Well so here’s the backstory of this. I was talking with a used to be friend of mine (talk didn’t go so well.)
He was talking about how I need to be a better role-model and better brother. This came after we had a discussion about something else that I prefer not to talk about since it’s not exactly relevant.
Anyway long story short there is a situation where my mother can’t cook for my sisters and I live with my grandparents.
So my used to be friend insisted that I should teach them how to cook so they can learn how to adapt or survive.
While I understand that kids can learn how to cook it should not be entirely up to the child to cook there own meals.
I love my sisters (12,11,10 years old.) and I know how the world can be. But I think that kids should be kids. They shouldn’t have to learn how to “survive” until they get older.
I never got to experience being a kid so I want them so badly to have a childhood whereas in I couldn’t.
So I ask you guys what makes a brother a “good” brother? I believe I am a good brother but I am having doubts. So I just want to hear you guys out.
I heavily believe that we all have a path to follow. Maybe not a path we expected but a path nonetheless.
He was talking about how I need to be a better role-model and better brother. This came after we had a discussion about something else that I prefer not to talk about since it’s not exactly relevant.
Anyway long story short there is a situation where my mother can’t cook for my sisters and I live with my grandparents.
So my used to be friend insisted that I should teach them how to cook so they can learn how to adapt or survive.
While I understand that kids can learn how to cook it should not be entirely up to the child to cook there own meals.
I love my sisters (12,11,10 years old.) and I know how the world can be. But I think that kids should be kids. They shouldn’t have to learn how to “survive” until they get older.
I never got to experience being a kid so I want them so badly to have a childhood whereas in I couldn’t.
So I ask you guys what makes a brother a “good” brother? I believe I am a good brother but I am having doubts. So I just want to hear you guys out.
I heavily believe that we all have a path to follow. Maybe not a path we expected but a path nonetheless.
Mmm, I think that you're conflating several things that are not necessarily connected.
Teaching your kid sisters to cook would be a good thing to do, if you have the time and the know-how. If you do it, just make sure you teach them things that are at their level, and always stress the importance of safety. Lead by example by being safe yourself!
Learning to cook won't make them stop being kids and it won't destroy their childhood; it's just a good life skill to have. If they learn bits of it now, they can understand how those bits fit into other recipes later, so picking up a wider range of cooking skills will be a little easier.
Also, during the times when nobody CAN cook for them, isn't it better that they are able to eat than that they are waiting, helpless, for someone to feed them? This isn't to say that they should be totally responsible for all of their own meals. They shouldn't be; you're right. But if nobody IS caring for them, they need to be able to do some things for themselves and not having any self-sufficiency will only hurt them. So, in this case, I think being too "kind" will be harmful.
(Not that giving them life skills is unkind; I just mean coddling them to preserve a soft fantasy is bad. Kids shouldn't have to "learn how to survive," but if that's a skill they need, then withholding that skill is harmful.)
Anyway, to answer your larger question, I think being a good sibling - especially an older one - is using your knowledge and experiences to make the way easier for those who come after you. You know where the rough patches are, so you help the younger ones ride over them a little smoother. You learned some tricks, so you give them to the youngsters a little earlier than you got them (like New Game+). You understand how tough things can be, so you lend an understanding ear when it's needed, or you perform some act of kindness when things are overwhelming.
These are really just things you can do to be a better person in general, but it means a lot more when you're doing it FOR somebody, and sibling will remember you kindly for the times you did your best to help.
Teaching your kid sisters to cook would be a good thing to do, if you have the time and the know-how. If you do it, just make sure you teach them things that are at their level, and always stress the importance of safety. Lead by example by being safe yourself!
Learning to cook won't make them stop being kids and it won't destroy their childhood; it's just a good life skill to have. If they learn bits of it now, they can understand how those bits fit into other recipes later, so picking up a wider range of cooking skills will be a little easier.
Also, during the times when nobody CAN cook for them, isn't it better that they are able to eat than that they are waiting, helpless, for someone to feed them? This isn't to say that they should be totally responsible for all of their own meals. They shouldn't be; you're right. But if nobody IS caring for them, they need to be able to do some things for themselves and not having any self-sufficiency will only hurt them. So, in this case, I think being too "kind" will be harmful.
(Not that giving them life skills is unkind; I just mean coddling them to preserve a soft fantasy is bad. Kids shouldn't have to "learn how to survive," but if that's a skill they need, then withholding that skill is harmful.)
Anyway, to answer your larger question, I think being a good sibling - especially an older one - is using your knowledge and experiences to make the way easier for those who come after you. You know where the rough patches are, so you help the younger ones ride over them a little smoother. You learned some tricks, so you give them to the youngsters a little earlier than you got them (like New Game+). You understand how tough things can be, so you lend an understanding ear when it's needed, or you perform some act of kindness when things are overwhelming.
These are really just things you can do to be a better person in general, but it means a lot more when you're doing it FOR somebody, and sibling will remember you kindly for the times you did your best to help.
MainlyPango wrote:
Mmm, I think that you're conflating several things that are not necessarily connected.
Teaching your kid sisters to cook would be a good thing to do, if you have the time and the know-how. If you do it, just make sure you teach them things that are at their level, and always stress the importance of safety. Lead by example by being safe yourself!
Learning to cook won't make them stop being kids and it won't destroy their childhood; it's just a good life skill to have. If they learn bits of it now, they can understand how those bits fit into other recipes later, so picking up a wider range of cooking skills will be a little easier.
Also, during the times when nobody CAN cook for them, isn't it better that they are able to eat than that they are waiting, helpless, for someone to feed them? This isn't to say that they should be totally responsible for all of their own meals. They shouldn't be; you're right. But if nobody IS caring for them, they need to be able to do some things for themselves and not having any self-sufficiency will only hurt them. So, in this case, I think being too "kind" will be harmful.
(Not that giving them life skills is unkind; I just mean coddling them to preserve a soft fantasy is bad. Kids shouldn't have to "learn how to survive," but if that's a skill they need, then withholding that skill is harmful.)
Anyway, to answer your larger question, I think being a good sibling - especially an older one - is using your knowledge and experiences to make the way easier for those who come after you. You know where the rough patches are, so you help the younger ones ride over them a little smoother. You learned some tricks, so you give them to the youngsters a little earlier than you got them (like New Game+). You understand how tough things can be, so you lend an understanding ear when it's needed, or you perform some act of kindness when things are overwhelming.
These are really just things you can do to be a better person in general, but it means a lot more when you're doing it FOR somebody, and sibling will remember you kindly for the times you did your best to help.
Teaching your kid sisters to cook would be a good thing to do, if you have the time and the know-how. If you do it, just make sure you teach them things that are at their level, and always stress the importance of safety. Lead by example by being safe yourself!
Learning to cook won't make them stop being kids and it won't destroy their childhood; it's just a good life skill to have. If they learn bits of it now, they can understand how those bits fit into other recipes later, so picking up a wider range of cooking skills will be a little easier.
Also, during the times when nobody CAN cook for them, isn't it better that they are able to eat than that they are waiting, helpless, for someone to feed them? This isn't to say that they should be totally responsible for all of their own meals. They shouldn't be; you're right. But if nobody IS caring for them, they need to be able to do some things for themselves and not having any self-sufficiency will only hurt them. So, in this case, I think being too "kind" will be harmful.
(Not that giving them life skills is unkind; I just mean coddling them to preserve a soft fantasy is bad. Kids shouldn't have to "learn how to survive," but if that's a skill they need, then withholding that skill is harmful.)
Anyway, to answer your larger question, I think being a good sibling - especially an older one - is using your knowledge and experiences to make the way easier for those who come after you. You know where the rough patches are, so you help the younger ones ride over them a little smoother. You learned some tricks, so you give them to the youngsters a little earlier than you got them (like New Game+). You understand how tough things can be, so you lend an understanding ear when it's needed, or you perform some act of kindness when things are overwhelming.
These are really just things you can do to be a better person in general, but it means a lot more when you're doing it FOR somebody, and sibling will remember you kindly for the times you did your best to help.
Hey! Thanks for responding! And yeah I understand what you mean. I know that coddling them will only be harmful in its own way (they will be too used to it.) I will take your response into mind and consideration.
Surviving is all anyone really knows in this world so I want to try to give my sisters the best childhood (especially since I am not often there for them since I live with my grandparents.)
But I think because I live by myself with my grandparents I think it’s why I often feel a slight disconnect from my sisters. It hurts that I might not be the best brother they can have but I can at least try to be the best right?
Just try to remember that there might not be such a thing as being "the best" big brother, yeah? Being the best anything might even be impossible in most cases. All we can really do is try our damndest to be good and to help when we're able.
Relationships are kind of a weird thing, especially with siblings. I lived with my younger sister for almost her whole childhood, but we're nearly nine years apart in age. There were times when she wanted me to be present in a way that I couldn't. For one thing, I wasn't her parent; for another, I wasn't a very good stand-in for friends her own age. There were times I probably made her sad when I was trying to take care of my own business - but living your life, separate from the lives of your siblings, doesn't make you a bad sibling yourself. Being there for them when you can and it's appropriate, however, does put some points in the "good" column.
Sharing knowledge is a really good opportunity to bond, so that should be something to look forward to! You can take the chance to find out about things they're interested and to let them talk about whatever, or to answer questions if they have any. In the future they might treasure the memory of the time you came by to teach them something because it then became something you all shared - wouldn't that be awesome?
Also, it's a little late, but I'm sorry about whatever went down with your friend. I hope the rift between the two of you isn't permanent if it doesn't have to be. Sometimes people push an idea because it was right for them, but that doesn't always make it right for other people.
Take care of yourself!
Relationships are kind of a weird thing, especially with siblings. I lived with my younger sister for almost her whole childhood, but we're nearly nine years apart in age. There were times when she wanted me to be present in a way that I couldn't. For one thing, I wasn't her parent; for another, I wasn't a very good stand-in for friends her own age. There were times I probably made her sad when I was trying to take care of my own business - but living your life, separate from the lives of your siblings, doesn't make you a bad sibling yourself. Being there for them when you can and it's appropriate, however, does put some points in the "good" column.
Sharing knowledge is a really good opportunity to bond, so that should be something to look forward to! You can take the chance to find out about things they're interested and to let them talk about whatever, or to answer questions if they have any. In the future they might treasure the memory of the time you came by to teach them something because it then became something you all shared - wouldn't that be awesome?
Also, it's a little late, but I'm sorry about whatever went down with your friend. I hope the rift between the two of you isn't permanent if it doesn't have to be. Sometimes people push an idea because it was right for them, but that doesn't always make it right for other people.
Take care of yourself!
MainlyPango wrote:
Just try to remember that there might not be such a thing as being "the best" big brother, yeah? Being the best anything might even be impossible in most cases. All we can really do is try our damndest to be good and to help when we're able.
Relationships are kind of a weird thing, especially with siblings. I lived with my younger sister for almost her whole childhood, but we're nearly nine years apart in age. There were times when she wanted me to be present in a way that I couldn't. For one thing, I wasn't her parent; for another, I wasn't a very good stand-in for friends her own age. There were times I probably made her sad when I was trying to take care of my own business - but living your life, separate from the lives of your siblings, doesn't make you a bad sibling yourself. Being there for them when you can and it's appropriate, however, does put some points in the "good" column.
Sharing knowledge is a really good opportunity to bond, so that should be something to look forward to! You can take the chance to find out about things they're interested and to let them talk about whatever, or to answer questions if they have any. In the future they might treasure the memory of the time you came by to teach them something because it then became something you all shared - wouldn't that be awesome?
Also, it's a little late, but I'm sorry about whatever went down with your friend. I hope the rift between the two of you isn't permanent if it doesn't have to be. Sometimes people push an idea because it was right for them, but that doesn't always make it right for other people.
Take care of yourself!
Relationships are kind of a weird thing, especially with siblings. I lived with my younger sister for almost her whole childhood, but we're nearly nine years apart in age. There were times when she wanted me to be present in a way that I couldn't. For one thing, I wasn't her parent; for another, I wasn't a very good stand-in for friends her own age. There were times I probably made her sad when I was trying to take care of my own business - but living your life, separate from the lives of your siblings, doesn't make you a bad sibling yourself. Being there for them when you can and it's appropriate, however, does put some points in the "good" column.
Sharing knowledge is a really good opportunity to bond, so that should be something to look forward to! You can take the chance to find out about things they're interested and to let them talk about whatever, or to answer questions if they have any. In the future they might treasure the memory of the time you came by to teach them something because it then became something you all shared - wouldn't that be awesome?
Also, it's a little late, but I'm sorry about whatever went down with your friend. I hope the rift between the two of you isn't permanent if it doesn't have to be. Sometimes people push an idea because it was right for them, but that doesn't always make it right for other people.
Take care of yourself!
Yeah I do try to do my best. The thing is I don’t exactly know how so I am kinda just winging it and hoping I am doing right.
I have a major learning disability so it makes things hard for me to learn. Trying to overcome that and teach them is a rollarcoaster.
I can’t exactly google how to be a good brother and then expect something that might help me since everyone’s opinion or idea of the word “brother” is different.
As for my friend it’s mostly my fault. He was too blunt about it and I didn’t realize he was actually trying to help me.
I don’t handle bluntness very well which is a major problem with me.
Don’t get me wrong I can handle the truth easily even if it hurts it just depends on if it’s blunt or not. I am kinda of a gentle person more.
If you throw it all at me at once I feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to think so my mind fixes on the line that stands out the most.
Unless you are your sisters' official guardian, then the actual responsibility of teaching them to function as adults doesn't fall on you. You're a sibling, not a parent, and there's nothing wrong with you choosing not to raise your sisters.
However, I was helping my mom cook as young as 6 years old, and was capable of making my own meals by 12. There's absolutely nothing about being able to cook for yourself that somehow diminishes your childhood, I promise! I have lots of friends who were never taught as a kid of that age bracket how to cook, and they struggle to prepare healthy meals for themselves once they live on their own. It kinda sucks in its own way to feel helpless and like nobody taught you what is essentially a vital life skill.
Maybe it helps to reframe this: being a child is about growing up and learning skills you'll need as an adult in a fun and engaging way. We give toddlers puzzles to help develop their brains and problem solving skills, both because it's fun for toddles to learn this, and because it's important they know this. Your sisters aged 10-12 are the right age to learn how to be independent people who are capable and strong even when they're on their own for a little bit. Before you know it they're actual teenagers exploring their sexuality and relationships with others their age, figuring out what they want to do in life as adults. If now isn't the right time for basic life skills like cooking, when is?
However, I was helping my mom cook as young as 6 years old, and was capable of making my own meals by 12. There's absolutely nothing about being able to cook for yourself that somehow diminishes your childhood, I promise! I have lots of friends who were never taught as a kid of that age bracket how to cook, and they struggle to prepare healthy meals for themselves once they live on their own. It kinda sucks in its own way to feel helpless and like nobody taught you what is essentially a vital life skill.
Maybe it helps to reframe this: being a child is about growing up and learning skills you'll need as an adult in a fun and engaging way. We give toddlers puzzles to help develop their brains and problem solving skills, both because it's fun for toddles to learn this, and because it's important they know this. Your sisters aged 10-12 are the right age to learn how to be independent people who are capable and strong even when they're on their own for a little bit. Before you know it they're actual teenagers exploring their sexuality and relationships with others their age, figuring out what they want to do in life as adults. If now isn't the right time for basic life skills like cooking, when is?
Sanne wrote:
Unless you are your sisters' official guardian, then the actual responsibility of teaching them to function as adults doesn't fall on you. You're a sibling, not a parent, and there's nothing wrong with you choosing not to raise your sisters.
However, I was helping my mom cook as young as 6 years old, and was capable of making my own meals by 12. There's absolutely nothing about being able to cook for yourself that somehow diminishes your childhood, I promise! I have lots of friends who were never taught as a kid of that age bracket how to cook, and they struggle to prepare healthy meals for themselves once they live on their own. It kinda sucks in its own way to feel helpless and like nobody taught you what is essentially a vital life skill.
Maybe it helps to reframe this: being a child is about growing up and learning skills you'll need as an adult in a fun and engaging way. We give toddlers puzzles to help develop their brains and problem solving skills, both because it's fun for toddles to learn this, and because it's important they know this. Your sisters aged 10-12 are the right age to learn how to be independent people who are capable and strong even when they're on their own for a little bit. Before you know it they're actual teenagers exploring their sexuality and relationships with others their age, figuring out what they want to do in life as adults. If now isn't the right time for basic life skills like cooking, when is?
However, I was helping my mom cook as young as 6 years old, and was capable of making my own meals by 12. There's absolutely nothing about being able to cook for yourself that somehow diminishes your childhood, I promise! I have lots of friends who were never taught as a kid of that age bracket how to cook, and they struggle to prepare healthy meals for themselves once they live on their own. It kinda sucks in its own way to feel helpless and like nobody taught you what is essentially a vital life skill.
Maybe it helps to reframe this: being a child is about growing up and learning skills you'll need as an adult in a fun and engaging way. We give toddlers puzzles to help develop their brains and problem solving skills, both because it's fun for toddles to learn this, and because it's important they know this. Your sisters aged 10-12 are the right age to learn how to be independent people who are capable and strong even when they're on their own for a little bit. Before you know it they're actual teenagers exploring their sexuality and relationships with others their age, figuring out what they want to do in life as adults. If now isn't the right time for basic life skills like cooking, when is?
I guess it depends on what path they are taking. It’s entirely optional for them to learn how to cook I can’t force them to. However if they want to I can teach them.
I will have to learn how to cook as well since even I haven’t gotten around to cooking meals aside from grilling burgers and hot dogs which my grandpa taught me how.
I also have a lot of things to do balancing college and my friendship with others.
Life isn’t easy but you can say it’s like a video game because there paths you can take that will have its advantages and disadvantages.
You are on: Forums » Smalltalk » What is a good “brother'?
Moderators: Mina, Keke, Cass, Claine, Sanne, Dragonfire, Ilmarinen, Darth_Angelus