Sanne wrote:
I can only echo most of what has already been said. People who RP also have a tendency to struggle more with social skills or mental illnesses, and fear rejection, so they go on radio silence.
On the other side of the coin, about 50% of the time when I turn someone down for RP, either before we start or after we start, they get pushy or mean. They either keep messaging me with different ideas or characters even when I say I'm passing on RPing with them, or they demand to know why I hate them and so forth. It gets very tiring to have to invest energy into people who jump to conclusions or ignore my wishes, so it's incredibly tempting to ignore them.
I think just accepting this is how things are is not a viable solution. We need to normalize rejection so that people aren't afraid of it. Rejection isn't personal in RP most of the time after all. We also need to respect people when they say no and not push them no matter how much we want to interact.
Maybe if we set the right example and lead with it, we can make a positive change in the community.
On the other side of the coin, about 50% of the time when I turn someone down for RP, either before we start or after we start, they get pushy or mean. They either keep messaging me with different ideas or characters even when I say I'm passing on RPing with them, or they demand to know why I hate them and so forth. It gets very tiring to have to invest energy into people who jump to conclusions or ignore my wishes, so it's incredibly tempting to ignore them.
I think just accepting this is how things are is not a viable solution. We need to normalize rejection so that people aren't afraid of it. Rejection isn't personal in RP most of the time after all. We also need to respect people when they say no and not push them no matter how much we want to interact.
Maybe if we set the right example and lead with it, we can make a positive change in the community.
I completely agree with normalizing rejection - people learn to be able to take no for an answer and stop being pushy
I think I've probably gone silent on more people than have gone silent on me.
When I go silent, there's a number of things that might be going on. Usually, either it's lack of chemistry that leads to things stalling out, or I just get stuck, forget, and then it's been long enough that I assume it'd be weird to continue (or am just grateful to have "escaped" something I didn't feel any connection to). Right now, I'm having difficulty because an abnormally long period of depression disconnected me from the RPs I was in, and as I was finally catching up, another bout decided to hit. I'm trying to get better about being more upfront and communicating, though.
When people vanish on me, I have a pretty standard reaction. I give some extra time (I'm a slow player, so this might be as long as a month), and if I still haven't heard anything, I send a quick message. Just a little "Hey, everything okay? It's cool if you need more time, or if you'd rather stop, just let me know." Just something to remind if they forgot, to assure them everything's fine, and to let them know it's okay if they don't want to continue.
When I go silent, there's a number of things that might be going on. Usually, either it's lack of chemistry that leads to things stalling out, or I just get stuck, forget, and then it's been long enough that I assume it'd be weird to continue (or am just grateful to have "escaped" something I didn't feel any connection to). Right now, I'm having difficulty because an abnormally long period of depression disconnected me from the RPs I was in, and as I was finally catching up, another bout decided to hit. I'm trying to get better about being more upfront and communicating, though.
When people vanish on me, I have a pretty standard reaction. I give some extra time (I'm a slow player, so this might be as long as a month), and if I still haven't heard anything, I send a quick message. Just a little "Hey, everything okay? It's cool if you need more time, or if you'd rather stop, just let me know." Just something to remind if they forgot, to assure them everything's fine, and to let them know it's okay if they don't want to continue.
Sanne wrote:
I think just accepting this is how things are is not a viable solution. We need to normalize rejection so that people aren't afraid of it. Rejection isn't personal in RP most of the time after all. We also need to respect people when they say no and not push them no matter how much we want to interact.
Maybe if we set the right example and lead with it, we can make a positive change in the community.
Maybe if we set the right example and lead with it, we can make a positive change in the community.
This. As a person who has had at least 70% of their RPs killed off by being ignored alone, I would very much support this notion. The worst thing is if you ignore someone, there is no feedback as to what they might have did wrong. And with no feedback, they can't have the chance to learn from it or improve. Being ignored like this frustrates me, because I don't, or won't know rather if it's just simply them, or something having to do with me. And if it's something having to do with me AKA things like the plot line or the way I type, I won't ever know what needs to be improved if I can improve it at all. This has gotten me into a mannerism where I often don't repeat an RP's specific premise if it got ignored. Solely because if it gets ignored, that's saying to me something probably went wrong, and I need to go back to the crucible and drawing board. (also because repeating the same RP again wouldn't feel very good to have to do).
Now, I know I'm not the best writer, but I usually take my time when brainstorming new ideas or scenarios for RP's often researching premises and other things. So to see it them no longer progressing and ignored feels like the participant(s) just wasted it. If they're going to drop it, I'ed at least like to know why so I'd have a chance at knowing how to improve it. But I guess I understand anyways. I myself make sure to respond to all RPs and always try to get them to the end no matter what. And if I need, or want to drop them, I state why. (except only on two occaisions which were group rps which really didn't need another character into the mix anyways.) Whether it be simply life or lethargy, hopefully we can encourage people on here to do the same, and end this cycle of silence. Heaven knows it would benefit me.
I hate it when people don't ever tell me they either want to end the RP or end our OOC connection if we're only talking OOC, so I do my best not to ignore people or drop them without saying anything. However sometimes I just get nervous.
I've been espeically nervous lately because someone I was only 4 posts into an RP with when I realized I wanted to end it, was really mean to me. They were passive aggressive, insulted my creativity, insulted my writing abilities, and told me I was rude for ending the RP. I cried for longer than I want to admit because they were so mean for no reason whatsoever. They weren't even mean in a cursing at me way, or a deliberate way. They were mean in a very passive aggressive, sophisticated way, which made me feel like I was lower than them.
I haven't had too many interactions like that, but a few. Normally people just are a little sad, and that's it. But sometimes people want to try and keep it going, know what could be changed, what they could do different, but I just don't want to do the RP with them anymore at all.
Also I am not good at giving people feedback when they ask me to tell them what they could do different with someone else because most of the time I just want to end the RP because I'm not feeling it, and there's really no feedback I can give because they're just my emotions.
I've been espeically nervous lately because someone I was only 4 posts into an RP with when I realized I wanted to end it, was really mean to me. They were passive aggressive, insulted my creativity, insulted my writing abilities, and told me I was rude for ending the RP. I cried for longer than I want to admit because they were so mean for no reason whatsoever. They weren't even mean in a cursing at me way, or a deliberate way. They were mean in a very passive aggressive, sophisticated way, which made me feel like I was lower than them.
I haven't had too many interactions like that, but a few. Normally people just are a little sad, and that's it. But sometimes people want to try and keep it going, know what could be changed, what they could do different, but I just don't want to do the RP with them anymore at all.
Also I am not good at giving people feedback when they ask me to tell them what they could do different with someone else because most of the time I just want to end the RP because I'm not feeling it, and there's really no feedback I can give because they're just my emotions.
Novalyyn wrote:
I think I've probably gone silent on more people than have gone silent on me.
When I go silent, there's a number of things that might be going on. Usually, either it's lack of chemistry that leads to things stalling out, or I just get stuck, forget, and then it's been long enough that I assume it'd be weird to continue (or am just grateful to have "escaped" something I didn't feel any connection to). Right now, I'm having difficulty because an abnormally long period of depression disconnected me from the RPs I was in, and as I was finally catching up, another bout decided to hit. I'm trying to get better about being more upfront and communicating, though.
When people vanish on me, I have a pretty standard reaction. I give some extra time (I'm a slow player, so this might be as long as a month), and if I still haven't heard anything, I send a quick message. Just a little "Hey, everything okay? It's cool if you need more time, or if you'd rather stop, just let me know." Just something to remind if they forgot, to assure them everything's fine, and to let them know it's okay if they don't want to continue.
When I go silent, there's a number of things that might be going on. Usually, either it's lack of chemistry that leads to things stalling out, or I just get stuck, forget, and then it's been long enough that I assume it'd be weird to continue (or am just grateful to have "escaped" something I didn't feel any connection to). Right now, I'm having difficulty because an abnormally long period of depression disconnected me from the RPs I was in, and as I was finally catching up, another bout decided to hit. I'm trying to get better about being more upfront and communicating, though.
When people vanish on me, I have a pretty standard reaction. I give some extra time (I'm a slow player, so this might be as long as a month), and if I still haven't heard anything, I send a quick message. Just a little "Hey, everything okay? It's cool if you need more time, or if you'd rather stop, just let me know." Just something to remind if they forgot, to assure them everything's fine, and to let them know it's okay if they don't want to continue.
It's only human to forget to reply or distances ourselves; I simply meant that I get frustrated when I've contacted my roleplay partner(s) maybe twice and they still haven't replied even though they have been active on the site here. Of course it can take more energy to reply to people instead of chatting in the forums; that's fair and completely understandable, I would just like a heads up or something because ignoring somebody is a rude thing to do, unless you have a very good reason to do so, in my opinion
Draken901 wrote:
Sanne wrote:
I think just accepting this is how things are is not a viable solution. We need to normalize rejection so that people aren't afraid of it. Rejection isn't personal in RP most of the time after all. We also need to respect people when they say no and not push them no matter how much we want to interact.
Maybe if we set the right example and lead with it, we can make a positive change in the community.
Maybe if we set the right example and lead with it, we can make a positive change in the community.
This. As a person who has had at least 70% of their RPs killed off by being ignored alone, I would very much support this notion. The worst thing is if you ignore someone, there is no feedback as to what they might have did wrong. And with no feedback, they can't have the chance to learn from it or improve. Being ignored like this frustrates me, because I don't, or won't know rather if it's just simply them, or something having to do with me. And if it's something having to do with me AKA things like the plot line or the way I type, I won't ever know what needs to be improved if I can improve it at all. This has gotten me into a mannerism where I often don't repeat an RP's specific premise if it got ignored. Solely because if it gets ignored, that's saying to me something probably went wrong, and I need to go back to the crucible and drawing board. (also because repeating the same RP again wouldn't feel very good to have to do).
Now, I know I'm not the best writer, but I usually take my time when brainstorming new ideas or scenarios for RP's often researching premises and other things. So to see it them no longer progressing and ignored feels like the participant(s) just wasted it. If they're going to drop it, I'ed at least like to know why so I'd have a chance at knowing how to improve it. But I guess I understand anyways. I myself make sure to respond to all RPs and always try to get them to the end no matter what. And if I need, or want to drop them, I state why. (except only on two occaisions which were group rps which really didn't need another character into the mix anyways.) Whether it be simply life or lethargy, hopefully we can encourage people on here to do the same, and end this cycle of silence. Heaven knows it would benefit me.
Exactly! When I get ignored, I would like to know if they simply weren't interested in the roleplay, if I said something wrong, if my grammar was too bad, etc. I would just like to have a certain reason as to why they have stopped replying, so I won't go and blame myself
damnationfromafar wrote:
I hate it when people don't ever tell me they either want to end the RP or end our OOC connection if we're only talking OOC, so I do my best not to ignore people or drop them without saying anything. However sometimes I just get nervous.
I've been espeically nervous lately because someone I was only 4 posts into an RP with when I realized I wanted to end it, was really mean to me. They were passive aggressive, insulted my creativity, insulted my writing abilities, and told me I was rude for ending the RP. I cried for longer than I want to admit because they were so mean for no reason whatsoever. They weren't even mean in a cursing at me way, or a deliberate way. They were mean in a very passive aggressive, sophisticated way, which made me feel like I was lower than them.
I haven't had too many interactions like that, but a few. Normally people just are a little sad, and that's it. But sometimes people want to try and keep it going, know what could be changed, what they could do different, but I just don't want to do the RP with them anymore at all.
Also I am not good at giving people feedback when they ask me to tell them what they could do different with someone else because most of the time I just want to end the RP because I'm not feeling it, and there's really no feedback I can give because they're just my emotions.
I've been espeically nervous lately because someone I was only 4 posts into an RP with when I realized I wanted to end it, was really mean to me. They were passive aggressive, insulted my creativity, insulted my writing abilities, and told me I was rude for ending the RP. I cried for longer than I want to admit because they were so mean for no reason whatsoever. They weren't even mean in a cursing at me way, or a deliberate way. They were mean in a very passive aggressive, sophisticated way, which made me feel like I was lower than them.
I haven't had too many interactions like that, but a few. Normally people just are a little sad, and that's it. But sometimes people want to try and keep it going, know what could be changed, what they could do different, but I just don't want to do the RP with them anymore at all.
Also I am not good at giving people feedback when they ask me to tell them what they could do different with someone else because most of the time I just want to end the RP because I'm not feeling it, and there's really no feedback I can give because they're just my emotions.
We can't help nor always control how we feel, but I think I get what you mean. In your case, I understand that you ignored said person - as I said earlier, I think there are some cases where it's totally okay to ignore somebody - especially if they have been rude to you and hurt you like your previous roleplay partner did to you.
Even if I won't recieve any feedback on how I have roleplayed, I would still like a heads up like "hey, I'm not really interested in our roleplay anymore, sorry" instead of never hearing anything from them again - because that makes me believe that I've done something wrong or that I have done something wrong, even though that very well might not be the case
I was starting to create a roleplay with somebody and I was so excited. They suddenly started to ignore all of my messages and have now unfriended me. I checked out their profile to see that their friends has been giving them loads of kudos, complimeting them, etc.
It hurts a lot and makes me feel like I’m not good enough. I tried asking if I said something wrong or why they’re ignoring me, but they just keep on ignoring me
It hurts a lot and makes me feel like I’m not good enough. I tried asking if I said something wrong or why they’re ignoring me, but they just keep on ignoring me
I was having the same problem as well though slightly different, but in another website though.
In this story i started an RP with this person right?...And everything started well enough they would answer back to what my characters had to say but as our RP continued on this person started ignoring what my character had to say to their character when my character showed their face to their character,and when my character told them something instead of saying anything to my character their character ignored my character and their character didn't even ask why my character said what they had to say,i mean they did react to my character finally showing their face in some way,but then pretended that my character wasn't even there!...It frustrated me!...Cus when people RP wih me they should never disreguard what my characters have to say and make their character ignore my character completely by saying something else that didn't go with my character's response!...
In this story i started an RP with this person right?...And everything started well enough they would answer back to what my characters had to say but as our RP continued on this person started ignoring what my character had to say to their character when my character showed their face to their character,and when my character told them something instead of saying anything to my character their character ignored my character and their character didn't even ask why my character said what they had to say,i mean they did react to my character finally showing their face in some way,but then pretended that my character wasn't even there!...It frustrated me!...Cus when people RP wih me they should never disreguard what my characters have to say and make their character ignore my character completely by saying something else that didn't go with my character's response!...
Has anyone had that issue where your in an rp community and everyone just seems to deliberately ignore you unless your having a normal conversation...for example they agree to rp with you...then they never reply.....or you ask for an rp partner... and no one answers despite the fact that everyone is online and chatting...and last but not least....when they ask for a partner....then you decide to volunteer...but they don't respond to you...so the next guy says he'll volunteer and they'll swoop past your comment as if it didn't exist...
BABE As a serial ignorer I GOT U. Ok is first thing to say is it's not a reflection on you or your writing.
We tend to forget people have entire world's beyond this website, equally as complicated and convoluted as our own lives.
for instance, me, I travel and move so much that I disappear and reappear with no apparent formula. I have a kitten that falls asleep on me which compels me to not move, not even a muscle. I sometimes leave my friends (even family) hanging for days depending on where my energy is. I promise you (and anyone I've ever done this to) it's not you, your writing or your characters. Not at all.
We tend to forget people have entire world's beyond this website, equally as complicated and convoluted as our own lives.
for instance, me, I travel and move so much that I disappear and reappear with no apparent formula. I have a kitten that falls asleep on me which compels me to not move, not even a muscle. I sometimes leave my friends (even family) hanging for days depending on where my energy is. I promise you (and anyone I've ever done this to) it's not you, your writing or your characters. Not at all.
Communication is the key that makes relationships last. If they don't have the audacity to give you a valid response to their ignorance, then my thoughts on the matter are that they were never really worth your time in the first place.
Speaking as someone who ghosts people pretty often, I gotta say its probably not you.
I know a ton of people on here, me especially, are super fickle and anxious as heck. I'll go a little too long without replying, and then I'll find myself in the guilt pit. I feel too bad and too worried to reach out with an explanation, so I put it off longer and longer until it's been so long that it would be weird to respond.
I wouldn't take it personally, really! It's probably more a reflection of the person doing the ignoring than it is you!
I know a ton of people on here, me especially, are super fickle and anxious as heck. I'll go a little too long without replying, and then I'll find myself in the guilt pit. I feel too bad and too worried to reach out with an explanation, so I put it off longer and longer until it's been so long that it would be weird to respond.
I wouldn't take it personally, really! It's probably more a reflection of the person doing the ignoring than it is you!
Akechi wrote:
Communication is the key that makes relationships last. If they don't have the audacity to give you a valid response to their ignorance, then my thoughts on the matter are that they were never really worth your time in the first place.
Calling someone ignorant because they have a life outside of this site is incredibly rude. Not everyone can be on all the time. They aren't ignorant just because it seems like they might be ignoring you.
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