Forums » RP Discussion » Character thoughts...((feedback plz :) ))

Okay....so. I kinda wanted to have feedback on some of my characters profiles.

Both layout, and concept wise. Some of my characters arent exactly up to my standards.....but Id still love to hear some outsider thoughts on my peoples.

characters I call complete....kinda...:

Vie Upshur
Nathan
Hex
Elyssa
Shoko
Yuan
Erosin and Lucia
Nico
Lindal
Florence
Zaccheus
Don
Alice
Krayola
Lindal
Lux

characters that need work yet.
Beten
Ira (her description....)
Elle Parker
Val
Jamie (history needs work)

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Anyways, if you could,even look at one and tell me your thoughts Id appreciate it.

I would answer this, but you've been roleplaying a lot longer than me and I already like all your characters. Lol. So...

But maybe someone more qualified to give advice about roleplay profiles will answer this...

I still seek feedback plz.

I checked out three of your characters: Florence, Zaccheus, and Jamie! I tried breaking up my feedback into readable chunks, but I might as well warn you that it's a bit long. Sorry.

Beginning with Florence, I love the premise of a genderswapped magical hero. Are they a guardian of modern France? The timeline is a bit ambiguous, but not something I'd bother dwelling on anyway. Her (His? Their?) designs are adorable, especially her regular self's dress, and I think using the powers of a mask to trigger her transformation is a super cute idea, but one of the issues I had with reading her bio was with the diary section.

I liked reading it, but you used so many ellipses (...) that I felt it hard to follow along without pausing every time they cropped up. Maybe try using them a bit more sparingly? What confused me the most, however, was entry 5. Since I was expecting the experiences of her transformation to be written as if she was recording it in her diary after the fact, watching it 'unfold' was kind of jarring and broke up the flow of the story you had going on. Aside from that, I found her to be a very charming character and don't think much change is necessary apart from the occasional proofread of her bio and nerfing the ellipses. Wish my country had a cute magical mascot to watch over it

Next off, Zaccheus.

Can I just say that I love the bit about Ashtanshire keep and the time records? The time records alone could already start some interesting rp scenarios, but the fact that your flirty time god's house is in a planet's core makes him that much cooler.
Also, about the website he made - Is the time wish well-known or obscure? I'm assuming it's the former because you call it a 'game show', so does that mean world leaders or celebrities have tried using it before? Sure he can send people back in time, but does sending them back allow them to change their own branch of history or just merely experience it in a form of history-accurate simulation?

The concept of a show about time is amazing, but how is it documented and packaged into a show that people watch for entertainment value? Stormchasing is an interesting subject, but if a tv show about stormchasing is boring then people won't bother watching it. Does he run the site anonymously and try covering his tracks, or do people know that he's a time god? Was the site made sometime in the 'modern' era of internet, or did the site exist back around when Netscape Navigator was still a thing? Has it been around just as long as the world wide web has?

This little fact of his definitely adds depth to his character and shows how much he likes interacting with humans, but what I don't like about it is how it's kinda vague in the grand scheme of things. Aside from that, I think you made a pretty cool time god and his bio is pretty polished! Never heard of a god making a website before lmao

Last but not least, Jamie! There doesn't seem to be much about him yet but I think he has a decent appearance and personality. An okay character at the very least, but he lacks the same kind of charm Florence and Zaccheus have and I think it's because of the unfinished history. The idea of him being a monsterchild protective services worker is his real selling point.
If Jamie and Lucy were best friends but terrible spouses, what caused the rift in their relationship? Conflicting personalities? A lack of attraction to eachother? Pressure from their parents to 'continue the family line'? Not entirely necessary to go over imo, but I think it might help with fleshing him out more.

Who's Hex and why was Jamie ordered to accept? What kinds of consquences would there have been if he didn't? Does Jamie know why Lucy was murdered? Were they purposely targeted or were they just unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Was Hex tied to it? Has Jamie gotten over her death? They may not have been good relationship material but they had once been best friends, so I think it'd be cool if you went more into detail on how he was affected by her murder.

Also, who's Seriphi and how did Jamie meet them? Also, why is him meeting the nagas important enough to mention when he (presumably) deals with lots of nonhuman creature children in his line of work?

I don't have much to offer in the way of professional criticism, but I hope me sharing my thoughts with you on your characters helped. Overall, I think your characters are pretty neat! 😂

Thank you, thank you so much for your time and words. Considering Florence is a magical girl, yeah shes modren. And I do use way to many (...) I swear. First is was says. Then it was commas now its this.

Well. In my eyes Zaccheus's gameshow is sort of an urban legend. When it does occur, the participants have to sign a contract.Id say they know Zaccheus is a god. Or claims to be one at least.

As for the gameshow aspect, Zaccheus calls it That, but its really for his own entertainment.

As for Jamie. Its definitely a mix of all you said with conflicting persobalities and their parents pressure. Hex is my other character.

Hes pretty complex. Uh. So Imma sum him up real quick: rich clairvoyant who used to be part of the dark net. Jamie knows why Lucy was murdered, and Hex was not involved.

Seriphi is a friends character and the canon is our characters are together lol.

I prolly didnt address everything but I will definitely make those changes.

I'm glad I could help! Your characters are already interesting enough in their own right even without feedback.

Aw thanks. I appericiate that. 💗 I always want to get better though.