Yeah... Don't let the smiley face fool you. I've been depressed for quite a while now. I think around since I was... maybe 6? It's been a while. And I know people have heard about this from me before and I am sure you are sighing and rolling your eyes at me. Probably saying, "There goes that kid again, saying he is depressed. Maybe it's just for attention." and go ahead, I don't blame you. I've been thinking the same thing as well. But even so. I do need to just let it out. You don't need to respond to this, and you don't have to pm me about it, I just want to say it.
I've gone close to 15 years without any counseling, no medication, or bearly talking about it. I've been dealing with it on my own, in secret. It's not only depression but the rage too. The reason I love Heavy Metal is that it is the only way I can vent it out. It helps keep me not so down, but even so, I don't like being with anyone. Which is why I am so coy when it comes to people. I'm, shy in my own way. I keep loud and obnoxious to keep you from knowing what is actually wrong with me. I make you make fun of me, to keep myself down. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I know what strength I am capable of. It has been leaking out though, depression and rage are not the best things for me. I break stuff and hurt myself till its black and blue, and worst is that I have to keep it a secret from my parents. My step-father doesn't like the idea of people being depressed, and my mother would throw me out if I even said I might be a little depressed. It's hard for me to keep this, and it's hard to talk to anyone about this. People just think I can go get help from another adult or get counseling, but it isn't that simple. I want to be normal, and I don't want people to look at me like another person who just has depression and anger. I want them to see who I am... I don't even know who I am. I had worn so many masks throughout the years that I can barely remember who I was in the past... It's just hard for me to continue. I've been crying, punching things and, though I wish was just a dream, hurting myself. Not any cuts, but enough pain to hurt. I... I am just at a loss these days. I wonder how I can even continue knowing how much of a loser I am. It's funny really. The weak small kid is usually the first to die, makes me wonder how I am still here.
Like I said before, you don't need to respond, or even say anything to me. Just... I don't know...
Don't think anything different about me after reading this.
I've gone close to 15 years without any counseling, no medication, or bearly talking about it. I've been dealing with it on my own, in secret. It's not only depression but the rage too. The reason I love Heavy Metal is that it is the only way I can vent it out. It helps keep me not so down, but even so, I don't like being with anyone. Which is why I am so coy when it comes to people. I'm, shy in my own way. I keep loud and obnoxious to keep you from knowing what is actually wrong with me. I make you make fun of me, to keep myself down. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I know what strength I am capable of. It has been leaking out though, depression and rage are not the best things for me. I break stuff and hurt myself till its black and blue, and worst is that I have to keep it a secret from my parents. My step-father doesn't like the idea of people being depressed, and my mother would throw me out if I even said I might be a little depressed. It's hard for me to keep this, and it's hard to talk to anyone about this. People just think I can go get help from another adult or get counseling, but it isn't that simple. I want to be normal, and I don't want people to look at me like another person who just has depression and anger. I want them to see who I am... I don't even know who I am. I had worn so many masks throughout the years that I can barely remember who I was in the past... It's just hard for me to continue. I've been crying, punching things and, though I wish was just a dream, hurting myself. Not any cuts, but enough pain to hurt. I... I am just at a loss these days. I wonder how I can even continue knowing how much of a loser I am. It's funny really. The weak small kid is usually the first to die, makes me wonder how I am still here.
Like I said before, you don't need to respond, or even say anything to me. Just... I don't know...
Don't think anything different about me after reading this.
>The weak small kid is usually the first to die, makes me wonder how I am still here.
With the exception of Midoriya from BNHA.
With the exception of Midoriya from BNHA.
I know how you feel
Let me start off by saying this: It gets better. It really does. Depression sucks, and so does being a teenager. Really. I would never go back, and I'm so sorry for the things that you're going through. But I've been there, and let me tell you, it really does get better. Your life is going to change completely in a matter of a few years.
It's terrible that you've been made to feel like you wouldn't be accepted if you were to be open about your depression; it's nothing you've done. In fact, it's estimated that 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression, so you're definitely not alone, even if it feels that way. That's just what depression does, though, is make you feel alone. Part of that's something you can work on through tools learned through therapy, and the other part is medication. There are options for teens to have access to these things without parental consent, and if you're interested in looking into that I'd be happy to help. Those things don't make you "just another person with depression," they make you human. When the depression is treated, you'll still be you. In fact, you might be shocked to learn all the things you're capable of doing without that cloud to hold you back!
I tried hiding my depression for years, and those were the worst years of my life. Please, if you take anything away from this, let it be that there are people out there who will have understanding and empathy if you let them in. Having a network of people is a must have, and it doesn't have to be family. There are online communities for this sort of thing--even this one is filled with caring people that want to see you succeed.
This goes for anyone that's feeling these things. You're not alone. It gets better. Please ask for help when you need it. You're all loved, even if you're not in a place to perceive it. And if you don't have anybody in your life right now that supports you, know that they're out there.
It's terrible that you've been made to feel like you wouldn't be accepted if you were to be open about your depression; it's nothing you've done. In fact, it's estimated that 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression, so you're definitely not alone, even if it feels that way. That's just what depression does, though, is make you feel alone. Part of that's something you can work on through tools learned through therapy, and the other part is medication. There are options for teens to have access to these things without parental consent, and if you're interested in looking into that I'd be happy to help. Those things don't make you "just another person with depression," they make you human. When the depression is treated, you'll still be you. In fact, you might be shocked to learn all the things you're capable of doing without that cloud to hold you back!
I tried hiding my depression for years, and those were the worst years of my life. Please, if you take anything away from this, let it be that there are people out there who will have understanding and empathy if you let them in. Having a network of people is a must have, and it doesn't have to be family. There are online communities for this sort of thing--even this one is filled with caring people that want to see you succeed.
This goes for anyone that's feeling these things. You're not alone. It gets better. Please ask for help when you need it. You're all loved, even if you're not in a place to perceive it. And if you don't have anybody in your life right now that supports you, know that they're out there.
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