by bit.
3. Review. We know that there is nothing you can do to change the minds of these people and so you know that arguing with them is pointless so try to just ignore them. But you can help make he world a better place just by being a good person and talking to people about the problems of the world.
I hope this advice was helpful I've love to talk more about this subject PM me if you want to.
But I have a few tips that might just help you and others deal with this.
1. Try to remind yourself that a lot of if not most of the horrible posts you'll see on line are not representative of the real world population. By this I mean even if you see nothing but racists and sexists everywhere you look online that dose not mean that the world is really full of people like that. These horrible posts mostly belong in 1 of categories.
The Troll/bully. These people will say horrible things just to get under someone's skin. But while it doesn't excuse their actions don't forget that to most of them it's all a big joke and hardly ever the way they really feel in real life meaning that most of them are less racist/sexist and more just immature. You can't reason with them you can't change them you must ignore them.
The hyperbolic. Lots of people say very nasty things but deep down the likely don't really mean it. They are just very mad about something and so they use the worst words they can come up with. These people are rarely like this IRL. The fact that there is a screen between you and them gives them a feeling that they can let loss and say any crazy thing with out real consequences. But you shouldn't try to tell reason with them either because most of the time they will try to defend them self with just as many hyperbolic terms.
The vocal minority. and lastly there are some people out there who really truly hold these horrible ideas to heart. They are a loud minority of people in the world. and While they do have a real problem posting to them online is not going to change them. I've spoken to many of these types of people in real life and online and I find that if you do really want to help them you need to become there friends first. Not something that is done in youtube comments.
So with all 3 of these type of people you can see that talking to them online isn't really going to help but I hope you can be claimed knowing that most of them don't really mean what the say and the ones that do are such a small part of the population that they don't really effect the world as much as you think.
2. Know when to pick your battles. No one changes the hearts and minds of people by arguing with them online. If you see something wrong with the world and you really truly want to do something about it don't go yelling at the people who are doing it. Instead talk to others about it maybe try to start a movement or join one or just be good to people you meet in real life and talk about the troubles of the world. Sure it might not seem like much but understand your just one person and while you might not be able to wipe out negativity you can help to lower it bit by bit.
3. Review. We know that there is nothing you can do to change the minds of these people and so you know that arguing with them is pointless so try to just ignore them. But you can help make he world a better place just by being a good person and talking to people about the problems of the world.
I hope this advice was helpful I've love to talk more about this subject PM me if you want to.
Some people are rude online out of bitter and anger. There are those that still hold a grudge for whatever reason, so they lash out negative stuff. Misery loves company.
A friend concerned with my own habit of getting involved in online junk asked me to come see if I could add anything here. Not sure anything I might say will be helpful, but here goes.
First... it is virtually impossible to avoid negativity online. The cruel and ignorant seep in everywhere, even in "gated" communities like private groups and here on RPR. The larger a community, the more individuals there will be going against the grain. Careful monitoring by those in charge (so not on you) can help, but only if those in charge really, truly understand what they're doing and always keep on top of things. RPR isn't friendly by accident - Kim and the mods work their butts off to maintain it, and they've done an unusually good job of establishing things.
While you can't entirely avoid it, you can take measures to evade some of it. Generally, comment sections anywhere are to be avoided. You can also try to avoid conversations about controversial topics beyond just news articles and such (again, avoid comments) to keep informed. If you notice certain places seem to be more problematic than others, you can avoid those places.
Understand that while it is good to be involved in a helpful way, you must take care of yourself. Also know that you can help in other (often much more productive) ways, such as joining or donating to some helpful organization or helping others de-stress. You don't have to throw yourself at the front lines to be helpful.
First... it is virtually impossible to avoid negativity online. The cruel and ignorant seep in everywhere, even in "gated" communities like private groups and here on RPR. The larger a community, the more individuals there will be going against the grain. Careful monitoring by those in charge (so not on you) can help, but only if those in charge really, truly understand what they're doing and always keep on top of things. RPR isn't friendly by accident - Kim and the mods work their butts off to maintain it, and they've done an unusually good job of establishing things.
While you can't entirely avoid it, you can take measures to evade some of it. Generally, comment sections anywhere are to be avoided. You can also try to avoid conversations about controversial topics beyond just news articles and such (again, avoid comments) to keep informed. If you notice certain places seem to be more problematic than others, you can avoid those places.
Understand that while it is good to be involved in a helpful way, you must take care of yourself. Also know that you can help in other (often much more productive) ways, such as joining or donating to some helpful organization or helping others de-stress. You don't have to throw yourself at the front lines to be helpful.
If you ARE going to continue joining those conversations...
1. Patience. No single conversation will change anyone's mind. The best you can reasonably hope for is to be just one more voice in a journey. That's it. It is exhausting.
2. Choose your battles. Learn to recognize people who will block you out entirely and when a conversation has reach a point where continuing is useless at best and counter-productive at worst. This is very difficult.
3. If it helps, worry less about convincing the person you are addressing and more at showing those you are defending that you are there for them. Instead of being a weapon, be a shield, or just some fresh air.
4. Take care of yourself. Know what your limit is and try to keep plenty padding between it and where you're at. Take breaks. Look at cute/funny stuff. Take a week away. Take a month away. Don't let it wear you out. While you may think it's more important to stand your ground than to make a tactical retreat for your sanity, consider this: Those who know me reasonably well generally consider me to be exceptionally patient and understanding. When I'm upset, it's generally short-lived and very easy to hide it behind text. About a year or so ago, the constant stress of everything going on finally pushed me too far. I exploded on someone over something stupid. I cussed them out, I did my best to shout through text, I unloaded months of pent-up frustration on them - and they didn't deserve a bit of it. It didn't matter how much I apologized after that. I looked like just another crazy confirming their own biases. So truly: take care of yourself.
1. Patience. No single conversation will change anyone's mind. The best you can reasonably hope for is to be just one more voice in a journey. That's it. It is exhausting.
2. Choose your battles. Learn to recognize people who will block you out entirely and when a conversation has reach a point where continuing is useless at best and counter-productive at worst. This is very difficult.
3. If it helps, worry less about convincing the person you are addressing and more at showing those you are defending that you are there for them. Instead of being a weapon, be a shield, or just some fresh air.
4. Take care of yourself. Know what your limit is and try to keep plenty padding between it and where you're at. Take breaks. Look at cute/funny stuff. Take a week away. Take a month away. Don't let it wear you out. While you may think it's more important to stand your ground than to make a tactical retreat for your sanity, consider this: Those who know me reasonably well generally consider me to be exceptionally patient and understanding. When I'm upset, it's generally short-lived and very easy to hide it behind text. About a year or so ago, the constant stress of everything going on finally pushed me too far. I exploded on someone over something stupid. I cussed them out, I did my best to shout through text, I unloaded months of pent-up frustration on them - and they didn't deserve a bit of it. It didn't matter how much I apologized after that. I looked like just another crazy confirming their own biases. So truly: take care of yourself.
At the risk of sounding repetitive, I have only this to add.
I have come to learn through experiences people in my life are going through and listening to people talk about it that you only have so much care to give.
If you weigh yourself down with worrying about everything everyone thinks, you'll exhaust yourself and life will just be miserable.
This isn't to say you shouldn't care at all. Mostly, you should weigh the situation before getting yourself involved. Only you can decide how to spend your care and attention.
It isn't easy, but if you're strong enough to be the one to stand up for others, I'm sure you can do this too. Thanks for having outstanding courage! You rock!!
I have come to learn through experiences people in my life are going through and listening to people talk about it that you only have so much care to give.
If you weigh yourself down with worrying about everything everyone thinks, you'll exhaust yourself and life will just be miserable.
This isn't to say you shouldn't care at all. Mostly, you should weigh the situation before getting yourself involved. Only you can decide how to spend your care and attention.
It isn't easy, but if you're strong enough to be the one to stand up for others, I'm sure you can do this too. Thanks for having outstanding courage! You rock!!
Everyone has had wonderful advice so far! I just wanted to comment on one specific point.
I think this needs a reframing. If your goal is to argue and change the other person's viewpoint, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and disengagement. Even if you did get through to someone, it typically takes about 6 weeks to 6 months for someone to feel comfortable admitting that they changed their minds, so you'd never know. (This is about saving face.)
Most of the time, you won't change anyone's mind. But in most environments, you should still respond, because it's not about the OP. It's about letting everyone else see that that person's hateful POV is not the only one, is not accepted by everyone, and will not be tolerated by everyone. You'll essentially never change that person's mind, but you can let everyone else in the space see that they are not the only kind of person out there. Respond once with your counterfactual, then not again. You aren't required to change their minds, and in most cases you can't. Just let other people in your communities know that they aren't unchallenged, and to provide the counterpoint so their arguments don't sway other people who never get to hear the other side because the other side is too exhausted from hopeless arguing.
MinetteDuMal wrote:
I want to encourage people to be kind and respectful of all forms of life, but of course, my replies are only met with more hatred. Not replying leaves me feeling hopeless because I can't decide if it's the right thing to do or if it's just cowardly. If I comment, they won't listen. If I don't comment, then I become yet another bystander. There's no winning.
I think this needs a reframing. If your goal is to argue and change the other person's viewpoint, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and disengagement. Even if you did get through to someone, it typically takes about 6 weeks to 6 months for someone to feel comfortable admitting that they changed their minds, so you'd never know. (This is about saving face.)
Most of the time, you won't change anyone's mind. But in most environments, you should still respond, because it's not about the OP. It's about letting everyone else see that that person's hateful POV is not the only one, is not accepted by everyone, and will not be tolerated by everyone. You'll essentially never change that person's mind, but you can let everyone else in the space see that they are not the only kind of person out there. Respond once with your counterfactual, then not again. You aren't required to change their minds, and in most cases you can't. Just let other people in your communities know that they aren't unchallenged, and to provide the counterpoint so their arguments don't sway other people who never get to hear the other side because the other side is too exhausted from hopeless arguing.
It's definitely important to redefine 'winning' in situations like this.
You are making a change on a wider scale. Every time you calmly and politely present an alternative viewpoint you're allowing other people to compare both sides and come to their own conclusions on what they feel is right. To try and encourage instead of enforce is the most effective way to make a lasting change, it's just a change that takes time and is hard to measure.
How you engage with someone can make all the difference. If all the hostility and superiority comes from their end, it's much easier for onlookers to open themselves to your point of view. When people feel attacked, we often get defensive, and it then becomes near impossible to get through. Never shout or throw insults back, no matter how frustrating it can be, or you blend into the noise. This is not backing down, it is staying strong. If they want to shout, let them discredit themselves.
You are making a change on a wider scale. Every time you calmly and politely present an alternative viewpoint you're allowing other people to compare both sides and come to their own conclusions on what they feel is right. To try and encourage instead of enforce is the most effective way to make a lasting change, it's just a change that takes time and is hard to measure.
How you engage with someone can make all the difference. If all the hostility and superiority comes from their end, it's much easier for onlookers to open themselves to your point of view. When people feel attacked, we often get defensive, and it then becomes near impossible to get through. Never shout or throw insults back, no matter how frustrating it can be, or you blend into the noise. This is not backing down, it is staying strong. If they want to shout, let them discredit themselves.
I already knew what the problem was after reading your first sentence. Although this may be one of the nicest places on the internet, negativity is inescapable. When you go online, you have to accept that there are things that you may not like to see/hear. It'd be nice if everything worked out the way you hoped though.
Just pick and choose your battles. Don't try to "win" an argument. As a matter of fact, only be concerned about what you're interested in (the news for example). You don't necessarily need to bother yourself with opinions that don't concern you and most definitely don't matter. Just worry about yourself and hopefully you'll find a better experience.
Just pick and choose your battles. Don't try to "win" an argument. As a matter of fact, only be concerned about what you're interested in (the news for example). You don't necessarily need to bother yourself with opinions that don't concern you and most definitely don't matter. Just worry about yourself and hopefully you'll find a better experience.
If you want a fun gamer to watch on Youtube, I highly suggest JackSepticEye (warning, he's Irish so he swears a lot xD). His mantra for 2018 is PMA; Positive Mental Attitude! He's always really upbeat about everything, from his vlogs to his games, and he's really kind, happy, and fun! I adore him, and he's just a really wholesome guy in general. Always leave me feeling warm after I watch him. I have also found myself striving to follow his example of always looking on the bright side of things, and keeping a PMA. It's not always easy, but it is possible!
It's not always easy, but it is possible!
I'm blown away by the responses this received. I'm so happy to see that there are people who not only share my feelings and concerns, but know how to manage them in a way that makes peace seem possible. I'm used to hearing that there's nothing I can do, that I'm wasting my time, or that I'm being naive and unrealistic; so all of this positive and helpful advice is more refreshing than I can express. Thank you all very much.
LTTP, and everyone has already provided such wonderful advice!
I guess what I really want to highlight is that anyone can post on social media for any reason. Maybe they don't actually hold the opinion they're speaking, maybe they're trolling. Maybe it's a bot, or someone from a hate group deliberately trying to antagonize people.
Social media comment threads are regularly the worst of the internet all put into one place, and you have no idea whether the people you're talking to are interacting on an honest level.
So for all the reasons listed before me, don't give up on talking to people online. But remember that there are conversations of more consequence, that achieve more, than you can be a part of. Take those thoughts you have, that love you have, and spread it around in your personal RL community. There, it will be recognized more easily
I guess what I really want to highlight is that anyone can post on social media for any reason. Maybe they don't actually hold the opinion they're speaking, maybe they're trolling. Maybe it's a bot, or someone from a hate group deliberately trying to antagonize people.
Social media comment threads are regularly the worst of the internet all put into one place, and you have no idea whether the people you're talking to are interacting on an honest level.
So for all the reasons listed before me, don't give up on talking to people online. But remember that there are conversations of more consequence, that achieve more, than you can be a part of. Take those thoughts you have, that love you have, and spread it around in your personal RL community. There, it will be recognized more easily
I agree with the input given so far.
My two cents: negativity is part of life. It's not something we should aim to avoid, we literally cannot exist in a bubble and function in a society without dealing with unpleasant situations. What we can do is develop better coping mechanisms and learn how to react appropriately to the feelings we experience when encountering things like negativity. This is the healthiest way to deal with anything that doesn't make you feel good. Avoidance is only putting off the inevitable and doesn't really teach you anything. Ultimately, avoiding negativity makes it much harder to function and only makes you feel worse in the long run.
When you encounter negativity, reframe the situation to the best of your ability. "This person is making sexist comments and nothing I say or do will change their mind/I don't have the energy to get involved but I can't just leave this be" can be turned into "This person is making sexist comments, but I can like the comments of like-minded people to show my support/I can reach out to people individually and let them know I got their backs". As Kim also mentioned, you can comment not for the sake of changing minds, but to openly show your support for the side that fights against sexism.
Small things do matter even in a sea of negativity. It's okay to acknowledge that you're not feeling great about something (in fact, it's necessary in order to process those feelings and turn them into something good). We don't choose how we feel, but we choose how to respond to the factors that make us feel that way. We can choose to respond in productive, mindful ways, learn from negative situations, and lead by example.
My two cents: negativity is part of life. It's not something we should aim to avoid, we literally cannot exist in a bubble and function in a society without dealing with unpleasant situations. What we can do is develop better coping mechanisms and learn how to react appropriately to the feelings we experience when encountering things like negativity. This is the healthiest way to deal with anything that doesn't make you feel good. Avoidance is only putting off the inevitable and doesn't really teach you anything. Ultimately, avoiding negativity makes it much harder to function and only makes you feel worse in the long run.
When you encounter negativity, reframe the situation to the best of your ability. "This person is making sexist comments and nothing I say or do will change their mind/I don't have the energy to get involved but I can't just leave this be" can be turned into "This person is making sexist comments, but I can like the comments of like-minded people to show my support/I can reach out to people individually and let them know I got their backs". As Kim also mentioned, you can comment not for the sake of changing minds, but to openly show your support for the side that fights against sexism.
Small things do matter even in a sea of negativity. It's okay to acknowledge that you're not feeling great about something (in fact, it's necessary in order to process those feelings and turn them into something good). We don't choose how we feel, but we choose how to respond to the factors that make us feel that way. We can choose to respond in productive, mindful ways, learn from negative situations, and lead by example.
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