Forums » RP Discussion » Opinions wanted.

Alright, simple question, how long should you give to a partner to reply? I work full time so I can't always reply to 30+ messages in a week's time. So what's the standard? And do most people understand life cones before rp?

I would like input from users here, doesn't matter if you've roed with me or not.

If the center of a Tootsie Pop has been reached... it's been too long. Abort.

But seriously, I believe it's likely up to the people involved, the nature of the roleplay itself, and whatever understandings that have been reached (aside from whatever stipulations have been placed in the advertisement, assuming there was one and that such information was provided). If no conversation has occurred prior to the roleplay about time constraints and general availability, that alone might cause some grievances on either or both sides. If there was a conversation, and an agreement, and something offline has detained them/you, I believe it then becomes a matter of preference only; there is no universal golden rule*, and while it may seem rude to abandon a partner during an rp, it happens and no excuse is actually required.

It is, however, polite.

People take their roleplaying differently, at times. For some, it's a mere hobby. For others, it's painstaking work. Neither is without merit or lacking in any way. But knowing your partner before starting any project is advisable, especially online. If you or your partner feels like being courteous, do so, and wait whatever time you feel is warranted given how long you've known one another, whatever roleplay history you may know about the person, and how vital it is to you/your partner(s) to continue being patient.

An hour? Three days? A month? How important is writing and roleplay to you? Does it matter how important such things are to your partner? Can you and your muse afford the longevity that may be placed at your feet? Will frequent delays hinder the flow and enjoyment of the story, on either side? Can the tale be paused indefinitely? How committed are you or your partner to this one, particular activity? Is this a habitual occurrence?

Everything comes down to details and personal objectivity. All other facets are a matter of courtesy. Being an adult, my stance is and will always be - despite opposition - to look out for what matters to me most, and try and do so with as much clarity and simplicity as can be achieved. If that means that someone is leaving me in the wind, or that I find I'm doing so to someone else, I may or may not notify the other person in a way that generates answers and communication. It all depends on the situation and the people involved.

Sometimes, schedules just don't line up. Do most people understand that "Life comes before rp"? That's a matter of subjective notation. People put different values on different things. If yours is on your work, and it supersedes your roleplaying, you have that right entirely. In fact, you have it every bit as much as someone valuing the roleplay over whatever hold ups you may have preventing the story from progressing. If your partner is the one causing the delay(s), and offers no reasoning or apology, frankly, rude as you may find it, that's equally as within a person's right. Accept all such cases and know that it takes all kinds.

Of course... if any of that is the case... it may be that more than your schedules are misaligned, and any termination would likely be a wise choice. Do so as soon as possible, to spare both parties wasted time and wasted effort. If you do choose to do so, I advise using a modicum of civility - if you choose to speak to them at all. If you're reproached for this, there is the block feature, and using it is totally fine. Smart, in some cases. But... it isn't absolute.

If someone is taking longer than you'd like, you can nudge, if you'd like. Most don't seem to mind it from time to time. Some even ask that you do so. If you don't hear from them first, and you'd like to, you can cut ties whenever you'd like. Not necessarily however ... but whenever, yes.

In the end, find people who fit into your allotments and desires. Be willing to say, "No." Be willing to say nothing at all. Be open to conversation. Know that you aren't held to being interrogated, nor do you have the right to interrogate others. You may never get the answers or excuses you want.

Courtesy is advised, but not required. Respect, however, is another matter entirely.

Try sending a fruit basket.

*Being nice to others is suitable when it's warranted. You are not obligated (nor is it sound) to extend your kindness beyond reasonable lengths, just because you don't want someone to think ill of you, or don't want others to treat you the same way. On a case by case basis, each and every situation has the potential to be different and handled as such. Because of this, there is no golden rule that in any way holds you to some mysterious standard that says you must always give or receive notifications about absences. The same goes for blocking or being blocked. It can be rude, yes. But sometimes, you just have to learn to live with that. It'll be okay.

I think it varies per person, like Raineater said. It's usually appreciated when you let the other people involved know if you are generally busy and can't post often, so they know what to expect.

Most people 'should' know that life comes first, I think.

Thank you, Beetlebelle! ^__^

And again, just to make sure I'm being clear, if someone doesn't value your life's prerogatives (be it work or otherwise), and you feel the rp is lesser than those designations, you aren't obligated to wait about. And neither are they. Being amicable is best, but any and all takes on the subject are purely objective and subject to opinion only.

All lives should be important; they should not all be important to you, if it conflicts with how you wish to proceed with your own - regardless of most activities that establish them. Whether or not that person puts your life choices over the roleplay is - as I said - subjective. So, try not to be bothered when such opinions don't match. It's likely not personal by any means.

If someone cares more about what they write and how frequently they do so than your personal affairs, begrudging someone for that won't get you anywhere. Still, the world is an imperfect place, you know? Just do what feels right and hope for the best.

Good luck.

Honestly, messages are free for all.. send one!

It doesn't take a minute to type a line to let your partner(s) know that your schedule is busy and you won't be posting as often (so they know what to expect and gauge if they want to continue or not)

This is out of courtesy and respect. In general, no one likes feeling ignored.

You wouldn't want someone suddenly vanishing in the middle of your favourite story and wait every day for a reply that never comes.

Golden rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Upon letting them know you are not as available (or simply as interested in that particular RP! which can happen)

a) you both may agree to halt the story to whenever either side can post (in which case it will progress very slowly without causing frustration)

b) your partner may move on and find other players who reply more actively (which can happen too)

Unfinished stories have happened many a times and will happen many more because life is busy and unpredictable.

It is better to let them know you won't RP with them as much (or any longer) due to cutting back RP time than ignore them altogether and keep them waiting in vain, which can cause unnecessary aggravation. It is not a duty, it is a mark of courtesy and respect.

It would not be very polite to suddenly post no replies and keep your partners waiting for them for hours, days, weeks, months without a word.

If you have many RPs on the go, a quick line on your profile lets all players (current ones and future ones) know you are less available and they will have to respect that a reply will come in a trickle.

If the RP is 1-1 it will likely stop or halt.

If the RP is a group RP and your character is particularly involved (and holding back the story) then it is better to send a group message and... if you can't keep up... you can always make a graceful quick exit (make YC go on a journey and not return, get ill and retire, etc) so others can move on rather than keep messaging you for replies, which can be stressful for you.

Before you join an RP check if they have "reply time" requirements, some say daily, others weekly, others say nothing.
Join those that fit your schedule.

It is less demanding and stressful to have less RPs on the go, than try to juggle many and slow them all down and hold them all back.

We are a community of writers, and for me, it would be rude for my partners to suddenly disappear out of the blue without a word.

I have a group just for 1-1s and I personally don't mind waiting... days, weeks, months, years... for my partners to post, as and when they can, I try to reply back upon their return/post. We both understand life is busy and both don't mind waiting.

On the other hand, I have another group for group RPs which are a lot more active and over there I try to not hold back others so... when I'm not around as much... I send an ((OOC)) for them to know that and position my characters so they are less relevant/critical to the story for others to carry on and have fun.

Play it by ear on how you feel about your partners but try to Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Needless to say if they become a nuisance, demanding more than you can give, messaging too often about replies that you can't provide, despite your warning of lack of availability, let them know you won't RP with them any longer and feel free to block away

I put up a rule on my profile that I work full time as a caregiver, and to give me at least at max a month to respond
I know back on ani roleplay if you took more than a week to view respond you got ditched. Roleplersguild would seem to be more understanding, and most of my current partners know I work my ass off, which doesn't leave me a whole lot of time for rp.

Ultimately, rp is a choice, and I respect most wouldn't want to wait a month, i almost considered retiring because I felt bad for making them wait so long.

Thanks for the input. I appreciate your guys prospective.

You're very welcome, Godfrog.

You've gotta do you. Always. ^__^

As someone who is in over 50 rps total, on and off rpr, and two worlds that i GM (as well as an AU of one of those worlds), this is a problem I struggle with often.

From my experience, most people certainly understand that life comes before RP. However, I won't sugarcoat things, as I have found people who still pester. Thankfully those people are much less common.

I think the key is to know yourself and what you can handle. If you feel like you have too many rps and can't handle them all, then I think you will be the one to make a choice whether to drop it or not. Not only is it better for you and your mental health but it won't waste poeple's time. People should understand that rps, especially paragraph posting, takes time.

As for tips on how to respond to such a number of messages, well, all I can say is do you. Im personally a little obsessed with rping and general and have found some great and motivating partners so I pretty much log on to check whenever I can. This allows me to read and digest a post before I reply to it later, so I have time throughout my workday to turn it over in my mind's eye as I formulate ideas of a reply.

To reiterate what Tus said, ooc communication in terms of availability is important. If other people can't respect that then they're not worth your time.

Whatever length of time you agreed to beforehand!

There is no standard. Post frequency is something to be discussed between two writing partners and like any other preference, could be a deal breaker if the two partner's preferences are too different.

Just communicate openly and honestly. It's a bit of a bummer when there's someone who you'd like to write with but the preferences don't align correctly, but it happens.

I think most writers understand life comes first, but they don't know what life is tossing at you, if you don't communicate with them. A quick note that 'Work is kicking my backside right now. I'm shagged out and won't get a reply out today. Sorry.' will work wonders.

The people we meet, the dreams we share, the journeys we take with others - no matter the medium - make those people involved part of our lives. When we place priorities, doing so without consideration for the feelings of others within that life can bear a hefty toll. It can breed callousness (in words and in actions) and can create an unhappy environment in which two people can no longer occupy the same path amicably.

Some people shouldn't continue exchanging pleasantries or excuses when an rp situation has gone south. You may not like that fact, but those are the breaks.

Not every individual will be satisfied with adhering to your schedule, and you should avidly try not to put aspirations into play when that's the case. That a person's offline life is not of more importance to another may be just as rude as that same individual's dismissal of the rp in question - which may well have taken a great deal of time, effort and sacrifice to create. Some people have to be very, very brave to even present their ideas to the public, depending on the nature of the person and/or roleplay.

It's incredibly easy to take for granted how delicate the subject matter of some of the roleplays we venture into truly are, from those dealing with mental health issues to sexual exploration to social anxieties. When we make the claim that, "Life comes before rp", in such blanket terms, many of us tend to overlook the damage that such trite usages of expression can create - whether or not that is our intention.

That probably isn't as important to many as their day to day jobs, which often remove them from writing as anything other than a hobby. This is understandable, certainly, but not an excuse to be dismissive of the feelings of others; no more so, in fact, than someone excusing not being kind with a word of absence when they have the opportunity to provide it.

Even so, just passively going your own way without deliberation is actually less problematic in the long run for certain matters. Not acknowledging that, and falling back on the obvious as though it's a free pass can easily be more harmful. It doesn't always matter if you're right to say so. Sometimes, you've made an agreement and now you're breaking it, and that may be painful enough. You can say they aren't worth your time, then, but that also says a lot about you, as well. Disagreements can and will occur no matter how reasonable you try to be. Not always, but it does happen.

If there is no justification for poor behavior, it's best to try and be the kind of person we'd like to see in others. However, realistically, roleplay takes all sorts, and they butt heads in the wrong scenarios. When I say that you should be okay with remaining silent and moving on when it is clear that any further action will only create hostilities, I mean it. I'm aware of the backlash that may warrant, and how many may disagree. I don't mind. But I ask that each and every person consider for themselves how to approach a situation, and the feelings of others.

Someone I've come to respect said that there is no such thing as a universal answer for such incidents, and I couldn't agree more. Your life should be important to you. The people you allow to be within it should be equally so. No more, no less. And if by chance someone has slipped in that should not, parting ways without reasons we may feel entitled to hearing is sometimes all there is. Live with that, and try not to be so sour as to let it make you think less of other people.

If you're the one that feels like walking away, turn and do so, when that appears to be the most rational and polite choice. If someone feels you owe them anything over roleplay, it may be you should really evaluate just who it is you're thinking about paying. And why. You might be getting hoodwinked. Then again, maybe not. You have to figure that out in the moment.

We all have our reasons for getting together, and we all have our reasons for parting ways. If we don't always get to learn the ins and outs of said reasons, well, fine. Be the best person you can be, however you feel that applies.

Seriously.

And please, try to remember that just because you don't encounter situations that give charge to acknowledging these statements doesn't mean they are any less valid. If you have a merry ol' time dawdling about, for an hour or for years, then peace be with you... but bad apples exist and not everyone will be as kind as you are to them. How much time you spend on the internet really won't factor in nearly as much as the importance of being a decent human being (as it pertains to the situation). Length of time doesn't quantify quality of work, effort, or intentions. That is strictly up to you and your partner, as is how you handle each other.

Anyhow, I mean zero offense in stating the opposing side to many views that may well be the popular opinion; that opposite does exist, and such incidents do occur, obviously. The chances of most people coming out and saying, "Yeah, I like to ditch people mid-rp just 'cause," isn't as frequent as those who believe in dropping a line. That doesn't mean every roleplay ends the way we'd like and it doesn't mean we should get offended by every such occurrence. I'm advocating the understanding of such individuals, rather than just spouting off what most of us try to do in order to feel like good-natured folk.

I hope for a better world while living in the one that requires such hope. It doesn't matter if I'm at work, reading with my wife in the park, shopping for groceries, tying my shoe at an intersection, or goofing off with knuckleheads online. People are still people. We aren't all saints. Things do come up. We don't all value each others' time and activities all the time. Sometimes, we have to put our own wants and needs first.

Sorry. It's the truth.

I hear and see these cases often enough both here and elsewhere. In fact, I find it enough that I know my own personal choices and experiences do not set the standard any more than anyone else. You don't really have to agree. Again... sorry. The majority may be in favor of always keeping up to speed with their partner, but in actuality, that isn't how it always goes down. Not even for the people who believe in doing so.

Try to smile and accept those people, in those situations, regardless. There is no standard waiting period, even when discussed in OOC, much as we may want there to be. Bailing without a word may be rude or it may be a required action to keep the peace, depending on what the situation entails. Being online or offline doesn't make you or other people any less or more important, no matter how much time you spend around them... but that doesn't mean everyone has or will value your day to day life and all its hangups. Your priorities are not always other people's priorities.

I'm just saying to keep that in mind and be a good person as you see fit, case by case.

I'm out.

i've had an rp before that lasted for eight months. there were four replies that lasted for pages. the nature of it was to challenge ourselves; we agreed on characters with traits and wrote a story together, only switching off on who was writing it, not on who was writing the characters. it was nice. the entire time, we chatted off about things not related to the rp, even when we owed each other a reply.

i've found a lot of partners recently that don't mind that i don't spend all of my time on the internet writing. we chat while one of us owes the other a reply and it's honestly fine. i'm not a professional author; i don't need stephen king's "write even if it's hard" philosophy. i'm here to scratch an itch that occurs way too often for me to dispel it via short story.

one of my current favorite rps has lasted for four years and one of us replies once a month, all the while talking ooc. another one of my favorites lasted for two years and we replied to each other upwards of eight times a day with at least three paragraphs. i feel like scoping it out with your partner for how often you should reply is your best bet, really. i'm certainly not the type to try and step on any toes or do anything unwarranted, so establishing your own understanding with someone is really how i go about it and it creates a lot of nice variety.

As a somewhat unrelated aside, it is considerably easier to reply to a PM when one isn't blocked by the sender.

Agree, I am blocked by an user for no apparent reason to why.