Gab wrote:
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
Hmmm... I don't think I've really had anything hurt me deeply...
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
The day before college started. I dunno why I did, though. Maybe I was just anxious.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
A number of things; my boyfriend, my family, my dogs, funny youtube vids, books
4. Are you lonely right now?
Nope
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I don't usually call people, but I usually talk to my parents or boyfriend
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
'Cry Pretty'- Carrie Underwood
'If You're Going Through Hell (Before the Devil Even Knows)'- Rodney Atkins
'Remember Everything'- Five Finger Death Punch
And many others
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Don't really have one, honestly
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Not really
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
For me, I don't really get to anxious, but I usually just talk to my parents and my boyfriend about it when I do get nervous about something
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Don't really have nightmares, but when I do, they're usually really weird and I can't remember half the stuff that happened
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The life I'm living right now
12. One regret?
That I don't make much of an effort to keep in touch with people. I just get a bit nervous that I'll just be bugging them
13. One thing you're proud of?
My love for roleplaying
14. One thing you wish?
That I wouldn't get distracted so easily
15. Virtual hugs?
Sure!
Hmmm... I don't think I've really had anything hurt me deeply...
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
The day before college started. I dunno why I did, though. Maybe I was just anxious.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
A number of things; my boyfriend, my family, my dogs, funny youtube vids, books
4. Are you lonely right now?
Nope
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I don't usually call people, but I usually talk to my parents or boyfriend
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
'Cry Pretty'- Carrie Underwood
'If You're Going Through Hell (Before the Devil Even Knows)'- Rodney Atkins
'Remember Everything'- Five Finger Death Punch
And many others
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Don't really have one, honestly
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Not really
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
For me, I don't really get to anxious, but I usually just talk to my parents and my boyfriend about it when I do get nervous about something
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Don't really have nightmares, but when I do, they're usually really weird and I can't remember half the stuff that happened
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The life I'm living right now
12. One regret?
That I don't make much of an effort to keep in touch with people. I just get a bit nervous that I'll just be bugging them
13. One thing you're proud of?
My love for roleplaying
14. One thing you wish?
That I wouldn't get distracted so easily
15. Virtual hugs?
Sure!
Ah...I was looking back at these and saw I missed responding to this one. I never miss a chance to give a virtual hug so....
*HUGS!!!!*
Thanks for filling this out!
SunnyD wrote:
great idea to do this while having 3am feels :'D
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Oh boy. I was having a medical checkup and had to tell them the details. The situation itself was making me really uncomfortable, but having to figuratively reopen old wounds pushed me over the edge.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My dearest friend. Not sure what I'd do without her. Sometimes she says the most insightful things that make me feel grounded. It's good to get a second opinion from someone you trust and I trust her completely.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Kinda, but that's just 'sitting around and bored' loneliness. I don't interact with people outside of work/responsibilities though and sometimes the lack of anything gets slightly maddening.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I don't really do phone calls lol, but I talk to my two closest friends.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I don't really do music that makes me feel "better" LOL
I listen to sad music when I'm already sad and wonder why I'm sad
Or I listen to heavy music to make myself 'righteously' angry (and no I don't recommend that at all, it's a terrible coping strategy)
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
When I'm in the mood for dramatic sad, it's usually something classical/orchestral and/or something from an anime or game soundtrack that really got me down at the time LOL. Sixth Station from Spirited Away.
Otherwise, this guy's soundcloud here, especially 'CRT' and 'don't die'. I like that lo-fi chill stuff, and combining it with sad stuff takes me to my mental sad-peace world. Let me go on a bit of a tangent: it's why I like the Soul Cairn area in Skyrim. A lot of people don't like it because of how empty and utterly depressing it is, it's one type of afterlife that's effectively a purgatory with nothing but ruins, with no music. But, I like the dullness, the low-energy ambience and I get drawn to things like it that make sense to dislike because of the lack of people.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
No thank you.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
I haven't found any good ways.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I'm very lucky I've never suffered any real abuse, but it's what I have nightmares about. It feels like being prey, being hunted until the angry mob catches you and beats you to death because they absolutely hate that you exist. I also get nightmares about holding a vital truth and nobody believes me. All of my dreams are very vivid and the nightmares are these ones that take place in a very 'real' setting so it's confusing and upsetting to wake up from. I have a bloody easier time dealing with the second type of nightmares I have, the ones with Silent Hill/Resident Evil-type flesh creatures.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My parents and my friends, the internet, and being born healthy despite the chances leaning towards complications and/or death. Like, we're talking barely viable. I guess I lucked out and then ever since I squandered my life lol.
12. One regret?
Disappearing one day.
13. One thing you're proud of?
I built my own computer, and people tend to like me. I really enjoyed hanging out with a specific group at one point in my life, they all liked me for me and it was all I could ever ask for. That's my regret, I vanished on them. One day somebody told me how much they missed me and how they kept asking where I was and it made me ache in the chest.
14. One thing you wish?
Oh god, wishes? Maybe this says it all; that I don't let myself wish because I don't think I deserve it, because I think all wishes will turn out to be tricks, because it will be taken away from me at the cruellest moment.
15. Virtual hugs?
Yeah cool bruh
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Oh boy. I was having a medical checkup and had to tell them the details. The situation itself was making me really uncomfortable, but having to figuratively reopen old wounds pushed me over the edge.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My dearest friend. Not sure what I'd do without her. Sometimes she says the most insightful things that make me feel grounded. It's good to get a second opinion from someone you trust and I trust her completely.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Kinda, but that's just 'sitting around and bored' loneliness. I don't interact with people outside of work/responsibilities though and sometimes the lack of anything gets slightly maddening.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I don't really do phone calls lol, but I talk to my two closest friends.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I don't really do music that makes me feel "better" LOL
I listen to sad music when I'm already sad and wonder why I'm sad
Or I listen to heavy music to make myself 'righteously' angry (and no I don't recommend that at all, it's a terrible coping strategy)7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
When I'm in the mood for dramatic sad, it's usually something classical/orchestral and/or something from an anime or game soundtrack that really got me down at the time LOL. Sixth Station from Spirited Away.
Otherwise, this guy's soundcloud here, especially 'CRT' and 'don't die'. I like that lo-fi chill stuff, and combining it with sad stuff takes me to my mental sad-peace world. Let me go on a bit of a tangent: it's why I like the Soul Cairn area in Skyrim. A lot of people don't like it because of how empty and utterly depressing it is, it's one type of afterlife that's effectively a purgatory with nothing but ruins, with no music. But, I like the dullness, the low-energy ambience and I get drawn to things like it that make sense to dislike because of the lack of people.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
No thank you.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
I haven't found any good ways.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I'm very lucky I've never suffered any real abuse, but it's what I have nightmares about. It feels like being prey, being hunted until the angry mob catches you and beats you to death because they absolutely hate that you exist. I also get nightmares about holding a vital truth and nobody believes me. All of my dreams are very vivid and the nightmares are these ones that take place in a very 'real' setting so it's confusing and upsetting to wake up from. I have a bloody easier time dealing with the second type of nightmares I have, the ones with Silent Hill/Resident Evil-type flesh creatures.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My parents and my friends, the internet, and being born healthy despite the chances leaning towards complications and/or death. Like, we're talking barely viable. I guess I lucked out and then ever since I squandered my life lol.
12. One regret?
Disappearing one day.
13. One thing you're proud of?
I built my own computer, and people tend to like me. I really enjoyed hanging out with a specific group at one point in my life, they all liked me for me and it was all I could ever ask for. That's my regret, I vanished on them. One day somebody told me how much they missed me and how they kept asking where I was and it made me ache in the chest.
14. One thing you wish?
Oh god, wishes? Maybe this says it all; that I don't let myself wish because I don't think I deserve it, because I think all wishes will turn out to be tricks, because it will be taken away from me at the cruellest moment.
15. Virtual hugs?
Yeah cool bruh
Hello. Thanks for filling out the survey. I found reading your answers really interesting. The enjoying a video game space with low energy, and the mood music that you like. I relate somewhat to the low energy area thing, and the disappearing on friends a bit. There are some things, like church for me for instance, that I don't really always want to go to because it's just too much social interaction, although at the same time I CRAVE social interaction, so it's a weird paradox and sometimes I go, sometimes I don't. But it's funny, because, the longer I DON'T go, the more awkward it is to go back, because then people will focus on you MORE and be like, "Where were you?" Kind of like a Catch 22. It's interesting.
Anyways
I didn't know if cool bruh mean no or yes on the virtual hugs so...*high-five* (I am Gen X...I don't know the lingo! <--I don't know if people still use the word lingo or not? lol). Take care
PastelGalaxy wrote:
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
My mom never calling, writing, or talking to me and my siblings. My parents have been divorced since I was seven- so 12 years now- and at first it was good. We would go on the weekends and stay with her, she call and all that. But then she just quit. Both me and my sister are friends with her on Facebook and she rarely even attempts to talk to us.
That one tugs at my heartstrings. That must be rough. Hugs for that.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
I can't remember but honestly it was probably over something stupid
ha...
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My animals, hobbies like reading and drawing, RP, and my baby brother.
4. Are you lonely right now?
To tell the truth I feel lonely all the time. I have no friends anymore, no boyfriend. So I would say yes.
Arghhhhh....this gives me the feels, this used to be me sorta. **more huggs!**
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I don't call anybody since I hate talking on the phone. If I need to vent or whatever I'll go out and talk to my horse or go for a walk and talk to myself.
Ditto on phone calls.
You have a horse?? Cool.
Talk to self ****awww hugs hugs hugs***
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I just go through my favorite playlist. It has all genres so there are too many songs to name.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
I don't have one.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I'm a little worried that I will never get over my social anxiety. I can barely talk to strangers and when I do I overreact and stutter and all kinds of blech... I also worry that I'm too afraid of change and to leave my comfort zone.
Awwwwwwww. Okay...I believe you will get over it more and let me tell you why. I have. I used to be someone that did not talk at all to people except those who I already knew...had zero friends in school (but did have like 2 or 3 in the neighborhood) and just did not know how to get from point A to point B with conversations. I still struggle a bit but it's nothing like it was before. For me what happened was...I just literally calmed down. The insecurites and fears I felt when i was younger just sort of faded away with more and more experiences I had. At one time I would have thought it would be impossible to do certain things that I now do all the time (such as strike up a conversation at work on break). It becomes easier and easier, in my experinece.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
I haven't really found one yet...
If it's social anxiety you know the best advice I've heard in a while? It's to just be yourself. It sounds overly simply but part of the reason we are nervous and stammer and stuff I think is because we BELIEVE we have to pretend to be someone "better" than we are or different than we are, but we don't. Honestly, we are beautiful the way we are. When we just are honest...not trying to think of the best answer to say, not trying to not be vulnerable with people...but just like...be that...then it's amazing the connections that can bloom out of simple moments. I don't know if this advice applies to you but I guess I'm thinking about it for myself so I'm throwing it out there! Oh...and asking good questions. If you ask people a question about themselves...they will talk forever and like you for it too...that's one of the tricks I learned from my best friend who has like a bagillion friends taught me. She said "interested is interesting." Take an interest in someone else and they'll find you interesting - interested is interesting. Just ask a few questions and get good at the questions, to where they roll off your tongue and then you'll have the skill down in no time i'm sure I'm getting there lol I still like to talk over people too much. Working on listening more IRL, it's hard.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Not anymore than the majority of the population.
LOL.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Family
12. One regret?
Not taking more risks
13. One thing you're proud of?
My artistic ability.
14. One thing you wish?
To come out of my shell and take more risks
15. Virtual hugs?
Sure, why not?
My mom never calling, writing, or talking to me and my siblings. My parents have been divorced since I was seven- so 12 years now- and at first it was good. We would go on the weekends and stay with her, she call and all that. But then she just quit. Both me and my sister are friends with her on Facebook and she rarely even attempts to talk to us.
That one tugs at my heartstrings. That must be rough. Hugs for that.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
I can't remember but honestly it was probably over something stupid
ha...
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My animals, hobbies like reading and drawing, RP, and my baby brother.
4. Are you lonely right now?
To tell the truth I feel lonely all the time. I have no friends anymore, no boyfriend. So I would say yes.
Arghhhhh....this gives me the feels, this used to be me sorta. **more huggs!**
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I don't call anybody since I hate talking on the phone. If I need to vent or whatever I'll go out and talk to my horse or go for a walk and talk to myself.
Ditto on phone calls.
You have a horse?? Cool.
Talk to self ****awww hugs hugs hugs***
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I just go through my favorite playlist. It has all genres so there are too many songs to name.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
I don't have one.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I'm a little worried that I will never get over my social anxiety. I can barely talk to strangers and when I do I overreact and stutter and all kinds of blech... I also worry that I'm too afraid of change and to leave my comfort zone.
Awwwwwwww. Okay...I believe you will get over it more and let me tell you why. I have. I used to be someone that did not talk at all to people except those who I already knew...had zero friends in school (but did have like 2 or 3 in the neighborhood) and just did not know how to get from point A to point B with conversations. I still struggle a bit but it's nothing like it was before. For me what happened was...I just literally calmed down. The insecurites and fears I felt when i was younger just sort of faded away with more and more experiences I had. At one time I would have thought it would be impossible to do certain things that I now do all the time (such as strike up a conversation at work on break). It becomes easier and easier, in my experinece.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
I haven't really found one yet...
If it's social anxiety you know the best advice I've heard in a while? It's to just be yourself. It sounds overly simply but part of the reason we are nervous and stammer and stuff I think is because we BELIEVE we have to pretend to be someone "better" than we are or different than we are, but we don't. Honestly, we are beautiful the way we are. When we just are honest...not trying to think of the best answer to say, not trying to not be vulnerable with people...but just like...be that...then it's amazing the connections that can bloom out of simple moments. I don't know if this advice applies to you but I guess I'm thinking about it for myself so I'm throwing it out there! Oh...and asking good questions. If you ask people a question about themselves...they will talk forever and like you for it too...that's one of the tricks I learned from my best friend who has like a bagillion friends taught me. She said "interested is interesting." Take an interest in someone else and they'll find you interesting - interested is interesting. Just ask a few questions and get good at the questions, to where they roll off your tongue and then you'll have the skill down in no time i'm sure
I'm getting there lol I still like to talk over people too much. Working on listening more IRL, it's hard. 10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Not anymore than the majority of the population.
LOL.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Family
12. One regret?
Not taking more risks
13. One thing you're proud of?
My artistic ability.
14. One thing you wish?
To come out of my shell and take more risks
15. Virtual hugs?
Sure, why not?
(((*HUGS!*)))
damnationfromafar wrote:
Pretty lengthy responses but...
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
When I had to decide that my well being is more important than forcing myself to be in my abusive step dads presence just to see me little brother. I haven't seen him in over two years, but, being around his father makes me physically sick and messes me up emotionally even though he's 'different' now and doesn't abuse me. When I look at the man all I see if someone who ruined my life. So I'll just have to wait until my brother is 18 and hope he doesn't hate me for never visiting.
It's very difficult because I raised him from the time he was born until our mother died when he was 8 and I went to live with my dad; but I also know that if my brother wanted to talk to me, he's 14. He could message or call me if he wanted to. But he doesn't. It's probably for the best...
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
A couple weeks ago. I had been sleeping on a really broken messed up bed for two years, espeically the last year it was getting worse and worse and one night it was hurting my body so badly I couldn't sleep whatsoever and just ended up balling my eyes out until 10am when I eventually passed out. I have a new bed now, but it took me melting down and wanting to die before I admitted it really was as bad as it was. I felt guilty because my dad had to buy my new bed and it's really expensive but after that I knew I needed to deal with.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
It used to be food. I have binge eating disorder. - 5 months clean at the moment, 4 years into recovery - Sometimes it's still food, but I am trying to stay away from that. Lately it's been listening to music, or watching let's plays on youtube.
4. Are you lonely right now?
In a sense. I have no friends in person, but I have friends online and long distance that I call and stuff, but I miss being in person with people, seeing their faces in front of mine, hugging them, and what not. It's just not the same especially when you've not hugged anyone other than your dad in three years lol. Hearing someones voice helps a lot, I love talking on the phone but a lot of people my age and stuff don't want to call anyone.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
My best friend. She's the only one of my friends that will call me, and it's why we're best friends, because we love talking on the phone and we are always saying the same things at the same time, calling each other at the same moment and getting each others voice mails. We may as well be married.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Panic! at The Disco songs. Usually, 'Victorious'.
Happy by Leona Lewis.
Magic by B.O.B
Gaston, from Beauty and The Beast.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Maria Mena. Not a band but, an artist.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Pretty much just anxious about the fact I'm not getting my dang book done. I'm lacking motivation. I'm anxious that I'm not doing to be able to get the number of books out I want to per year that I know I need to in order to start making money, and eventually enough money to actually live on.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Frankly when I have anxiety it's either a 1-3 on the 1-10 scale, or a 15 LOL).
1-3- I'm mildly nervous. Either because life is getting stressful, there's a really unstable thunderstorm, or I haven't been sleeping all that great, but not horribly either, just enough that I feel unmotivated and tired. Occasionally it bumps up a little higher and I cry a bit, and need to have a tantrum and take a tap.
Frequency: Usually every 2-3 months for a week to two.
What I do: I end up usually cooking, cleaning, watching youtube, or netflix to distract myself. Packing food and clothing, and flash lights if there's a bad thunderstorm, preparing myself to go to the basement if I need to.
15 - I'm having a panic attack. There's usually no rational trigger, but I probably haven't slept more than 2-3 hours a night for the last week and it's making things worse. I'm probably crying on the floor, or in bed, pacing, jumping up and down and repeating that I 'just want to sleep'.
Frequency: It used to be every single day, but now it's once or twice a year at most.
What I do long term: Just ride it out. Cry, curl into a ball, pace, rock back and forth, jump up and down, lay down, get my dad if he's home. I don't take any long term medications for it.
What I do short term: If it's REALLY bad, like last year when I barely slept for eight days, and felt like my body was vibrating, I go to the emergency room, they prescribe me some short term anxiety meds, usually enough for ten days, and I take those until either the ten pills run out, or I am feeling better. Usually I only need about four or five days to 'reset' with the medication, and then I dispose of the extra pills so that I don't start taking them casually. They're an emergency only thing for me personally, and if I have them in the house I will end up taking them when I don't actually need them. (which is why they only give ten because short term anxiety meds like Xanax are addictive.)
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I only have nightmares if I take sleeping pills or drink valerian root or peppermint tea. Usually they are just gross scary nightmares about holes in people's bodies parts for some reason - but my regular nightmares are usually just about my stepdad or my mom usually being really nice to me for no apparent reason which makes me nervous. And my mom is dead so seeing her in my dreams is uncomfortable.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
People who love me. My dad, my best friend, those two in particular.
12. One regret?
I'd say dropping out of high school, because I still don't have my GED even at 21, and feel bad about it, but honestly, I was miserable in high school and would have probably died.
13. One thing you're proud of?
My development in body positivity. I went from only wearing baggy tomboy clothing, and spraying my hair with tons of hair spray and wearing lots of makeup, all at the same time because I was so insecure with my chubby body and my curly hair being so huge and fluffy.
But now, even though I'm 5-6 sizes bigger than I was then, I love myself. I still dress tomboyish, and wear combat boots and flannel, but I also wear dresses, tight dresses, flowy dresses, bodycon skirts, crop tops. I wear anything and everything I want, and ignore people who tell me I'm 'unhealthy' (what they actually mean is they think I'm disgusting.) and apparently shouldn't wear nice clothing because of it.
My hair is also super poofy and curly and I love it, I don't use hair spray. And I rarely wear makeup. People are weird about it sometimes. I have a very all over the place style, I just dress in what I want to wear that day, so some days I'm wearing acid wash jeans, combat boots, and flannel, and the next day I'm wearing a pink dress, white sneakers and cat ears. It throws people off but, I don't care.
14. One thing you wish?
That I could help my dad with money around the house.
15. Virtual hugs?
Sure! *hugs*
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
When I had to decide that my well being is more important than forcing myself to be in my abusive step dads presence just to see me little brother. I haven't seen him in over two years, but, being around his father makes me physically sick and messes me up emotionally even though he's 'different' now and doesn't abuse me. When I look at the man all I see if someone who ruined my life. So I'll just have to wait until my brother is 18 and hope he doesn't hate me for never visiting.
It's very difficult because I raised him from the time he was born until our mother died when he was 8 and I went to live with my dad; but I also know that if my brother wanted to talk to me, he's 14. He could message or call me if he wanted to. But he doesn't. It's probably for the best...
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
A couple weeks ago. I had been sleeping on a really broken messed up bed for two years, espeically the last year it was getting worse and worse and one night it was hurting my body so badly I couldn't sleep whatsoever and just ended up balling my eyes out until 10am when I eventually passed out. I have a new bed now, but it took me melting down and wanting to die before I admitted it really was as bad as it was. I felt guilty because my dad had to buy my new bed and it's really expensive but after that I knew I needed to deal with.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
It used to be food. I have binge eating disorder. - 5 months clean at the moment, 4 years into recovery - Sometimes it's still food, but I am trying to stay away from that. Lately it's been listening to music, or watching let's plays on youtube.
4. Are you lonely right now?
In a sense. I have no friends in person, but I have friends online and long distance that I call and stuff, but I miss being in person with people, seeing their faces in front of mine, hugging them, and what not. It's just not the same especially when you've not hugged anyone other than your dad in three years lol. Hearing someones voice helps a lot, I love talking on the phone but a lot of people my age and stuff don't want to call anyone.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
My best friend. She's the only one of my friends that will call me, and it's why we're best friends, because we love talking on the phone and we are always saying the same things at the same time, calling each other at the same moment and getting each others voice mails. We may as well be married.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Panic! at The Disco songs. Usually, 'Victorious'.
Happy by Leona Lewis.
Magic by B.O.B
Gaston, from Beauty and The Beast.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Maria Mena. Not a band but, an artist.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Pretty much just anxious about the fact I'm not getting my dang book done. I'm lacking motivation. I'm anxious that I'm not doing to be able to get the number of books out I want to per year that I know I need to in order to start making money, and eventually enough money to actually live on.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Frankly when I have anxiety it's either a 1-3 on the 1-10 scale, or a 15 LOL).
1-3- I'm mildly nervous. Either because life is getting stressful, there's a really unstable thunderstorm, or I haven't been sleeping all that great, but not horribly either, just enough that I feel unmotivated and tired. Occasionally it bumps up a little higher and I cry a bit, and need to have a tantrum and take a tap.
Frequency: Usually every 2-3 months for a week to two.
What I do: I end up usually cooking, cleaning, watching youtube, or netflix to distract myself. Packing food and clothing, and flash lights if there's a bad thunderstorm, preparing myself to go to the basement if I need to.
15 - I'm having a panic attack. There's usually no rational trigger, but I probably haven't slept more than 2-3 hours a night for the last week and it's making things worse. I'm probably crying on the floor, or in bed, pacing, jumping up and down and repeating that I 'just want to sleep'.
Frequency: It used to be every single day, but now it's once or twice a year at most.
What I do long term: Just ride it out. Cry, curl into a ball, pace, rock back and forth, jump up and down, lay down, get my dad if he's home. I don't take any long term medications for it.
What I do short term: If it's REALLY bad, like last year when I barely slept for eight days, and felt like my body was vibrating, I go to the emergency room, they prescribe me some short term anxiety meds, usually enough for ten days, and I take those until either the ten pills run out, or I am feeling better. Usually I only need about four or five days to 'reset' with the medication, and then I dispose of the extra pills so that I don't start taking them casually. They're an emergency only thing for me personally, and if I have them in the house I will end up taking them when I don't actually need them. (which is why they only give ten because short term anxiety meds like Xanax are addictive.)
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I only have nightmares if I take sleeping pills or drink valerian root or peppermint tea. Usually they are just gross scary nightmares about holes in people's bodies parts for some reason - but my regular nightmares are usually just about my stepdad or my mom usually being really nice to me for no apparent reason which makes me nervous. And my mom is dead so seeing her in my dreams is uncomfortable.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
People who love me. My dad, my best friend, those two in particular.
12. One regret?
I'd say dropping out of high school, because I still don't have my GED even at 21, and feel bad about it, but honestly, I was miserable in high school and would have probably died.
13. One thing you're proud of?
My development in body positivity. I went from only wearing baggy tomboy clothing, and spraying my hair with tons of hair spray and wearing lots of makeup, all at the same time because I was so insecure with my chubby body and my curly hair being so huge and fluffy.
But now, even though I'm 5-6 sizes bigger than I was then, I love myself. I still dress tomboyish, and wear combat boots and flannel, but I also wear dresses, tight dresses, flowy dresses, bodycon skirts, crop tops. I wear anything and everything I want, and ignore people who tell me I'm 'unhealthy' (what they actually mean is they think I'm disgusting.) and apparently shouldn't wear nice clothing because of it.
My hair is also super poofy and curly and I love it, I don't use hair spray. And I rarely wear makeup. People are weird about it sometimes. I have a very all over the place style, I just dress in what I want to wear that day, so some days I'm wearing acid wash jeans, combat boots, and flannel, and the next day I'm wearing a pink dress, white sneakers and cat ears. It throws people off but, I don't care.
14. One thing you wish?
That I could help my dad with money around the house.
15. Virtual hugs?
Sure! *hugs*
I read every word of this and plan on writing a real reply when I get a few minutes, however, for the moment I want to say thank you for sharing this and give you the virtual hugs!
Oh........and I love the bit about your clothing styles ("cat ears" *grins and shakes head* Hmm...I should wear my vulcan ears more than I do.) That's gotta be hard about your brother, yeah. But it's good you're taking care of yourself so you can be there for him when he does get older and wants a relationship IMO. Also.....you can totally get your G.E.D., you're clearly very smart. You can absolutely do that. I have no doubt whatsoever. It's just a test. I got it...back in the olden days when I couldn't finish high school either, because I hated it and refused to go back after some issues with having to wear shoes that didn't fit and also gender identity stuff (I made a joke that I was "king of the world" or something and somebody I admired because of their vocalness about their faith was like "why didn't you say queen of the world, you're a girl. That's weird! What's wrong with you?" and then they started ignoring me or being freaked out by me. I felt like a freak and I was done. I went home that day and told my mom, "I'm never going back to that school." Her being way too permissive, she said, "Okay, no problem," and i dropped out. Now...a bachelor's degree and (useless) master's degree later, I was NOT affected at all and it was the RIGHT decision for me, because the G.E.D. took care of everything...you can get into college, no problem, just take an admissions test and they place you. Not saying you're going to do any of that. All I'm trying to say is that the fact you left high school does not have to define your education at all..you can rise as high as you want to. The G.E.D. is totally within your reach...probably easy to get. I wish you luck...I hate to see someone really super smart like you that gets stuck like that because of a piece of paper. I promise, you can do it! Just study a little math from a tutorital guide or something because you got English and reading comprehension sections Aced girl! Obviously.
Ok, I guess I did answer this. ***all the hugs***
*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*
*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*
*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*
*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*
*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*HUGS*
*Sorry about any typos. I really DO know the difference between "your" and "you're" and such I just ran out of time. Typing at the speed of light!
Abigail_Austin wrote:
Yep. Imagine Dragons are great, music I great. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Your mom sounds like somebody's description on here in the Here For You group of a "narcissistic patent," although I don't know for sure. But it sounds like that. I'm sorry you have to go through that, it sounds horrible and once you get out and have your own place (and a cat! Or...or snake!) maybe that will get better. Yep...your art is something to be proud of. I loved looking at the thread where you drew the characters...that must've been fun. It was fun to watch.
Btw if you haven't heard of "Here For You" it's a group on here that I like. I go in there to vent sometimes.
Those nightmares sound freaky. So..me...I have a bit of insomnia (some of it's just lack of discipline to put away my phone/computer...like now), and I take medication for that. In my country, it has to be prescribed by a doctor, but the one I take is Ambien, if you might get a chance to ask a doctor about it or something. Some people take Benadryl, which doesn't require a prescription here, because it's just an allergy medication--but everything has side effects, so I can't officially recommend anything, but it's something, perhaps, for though. Also, I take Zoloft for depression. I started out on Prozac, and it helped me immensely, when nothing else worked. Yeah, people without depression will say "exercise," or "sunshine" or "think positive," or "eat right," but I tried all of that and nothing helped during those times except medication. So no one underestimate the power of medication, or the power of brain chemistry to make you bad (or good, if you're lucky), independent of circumstances. We must address brain chemistry if we have brain chemistry issues, and no one should invalidate that by saying that it doesn't "make sense," for us to be depressed based on the circumstances. It doesn't have to make sense. So, sometimes meds are the best way to address it. And yes...humor! "Humor is the best medicine," they say, right? I love that dark humor brings you out of a bad mood sometimes. I get it -- it's like if you are laughing at the absurdity of something, then you're kind of outside of it for a moment. You can detatch that way. It's like... automatic self-awareness. Which brings me to meditation. I should meditate more than I do but in the past it has helped me. Some people have to do guided ones or with music, but I just listen to my breath and observe my thoughts, as if from above them. Sorta. But I love the idea of using dark humor...it probably makes you feel not alone, first of all, because someone gets it, that's why it's in a joke, and it also gets you out of it. Like, you're the person that's laughing at it in that moment, not the person that is at it's mercy. You have a bit of power over something if you can laugh at it. Just the power to say that you and the feeling are not one in the same. You can laugh at it.
And about real life I'm sure you'll do okay--you're very smart. And about a stress free job? Hell yeah, I hope you find one that suits you, I'm sure you will. Very important. So important. So good that you realize now already the importance of finding a job that suits you as opposed realizing it later, like I did, AFTER I had a degree. But all's well that ends well.
Thanks for sharing and love your art.
Yeah, I have heard people tell me that before. They had said that my mom is narcissistic, but ahaha- I don’t even know anything at this point. Thinking about it unearths all sorts of uncomfortable emotions and thoughts- but I sure hope that I can get a pet in the future. It certainly sounds nice, to be able to unleash all your love and spoil something without fearing rejection or betrayal because humans are complicated like that, animals tend to be content as long as it is living comfortably and are cared for. Extra bonus is that they don’t understand anything you say, so there is no use talking to them thus lessening the chance of you saying something wrong.
Thanks haha, I really hope that I can do another Draw Your Characters thread though, I don’t think school is gonna give me any free time anytime soon.
It sure is nice, that there is a support group even on here. Maybe I’ll check it out sometimes ^^ I am really tempted to take medication for all sorts of things at this point. But maybe if I get hella desperate, because at the moment, it is still somewhat manageable- even I know that medication aren’t bad per se but idk, guess I’ll just wait and see. Thanks for the tip though- but I heard that the dosage would be different for different people?
And you definitely got the dark humor part spot on- I was tempted to scream ‘EXACTLY’ when I read that because a lot of people who decided that it was a good idea to take a peek at my phone were absolutely horrified at what they saw haha. It does get annoying sometimes. I haven’t tried meditation though, I don’t know if I should try it either- maybe in the future haha, I definitely don’t trust myself enough to leave myself alone with my thoughts for more than two minutes.
Thankfully, I realised that I had to find a suitable job early on, thanks to my ampazing father actually^^ I was actually dead set on becoming a pharmacist, or even a pathologist, but after I told my father, he just looked at me in the eye and went on a looooong talk about how important it is to choose something that I actually am interested in and suits me because the only way I can succeed is if I keep at something- which isn’t possible if I detest it haha.
Thank you for that reply, and thanks for creating this thread as well. It really got a lot off my chest
It is also really nice that people get to share their experiences through this.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
Being abandoned. You'd think people would understand what seeing only the worst of you does to people in this day and age. Like putting them in severe pain to the point they want to die to make it stop.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Hmm... A few weeks ago back when I saw the world was full of people that easily fear the worst of others? Just as well it's also full of people that will listen, talk and actually try to understand regardless of how much of a "pain" you are.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
The very same people that hurt me. It's happened before actually. "Being there" and understanding each other goes a long way. Along with not hesitating with each others happiness and knowing you're always there for each other even if one or both of you in a monster.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Depends on the context. Do I have people here for me? Yes. Do I have people also not here for me because they're afraid of me? Yes. Is anyone a replacement? No. Do I want female company for specific activities yet also for more then that? Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I'm not a phone person so no one. But I am an internet person and know people that care about me on Second Life. Actually it's one person. Made damn sure we're real and not "superficial because online". People pretend they want it to be that way but then complain about it being that way when it's not that way until you make it clear you're there for them because they matter. This is why I make it clear to people I meet online that we're "people first" and that we both matter.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I don't listen to music when I'm sad. I don't distract myself from the core problems. I think, I remember. Even if it hurts. Then I wait until I feel better and THEN listen to music. Which makes me a bit happier because the music is nice. As for the songs... This and this. The playlists.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
None. See above. But I do remember a certain sad melody. Music box style. I just can't remember the name of it.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Yea. Mental health issues are at a all time high. But the problem is people often get told they have problems when they might otherwise be "fine as they are" even by professionals. Fun fact. Our very brain chemicals change on a day to day bases simply based on how you think and you're never "stuck". Speaking as someone that's been insane for a year. People that act like logic alone is enough as if emotions don't matter because they're afraid of being emotional irk me. Yes it's scary to face the"bad" of things, no that isn't an excuse to try and "lose yourself in happiness alone" when the bad is needed for the good. Start thinking shrinks are the answer and you risk being a parent that tosses your own child to them without trying to provide emotional support YOURSELF. I actually got told that by a mother. I so hate bad parents.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Easy. I accept it for what it is and don't try to avoid it. I talk about what's on my mind to others when I have concerns even if it's not nice to hear. Because that's life. You talk about things or you hold it inside yourself until you explode. After that focus on what you do have and what you know you can accomplish. Not what you don't have. Take note of problems and do something when possible and focus on "fun times".
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I don't even dream. And no, I don't "forget" them. I mean I don't dream period. At most I have memories and I do have... a rather unpleasant one. I know someone that shot themselves. Yea... that kind of sound will stick with you even if you didn't hear THAT shot. But watch the intro of hitman contracts and you got the idea. Painful memory but something to learn from at the same time. Hurt to remember for a while but to forget would be worse. After that I had a knack for talking sense into people and even talked a few out of suicide. That is the value of pain. It serves as a reminder of what's worth fighting for. That is the value of fear. To know there's always a reason. So it sure as hell ticks me off when I see an "angry guy" being human and then get lectured by a so called "nice" guy. There's a "mean" person in that situation alright, but it's not the one that's pent up. It's the one acting like they "know best for you". Sometimes we do know best about a situation, like when someone is deluding themselves, but sometimes someone thinks they can act like you're a magic genie and that you have to be "just like them". I get on with angry types and even trolls at times. Because I don't JUDGE them. Other negative social norms include being looked down on for being weird or otherwise different and seen as "a problem for normal types".
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My angry spiteful ex who drove me insane yet was there for me on Christmas day. Take this a lesson of how our lives and sanity are in the hands of others as much as ourselves.
12. One regret?
The suicide event I went into earlier. But now I regret nothing. Did what I could back then. Others have similar stories. It's not about blame. It's about responsibility. Fear consumes but to be brave is to face it anyway. If there's anything to regret it's not being able to face it. I do. many others do not. Not really. Being too afraid of the answers they'll find when they look for themselves. Is that person you?
13. One thing you're proud of?
Knowing insanity. No, really. I know what's it's like to have a thousand voices screaming in my head each with their own reasons. But the good thing about that is that it really changes your perception on things. You understand what it's like to be a monster so much that you start to understand what is right for yourself and not what you're simply told. By this logic you also start to understand others. Some others are more aware of themselves. Some act like no one should ever be "like that". But those are the ones that risk being abandoned when they themselves are like that because they're human like everyone else. Even loved ones can wish only the worst for each other yet not hold a grudge. And somehow end up closer through it. Or enemies on a battlefield who both know they fight for something that is not "right" or "wrong" for each other.
14. One thing you wish?
For more people to understand that what they already know isn't the only truth. There's always more to learn if you look and ask.
15. Virtual hugs?
I'd need someone to be here for me in all things before I'm comfortable with that. Which means a lot more then hugs. What about MY version of a hug? What if your version of a hug hurts me? How can it do the reverse and under what circumstances? Now replace hug with any other topic. Keep being aware. Now you know how you affect each other. O.O
Being abandoned. You'd think people would understand what seeing only the worst of you does to people in this day and age. Like putting them in severe pain to the point they want to die to make it stop.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Hmm... A few weeks ago back when I saw the world was full of people that easily fear the worst of others? Just as well it's also full of people that will listen, talk and actually try to understand regardless of how much of a "pain" you are.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
The very same people that hurt me. It's happened before actually. "Being there" and understanding each other goes a long way. Along with not hesitating with each others happiness and knowing you're always there for each other even if one or both of you in a monster.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Depends on the context. Do I have people here for me? Yes. Do I have people also not here for me because they're afraid of me? Yes. Is anyone a replacement? No. Do I want female company for specific activities yet also for more then that? Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I'm not a phone person so no one. But I am an internet person and know people that care about me on Second Life. Actually it's one person. Made damn sure we're real and not "superficial because online". People pretend they want it to be that way but then complain about it being that way when it's not that way until you make it clear you're there for them because they matter. This is why I make it clear to people I meet online that we're "people first" and that we both matter.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I don't listen to music when I'm sad. I don't distract myself from the core problems. I think, I remember. Even if it hurts. Then I wait until I feel better and THEN listen to music. Which makes me a bit happier because the music is nice. As for the songs... This and this. The playlists.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
None. See above. But I do remember a certain sad melody. Music box style. I just can't remember the name of it.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Yea. Mental health issues are at a all time high. But the problem is people often get told they have problems when they might otherwise be "fine as they are" even by professionals. Fun fact. Our very brain chemicals change on a day to day bases simply based on how you think and you're never "stuck". Speaking as someone that's been insane for a year. People that act like logic alone is enough as if emotions don't matter because they're afraid of being emotional irk me. Yes it's scary to face the"bad" of things, no that isn't an excuse to try and "lose yourself in happiness alone" when the bad is needed for the good. Start thinking shrinks are the answer and you risk being a parent that tosses your own child to them without trying to provide emotional support YOURSELF. I actually got told that by a mother. I so hate bad parents.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Easy. I accept it for what it is and don't try to avoid it. I talk about what's on my mind to others when I have concerns even if it's not nice to hear. Because that's life. You talk about things or you hold it inside yourself until you explode. After that focus on what you do have and what you know you can accomplish. Not what you don't have. Take note of problems and do something when possible and focus on "fun times".
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I don't even dream. And no, I don't "forget" them. I mean I don't dream period. At most I have memories and I do have... a rather unpleasant one. I know someone that shot themselves. Yea... that kind of sound will stick with you even if you didn't hear THAT shot. But watch the intro of hitman contracts and you got the idea. Painful memory but something to learn from at the same time. Hurt to remember for a while but to forget would be worse. After that I had a knack for talking sense into people and even talked a few out of suicide. That is the value of pain. It serves as a reminder of what's worth fighting for. That is the value of fear. To know there's always a reason. So it sure as hell ticks me off when I see an "angry guy" being human and then get lectured by a so called "nice" guy. There's a "mean" person in that situation alright, but it's not the one that's pent up. It's the one acting like they "know best for you". Sometimes we do know best about a situation, like when someone is deluding themselves, but sometimes someone thinks they can act like you're a magic genie and that you have to be "just like them". I get on with angry types and even trolls at times. Because I don't JUDGE them. Other negative social norms include being looked down on for being weird or otherwise different and seen as "a problem for normal types".
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My angry spiteful ex who drove me insane yet was there for me on Christmas day. Take this a lesson of how our lives and sanity are in the hands of others as much as ourselves.
12. One regret?
The suicide event I went into earlier. But now I regret nothing. Did what I could back then. Others have similar stories. It's not about blame. It's about responsibility. Fear consumes but to be brave is to face it anyway. If there's anything to regret it's not being able to face it. I do. many others do not. Not really. Being too afraid of the answers they'll find when they look for themselves. Is that person you?
13. One thing you're proud of?
Knowing insanity. No, really. I know what's it's like to have a thousand voices screaming in my head each with their own reasons. But the good thing about that is that it really changes your perception on things. You understand what it's like to be a monster so much that you start to understand what is right for yourself and not what you're simply told. By this logic you also start to understand others. Some others are more aware of themselves. Some act like no one should ever be "like that". But those are the ones that risk being abandoned when they themselves are like that because they're human like everyone else. Even loved ones can wish only the worst for each other yet not hold a grudge. And somehow end up closer through it. Or enemies on a battlefield who both know they fight for something that is not "right" or "wrong" for each other.
14. One thing you wish?
For more people to understand that what they already know isn't the only truth. There's always more to learn if you look and ask.
15. Virtual hugs?
I'd need someone to be here for me in all things before I'm comfortable with that. Which means a lot more then hugs. What about MY version of a hug? What if your version of a hug hurts me? How can it do the reverse and under what circumstances? Now replace hug with any other topic. Keep being aware. Now you know how you affect each other. O.O
Taramafor wrote:
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
Being abandoned. You'd think people would understand what seeing only the worst of you does to people in this day and age. Like putting them in severe pain to the point they want to die to make it stop.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Hmm... A few weeks ago back when I saw the world was full of people that easily fear the worst of others? Just as well it's also full of people that will listen, talk and actually try to understand regardless of how much of a "pain" you are.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
The very same people that hurt me. It's happened before actually. "Being there" and understanding each other goes a long way. Along with not hesitating with each others happiness and knowing you're always there for each other even if one or both of you in a monster.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Depends on the context. Do I have people here for me? Yes. Do I have people also not here for me because they're afraid of me? Yes. Is anyone a replacement? No. Do I want female company for specific activities yet also for more then that? Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I'm not a phone person so no one. But I am an internet person and know people that care about me on Second Life. Actually it's one person. Made damn sure we're real and not "superficial because online". People pretend they want it to be that way but then complain about it being that way when it's not that way until you make it clear you're there for them because they matter. This is why I make it clear to people I meet online that we're "people first" and that we both matter.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I don't listen to music when I'm sad. I don't distract myself from the core problems. I think, I remember. Even if it hurts. Then I wait until I feel better and THEN listen to music. Which makes me a bit happier because the music is nice. As for the songs... This and this. The playlists.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
None. See above. But I do remember a certain sad melody. Music box style. I just can't remember the name of it.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Yea. Mental health issues are at a all time high. But the problem is people often get told they have problems when they might otherwise be "fine as they are" even by professionals. Fun fact. Our very brain chemicals change on a day to day bases simply based on how you think and you're never "stuck". Speaking as someone that's been insane for a year. People that act like logic alone is enough as if emotions don't matter because they're afraid of being emotional irk me. Yes it's scary to face the"bad" of things, no that isn't an excuse to try and "lose yourself in happiness alone" when the bad is needed for the good. Start thinking shrinks are the answer and you risk being a parent that tosses your own child to them without trying to provide emotional support YOURSELF. I actually got told that by a mother. I so hate bad parents.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Easy. I accept it for what it is and don't try to avoid it. I talk about what's on my mind to others when I have concerns even if it's not nice to hear. Because that's life. You talk about things or you hold it inside yourself until you explode. After that focus on what you do have and what you know you can accomplish. Not what you don't have. Take note of problems and do something when possible and focus on "fun times".
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I don't even dream. And no, I don't "forget" them. I mean I don't dream period. At most I have memories and I do have... a rather unpleasant one. I know someone that shot themselves. Yea... that kind of sound will stick with you even if you didn't hear THAT shot. But watch the intro of hitman contracts and you got the idea. Painful memory but something to learn from at the same time. Hurt to remember for a while but to forget would be worse. After that I had a knack for talking sense into people and even talked a few out of suicide. That is the value of pain. It serves as a reminder of what's worth fighting for. That is the value of fear. To know there's always a reason. So it sure as hell ticks me off when I see an "angry guy" being human and then get lectured by a so called "nice" guy. There's a "mean" person in that situation alright, but it's not the one that's pent up. It's the one acting like they "know best for you". Sometimes we do know best about a situation, like when someone is deluding themselves, but sometimes someone thinks they can act like you're a magic genie and that you have to be "just like them". I get on with angry types and even trolls at times. Because I don't JUDGE them. Other negative social norms include being looked down on for being weird or otherwise different and seen as "a problem for normal types".
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My angry spiteful ex who drove me insane yet was there for me on Christmas day. Take this a lesson of how our lives and sanity are in the hands of others as much as ourselves.
12. One regret?
The suicide event I went into earlier. But now I regret nothing. Did what I could back then. Others have similar stories. It's not about blame. It's about responsibility. Fear consumes but to be brave is to face it anyway. If there's anything to regret it's not being able to face it. I do. many others do not. Not really. Being too afraid of the answers they'll find when they look for themselves. Is that person you?
13. One thing you're proud of?
Knowing insanity. No, really. I know what's it's like to have a thousand voices screaming in my head each with their own reasons. But the good thing about that is that it really changes your perception on things. You understand what it's like to be a monster so much that you start to understand what is right for yourself and not what you're simply told. By this logic you also start to understand others. Some others are more aware of themselves. Some act like no one should ever be "like that". But those are the ones that risk being abandoned when they themselves are like that because they're human like everyone else. Even loved ones can wish only the worst for each other yet not hold a grudge. And somehow end up closer through it. Or enemies on a battlefield who both know they fight for something that is not "right" or "wrong" for each other.
14. One thing you wish?
For more people to understand that what they already know isn't the only truth. There's always more to learn if you look and ask.
15. Virtual hugs?
I'd need someone to be here for me in all things before I'm comfortable with that. Which means a lot more then hugs. What about MY version of a hug? What if your version of a hug hurts me? How can it do the reverse and under what circumstances? Now replace hug with any other topic. Keep being aware. Now you know how you affect each other. O.O
Being abandoned. You'd think people would understand what seeing only the worst of you does to people in this day and age. Like putting them in severe pain to the point they want to die to make it stop.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Hmm... A few weeks ago back when I saw the world was full of people that easily fear the worst of others? Just as well it's also full of people that will listen, talk and actually try to understand regardless of how much of a "pain" you are.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
The very same people that hurt me. It's happened before actually. "Being there" and understanding each other goes a long way. Along with not hesitating with each others happiness and knowing you're always there for each other even if one or both of you in a monster.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Depends on the context. Do I have people here for me? Yes. Do I have people also not here for me because they're afraid of me? Yes. Is anyone a replacement? No. Do I want female company for specific activities yet also for more then that? Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I'm not a phone person so no one. But I am an internet person and know people that care about me on Second Life. Actually it's one person. Made damn sure we're real and not "superficial because online". People pretend they want it to be that way but then complain about it being that way when it's not that way until you make it clear you're there for them because they matter. This is why I make it clear to people I meet online that we're "people first" and that we both matter.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I don't listen to music when I'm sad. I don't distract myself from the core problems. I think, I remember. Even if it hurts. Then I wait until I feel better and THEN listen to music. Which makes me a bit happier because the music is nice. As for the songs... This and this. The playlists.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
None. See above. But I do remember a certain sad melody. Music box style. I just can't remember the name of it.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Yea. Mental health issues are at a all time high. But the problem is people often get told they have problems when they might otherwise be "fine as they are" even by professionals. Fun fact. Our very brain chemicals change on a day to day bases simply based on how you think and you're never "stuck". Speaking as someone that's been insane for a year. People that act like logic alone is enough as if emotions don't matter because they're afraid of being emotional irk me. Yes it's scary to face the"bad" of things, no that isn't an excuse to try and "lose yourself in happiness alone" when the bad is needed for the good. Start thinking shrinks are the answer and you risk being a parent that tosses your own child to them without trying to provide emotional support YOURSELF. I actually got told that by a mother. I so hate bad parents.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Easy. I accept it for what it is and don't try to avoid it. I talk about what's on my mind to others when I have concerns even if it's not nice to hear. Because that's life. You talk about things or you hold it inside yourself until you explode. After that focus on what you do have and what you know you can accomplish. Not what you don't have. Take note of problems and do something when possible and focus on "fun times".
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I don't even dream. And no, I don't "forget" them. I mean I don't dream period. At most I have memories and I do have... a rather unpleasant one. I know someone that shot themselves. Yea... that kind of sound will stick with you even if you didn't hear THAT shot. But watch the intro of hitman contracts and you got the idea. Painful memory but something to learn from at the same time. Hurt to remember for a while but to forget would be worse. After that I had a knack for talking sense into people and even talked a few out of suicide. That is the value of pain. It serves as a reminder of what's worth fighting for. That is the value of fear. To know there's always a reason. So it sure as hell ticks me off when I see an "angry guy" being human and then get lectured by a so called "nice" guy. There's a "mean" person in that situation alright, but it's not the one that's pent up. It's the one acting like they "know best for you". Sometimes we do know best about a situation, like when someone is deluding themselves, but sometimes someone thinks they can act like you're a magic genie and that you have to be "just like them". I get on with angry types and even trolls at times. Because I don't JUDGE them. Other negative social norms include being looked down on for being weird or otherwise different and seen as "a problem for normal types".
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My angry spiteful ex who drove me insane yet was there for me on Christmas day. Take this a lesson of how our lives and sanity are in the hands of others as much as ourselves.
12. One regret?
The suicide event I went into earlier. But now I regret nothing. Did what I could back then. Others have similar stories. It's not about blame. It's about responsibility. Fear consumes but to be brave is to face it anyway. If there's anything to regret it's not being able to face it. I do. many others do not. Not really. Being too afraid of the answers they'll find when they look for themselves. Is that person you?
13. One thing you're proud of?
Knowing insanity. No, really. I know what's it's like to have a thousand voices screaming in my head each with their own reasons. But the good thing about that is that it really changes your perception on things. You understand what it's like to be a monster so much that you start to understand what is right for yourself and not what you're simply told. By this logic you also start to understand others. Some others are more aware of themselves. Some act like no one should ever be "like that". But those are the ones that risk being abandoned when they themselves are like that because they're human like everyone else. Even loved ones can wish only the worst for each other yet not hold a grudge. And somehow end up closer through it. Or enemies on a battlefield who both know they fight for something that is not "right" or "wrong" for each other.
14. One thing you wish?
For more people to understand that what they already know isn't the only truth. There's always more to learn if you look and ask.
15. Virtual hugs?
I'd need someone to be here for me in all things before I'm comfortable with that. Which means a lot more then hugs. What about MY version of a hug? What if your version of a hug hurts me? How can it do the reverse and under what circumstances? Now replace hug with any other topic. Keep being aware. Now you know how you affect each other. O.O
Thanks for filling out the survey!
Thanks, Abigail, it was nice to do this survey, in a way. Gen X? I know what that is, I just forgot which era it is specifically 
you'll have to remind me. People don't really say 'lingo' where I'm from but they'll know what it means if they hear it. I'm cool with hugs, everyone who asked for one gets a hug from me lol. There's a couple of churches in my area, one of which does a lot of events and it's open to "the whole neighbourhood". I don't know if they mean that literally, because even if they did I'd feel awkward being new and non-religious.
you'll have to remind me. People don't really say 'lingo' where I'm from but they'll know what it means if they hear it. I'm cool with hugs, everyone who asked for one gets a hug from me lol. There's a couple of churches in my area, one of which does a lot of events and it's open to "the whole neighbourhood". I don't know if they mean that literally, because even if they did I'd feel awkward being new and non-religious.
SunnyD wrote:
Thanks, Abigail, it was nice to do this survey, in a way. Gen X? I know what that is, I just forgot which era it is specifically you'll have to remind me. People don't really say 'lingo' where I'm from but they'll know what it means if they hear it. I'm cool with hugs, everyone who asked for one gets a hug from me lol. There's a couple of churches in my area, one of which does a lot of events and it's open to "the whole neighbourhood". I don't know if they mean that literally, because even if they did I'd feel awkward being new and non-religious.
you'll have to remind me. People don't really say 'lingo' where I'm from but they'll know what it means if they hear it. I'm cool with hugs, everyone who asked for one gets a hug from me lol. There's a couple of churches in my area, one of which does a lot of events and it's open to "the whole neighbourhood". I don't know if they mean that literally, because even if they did I'd feel awkward being new and non-religious.*HUGS*
I don't know if you're looking to socialize in person, but if you are, Unitarian churches are an interesting option for someone looking to socialize but is non-religious. We went to one out of curiosity, once, and they split up into two groups for Sunday school, the group of people that proudly identified themselves as spiritual and the group that proudly called themselves "skeptics." There was no animosity.
Also, Gen X ends with births around 1979-1985 or something like that, so I was born near the tail end of it, depending on who you ask. Maybe 70s and 80s I forget. Sorry so short, I told myself I was going to stay off the internet all day today but i'm cheating briefly at the moment. Take care.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
My Ex. And the way she used me and manipulated me...she always acted like I had no talent and I was going to be nothing
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
I’m not sure.. Probably a few days ago due to anxiety or something.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Youtube/ video games.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Well... myself I don’t really have anyone I can talk to.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
“Humility” By Gorilaz
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Either Panic at the disco (not all of their music) or My chemical romance.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
GRADUATION HOLY HECK!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Try to get my mind off it. It dosnt always work though.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Yes. Some of them are not forum appropriate.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Music.
12. One regret?
Taking so long to see that I was being manipulated and used
13. One thing you're proud of?
That I have almost finished high school.
14. One thing you wish?
That I had more friends.
15. Virtual hugs?
Eh sure why not!
My Ex. And the way she used me and manipulated me...she always acted like I had no talent and I was going to be nothing
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
I’m not sure.. Probably a few days ago due to anxiety or something.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Youtube/ video games.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Well... myself I don’t really have anyone I can talk to.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
“Humility” By Gorilaz
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Either Panic at the disco (not all of their music) or My chemical romance.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
GRADUATION HOLY HECK!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Try to get my mind off it. It dosnt always work though.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Yes. Some of them are not forum appropriate.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Music.
12. One regret?
Taking so long to see that I was being manipulated and used
13. One thing you're proud of?
That I have almost finished high school.
14. One thing you wish?
That I had more friends.
15. Virtual hugs?
Eh sure why not!
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
When angels’ like people gets hurt because someone deliberately hurled them...
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Oh man, a few days ago because Abigail_Austin, she showed me how far she understood what is I’m fighting for and showed me I was succeeding my war...
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Oh... I don’t know... Abigael_Austin sure makes me feel better when I’m feeling down, even when I don’t know I’m feeling down... then there are my IRL friends... my family... making a hug to a baby... making people smile... everything magic (“ I discovered that magic is the sparkle in the eye of a dear one, it is at the sunset when you take the time to enjoy the scenery, it is when you you love someone, it is when someone loves you, even better, it is when love ain’t unrequited... magic is the sparkle of life we have, it is when a new baby comes in this world, it is when someone sees all your demons inside and love you nonetheless, not despite those, but because of who you are... it is even in our tears, as we cannot cry if we didn’t wanted to love something or someone, might it be ourselves... it is in every of our little success, it is even there when we don’t succeed, because we have tried so hard! Magic is happiness, magic is hope, magic is in our very soul”), really
4. Are you lonely right now?
Not right now, but a lot of the time I feel lonely... especially when I think about my project to have a kid... because I am yet to find my other half.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
... most of my friends, I send a message to everyone of them as I don’t know who will have the right words...
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
“I have a right” Sonata Arctica
“Pourquoi?” Les Respectables
“Monsters” Katie Sky
“Meet me on the battlefield” Svrcina
“Memories” Within Temptations
“Petite Marie” Francis Cabrel
“Try” Colbie Caillat
“Fight song” Rachel Platten
“Dance with the devil” Breaking Benjamin
“Le discours d’Aristophane” Claire Pelletier
“Shy” Sonata Arctica
“The wind beneath my wings” Sonata Arctica
I might have others but for now those are the only that comes to my mind
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Sonata Arctica
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I’m so anxious about my love life, that doesn’t exist by the way... I have such high hopes that I don’t believe any of them... I don’t think I’ll have any anytime soon...
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Singing out loud and running... I ought to do more often.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
When I dream of my lost friends...
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
To be still alive.
12. One regret?
To have shut myself up for so long in the past.
13. One thing you're proud of?
... my stories and how I’ve chosen my words
14. One thing you wish?
To finally have my own little family, a husband and to have a baby...
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes please
*long hug*
When angels’ like people gets hurt because someone deliberately hurled them...
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Oh man, a few days ago because Abigail_Austin, she showed me how far she understood what is I’m fighting for and showed me I was succeeding my war...
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Oh... I don’t know... Abigael_Austin sure makes me feel better when I’m feeling down, even when I don’t know I’m feeling down... then there are my IRL friends... my family... making a hug to a baby... making people smile... everything magic (“ I discovered that magic is the sparkle in the eye of a dear one, it is at the sunset when you take the time to enjoy the scenery, it is when you you love someone, it is when someone loves you, even better, it is when love ain’t unrequited... magic is the sparkle of life we have, it is when a new baby comes in this world, it is when someone sees all your demons inside and love you nonetheless, not despite those, but because of who you are... it is even in our tears, as we cannot cry if we didn’t wanted to love something or someone, might it be ourselves... it is in every of our little success, it is even there when we don’t succeed, because we have tried so hard! Magic is happiness, magic is hope, magic is in our very soul”), really
4. Are you lonely right now?
Not right now, but a lot of the time I feel lonely... especially when I think about my project to have a kid... because I am yet to find my other half.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
... most of my friends, I send a message to everyone of them as I don’t know who will have the right words...
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
“I have a right” Sonata Arctica
“Pourquoi?” Les Respectables
“Monsters” Katie Sky
“Meet me on the battlefield” Svrcina
“Memories” Within Temptations
“Petite Marie” Francis Cabrel
“Try” Colbie Caillat
“Fight song” Rachel Platten
“Dance with the devil” Breaking Benjamin
“Le discours d’Aristophane” Claire Pelletier
“Shy” Sonata Arctica
“The wind beneath my wings” Sonata Arctica
I might have others but for now those are the only that comes to my mind
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Sonata Arctica
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I’m so anxious about my love life, that doesn’t exist by the way... I have such high hopes that I don’t believe any of them... I don’t think I’ll have any anytime soon...
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Singing out loud and running... I ought to do more often.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
When I dream of my lost friends...
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
To be still alive.
12. One regret?
To have shut myself up for so long in the past.
13. One thing you're proud of?
... my stories and how I’ve chosen my words
14. One thing you wish?
To finally have my own little family, a husband and to have a baby...
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes please
*long hug*
Kingbaconporkchop wrote:
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
My Ex. And the way she used me and manipulated me...she always acted like I had no talent and I was going to be nothing
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
I’m not sure.. Probably a few days ago due to anxiety or something.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Youtube/ video games.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Well... myself I don’t really have anyone I can talk to.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
“Humility” By Gorilaz
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Either Panic at the disco (not all of their music) or My chemical romance.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
GRADUATION HOLY HECK!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Try to get my mind off it. It dosnt always work though.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Yes. Some of them are not forum appropriate.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Music.
12. One regret?
Taking so long to see that I was being manipulated and used
13. One thing you're proud of?
That I have almost finished high school.
14. One thing you wish?
That I had more friends.
15. Virtual hugs?
Eh sure why not!
My Ex. And the way she used me and manipulated me...she always acted like I had no talent and I was going to be nothing
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
I’m not sure.. Probably a few days ago due to anxiety or something.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Youtube/ video games.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Well... myself I don’t really have anyone I can talk to.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
“Humility” By Gorilaz
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Either Panic at the disco (not all of their music) or My chemical romance.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
GRADUATION HOLY HECK!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Try to get my mind off it. It dosnt always work though.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Yes. Some of them are not forum appropriate.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Music.
12. One regret?
Taking so long to see that I was being manipulated and used
13. One thing you're proud of?
That I have almost finished high school.
14. One thing you wish?
That I had more friends.
15. Virtual hugs?
Eh sure why not!
**Hugssss!* Congratulations on your pending graduation!
Vali wrote:
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
When angels’ like people gets hurt because someone deliberately hurled them...
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Oh man, a few days ago because Abigail_Austin, she showed me how far she understood what is I’m fighting for and showed me I was succeeding my war...
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Oh... I don’t know... Abigael_Austin sure makes me feel better when I’m feeling down, even when I don’t know I’m feeling down... then there are my IRL friends... my family... making a hug to a baby... making people smile... everything magic (“ I discovered that magic is the sparkle in the eye of a dear one, it is at the sunset when you take the time to enjoy the scenery, it is when you you love someone, it is when someone loves you, even better, it is when love ain’t unrequited... magic is the sparkle of life we have, it is when a new baby comes in this world, it is when someone sees all your demons inside and love you nonetheless, not despite those, but because of who you are... it is even in our tears, as we cannot cry if we didn’t wanted to love something or someone, might it be ourselves... it is in every of our little success, it is even there when we don’t succeed, because we have tried so hard! Magic is happiness, magic is hope, magic is in our very soul”), really
4. Are you lonely right now?
Not right now, but a lot of the time I feel lonely... especially when I think about my project to have a kid... because I am yet to find my other half.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
... most of my friends, I send a message to everyone of them as I don’t know who will have the right words...
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
“I have a right” Sonata Arctica
“Pourquoi?” Les Respectables
“Monsters” Katie Sky
“Meet me on the battlefield” Svrcina
“Memories” Within Temptations
“Petite Marie” Francis Cabrel
“Try” Colbie Caillat
“Fight song” Rachel Platten
“Dance with the devil” Breaking Benjamin
“Le discours d’Aristophane” Claire Pelletier
“Shy” Sonata Arctica
“The wind beneath my wings” Sonata Arctica
I might have others but for now those are the only that comes to my mind
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Sonata Arctica
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I’m so anxious about my love life, that doesn’t exist by the way... I have such high hopes that I don’t believe any of them... I don’t think I’ll have any anytime soon...
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Singing out loud and running... I ought to do more often.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
When I dream of my lost friends...
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
To be still alive.
12. One regret?
To have shut myself up for so long in the past.
13. One thing you're proud of?
... my stories and how I’ve chosen my words
14. One thing you wish?
To finally have my own little family, a husband and to have a baby...
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes please
*long hug*
When angels’ like people gets hurt because someone deliberately hurled them...
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Oh man, a few days ago because Abigail_Austin, she showed me how far she understood what is I’m fighting for and showed me I was succeeding my war...
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Oh... I don’t know... Abigael_Austin sure makes me feel better when I’m feeling down, even when I don’t know I’m feeling down... then there are my IRL friends... my family... making a hug to a baby... making people smile... everything magic (“ I discovered that magic is the sparkle in the eye of a dear one, it is at the sunset when you take the time to enjoy the scenery, it is when you you love someone, it is when someone loves you, even better, it is when love ain’t unrequited... magic is the sparkle of life we have, it is when a new baby comes in this world, it is when someone sees all your demons inside and love you nonetheless, not despite those, but because of who you are... it is even in our tears, as we cannot cry if we didn’t wanted to love something or someone, might it be ourselves... it is in every of our little success, it is even there when we don’t succeed, because we have tried so hard! Magic is happiness, magic is hope, magic is in our very soul”), really
4. Are you lonely right now?
Not right now, but a lot of the time I feel lonely... especially when I think about my project to have a kid... because I am yet to find my other half.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
... most of my friends, I send a message to everyone of them as I don’t know who will have the right words...
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
“I have a right” Sonata Arctica
“Pourquoi?” Les Respectables
“Monsters” Katie Sky
“Meet me on the battlefield” Svrcina
“Memories” Within Temptations
“Petite Marie” Francis Cabrel
“Try” Colbie Caillat
“Fight song” Rachel Platten
“Dance with the devil” Breaking Benjamin
“Le discours d’Aristophane” Claire Pelletier
“Shy” Sonata Arctica
“The wind beneath my wings” Sonata Arctica
I might have others but for now those are the only that comes to my mind
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Sonata Arctica
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I’m so anxious about my love life, that doesn’t exist by the way... I have such high hopes that I don’t believe any of them... I don’t think I’ll have any anytime soon...
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Singing out loud and running... I ought to do more often.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
When I dream of my lost friends...
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
To be still alive.
12. One regret?
To have shut myself up for so long in the past.
13. One thing you're proud of?
... my stories and how I’ve chosen my words
14. One thing you wish?
To finally have my own little family, a husband and to have a baby...
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes please
*long hug*
*looooooong hug back*
Thank you for the compliments.
. Yes, you certainly do choose your beautifully, and the message behind them is beautiful too. Together, the messages and the words can make such a moving combination...it's really something.More emotionally dramatic language for my dear friend Vali and whoever is else is interested...click here
And...the kudos Vali gave me a while back also made me cry -- not even just once, but a few times (I swear, I am not normally so emotional like that), because of the beauty of the words and also the fact that I knew that she meant them. And due to the fact that her words showed that she understood what I try to do in the world too, and the fact that she was telling me that it's working -- I do it. It works. It's like when you're toiling behind the scenes for something and you didn't think anyone fully understood what you were trying to do, and then someone looks straight at you and puts into the most poetic terms what you were always trying to do before you have the words for it yourself, and the words they come up with are more beautiful than what you could have come up with yourself. Ok, I've got it... I know how to explain it. What is appreciation?
Appreciation is when you see a reflection of your own beauty in the reaction of someone beholding it, and you believe in it, and they see their own beauty reflected in you as well, and they believe in it, and it's something neither of you would have been able to see, in the same way, on you own.
It's when you try to give them something, and then they hold it up, with a smile, and show it to you, and you get to see it for the first time, because you see it through their eyes.
You think it's beautiful, but you're not really sure, until you see it reflected back at you from inside their eyes, and then you know it's beautiful. And you reflect their beauty back at them too. It's an amazing thing, love, platonic love, any kind of love. It allows you to see yourself, or maybe, it allows you to see your best self. And to become that.
And...the kudos Vali gave me a while back also made me cry -- not even just once, but a few times (I swear, I am not normally so emotional like that), because of the beauty of the words and also the fact that I knew that she meant them. And due to the fact that her words showed that she understood what I try to do in the world too, and the fact that she was telling me that it's working -- I do it. It works. It's like when you're toiling behind the scenes for something and you didn't think anyone fully understood what you were trying to do, and then someone looks straight at you and puts into the most poetic terms what you were always trying to do before you have the words for it yourself, and the words they come up with are more beautiful than what you could have come up with yourself. Ok, I've got it... I know how to explain it. What is appreciation?
Appreciation is when you see a reflection of your own beauty in the reaction of someone beholding it, and you believe in it, and they see their own beauty reflected in you as well, and they believe in it, and it's something neither of you would have been able to see, in the same way, on you own.
It's when you try to give them something, and then they hold it up, with a smile, and show it to you, and you get to see it for the first time, because you see it through their eyes.
You think it's beautiful, but you're not really sure, until you see it reflected back at you from inside their eyes, and then you know it's beautiful. And you reflect their beauty back at them too. It's an amazing thing, love, platonic love, any kind of love. It allows you to see yourself, or maybe, it allows you to see your best self. And to become that.
This is long so click here to see it all.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
So...it's hard to explain this without writing out my entire family tree and explaining why it ended up this way, but there was one year that my cousin's aunt (the sister of his father who is married to my aunt...see what I meant about the whole family tree thing?) put together a Christmas gift exchange between all the cousins. All the cousins...except me. I was the only one of the 'cousins' that wasn't essentially a member of her family (i.e. I was the only 'Smith' kid when everyone else was a 'Jones' kid), even though all our families spent almost every holiday together and I'd grown up with my cousin's cousins as if they were my own. It broke my heart more than I can possibly express to know that she didn't see me as family. I spent most of the rest of that Thanksgiving hiding in her bathroom and crying. Things have gotten better between us all since then (this was well over...fifteen years ago now? More maybe? I've lost track.) and I know they appreciate me now, but even writing this out brought tears to my eyes.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Er...well, typing out the answer to that last question? Oh you mean like...because I was hurt or something sad happened to me? That's hard to say. In general I'll cry at the drop of a hat over sad things I read or watch but getting emotional about my life is a lot harder. Probably the last time I was too exhausted to exist and my son was refusing to nap so that I could also nap and maybe become an actual person again. That happens more often than I'd like to admit.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Talking to my friends (whoever's available, I'm not picky when it comes to the people that love me) or playing games (the more immersive the better) are generally my preferred ways to deal with sadness or worry. Just anything that can help cheer me up or get my mind off things. Randomly browsing my Youtube recommended videos can help too. Youtube knows me so well.
4. Are you lonely right now?
At this very instant in time? No. Hubby and roommate are home. Baby is playing near by. We're watching tv and chatting. Things are fine. I do get a bit lonely during the day though when it's just me and the baby. I love him, but he's not exactly the best company when I want someone to talk to about...anything.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
My friend Cameron. He's almost always available and good for a laugh though we're more likely to chat online or hang out in person than talk on the phone.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I'm don't usually turn to music when I need to cheer up. I'm much more likely to play a game or watch a funny video to get my mind off of things. Music tends to be my go to when I'm already in a good place or if I need some background noise to help keep me focused while writing or playing games.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
See answer 6.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Yes to the first part of the question but no to the second. In general I find talking about those worries just freaks me out more. I'm more of a deal with it when it comes sort of girl. Which can lead to some unpleasant consequences when the problems I'm worrying about actually require some kind of planning or preparation to deal with. Hooray for being a responsible adult!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
I've never really had to deal with anxiety the way I know a lot of people have. In general I've found it's easiest to just power through whatever scares me and get it over with. I did some stage acting too when I was younger and that really helped teach me how to get past those butterflies and just...just do it. For things that are more...ephemeral I usually just find a way to distract myself and put it behind me. I'm generally too optimistic for those kinds of things to latch onto me for long. (I'm sorry if that comes off sounding braggy to those who struggle with these sorts of issues. A lot of times 'getting my mind off things' means that I'm actually forgetting about or purposefully avoiding my problems rather than facing them which can create more problems in the long run...if that helps?)
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Occasionally. Not too many recently. Usually if I do have a nightmare it will be about work because oh man...that place is just...it's just the worst. In general it involves me getting behind and not being able to catch up. I did actually have one of my nightmares come true the other day though! Which turned out to actually be hilarious. Food runners dropped off food to one of my tables before I even put the people's order in the computer. Turns out the people directly next to them had ordered the exact same thing and the food runner was new and didn't know his table numbers well yet. It all worked out in the end but I legit had had that nightmare before so I got to good naturedly yell at the food running trainer that he was literally making my nightmares come true. Laughter was had all around. Once I stopped freaking out about it.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
One? Just one? Lord. It feels cliche to say my son or my husband or all that (even though I obviously am) so I'm gonna go with this place. Rpr. This place has just been that creative outlet that I was bouncing off the wall to find after the baby was born. You guys are a genuinely amazing community of encouraging, nurturing, like minded and crazy people that have brightened up my days and I really can't be more grateful for the lot of you.
12. One regret?
Dropping out of college. It wasn't much of a choice, but it's still a regret. I suppose I regret never going back too, though I'd probably get my degree in something completely different if I did go back now.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Um...that's a tough one. I'm not much of an ambitious person so I don't usually strive for things or show them off to say 'Look at this thing I did/made/tried/etc.' I think I'm mostly just proud of the person I've become over the dumb butt I used to be. I still struggle. I'm not perfect. But I'm soooooo much better than I used to be. And that's something to be proud of. Right?
14. One thing you wish?
I know I complain about it a lot, but I do genuinely love my son and there are lots of things about being a mom that I love too. I wish we could get our living situation together enough to have a second child. I want make my boy a big brother. He'd be great.
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes. All of them. GIVE ME ALL THE HUGS
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
So...it's hard to explain this without writing out my entire family tree and explaining why it ended up this way, but there was one year that my cousin's aunt (the sister of his father who is married to my aunt...see what I meant about the whole family tree thing?) put together a Christmas gift exchange between all the cousins. All the cousins...except me. I was the only one of the 'cousins' that wasn't essentially a member of her family (i.e. I was the only 'Smith' kid when everyone else was a 'Jones' kid), even though all our families spent almost every holiday together and I'd grown up with my cousin's cousins as if they were my own. It broke my heart more than I can possibly express to know that she didn't see me as family. I spent most of the rest of that Thanksgiving hiding in her bathroom and crying. Things have gotten better between us all since then (this was well over...fifteen years ago now? More maybe? I've lost track.) and I know they appreciate me now, but even writing this out brought tears to my eyes.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Er...well, typing out the answer to that last question? Oh you mean like...because I was hurt or something sad happened to me? That's hard to say. In general I'll cry at the drop of a hat over sad things I read or watch but getting emotional about my life is a lot harder. Probably the last time I was too exhausted to exist and my son was refusing to nap so that I could also nap and maybe become an actual person again. That happens more often than I'd like to admit.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Talking to my friends (whoever's available, I'm not picky when it comes to the people that love me) or playing games (the more immersive the better) are generally my preferred ways to deal with sadness or worry. Just anything that can help cheer me up or get my mind off things. Randomly browsing my Youtube recommended videos can help too. Youtube knows me so well.
4. Are you lonely right now?
At this very instant in time? No. Hubby and roommate are home. Baby is playing near by. We're watching tv and chatting. Things are fine. I do get a bit lonely during the day though when it's just me and the baby. I love him, but he's not exactly the best company when I want someone to talk to about...anything.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
My friend Cameron. He's almost always available and good for a laugh though we're more likely to chat online or hang out in person than talk on the phone.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I'm don't usually turn to music when I need to cheer up. I'm much more likely to play a game or watch a funny video to get my mind off of things. Music tends to be my go to when I'm already in a good place or if I need some background noise to help keep me focused while writing or playing games.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
See answer 6.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Yes to the first part of the question but no to the second. In general I find talking about those worries just freaks me out more. I'm more of a deal with it when it comes sort of girl. Which can lead to some unpleasant consequences when the problems I'm worrying about actually require some kind of planning or preparation to deal with. Hooray for being a responsible adult!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
I've never really had to deal with anxiety the way I know a lot of people have. In general I've found it's easiest to just power through whatever scares me and get it over with. I did some stage acting too when I was younger and that really helped teach me how to get past those butterflies and just...just do it. For things that are more...ephemeral I usually just find a way to distract myself and put it behind me. I'm generally too optimistic for those kinds of things to latch onto me for long. (I'm sorry if that comes off sounding braggy to those who struggle with these sorts of issues. A lot of times 'getting my mind off things' means that I'm actually forgetting about or purposefully avoiding my problems rather than facing them which can create more problems in the long run...if that helps?)
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Occasionally. Not too many recently. Usually if I do have a nightmare it will be about work because oh man...that place is just...it's just the worst. In general it involves me getting behind and not being able to catch up. I did actually have one of my nightmares come true the other day though! Which turned out to actually be hilarious. Food runners dropped off food to one of my tables before I even put the people's order in the computer. Turns out the people directly next to them had ordered the exact same thing and the food runner was new and didn't know his table numbers well yet. It all worked out in the end but I legit had had that nightmare before so I got to good naturedly yell at the food running trainer that he was literally making my nightmares come true. Laughter was had all around. Once I stopped freaking out about it.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
One? Just one? Lord. It feels cliche to say my son or my husband or all that (even though I obviously am) so I'm gonna go with this place. Rpr. This place has just been that creative outlet that I was bouncing off the wall to find after the baby was born. You guys are a genuinely amazing community of encouraging, nurturing, like minded and crazy people that have brightened up my days and I really can't be more grateful for the lot of you.
12. One regret?
Dropping out of college. It wasn't much of a choice, but it's still a regret. I suppose I regret never going back too, though I'd probably get my degree in something completely different if I did go back now.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Um...that's a tough one. I'm not much of an ambitious person so I don't usually strive for things or show them off to say 'Look at this thing I did/made/tried/etc.' I think I'm mostly just proud of the person I've become over the dumb butt I used to be. I still struggle. I'm not perfect. But I'm soooooo much better than I used to be. And that's something to be proud of. Right?
14. One thing you wish?
I know I complain about it a lot, but I do genuinely love my son and there are lots of things about being a mom that I love too. I wish we could get our living situation together enough to have a second child. I want make my boy a big brother. He'd be great.
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes. All of them. GIVE ME ALL THE HUGS
Dndmama wrote:
This is long so click here to see it all.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
So...it's hard to explain this without writing out my entire family tree and explaining why it ended up this way, but there was one year that my cousin's aunt (the sister of his father who is married to my aunt...see what I meant about the whole family tree thing?) put together a Christmas gift exchange between all the cousins. All the cousins...except me. I was the only one of the 'cousins' that wasn't essentially a member of her family (i.e. I was the only 'Smith' kid when everyone else was a 'Jones' kid), even though all our families spent almost every holiday together and I'd grown up with my cousin's cousins as if they were my own. It broke my heart more than I can possibly express to know that she didn't see me as family. I spent most of the rest of that Thanksgiving hiding in her bathroom and crying. Things have gotten better between us all since then (this was well over...fifteen years ago now? More maybe? I've lost track.) and I know they appreciate me now, but even writing this out brought tears to my eyes.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Er...well, typing out the answer to that last question? Oh you mean like...because I was hurt or something sad happened to me? That's hard to say. In general I'll cry at the drop of a hat over sad things I read or watch but getting emotional about my life is a lot harder. Probably the last time I was too exhausted to exist and my son was refusing to nap so that I could also nap and maybe become an actual person again. That happens more often than I'd like to admit.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Talking to my friends (whoever's available, I'm not picky when it comes to the people that love me) or playing games (the more immersive the better) are generally my preferred ways to deal with sadness or worry. Just anything that can help cheer me up or get my mind off things. Randomly browsing my Youtube recommended videos can help too. Youtube knows me so well.
4. Are you lonely right now?
At this very instant in time? No. Hubby and roommate are home. Baby is playing near by. We're watching tv and chatting. Things are fine. I do get a bit lonely during the day though when it's just me and the baby. I love him, but he's not exactly the best company when I want someone to talk to about...anything.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
My friend Cameron. He's almost always available and good for a laugh though we're more likely to chat online or hang out in person than talk on the phone.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I'm don't usually turn to music when I need to cheer up. I'm much more likely to play a game or watch a funny video to get my mind off of things. Music tends to be my go to when I'm already in a good place or if I need some background noise to help keep me focused while writing or playing games.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
See answer 6.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Yes to the first part of the question but no to the second. In general I find talking about those worries just freaks me out more. I'm more of a deal with it when it comes sort of girl. Which can lead to some unpleasant consequences when the problems I'm worrying about actually require some kind of planning or preparation to deal with. Hooray for being a responsible adult!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
I've never really had to deal with anxiety the way I know a lot of people have. In general I've found it's easiest to just power through whatever scares me and get it over with. I did some stage acting too when I was younger and that really helped teach me how to get past those butterflies and just...just do it. For things that are more...ephemeral I usually just find a way to distract myself and put it behind me. I'm generally too optimistic for those kinds of things to latch onto me for long. (I'm sorry if that comes off sounding braggy to those who struggle with these sorts of issues. A lot of times 'getting my mind off things' means that I'm actually forgetting about or purposefully avoiding my problems rather than facing them which can create more problems in the long run...if that helps?)
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Occasionally. Not too many recently. Usually if I do have a nightmare it will be about work because oh man...that place is just...it's just the worst. In general it involves me getting behind and not being able to catch up. I did actually have one of my nightmares come true the other day though! Which turned out to actually be hilarious. Food runners dropped off food to one of my tables before I even put the people's order in the computer. Turns out the people directly next to them had ordered the exact same thing and the food runner was new and didn't know his table numbers well yet. It all worked out in the end but I legit had had that nightmare before so I got to good naturedly yell at the food running trainer that he was literally making my nightmares come true. Laughter was had all around. Once I stopped freaking out about it.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
One? Just one? Lord. It feels cliche to say my son or my husband or all that (even though I obviously am) so I'm gonna go with this place. Rpr. This place has just been that creative outlet that I was bouncing off the wall to find after the baby was born. You guys are a genuinely amazing community of encouraging, nurturing, like minded and crazy people that have brightened up my days and I really can't be more grateful for the lot of you.
12. One regret?
Dropping out of college. It wasn't much of a choice, but it's still a regret. I suppose I regret never going back too, though I'd probably get my degree in something completely different if I did go back now.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Um...that's a tough one. I'm not much of an ambitious person so I don't usually strive for things or show them off to say 'Look at this thing I did/made/tried/etc.' I think I'm mostly just proud of the person I've become over the dumb butt I used to be. I still struggle. I'm not perfect. But I'm soooooo much better than I used to be. And that's something to be proud of. Right?
14. One thing you wish?
I know I complain about it a lot, but I do genuinely love my son and there are lots of things about being a mom that I love too. I wish we could get our living situation together enough to have a second child. I want make my boy a big brother. He'd be great.
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes. All of them. GIVE ME ALL THE HUGS
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
So...it's hard to explain this without writing out my entire family tree and explaining why it ended up this way, but there was one year that my cousin's aunt (the sister of his father who is married to my aunt...see what I meant about the whole family tree thing?) put together a Christmas gift exchange between all the cousins. All the cousins...except me. I was the only one of the 'cousins' that wasn't essentially a member of her family (i.e. I was the only 'Smith' kid when everyone else was a 'Jones' kid), even though all our families spent almost every holiday together and I'd grown up with my cousin's cousins as if they were my own. It broke my heart more than I can possibly express to know that she didn't see me as family. I spent most of the rest of that Thanksgiving hiding in her bathroom and crying. Things have gotten better between us all since then (this was well over...fifteen years ago now? More maybe? I've lost track.) and I know they appreciate me now, but even writing this out brought tears to my eyes.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Er...well, typing out the answer to that last question? Oh you mean like...because I was hurt or something sad happened to me? That's hard to say. In general I'll cry at the drop of a hat over sad things I read or watch but getting emotional about my life is a lot harder. Probably the last time I was too exhausted to exist and my son was refusing to nap so that I could also nap and maybe become an actual person again. That happens more often than I'd like to admit.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Talking to my friends (whoever's available, I'm not picky when it comes to the people that love me) or playing games (the more immersive the better) are generally my preferred ways to deal with sadness or worry. Just anything that can help cheer me up or get my mind off things. Randomly browsing my Youtube recommended videos can help too. Youtube knows me so well.
4. Are you lonely right now?
At this very instant in time? No. Hubby and roommate are home. Baby is playing near by. We're watching tv and chatting. Things are fine. I do get a bit lonely during the day though when it's just me and the baby. I love him, but he's not exactly the best company when I want someone to talk to about...anything.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
My friend Cameron. He's almost always available and good for a laugh though we're more likely to chat online or hang out in person than talk on the phone.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I'm don't usually turn to music when I need to cheer up. I'm much more likely to play a game or watch a funny video to get my mind off of things. Music tends to be my go to when I'm already in a good place or if I need some background noise to help keep me focused while writing or playing games.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
See answer 6.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Yes to the first part of the question but no to the second. In general I find talking about those worries just freaks me out more. I'm more of a deal with it when it comes sort of girl. Which can lead to some unpleasant consequences when the problems I'm worrying about actually require some kind of planning or preparation to deal with. Hooray for being a responsible adult!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
I've never really had to deal with anxiety the way I know a lot of people have. In general I've found it's easiest to just power through whatever scares me and get it over with. I did some stage acting too when I was younger and that really helped teach me how to get past those butterflies and just...just do it. For things that are more...ephemeral I usually just find a way to distract myself and put it behind me. I'm generally too optimistic for those kinds of things to latch onto me for long. (I'm sorry if that comes off sounding braggy to those who struggle with these sorts of issues. A lot of times 'getting my mind off things' means that I'm actually forgetting about or purposefully avoiding my problems rather than facing them which can create more problems in the long run...if that helps?)
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Occasionally. Not too many recently. Usually if I do have a nightmare it will be about work because oh man...that place is just...it's just the worst. In general it involves me getting behind and not being able to catch up. I did actually have one of my nightmares come true the other day though! Which turned out to actually be hilarious. Food runners dropped off food to one of my tables before I even put the people's order in the computer. Turns out the people directly next to them had ordered the exact same thing and the food runner was new and didn't know his table numbers well yet. It all worked out in the end but I legit had had that nightmare before so I got to good naturedly yell at the food running trainer that he was literally making my nightmares come true. Laughter was had all around. Once I stopped freaking out about it.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
One? Just one? Lord. It feels cliche to say my son or my husband or all that (even though I obviously am) so I'm gonna go with this place. Rpr. This place has just been that creative outlet that I was bouncing off the wall to find after the baby was born. You guys are a genuinely amazing community of encouraging, nurturing, like minded and crazy people that have brightened up my days and I really can't be more grateful for the lot of you.
12. One regret?
Dropping out of college. It wasn't much of a choice, but it's still a regret. I suppose I regret never going back too, though I'd probably get my degree in something completely different if I did go back now.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Um...that's a tough one. I'm not much of an ambitious person so I don't usually strive for things or show them off to say 'Look at this thing I did/made/tried/etc.' I think I'm mostly just proud of the person I've become over the dumb butt I used to be. I still struggle. I'm not perfect. But I'm soooooo much better than I used to be. And that's something to be proud of. Right?
14. One thing you wish?
I know I complain about it a lot, but I do genuinely love my son and there are lots of things about being a mom that I love too. I wish we could get our living situation together enough to have a second child. I want make my boy a big brother. He'd be great.
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes. All of them. GIVE ME ALL THE HUGS
Here are "all of the hugs":
*HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS
*HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS
*HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS
*HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS
*HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS***HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS
Am I too late for this? Hopefully not. I wanna write and reflect and, ya know, be vulnerable.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply? There are quite a few things in life that have hurt me deeply. Most of them, I feel like I've powered through well enough. There was one particular instance of heartbreak that took me longer than I'm willing to admit to get over...but the thing that continually injures me is my relationship with my father. When I was born, I was immediately wrapped around his finger. We did everything together. Then, my parents split up - when I was about two years old. He was still my idol then, my hero, until I hit sixteen. Then I just...kind of realized how blind I'd been. He's very selfish. He's very manipulative. And somehow, as a child, I was expected to be the adult and responsible for maintaining the relationship. He doesn't call - we haven't spoken since June. But we've gone longer than that without talking. And I know he won't be the one to try and connect, and that hurts me. I feel like I'm not good enough, or that he only really wants me around when he wants to brag about my latest accomplishment. He acts like the whole world is out to get him, and now I guess I'm his chief tormentor. I could get into it more, but I won't. I vent about it every now and again, and end up crying. It seems like a useless cycle. But he won't change, and I've done my best to stop blaming myself.
2. When's the last time you cried and why? Saturday. My relationship with my mom has always been pretty solid - especially after a tumultuous few teenage years. We're very close now, but she struggles with bipolar disorder and can still be emotionally abusive sometimes. I get triggered really easily when someone attacks me without provocation, and if she does it - it sends me back to when things were bad when I was younger, and I sort of just melt down. And that's what happened on Saturday. It hasn't happened in a long time, and she apologized, and we're okay now. But I got it all out crying in my car.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad? My dogs. I love my dogs. I have three, and I just love them so darn much. Even when I was a kid and quiet and shy, they were always there for me. Now that I'm older, they're still there for me. They comfort me even when I don't know what to say - I've always believed animals were a real treasure like that. But I'm also grateful for my family. They've helped me get through so much, and I feel so lucky to have them. Writing also helps me. Writing has always been an escape for me - and it really is like therapy when I'm feeling sad or confused, hurt or angry.
4. Are you lonely right now? Not right now. I get lonely, though, like anybody. Sometimes I just feel detached, from everyone. And I hate when I get like that. It feels like I'm on another planet, and nobody can really understand how I'm feeling - or even notices.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to? Usually my mom. Or my aunt.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better? I'm Still Here by Johnny Rzeznik. I listen to a lot of soundtrack and classical music too, but that song has always felt so personal for so long.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band? I don't have a band...but the playlist from Me Before You gets me every time. I can listen to it if I'm sad or ridiculously happy - or just want my heartstrings tugged.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about? Well. My future in the film industry is ambiguous at best and I'm terrified to move away from my home and family...but I'll be graduating by spring and that's something I'll just have to face.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety? Writing, venting, music. Video games. Either I find a way to vent and talk about what's bothering me, or I try and escape from it.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what? I actually usually don't dream at all. Or I never remember what I dreamed. But when I do have nightmares, they're usually about losing people I love.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for? My family. The older I get, the more I realize how rare it is to have a family that's as close and supportive as mine is.
12. One regret? Not having more confidence in myself and letting people make me believe I'm less than I am.
13. One thing you're proud of? The person I am today. I know I'm not perfect, but I know I'm a good person. I'm loyal, caring, and devoted. I'd do anything for my friends and family. I'm always trying to be the best version of myself I can be, and I want to keep on trying.
14. One thing you wish? Doesn't that guarantee the wish won't come true? Sorry, I believe in jinxes, haha.
15. Virtual hugs? Eh, why not?
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply? There are quite a few things in life that have hurt me deeply. Most of them, I feel like I've powered through well enough. There was one particular instance of heartbreak that took me longer than I'm willing to admit to get over...but the thing that continually injures me is my relationship with my father. When I was born, I was immediately wrapped around his finger. We did everything together. Then, my parents split up - when I was about two years old. He was still my idol then, my hero, until I hit sixteen. Then I just...kind of realized how blind I'd been. He's very selfish. He's very manipulative. And somehow, as a child, I was expected to be the adult and responsible for maintaining the relationship. He doesn't call - we haven't spoken since June. But we've gone longer than that without talking. And I know he won't be the one to try and connect, and that hurts me. I feel like I'm not good enough, or that he only really wants me around when he wants to brag about my latest accomplishment. He acts like the whole world is out to get him, and now I guess I'm his chief tormentor. I could get into it more, but I won't. I vent about it every now and again, and end up crying. It seems like a useless cycle. But he won't change, and I've done my best to stop blaming myself.
2. When's the last time you cried and why? Saturday. My relationship with my mom has always been pretty solid - especially after a tumultuous few teenage years. We're very close now, but she struggles with bipolar disorder and can still be emotionally abusive sometimes. I get triggered really easily when someone attacks me without provocation, and if she does it - it sends me back to when things were bad when I was younger, and I sort of just melt down. And that's what happened on Saturday. It hasn't happened in a long time, and she apologized, and we're okay now. But I got it all out crying in my car.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad? My dogs. I love my dogs. I have three, and I just love them so darn much. Even when I was a kid and quiet and shy, they were always there for me. Now that I'm older, they're still there for me. They comfort me even when I don't know what to say - I've always believed animals were a real treasure like that. But I'm also grateful for my family. They've helped me get through so much, and I feel so lucky to have them. Writing also helps me. Writing has always been an escape for me - and it really is like therapy when I'm feeling sad or confused, hurt or angry.
4. Are you lonely right now? Not right now. I get lonely, though, like anybody. Sometimes I just feel detached, from everyone. And I hate when I get like that. It feels like I'm on another planet, and nobody can really understand how I'm feeling - or even notices.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to? Usually my mom. Or my aunt.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better? I'm Still Here by Johnny Rzeznik. I listen to a lot of soundtrack and classical music too, but that song has always felt so personal for so long.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band? I don't have a band...but the playlist from Me Before You gets me every time. I can listen to it if I'm sad or ridiculously happy - or just want my heartstrings tugged.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about? Well. My future in the film industry is ambiguous at best and I'm terrified to move away from my home and family...but I'll be graduating by spring and that's something I'll just have to face.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety? Writing, venting, music. Video games. Either I find a way to vent and talk about what's bothering me, or I try and escape from it.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what? I actually usually don't dream at all. Or I never remember what I dreamed. But when I do have nightmares, they're usually about losing people I love.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for? My family. The older I get, the more I realize how rare it is to have a family that's as close and supportive as mine is.
12. One regret? Not having more confidence in myself and letting people make me believe I'm less than I am.
13. One thing you're proud of? The person I am today. I know I'm not perfect, but I know I'm a good person. I'm loyal, caring, and devoted. I'd do anything for my friends and family. I'm always trying to be the best version of myself I can be, and I want to keep on trying.
14. One thing you wish? Doesn't that guarantee the wish won't come true? Sorry, I believe in jinxes, haha.
15. Virtual hugs? Eh, why not?
Atrevida wrote:
Am I too late for this? Hopefully not. I wanna write and reflect and, ya know, be vulnerable.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply? There are quite a few things in life that have hurt me deeply. Most of them, I feel like I've powered through well enough. There was one particular instance of heartbreak that took me longer than I'm willing to admit to get over...but the thing that continually injures me is my relationship with my father. When I was born, I was immediately wrapped around his finger. We did everything together. Then, my parents split up - when I was about two years old. He was still my idol then, my hero, until I hit sixteen. Then I just...kind of realized how blind I'd been. He's very selfish. He's very manipulative. And somehow, as a child, I was expected to be the adult and responsible for maintaining the relationship. He doesn't call - we haven't spoken since June. But we've gone longer than that without talking. And I know he won't be the one to try and connect, and that hurts me. I feel like I'm not good enough, or that he only really wants me around when he wants to brag about my latest accomplishment. He acts like the whole world is out to get him, and now I guess I'm his chief tormentor. I could get into it more, but I won't. I vent about it every now and again, and end up crying. It seems like a useless cycle. But he won't change, and I've done my best to stop blaming myself.
2. When's the last time you cried and why? Saturday. My relationship with my mom has always been pretty solid - especially after a tumultuous few teenage years. We're very close now, but she struggles with bipolar disorder and can still be emotionally abusive sometimes. I get triggered really easily when someone attacks me without provocation, and if she does it - it sends me back to when things were bad when I was younger, and I sort of just melt down. And that's what happened on Saturday. It hasn't happened in a long time, and she apologized, and we're okay now. But I got it all out crying in my car.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad? My dogs. I love my dogs. I have three, and I just love them so darn much. Even when I was a kid and quiet and shy, they were always there for me. Now that I'm older, they're still there for me. They comfort me even when I don't know what to say - I've always believed animals were a real treasure like that. But I'm also grateful for my family. They've helped me get through so much, and I feel so lucky to have them. Writing also helps me. Writing has always been an escape for me - and it really is like therapy when I'm feeling sad or confused, hurt or angry.
4. Are you lonely right now? Not right now. I get lonely, though, like anybody. Sometimes I just feel detached, from everyone. And I hate when I get like that. It feels like I'm on another planet, and nobody can really understand how I'm feeling - or even notices.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to? Usually my mom. Or my aunt.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better? I'm Still Here by Johnny Rzeznik. I listen to a lot of soundtrack and classical music too, but that song has always felt so personal for so long.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band? I don't have a band...but the playlist from Me Before You gets me every time. I can listen to it if I'm sad or ridiculously happy - or just want my heartstrings tugged.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about? Well. My future in the film industry is ambiguous at best and I'm terrified to move away from my home and family...but I'll be graduating by spring and that's something I'll just have to face.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety? Writing, venting, music. Video games. Either I find a way to vent and talk about what's bothering me, or I try and escape from it.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what? I actually usually don't dream at all. Or I never remember what I dreamed. But when I do have nightmares, they're usually about losing people I love.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for? My family. The older I get, the more I realize how rare it is to have a family that's as close and supportive as mine is.
12. One regret? Not having more confidence in myself and letting people make me believe I'm less than I am.
13. One thing you're proud of? The person I am today. I know I'm not perfect, but I know I'm a good person. I'm loyal, caring, and devoted. I'd do anything for my friends and family. I'm always trying to be the best version of myself I can be, and I want to keep on trying.
14. One thing you wish? Doesn't that guarantee the wish won't come true? Sorry, I believe in jinxes, haha.
15. Virtual hugs? Eh, why not?
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply? There are quite a few things in life that have hurt me deeply. Most of them, I feel like I've powered through well enough. There was one particular instance of heartbreak that took me longer than I'm willing to admit to get over...but the thing that continually injures me is my relationship with my father. When I was born, I was immediately wrapped around his finger. We did everything together. Then, my parents split up - when I was about two years old. He was still my idol then, my hero, until I hit sixteen. Then I just...kind of realized how blind I'd been. He's very selfish. He's very manipulative. And somehow, as a child, I was expected to be the adult and responsible for maintaining the relationship. He doesn't call - we haven't spoken since June. But we've gone longer than that without talking. And I know he won't be the one to try and connect, and that hurts me. I feel like I'm not good enough, or that he only really wants me around when he wants to brag about my latest accomplishment. He acts like the whole world is out to get him, and now I guess I'm his chief tormentor. I could get into it more, but I won't. I vent about it every now and again, and end up crying. It seems like a useless cycle. But he won't change, and I've done my best to stop blaming myself.
2. When's the last time you cried and why? Saturday. My relationship with my mom has always been pretty solid - especially after a tumultuous few teenage years. We're very close now, but she struggles with bipolar disorder and can still be emotionally abusive sometimes. I get triggered really easily when someone attacks me without provocation, and if she does it - it sends me back to when things were bad when I was younger, and I sort of just melt down. And that's what happened on Saturday. It hasn't happened in a long time, and she apologized, and we're okay now. But I got it all out crying in my car.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad? My dogs. I love my dogs. I have three, and I just love them so darn much. Even when I was a kid and quiet and shy, they were always there for me. Now that I'm older, they're still there for me. They comfort me even when I don't know what to say - I've always believed animals were a real treasure like that. But I'm also grateful for my family. They've helped me get through so much, and I feel so lucky to have them. Writing also helps me. Writing has always been an escape for me - and it really is like therapy when I'm feeling sad or confused, hurt or angry.
4. Are you lonely right now? Not right now. I get lonely, though, like anybody. Sometimes I just feel detached, from everyone. And I hate when I get like that. It feels like I'm on another planet, and nobody can really understand how I'm feeling - or even notices.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to? Usually my mom. Or my aunt.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better? I'm Still Here by Johnny Rzeznik. I listen to a lot of soundtrack and classical music too, but that song has always felt so personal for so long.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band? I don't have a band...but the playlist from Me Before You gets me every time. I can listen to it if I'm sad or ridiculously happy - or just want my heartstrings tugged.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about? Well. My future in the film industry is ambiguous at best and I'm terrified to move away from my home and family...but I'll be graduating by spring and that's something I'll just have to face.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety? Writing, venting, music. Video games. Either I find a way to vent and talk about what's bothering me, or I try and escape from it.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what? I actually usually don't dream at all. Or I never remember what I dreamed. But when I do have nightmares, they're usually about losing people I love.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for? My family. The older I get, the more I realize how rare it is to have a family that's as close and supportive as mine is.
12. One regret? Not having more confidence in myself and letting people make me believe I'm less than I am.
13. One thing you're proud of? The person I am today. I know I'm not perfect, but I know I'm a good person. I'm loyal, caring, and devoted. I'd do anything for my friends and family. I'm always trying to be the best version of myself I can be, and I want to keep on trying.
14. One thing you wish? Doesn't that guarantee the wish won't come true? Sorry, I believe in jinxes, haha.
15. Virtual hugs? Eh, why not?
Never too late! Lol
I'll read and respond to this when I'm not on my phone. But ((((hugs))))
Atrevida wrote:
Am I too late for this? Hopefully not. I wanna write and reflect and, ya know, be vulnerable.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply? There are quite a few things in life that have hurt me deeply. Most of them, I feel like I've powered through well enough. There was one particular instance of heartbreak that took me longer than I'm willing to admit to get over...but the thing that continually injures me is my relationship with my father. When I was born, I was immediately wrapped around his finger. We did everything together. Then, my parents split up - when I was about two years old. He was still my idol then, my hero, until I hit sixteen. Then I just...kind of realized how blind I'd been. He's very selfish. He's very manipulative. And somehow, as a child, I was expected to be the adult and responsible for maintaining the relationship. He doesn't call - we haven't spoken since June. But we've gone longer than that without talking. And I know he won't be the one to try and connect, and that hurts me. I feel like I'm not good enough, or that he only really wants me around when he wants to brag about my latest accomplishment. He acts like the whole world is out to get him, and now I guess I'm his chief tormentor. I could get into it more, but I won't. I vent about it every now and again, and end up crying. It seems like a useless cycle. But he won't change, and I've done my best to stop blaming myself.
2. When's the last time you cried and why? Saturday. My relationship with my mom has always been pretty solid - especially after a tumultuous few teenage years. We're very close now, but she struggles with bipolar disorder and can still be emotionally abusive sometimes. I get triggered really easily when someone attacks me without provocation, and if she does it - it sends me back to when things were bad when I was younger, and I sort of just melt down. And that's what happened on Saturday. It hasn't happened in a long time, and she apologized, and we're okay now. But I got it all out crying in my car.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad? My dogs. I love my dogs. I have three, and I just love them so darn much. Even when I was a kid and quiet and shy, they were always there for me. Now that I'm older, they're still there for me. They comfort me even when I don't know what to say - I've always believed animals were a real treasure like that. But I'm also grateful for my family. They've helped me get through so much, and I feel so lucky to have them. Writing also helps me. Writing has always been an escape for me - and it really is like therapy when I'm feeling sad or confused, hurt or angry.
4. Are you lonely right now? Not right now. I get lonely, though, like anybody. Sometimes I just feel detached, from everyone. And I hate when I get like that. It feels like I'm on another planet, and nobody can really understand how I'm feeling - or even notices.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to? Usually my mom. Or my aunt.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better? I'm Still Here by Johnny Rzeznik. I listen to a lot of soundtrack and classical music too, but that song has always felt so personal for so long.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band? I don't have a band...but the playlist from Me Before You gets me every time. I can listen to it if I'm sad or ridiculously happy - or just want my heartstrings tugged.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about? Well. My future in the film industry is ambiguous at best and I'm terrified to move away from my home and family...but I'll be graduating by spring and that's something I'll just have to face.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety? Writing, venting, music. Video games. Either I find a way to vent and talk about what's bothering me, or I try and escape from it.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what? I actually usually don't dream at all. Or I never remember what I dreamed. But when I do have nightmares, they're usually about losing people I love.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for? My family. The older I get, the more I realize how rare it is to have a family that's as close and supportive as mine is.
12. One regret? Not having more confidence in myself and letting people make me believe I'm less than I am.
13. One thing you're proud of? The person I am today. I know I'm not perfect, but I know I'm a good person. I'm loyal, caring, and devoted. I'd do anything for my friends and family. I'm always trying to be the best version of myself I can be, and I want to keep on trying.
14. One thing you wish? Doesn't that guarantee the wish won't come true? Sorry, I believe in jinxes, haha.
15. Virtual hugs? Eh, why not?
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply? There are quite a few things in life that have hurt me deeply. Most of them, I feel like I've powered through well enough. There was one particular instance of heartbreak that took me longer than I'm willing to admit to get over...but the thing that continually injures me is my relationship with my father. When I was born, I was immediately wrapped around his finger. We did everything together. Then, my parents split up - when I was about two years old. He was still my idol then, my hero, until I hit sixteen. Then I just...kind of realized how blind I'd been. He's very selfish. He's very manipulative. And somehow, as a child, I was expected to be the adult and responsible for maintaining the relationship. He doesn't call - we haven't spoken since June. But we've gone longer than that without talking. And I know he won't be the one to try and connect, and that hurts me. I feel like I'm not good enough, or that he only really wants me around when he wants to brag about my latest accomplishment. He acts like the whole world is out to get him, and now I guess I'm his chief tormentor. I could get into it more, but I won't. I vent about it every now and again, and end up crying. It seems like a useless cycle. But he won't change, and I've done my best to stop blaming myself.
2. When's the last time you cried and why? Saturday. My relationship with my mom has always been pretty solid - especially after a tumultuous few teenage years. We're very close now, but she struggles with bipolar disorder and can still be emotionally abusive sometimes. I get triggered really easily when someone attacks me without provocation, and if she does it - it sends me back to when things were bad when I was younger, and I sort of just melt down. And that's what happened on Saturday. It hasn't happened in a long time, and she apologized, and we're okay now. But I got it all out crying in my car.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad? My dogs. I love my dogs. I have three, and I just love them so darn much. Even when I was a kid and quiet and shy, they were always there for me. Now that I'm older, they're still there for me. They comfort me even when I don't know what to say - I've always believed animals were a real treasure like that. But I'm also grateful for my family. They've helped me get through so much, and I feel so lucky to have them. Writing also helps me. Writing has always been an escape for me - and it really is like therapy when I'm feeling sad or confused, hurt or angry.
4. Are you lonely right now? Not right now. I get lonely, though, like anybody. Sometimes I just feel detached, from everyone. And I hate when I get like that. It feels like I'm on another planet, and nobody can really understand how I'm feeling - or even notices.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to? Usually my mom. Or my aunt.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better? I'm Still Here by Johnny Rzeznik. I listen to a lot of soundtrack and classical music too, but that song has always felt so personal for so long.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band? I don't have a band...but the playlist from Me Before You gets me every time. I can listen to it if I'm sad or ridiculously happy - or just want my heartstrings tugged.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about? Well. My future in the film industry is ambiguous at best and I'm terrified to move away from my home and family...but I'll be graduating by spring and that's something I'll just have to face.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety? Writing, venting, music. Video games. Either I find a way to vent and talk about what's bothering me, or I try and escape from it.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what? I actually usually don't dream at all. Or I never remember what I dreamed. But when I do have nightmares, they're usually about losing people I love.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for? My family. The older I get, the more I realize how rare it is to have a family that's as close and supportive as mine is.
12. One regret? Not having more confidence in myself and letting people make me believe I'm less than I am.
13. One thing you're proud of? The person I am today. I know I'm not perfect, but I know I'm a good person. I'm loyal, caring, and devoted. I'd do anything for my friends and family. I'm always trying to be the best version of myself I can be, and I want to keep on trying.
14. One thing you wish? Doesn't that guarantee the wish won't come true? Sorry, I believe in jinxes, haha.
15. Virtual hugs? Eh, why not?
Ok I just read it and I feel the need to give more virtual hugs. Also...I don't blame you for the jinx thing in the last question! I kind of believe that too, or, I believe if you say "this is definitely going to happen," then it might not happen. Lol. So, I get you. Your answer to the first two questions gave me the feels. Yeah we don't always see things clearly as children but I'm glad you have a supportive mom and family.
*Hugs**hugs*hugs*hugs*hugs*hugs*Hugs**hugs*hugs*hugs*hugs*hugs*
And yep dogs are awesome
Awww, thank you!!! *hugs back*
Yes dogs are the best, I love them all.
*hugs back*Yes dogs are the best, I love them all.
Hope this isn't too late, it's the middle of the night and I want to do something.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
When the only friend I had decided to turn their back on me and it only developed into a nasty mess, and because they were a very good friend, I would believe alot of what they said.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Probably about two years ago, I physically find it hard to cry even in the saddest of moments, I don't know why this happened, but it did and I can't really do anything about it now
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Probably RPing, this is why my RP's have such a dark plot, I let all my sadness out temporarily in my writing. Nothing other than that can really relieve me of this emotion
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yeah, sadly. Even though I have such good friends here on RPR they just disappear when I'm not on, and then that leaves no one.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I don't. I don't feel the requirement to pester somebody, only to make it awkward when I see them again, and even if I did want to, I wouldn't have anyone
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Recently, I have been listening to 'Can't go to hell' by Sin Shake Sin.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Probably P!ATD, especially the album Pray for the wicked
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Anxious, yes. Would like to talk about, no.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Take a moment, close your eyes and think about everything wrong, for some reason that seems to help me
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I do have nightmares, and it's always about the future, I have nightmares about being lonely forever and being sad.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The ability to lose myself in digital worlds and my writing, I can just forget for the hours I'm on. I love it
12. One regret?
Not being more sociable when I was younger and getting more friends
13. One thing you're proud of?
My grades, my education has always been the main priority in my life, it's probably why I'm so anti-sociable because I spent all my life studying and going to school I didn't really have any time to develop those skills
14. One thing you wish?
I don't really wish for anything, it will happen when if you are supposed to have it. If it doesn't then don't dwell on it and move on.
15. Virtual hugs?
If you want to. But I will accept if you do
I didn't mean this to be a sob story if anyone sees it as that, sorry.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
When the only friend I had decided to turn their back on me and it only developed into a nasty mess, and because they were a very good friend, I would believe alot of what they said.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Probably about two years ago, I physically find it hard to cry even in the saddest of moments, I don't know why this happened, but it did and I can't really do anything about it now
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Probably RPing, this is why my RP's have such a dark plot, I let all my sadness out temporarily in my writing. Nothing other than that can really relieve me of this emotion
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yeah, sadly. Even though I have such good friends here on RPR they just disappear when I'm not on, and then that leaves no one.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I don't. I don't feel the requirement to pester somebody, only to make it awkward when I see them again, and even if I did want to, I wouldn't have anyone
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Recently, I have been listening to 'Can't go to hell' by Sin Shake Sin.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Probably P!ATD, especially the album Pray for the wicked
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Anxious, yes. Would like to talk about, no.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Take a moment, close your eyes and think about everything wrong, for some reason that seems to help me
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I do have nightmares, and it's always about the future, I have nightmares about being lonely forever and being sad.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The ability to lose myself in digital worlds and my writing, I can just forget for the hours I'm on. I love it
12. One regret?
Not being more sociable when I was younger and getting more friends
13. One thing you're proud of?
My grades, my education has always been the main priority in my life, it's probably why I'm so anti-sociable because I spent all my life studying and going to school I didn't really have any time to develop those skills
14. One thing you wish?
I don't really wish for anything, it will happen when if you are supposed to have it. If it doesn't then don't dwell on it and move on.
15. Virtual hugs?
If you want to. But I will accept if you do
I didn't mean this to be a sob story if anyone sees it as that, sorry.
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