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Hi thanks for everyone who comment on how to have productive OOC conversations. I realized that I was overthinking the whole issue so I'm gonna close this thread. Thank you very much.

I usually try and keep OOC limited to the subject of the IC take being written. I try and spend as little time as possible with OOC as it takes time away from writing IC. Nothing against chatting and getting to know other writers outside the stories, but it seemed that was all that happened with me on the Roleplayer-me site. very little RP even though I met some really cool people.

I guess it matters what type of OOC commentary come my way. When others want me tio edit, change something because it doesn't fit their vision of what they want to happen in a story, I usually write my character out after that.

Not sure if any of that was what you were asking about.

Thanks for the insight. Yep this is what I was curious about. What other people do and think about talking OOC and how it affects their roleplays. Thanks.

i personally love OOC chatter when it's kept off to the side! i feel like it helps me get to know my partner better, as well as be able to see if they're actually enjoying things or if they want to change something. a lack of OOC talk just feels...really awkward to me, i guess. i always worry that they're not enjoying it if they're silent. xD

i respect that there are a lot of people here for just the rp, however, and i've gotten pretty used to no talking outside of the roleplay. i really wish that it was more of a thing, but i can understand why it isn't! it's just my personal preference, lol. the more connected i am with a partner, the better my writing and the more likely i am to develop something great with them. and maybe draw them stuff. c:

I've had mostly neutral to good experiences with ooc chat. Most of the times it helps the rp is when me and my partner for the rp are discussing possible directions or ideas for the rp's story.

Yeah. I am the same as you, exactly. I love it. Can't get enough of it. I love to know what's going on in the peoples' lives who I have good RPs with. It enhances the experience for me.

But strangely, I think it can also sabotage it somehow for some people. I don't understand that because I'm not like that, I'm hoping that someone who sees this and who avoids it or gets stressed out by OOC chat will respond too, and tell me what it's like to be in those shoes. Because I can't picture what that feels like and the effect it has on a person like that. And I would like to know.

It's ironic, sometimes caring about an individual has the opposite effect it's intended to have. Expressing care about problems in their lives can lead to them talking about those problems, which can lead to them feeling bad when they talk to you, which can lead them to not want to talk to you. And in that way caring about someone pushes them away. It's the weirdest thing. I'm probably ranting, sorry. Anyway, point is, OOC chat brings in all those complicated social elements that can be both wonderful and difficult to navigate (or impossible). So I guess for someone like me it's about whether to risk messing up an RP by having OOC chats that could turn troubling or awkward. The reward is you get a new friend, the risk is, you accidentally push them away and lose an RP partner. I think maybe I'm going to try to split the difference from now on and have some superficial chatter without it becoming too invasive. (That's the word I'm looking for. I feel my OOC chatter is too invasive, and it tends to push some types of people away. Invasive is the right word. I need to be...not shallow, just less invasive with some people, I think). Except, of course, for with those people who I already have trust with...the people I talk to all the time. But with new people, I think I'm going to be more careful about keeping OOC chat more impersonal. Unless the person is just really open and I can sense that. But if there any question whatsover, I'm going to not take the chance of making it too personal.

You know, writing these thoughts out helped me figure out the posture I'm going to try to take towards this. It helped to bounce ideas off of y'all. Thanks.



Like Hanasian was saying about another site, how OOC can take up all the time... I've experienced that before too...like one time I got on the computer intending to send at least one roleplay response to each person, but all kinds of interesting other conversations started popping up out of nowhere about stuff that was going on, and I only got one response done the whole day. But at the same time, I loved it. Lol. The time it takes doesn't bother me, it's the confusion, anxiety that comes with OOC chat when you're not sure how the other person's taking it, and what they think of you. It's probably all very egotistical of me to think my chat messages could influence anyone in the ways I'm talking about (being too invasive/pushing people away), and it probably has nothing to do with me in the multiple cases in which something like this has happened...it's probably just their lives going a certain way. But I'm paranoid, so yeah I think I'm going to be more careful about things like this in the future. It simply will cause less anxiety.

Thank you for your input, I very much appreciate reading it!

If anyone else has thoughts... especially if you DON'T like OOC chatter, or if it stresses you out, I'd love to hear your perspective!

Thank you!

Yep it is helpful with plots, that's for sure. Thanks for your input.

I generally don't have too much OOC with my RP partners; I usually have a separate PM for OOC chat, which usually involves fleshing out plot points and such. However, I've often had it where something happened and I reacted to it in the OOC chat, like 'yooooo I can't believe suchandsuch just did that!! Holy crap what a twist!!'
That generally really gets things feeling comfortable with my partners, because then they can respond like 'yessss I'm glad you liked it!'
It makes them feel appreciated, and it helps to bring in a friendliness. I never just send a message of 'hey how's it going?' or 'how are you today?' I generally keep it in relation with the RP at hand, like 'dude (my character) is gonna snap... '
From those comments, we can go into a more personal conversation, but not very often. It's generally more enjoyable for me and my partner if our chatter remains on the topic of our RP or our characters. But it's perfectly acceptable to rejoice with them if they tell you something that happened (ie 'I went to con this weekend!').

Thanks . Those are helpful examples. The comparisons are really clear with how you give the specific examples. Awesome.

I am different. I say "How are you?" "How's it going?" frequently, and I think it has backfired on me. Lol.

But not with certain people. With certain people... it's AWESOME. That feeling that they care about you, they're checking on you...it's awesome. And vice versa. But yeah...it's only if that person likes that sort of thing, I think, and that's where I've gone wrong. Some people just want to write.

Somebody said once that "I mirror my RP partner's vibe." I think I need to be a better listener so I can tune into each partners' vibe instead of just steamrolling over if with my own vibe.

Thanks, Celestina!

Hope you're doing great!

In case any bored person ever stumbles upon this closed thread, I will say that both the people I was worried about on RpR because they disappeared came back, so I am super happy and content now, in that regard. Ok, carry on!