About 5 years ago I didn’t have any hangups when it came to characters. My writing? Sure. My spelling? Oh you better believe it! But the kind of characters I played were always just thought of as ideas that could be fleshed out and that there was nothing wrong with them inherently. However, overtime as I played there was an odd switch, as my writing got better I felt more and more self conscious about my characters. They hadn’t changed, I put more work into them than ever before but because of some circumstances/ events I found where I used to be very comfortable playing any gender I began having an extremely difficult time writing (especially pretty, young or heaven forbid sexy) females. By this I mean that while the mindset came just as easily to write, and the desire was there, I was always feeling judged and afraid to put them out there. So I just didn’t.
Now, since then I have worked on it I’ve rebuilt a good deal of what was lost there. As one might be able to see from my listed character. But the fact remains that for a good few years I was petrified to play a female character as I felt that other players would judge, hate, and all around not want to play with me. This lead to an overabundance of dominant male characters who were received very well, as opposed to all the ones I wanted to play. Even getting comments such as “You play guys really well.” (Something I honestly didn’t know what to do with as it is a very strange compliment(?) to receive. “Thanks? So do you?...”) Keeping in mind this was in my previous RP community, RPR has really helped to ease a lot of the anxiety of feeling negative pressures.
My question to people is two fold. One, have you ever experience the actions of other players OOC making you feel like less, judged or as if you should feel bad for playing something you truly enjoyed playing? (No finger pointing please.)
Two, what did you do to step away from that feeling and get back into what you like to play? Or are you still feeling that pressure and do you think you’ll ever step outside of your comfort zone to try to reclaim what you lost?
(Just a general wondering about the experiences and solutions of other RPers
Sometimes it just feels nice to share, but remember don't drop any names cause that's not nice.)
Now, since then I have worked on it I’ve rebuilt a good deal of what was lost there. As one might be able to see from my listed character. But the fact remains that for a good few years I was petrified to play a female character as I felt that other players would judge, hate, and all around not want to play with me. This lead to an overabundance of dominant male characters who were received very well, as opposed to all the ones I wanted to play. Even getting comments such as “You play guys really well.” (Something I honestly didn’t know what to do with as it is a very strange compliment(?) to receive. “Thanks? So do you?...”) Keeping in mind this was in my previous RP community, RPR has really helped to ease a lot of the anxiety of feeling negative pressures.
My question to people is two fold. One, have you ever experience the actions of other players OOC making you feel like less, judged or as if you should feel bad for playing something you truly enjoyed playing? (No finger pointing please.)
Two, what did you do to step away from that feeling and get back into what you like to play? Or are you still feeling that pressure and do you think you’ll ever step outside of your comfort zone to try to reclaim what you lost?
(Just a general wondering about the experiences and solutions of other RPers
Sometimes it just feels nice to share, but remember don't drop any names cause that's not nice.)
This is going to sound pretty specific, but...
1) this person does not use RPR
2) I'm not mad, and we're still friends
I feel like I can talk about this freely without hurting any feelings.
Possibly 1.5-2 years ago I started to get excited about a modern AU version of some of my fantasy characters. I drew this picture
I remember gushing to my friend and her being very unexcited about it. I was ashamed because she'd been the only one I'd told and she was not keen at all. So I didn't talk about it any longer - but I absolutely did not stop thinking about it. I was so obsessed, but unwilling to actually put anything of that world online.
Eventually a year later, I gave in and started drawing things from that modern AU again. And while I was drawing the pictures I was telling myself "I won't put them online," or "I'll draw an alternate, 'canon' version and put that one online and keep the AU to myself."
But I'd end up thinking "Actually this picture is one of my best," or get too lazy to ever draw the alternate version and they'd all go online.
And once I started, I just didn't stop. I got braver (or more shameless) and started putting it all out there. And perhaps the modern AU is not to everybody's taste - but it has been pretty well received. I'm just glad I can finally indulge in something I've been obsessed with for so long.
1) this person does not use RPR
2) I'm not mad, and we're still friends
I feel like I can talk about this freely without hurting any feelings.
Possibly 1.5-2 years ago I started to get excited about a modern AU version of some of my fantasy characters. I drew this picture
I remember gushing to my friend and her being very unexcited about it. I was ashamed because she'd been the only one I'd told and she was not keen at all. So I didn't talk about it any longer - but I absolutely did not stop thinking about it. I was so obsessed, but unwilling to actually put anything of that world online.
Eventually a year later, I gave in and started drawing things from that modern AU again. And while I was drawing the pictures I was telling myself "I won't put them online," or "I'll draw an alternate, 'canon' version and put that one online and keep the AU to myself."
But I'd end up thinking "Actually this picture is one of my best," or get too lazy to ever draw the alternate version and they'd all go online.
And once I started, I just didn't stop. I got braver (or more shameless) and started putting it all out there. And perhaps the modern AU is not to everybody's taste - but it has been pretty well received. I'm just glad I can finally indulge in something I've been obsessed with for so long.
Unfortunately, I have had this experience before. I play mostly female characters, and I often mainly RP with male characters. I once had someone (not here) get on me about only trying to 'hook up' my female characters, and they then went on to attack my type of character (she was a slave) and such. This event escalated to me getting banned from that area, despite my having done nothing in the interim.
My solution? I didn't go back. If they wanted to judge me based on the gender of character or type of character I play, they can do that. I could go find somewhere else that wouldn't be so ridiculous.
What's important is to be true to yourself. I know that's hard, it took me a while to get to a point where I was comfortable standing up for myself.
If people judge you based on the gender of character you play, then that's their own loss. If you are true to yourself, then you don't have to worry about what other people think. You'll be able to find those who will really enjoy RPing with your female characters. You being true to yourself is all that matters. The right people will see that, and they'll come to you.
My solution? I didn't go back. If they wanted to judge me based on the gender of character or type of character I play, they can do that. I could go find somewhere else that wouldn't be so ridiculous.
What's important is to be true to yourself. I know that's hard, it took me a while to get to a point where I was comfortable standing up for myself.
If people judge you based on the gender of character you play, then that's their own loss. If you are true to yourself, then you don't have to worry about what other people think. You'll be able to find those who will really enjoy RPing with your female characters. You being true to yourself is all that matters. The right people will see that, and they'll come to you.
I have, as many others likely do as well, a very roughly paved path when it comes to my life a roleplayer. It's akin much tot he ideas of how hard it is to grow up. Jagged edges, lost pieces, stained pavement from hurt, and an attempt to wall myself into one spot so that I stop getting the abusive behaviour. However, I have learned to truly, and very deeply, appreciate all the nice cobble stones, the architecture, the crafstmanship, and the persistence I've gained in just getting better at putting cobblestones together and placing them on my path.
I have been judged for writing specific character styles, genders, ages, and even races. My creations that I could become so proud of would get overlooked, shunned, blocked, chipped to pieces and criticised so harshly that they crumbled to rubble. It has been a hard path, but one that I am ever so appreciative of in becoming the writer that I am today.
Often I still am my worst critic with my writing and my ability to create absolutely anything. I love writing female characters, and hailing from Tumblr, I found that there was such a disgust towards female characters for such a long time if they weren't your badass bitches who didn't like being in-love with anyone.
In the world of roleplay I have found that female characters have taken a horrible beating just like coloured skin characters, trans-characters, actual evil characters, not aesthetically perfect characters, or just... not the average character. Going out of your way and exploring things that weren't hot male yaoi hunks became such a terrible thing until a shift in the world suddenly happened and people got tired of seeing the hate. It's much like what is happening today in the real world where people are finally taking a strong stand for equality. (I do not know and do not claim to say that this is 100% true in all communities for roleplays, but it was what I have experienced in a 17+ year time as a writer.)
Your female characters are fantastic, no matter what anyone has to say about them. You must create and love what you create and hold it dear to you as a part of your creative process. It's way easier said than done, but you are also not alone in this fight. No one is alone in this massive fight for a fair place in the community.
My way of finally winning my fight was to just go for it. To just dive in and do what I wanted regardless of what anyone had to say or do. I felt so good writing female characters so openly and so happily. I've written young men, dominant men, dominant women, delicate women, delicate men. I've created monsters. I've created people who are just happy to be happy. I've refused to make my characters become held back by the possibility that someone won't like them. You can't please everyone, but you can certainly please yourself.
I hope that this wasn't too ramble-y.
I have been judged for writing specific character styles, genders, ages, and even races. My creations that I could become so proud of would get overlooked, shunned, blocked, chipped to pieces and criticised so harshly that they crumbled to rubble. It has been a hard path, but one that I am ever so appreciative of in becoming the writer that I am today.
Often I still am my worst critic with my writing and my ability to create absolutely anything. I love writing female characters, and hailing from Tumblr, I found that there was such a disgust towards female characters for such a long time if they weren't your badass bitches who didn't like being in-love with anyone.
In the world of roleplay I have found that female characters have taken a horrible beating just like coloured skin characters, trans-characters, actual evil characters, not aesthetically perfect characters, or just... not the average character. Going out of your way and exploring things that weren't hot male yaoi hunks became such a terrible thing until a shift in the world suddenly happened and people got tired of seeing the hate. It's much like what is happening today in the real world where people are finally taking a strong stand for equality. (I do not know and do not claim to say that this is 100% true in all communities for roleplays, but it was what I have experienced in a 17+ year time as a writer.)
Your female characters are fantastic, no matter what anyone has to say about them. You must create and love what you create and hold it dear to you as a part of your creative process. It's way easier said than done, but you are also not alone in this fight. No one is alone in this massive fight for a fair place in the community.
My way of finally winning my fight was to just go for it. To just dive in and do what I wanted regardless of what anyone had to say or do. I felt so good writing female characters so openly and so happily. I've written young men, dominant men, dominant women, delicate women, delicate men. I've created monsters. I've created people who are just happy to be happy. I've refused to make my characters become held back by the possibility that someone won't like them. You can't please everyone, but you can certainly please yourself.
I hope that this wasn't too ramble-y.
Beauty is subjective. So's sexy, for that matter. Have you seen some of the stuff people get off to? This character? Ten years ago? Probably would've been called ugly. And she's actually pretty damn amorous under the right conditions. She's also a joker, a drunk, a notorious pugilist, and a lover of Greco-Roman art. Loves archery. Has a crush on her first knight, he's like the uh... guy second in line to a Bael's throne, in Hell. Has a soft spot for innocent creatures. Has a child... for breakfast-that last part's not true, but the point stands.
Let's start with this. A female character who is physically attractive is:
a: The all-boys RP) Subject to harassment because she's clearly advertising for sex; Why else would she CHOOSE to look like that?
b: the all-girls RP) Subject to scorn because she's clearly advertising for sex; Why else would she CHOOSE to look like that?
I think a lot of the issue stems from female characters being pigeonholed into things, like nurturing and soft, or, swift and agile. Even with the rise of smart, female, know-it-all characters that frequently put the men in their place; A cliche I'm honestly kind of tired of, because it's become so that, women aren't allowed to be stupid, or make mistakes. At least not intentionally. Not without being portrayed as a hysterical wreck, or a villain of some kind. And just how is that different from anything female characters got in older media? "Must be pretty. Must be perfect." And now? They must be perfect, all on top of not getting to be pretty; The hell kind of trade-off is that? I don't think it's even a trade! I mean, large breasts. Lets say you wanna make a character with those two specific attributes. Jokes are fine; Make jokes. Everyone needs to laugh. But when you use that as an object of derision, you are essentially deriding femininity. Bashing on a woman for having womanly traits? That's just nasty. That's sick. And who CARES why someone made a character? If it's smut, they're probably on a smut board, so what're you doing there? And if it's not? Then what the character is will shine through their surface elements. Hell, make all the characters pretty; Then they'll have to bank on personality to get them through the day.
Let's start with this. A female character who is physically attractive is:
a: The all-boys RP) Subject to harassment because she's clearly advertising for sex; Why else would she CHOOSE to look like that?
b: the all-girls RP) Subject to scorn because she's clearly advertising for sex; Why else would she CHOOSE to look like that?
I think a lot of the issue stems from female characters being pigeonholed into things, like nurturing and soft, or, swift and agile. Even with the rise of smart, female, know-it-all characters that frequently put the men in their place; A cliche I'm honestly kind of tired of, because it's become so that, women aren't allowed to be stupid, or make mistakes. At least not intentionally. Not without being portrayed as a hysterical wreck, or a villain of some kind. And just how is that different from anything female characters got in older media? "Must be pretty. Must be perfect." And now? They must be perfect, all on top of not getting to be pretty; The hell kind of trade-off is that? I don't think it's even a trade! I mean, large breasts. Lets say you wanna make a character with those two specific attributes. Jokes are fine; Make jokes. Everyone needs to laugh. But when you use that as an object of derision, you are essentially deriding femininity. Bashing on a woman for having womanly traits? That's just nasty. That's sick. And who CARES why someone made a character? If it's smut, they're probably on a smut board, so what're you doing there? And if it's not? Then what the character is will shine through their surface elements. Hell, make all the characters pretty; Then they'll have to bank on personality to get them through the day.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who has experienced a lot of judgement and harassment surrounding my female characters... In fact, for a long time I was one of the only girls in my RP circles and that was a really shitty experience. I was so used to the harassment that I thought there was something wrong with me for getting upset when I was teased and called horrible things.
My earliest RP experiences treated RP a lot like a game to be won. If my characters couldn't succeed in combat, they were worthless. The people I played with would fight a lot about how fights played out or the abilities and powers of certain characters. I enjoyed the few small moments of peace that I could find, but there was a lot of elitist behavior that made it really hard to keep my motivation to continue. Not to mention I was put down a lot for not wanting to fight or play out combat. Having peaceful, loving, affectionate, and soft characters was seriously frowned upon for some reason... But even when I did make a hard ass and put a lot of effort into being super strategic and good at combat, I'd still get harassed. No matter what, I couldn't win.
I think those years really damaged me. It took me a long time to respect myself and other women. I didn't know about feminism or anything. It never occurred to me that those people were sexist until the subject finally came up and they were viciously attacking the idea of feminism. After a quick search, I saw that feminism was all about gender equality and when I pasted the definition to ask why they'd be against that, they insulted attacked me until I left. One of the guys who I was close to messaged me to apologize, and admitted he didn't realize what feminism was all about, he thought it was female supremacy... But I didn't come back.
I guess that's how I got introduced to the beliefs and understanding of the world that I've slowly been piecing together. With or without feminism (I'm not one for labels) I'm happy to be able to recognize sexism when I see it now. I wish I didn't have to endure that, but it almost seems necessary for all of that to have happened in order for me to accept myself today. Now I make whatever characters I want, do whatever I want, I don't care about combat or 'winning', and I don't put up with people who are cruel.
My earliest RP experiences treated RP a lot like a game to be won. If my characters couldn't succeed in combat, they were worthless. The people I played with would fight a lot about how fights played out or the abilities and powers of certain characters. I enjoyed the few small moments of peace that I could find, but there was a lot of elitist behavior that made it really hard to keep my motivation to continue. Not to mention I was put down a lot for not wanting to fight or play out combat. Having peaceful, loving, affectionate, and soft characters was seriously frowned upon for some reason... But even when I did make a hard ass and put a lot of effort into being super strategic and good at combat, I'd still get harassed. No matter what, I couldn't win.
I think those years really damaged me. It took me a long time to respect myself and other women. I didn't know about feminism or anything. It never occurred to me that those people were sexist until the subject finally came up and they were viciously attacking the idea of feminism. After a quick search, I saw that feminism was all about gender equality and when I pasted the definition to ask why they'd be against that, they insulted attacked me until I left. One of the guys who I was close to messaged me to apologize, and admitted he didn't realize what feminism was all about, he thought it was female supremacy... But I didn't come back.
I guess that's how I got introduced to the beliefs and understanding of the world that I've slowly been piecing together. With or without feminism (I'm not one for labels) I'm happy to be able to recognize sexism when I see it now. I wish I didn't have to endure that, but it almost seems necessary for all of that to have happened in order for me to accept myself today. Now I make whatever characters I want, do whatever I want, I don't care about combat or 'winning', and I don't put up with people who are cruel.
You are on: Forums » Smalltalk » A Rant and 2.5 Questions:
Moderators: Mina, Keke, Cass, Claine, Sanne, Dragonfire, Ilmarinen, Darth_Angelus