Forums » Smalltalk » How do I handle this properly?

So I can’t go into much detail, but I am stuck in a never ending cycle right now of homework and my parents yelling at me. They want me to do homework but they want me to do chores, find a ‘real’ job, take care of the pets, and go out with them to do errands and I can’t do all of that. I’m also stuck in a very toxic friendship and despite blocking the person on 8 different accounts throughout the internet they keep finding me somehow. And on top of all of this I’m supposed to start a new school in about two weeks.

I just don’t know how to handle all of this at once anymore, it’s gotten too overwhelming. The roleplay helps me calm down and get my mind off of things but the moment I’m not working I get yelled at quite harshly. I’m not allowed to even draw or write offline anymore unless it’s school related.

Does anyone have tips on how to deal with this? I’m sorry if I’m ranting it’s just kind of freaking me out and I really do want advice on this.

It's important to learn how to balance to-dos sooner than later. The things you list are reasonable things to expect from your kids, roommates and significant others. What doesn't sound reasonable is getting yelled at and getting overwhelmed by feeling like you have to do everything all the time.

My recommendation is to do two things:

1. Talk to your parents. "I know I have responsibilities around the housr and towards school, and I am happy to do my share. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated when I get yelled at though, which makes it harder for me to stay motivated and disciplined about it. It would help me the most to simply be reminded if I forget something without feeling punished for it."

2. To make it easier for you and to help your parents understand you acknowledge your responsibilities, make a schedule and share it with them! Write down which responsibilities you have, then work them into a weekly schedule. For example, taking the trash out once a week, scheduling an hour (or more) every day to do homework, taking care of the pets etc. Remember to actively schedule in leisure time too! Everyone needs that to recharge from day to day life, and it can help remind your parents that you need to breathe as well.

Doing this will give you more control over how your time is spent and it should satisfy your parents as well. While they shouldn't be yelling at you, you do live with them and it's good to make a habit of following through on your responsibilities as a member of the household. If they don't have to remind you of those things, they also won't be frustrated with you for forgetting.

If there are reasons why you can't do (certain) chores, it's good to explain those too. There might be too many chores for you to fit into a week, or if you have any disorders they might get in the way of getting things done. Try to communicate your abilities and limits clearly so your parents can work with you!

Regarding the stalking, that is really serious. Please tell your parents, a friend whose parents you trust or a school counselor ASAP.

A new school is always a bit stressful, but it should be easier to handle if you can get these things taken care of.

I hope this helps a little.

Sorry to hear that this is going on. I think, like Sanne, that a schedule is a good idea, because if you can negotiate a schedule with them, then you'll have sort of like grounds to say "Hey, our agreement says you can't bother me from this time to this time because that's my time to draw." Or, "this is the time of the day that I'm allowed to roleplay." And in turn for those concessions, you can give them something they want, like a certain list of chores that you will definitely have done by a certain time of day or something. That way both parties get something they want. That's how you lure them in. Like, "mom and I dad, I know you would like me to do x and I am not always good about doing it, but I also need de-stress time and so I would like to make a deal with you. I'll do this by this time every day if these other couple of hours are mine." I can imagine this is stressful for you, because I am an introvert and I really need my unstructured time. My time to just be creative and to think, so I feel you. It can be unnerving when somebody is always telling you to be doing one more thing. To be honest, I have been know to pretend to be asleep or go for a walk for "exercise" when people start doing that. Some people in my life are extroverts, and they don't understand my need for time alone, because they don't need time alone. This "down time," or "unstructured time," or whatever you want to call it is kind of important for introverts to get, otherwise we get irritable and nervous. I don't know if you are an introvert and your parents are maybe extroverts, but it's something to look into, maybe, if it rings a bell. Maybe having a word for something can help someone understand the differences between us. *Hugs*

Awww *Huggles* Also, I understand the toxic relationship part. Been there....

So I really understand this and I know that at least with my parents trying to negotiate would not work, and my parents think that drawing, role playing, reading, etc. are all wastes of time so I could never get time to do those things. I don’t have a way to solve it and I’m sorry to make it about me but I just want you to know that I understand. *hugs*

Well, as far as the friendship, is changing schools going to help? I would tell the friend that you don't really have time to hang out or anything. They have probably figured out by now that you don't want to be around them. Add a friend they would get along with and then distance yourself is my best bet.

For homework, Make a schedule, I find that if I plan my day out, even if things don't always line up, I have time.

Maybe, On the Errand you can come and sit in the car to do homework. And while you are driving do homework.

Now, about the yelling, do your parents want to talk to you or do they push you away to do your chores? If they want to talk, do it. Leave your concerns in a note, anything. If things don't get better, I'm truly sorry I couldn't help.

Sincerely, Dastreli

Thank you all so much for the support, it means a lot to me. All of your advice I am taking and I am trying. The toxic friendship is left over from when I moved. I’m going to block the email again and if that doesn’t work I’m going to report her. As for my parents, they don’t really want to talk about it and they push me away to work. So I’m going to take up a schedule and hopefully be able to get everything back in order before I go to this new school on the 13th.

Once again, thank you all so much. This has helped me a lot.

You are welcome to talk to me at anytime, darling.

There's some fantastic advice in this thread. Good work, community!

If this is happening on the RPR, please report immediately -- if someone is making new accounts or otherwise finding ways to get around a block, they are harassing you and the moderation team will intervene immediately if we are made aware of it.

This isn’t happening on RPR, it’s happening through gmail, regular email, and DeviantArt. I’ve blocked 12 of her emails already so I’m blocking the rest as fast as I can to get this person away from me.

Thank you for offering, but like I said this is on places other than RPR

Do you live in Utah? If so there is this app called safe Utah and that is where you should report this.

Sanne has some great advice, communication has always been my go to tactic when things get tough.

Talk to your parents and tell them that it's getting difficult, I'm sure they would understand.

Make lists, as many as you need. Start with priorities and then things that you don't need to do right away (or things that aren't important at all) finish as much things of the priorities then finish off with time for yourself.

Which leads me to the last point. You time. You are the most important person in your life. Take care of yourself mentally and physically then you should be set for anything that comes. Live and laugh, find things that make you smile and take time to emphasize on them AND your body. A fit body and mind enforce a balance.

Besides that, if you ever want to role play or just talk to someone, let me know. I'd be happy to be there for you, get to know me and I'll get to know your that way you won't feel weird talking about it

Also, this whole obsession the ex-friend has with you is unhealthy and borderline creepy. You need to report this somewhere

Thank you, I’ve started making lists and trying out more organized schedules and talking with them more like everyone has suggested. So far it’s going good

And that’d be nice if you want to rp! I’m a little slow at the moment since I’m trying to get the rest of my work done before the next school year starts just to warn you though, lol.