What? I should be sleeping. No way!
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
I heard a quote once that sums this up for me; A mothers words are like God in the eyes of a child.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Yesterday, too many reasons.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My cat.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Lonely is an eternal state.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
No one, really. I prefer to suss out negative emotions on my own.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Rainbow - Kesha
Like That - Bea Miller
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Try - Colbie Caillat
Any song from the Rocky Horror album automatically makes me smile too
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
The Decemberists and Keaton Henson
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Constantly anxious about everything, thanks for asking!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Zen meditation
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I’ve had more recently than normal. They’re a tad too disturbing to openly share.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My life.
12. One regret?
Ahah. As bleak as everything else has sounded, I can say with all honesty I don’t have any regrets. I can look back at everything I’ve experienced and see how it has helped to get me to where I am now, even my poor choices. My life isn’t what I want it to be, yet, but it is much closer than it was.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Being the first person in my family to graduate from college.
14. One thing you wish?
For a yummy magic cake that helped weight loss.
15. Virtual hugs?
Only if you keep the dogs away!
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
I heard a quote once that sums this up for me; A mothers words are like God in the eyes of a child.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Yesterday, too many reasons.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My cat.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Lonely is an eternal state.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
No one, really. I prefer to suss out negative emotions on my own.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Rainbow - Kesha
Like That - Bea Miller
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Try - Colbie Caillat
Any song from the Rocky Horror album automatically makes me smile too
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
The Decemberists and Keaton Henson
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Constantly anxious about everything, thanks for asking!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Zen meditation
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I’ve had more recently than normal. They’re a tad too disturbing to openly share.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My life.
12. One regret?
Ahah. As bleak as everything else has sounded, I can say with all honesty I don’t have any regrets. I can look back at everything I’ve experienced and see how it has helped to get me to where I am now, even my poor choices. My life isn’t what I want it to be, yet, but it is much closer than it was.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Being the first person in my family to graduate from college.
14. One thing you wish?
For a yummy magic cake that helped weight loss.
15. Virtual hugs?
Only if you keep the dogs away!
Discen wrote:
Hope this isn't too late, it's the middle of the night and I want to do something.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
When the only friend I had decided to turn their back on me and it only developed into a nasty mess, and because they were a very good friend, I would believe alot of what they said.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Probably about two years ago, I physically find it hard to cry even in the saddest of moments, I don't know why this happened, but it did and I can't really do anything about it now
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Probably RPing, this is why my RP's have such a dark plot, I let all my sadness out temporarily in my writing. Nothing other than that can really relieve me of this emotion
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yeah, sadly. Even though I have such good friends here on RPR they just disappear when I'm not on, and then that leaves no one.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I don't. I don't feel the requirement to pester somebody, only to make it awkward when I see them again, and even if I did want to, I wouldn't have anyone
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Recently, I have been listening to 'Can't go to hell' by Sin Shake Sin.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Probably P!ATD, especially the album Pray for the wicked
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Anxious, yes. Would like to talk about, no.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Take a moment, close your eyes and think about everything wrong, for some reason that seems to help me
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I do have nightmares, and it's always about the future, I have nightmares about being lonely forever and being sad.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The ability to lose myself in digital worlds and my writing, I can just forget for the hours I'm on. I love it
12. One regret?
Not being more sociable when I was younger and getting more friends
13. One thing you're proud of?
My grades, my education has always been the main priority in my life, it's probably why I'm so anti-sociable because I spent all my life studying and going to school I didn't really have any time to develop those skills
14. One thing you wish?
I don't really wish for anything, it will happen when if you are supposed to have it. If it doesn't then don't dwell on it and move on.
15. Virtual hugs?
If you want to. But I will accept if you do
I didn't mean this to be a sob story if anyone sees it as that, sorry.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
When the only friend I had decided to turn their back on me and it only developed into a nasty mess, and because they were a very good friend, I would believe alot of what they said.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Probably about two years ago, I physically find it hard to cry even in the saddest of moments, I don't know why this happened, but it did and I can't really do anything about it now
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Probably RPing, this is why my RP's have such a dark plot, I let all my sadness out temporarily in my writing. Nothing other than that can really relieve me of this emotion
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yeah, sadly. Even though I have such good friends here on RPR they just disappear when I'm not on, and then that leaves no one.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I don't. I don't feel the requirement to pester somebody, only to make it awkward when I see them again, and even if I did want to, I wouldn't have anyone
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Recently, I have been listening to 'Can't go to hell' by Sin Shake Sin.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Probably P!ATD, especially the album Pray for the wicked
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Anxious, yes. Would like to talk about, no.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Take a moment, close your eyes and think about everything wrong, for some reason that seems to help me
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I do have nightmares, and it's always about the future, I have nightmares about being lonely forever and being sad.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The ability to lose myself in digital worlds and my writing, I can just forget for the hours I'm on. I love it
12. One regret?
Not being more sociable when I was younger and getting more friends
13. One thing you're proud of?
My grades, my education has always been the main priority in my life, it's probably why I'm so anti-sociable because I spent all my life studying and going to school I didn't really have any time to develop those skills
14. One thing you wish?
I don't really wish for anything, it will happen when if you are supposed to have it. If it doesn't then don't dwell on it and move on.
15. Virtual hugs?
If you want to. But I will accept if you do
I didn't mean this to be a sob story if anyone sees it as that, sorry.
*Hugs*
Not a sob story at all...just honest. We all understand these feelings. I do!
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
When I was suddenly kicked from my friend group for no reason, only one talks to me now and he doesn't know either.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Like 2 weeks ago.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My dog.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, but it's one of those moments where I enjoy being alone.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Nobody.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Songs that remind me of games/characters I like, or are sung by people I like.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Not particularly a band but I have a playlist I listen to when I'm in a low mood. It plays slow songs and gradually goes up-beat.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Not necessarily.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
For me, personally, it's being alone.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Planes and my ex-best friend leaving me.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Animals. They saved my life.
12. One regret?
Losing touch with friends from primary school.
13. One thing you're proud of?
My drawing skills.
14. One thing you wish?
People become more tolerant and accepting in the world.
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes please!
When I was suddenly kicked from my friend group for no reason, only one talks to me now and he doesn't know either.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Like 2 weeks ago.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My dog.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, but it's one of those moments where I enjoy being alone.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Nobody.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Songs that remind me of games/characters I like, or are sung by people I like.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Not particularly a band but I have a playlist I listen to when I'm in a low mood. It plays slow songs and gradually goes up-beat.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Not necessarily.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
For me, personally, it's being alone.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Planes and my ex-best friend leaving me.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Animals. They saved my life.
12. One regret?
Losing touch with friends from primary school.
13. One thing you're proud of?
My drawing skills.
14. One thing you wish?
People become more tolerant and accepting in the world.
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes please!
jeondoe wrote:
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
When I was suddenly kicked from my friend group for no reason, only one talks to me now and he doesn't know either.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Like 2 weeks ago.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My dog.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, but it's one of those moments where I enjoy being alone.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Nobody.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Songs that remind me of games/characters I like, or are sung by people I like.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Not particularly a band but I have a playlist I listen to when I'm in a low mood. It plays slow songs and gradually goes up-beat.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Not necessarily.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
For me, personally, it's being alone.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Planes and my ex-best friend leaving me.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Animals. They saved my life.
12. One regret?
Losing touch with friends from primary school.
13. One thing you're proud of?
My drawing skills.
14. One thing you wish?
People become more tolerant and accepting in the world.
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes please!
When I was suddenly kicked from my friend group for no reason, only one talks to me now and he doesn't know either.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Like 2 weeks ago.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My dog.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, but it's one of those moments where I enjoy being alone.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Nobody.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Songs that remind me of games/characters I like, or are sung by people I like.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Not particularly a band but I have a playlist I listen to when I'm in a low mood. It plays slow songs and gradually goes up-beat.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Not necessarily.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
For me, personally, it's being alone.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Planes and my ex-best friend leaving me.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Animals. They saved my life.
12. One regret?
Losing touch with friends from primary school.
13. One thing you're proud of?
My drawing skills.
14. One thing you wish?
People become more tolerant and accepting in the world.
15. Virtual hugs?
Yes please!
*HUGS* *hugs* *HUGS* *hugs* *HUGS* *hugs* *HUGS*
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
Being a reason for another's departure.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
A few days ago, weekly cries make things better!
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Writing, mostly, but sometimes it can hurt when I write things that are soul-driven.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, but that's okay!
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Songs that I've connected with very strong feelings of the past.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
I have a sad mood playlist. B)
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Art stuff, but it's an excited kind of anxious.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Overthink everything until I'm numb!
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
All of the time! Mostly they tend to be related to situations I can't humanly fix.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The events that've made me who I am today. All the good, and all of the bad!
12. One regret?
Just one?!
13. One thing you're proud of?
Helenora. She ma bebeh.
14. One thing you wish?
More wishes.
Being a reason for another's departure.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
A few days ago, weekly cries make things better!
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Writing, mostly, but sometimes it can hurt when I write things that are soul-driven.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, but that's okay!
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Songs that I've connected with very strong feelings of the past.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
I have a sad mood playlist. B)
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Art stuff, but it's an excited kind of anxious.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Overthink everything until I'm numb!
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
All of the time! Mostly they tend to be related to situations I can't humanly fix.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The events that've made me who I am today. All the good, and all of the bad!
12. One regret?
Just one?!
13. One thing you're proud of?
Helenora. She ma bebeh.
14. One thing you wish?
More wishes.
Radio wrote:
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
Being a reason for another's departure.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
A few days ago, weekly cries make things better!
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Writing, mostly, but sometimes it can hurt when I write things that are soul-driven.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, but that's okay!
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Songs that I've connected with very strong feelings of the past.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
I have a sad mood playlist. B)
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Art stuff, but it's an excited kind of anxious.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Overthink everything until I'm numb!
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
All of the time! Mostly they tend to be related to situations I can't humanly fix.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The events that've made me who I am today. All the good, and all of the bad!
12. One regret?
Just one?!
13. One thing you're proud of?
Helenora. She ma bebeh.
14. One thing you wish?
More wishes.
Being a reason for another's departure.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
A few days ago, weekly cries make things better!
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Writing, mostly, but sometimes it can hurt when I write things that are soul-driven.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, but that's okay!
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Songs that I've connected with very strong feelings of the past.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
I have a sad mood playlist. B)
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Art stuff, but it's an excited kind of anxious.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Overthink everything until I'm numb!
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
All of the time! Mostly they tend to be related to situations I can't humanly fix.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The events that've made me who I am today. All the good, and all of the bad!
12. One regret?
Just one?!
13. One thing you're proud of?
Helenora. She ma bebeh.
14. One thing you wish?
More wishes.
Yay
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
I’ve had lots of things hurt me deeply that I’ve since made my peace with. But I’m still holding on to a couple and I think the one that bugs me most is that my family has never accepted me. They put me through decades of self doubt and misery simply because I refused to self destruct in all the dysfunctional and often illegal ways that they did.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Yesterday evening. Saw a video about a little girl with disabilities finding out she was going to be a big sister and she just started squealing for joy. I sobbed at how cute and excited she was. She’s going to be such a good big sister.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
I sing. If I’m sick, have a migraine, sad, angry etc.. it’s the one guaranteed way to feel better.
4. Are you lonely right now?
No. I am pretty content with friends and family currently.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I actually see my therapist. I have ptsd and bipolar 2( no mania, just phase in and out of depression instead of always being depressed) so I need someone able to help me restructure my thinking during hard moments.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
It depends on what I want to feel. If I need to express those feelings first and acknowledge them or change them entirely. If I need to acknowledge them I go with sad deeply moving ballads- if I’m needing to pump up I listen to upbeat and determined rock songs.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Don’t judge me but Evanescence
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Just dealing with life. I’ve got a lot of baggage and sometimes it gets tough.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
CBT therapy and Benadryl to be honest.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Yes. Pretty bad imagery. I dream vividly so it plays out like a story instead of just flashes. Mostly anxiety driven stuff.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My husband
12. One regret?
Not taking more risks
13. One thing you're proud of?
My kiddos. They’re turning into amazing little humans.
14. One thing you wish?
That I’d completed college.
15. Virtual hugs?
Always! *hugs!*
I’ve had lots of things hurt me deeply that I’ve since made my peace with. But I’m still holding on to a couple and I think the one that bugs me most is that my family has never accepted me. They put me through decades of self doubt and misery simply because I refused to self destruct in all the dysfunctional and often illegal ways that they did.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Yesterday evening. Saw a video about a little girl with disabilities finding out she was going to be a big sister and she just started squealing for joy. I sobbed at how cute and excited she was. She’s going to be such a good big sister.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
I sing. If I’m sick, have a migraine, sad, angry etc.. it’s the one guaranteed way to feel better.
4. Are you lonely right now?
No. I am pretty content with friends and family currently.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I actually see my therapist. I have ptsd and bipolar 2( no mania, just phase in and out of depression instead of always being depressed) so I need someone able to help me restructure my thinking during hard moments.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
It depends on what I want to feel. If I need to express those feelings first and acknowledge them or change them entirely. If I need to acknowledge them I go with sad deeply moving ballads- if I’m needing to pump up I listen to upbeat and determined rock songs.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Don’t judge me but Evanescence
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Just dealing with life. I’ve got a lot of baggage and sometimes it gets tough.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
CBT therapy and Benadryl to be honest.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Yes. Pretty bad imagery. I dream vividly so it plays out like a story instead of just flashes. Mostly anxiety driven stuff.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My husband
12. One regret?
Not taking more risks
13. One thing you're proud of?
My kiddos. They’re turning into amazing little humans.
14. One thing you wish?
That I’d completed college.
15. Virtual hugs?
Always! *hugs!*
Mewcifer wrote:
What? I should be sleeping. No way!
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
I heard a quote once that sums this up for me; A mothers words are like God in the eyes of a child.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Yesterday, too many reasons.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My cat.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Lonely is an eternal state.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
No one, really. I prefer to suss out negative emotions on my own.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Rainbow - Kesha
Like That - Bea Miller
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Try - Colbie Caillat
Any song from the Rocky Horror album automatically makes me smile too
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
The Decemberists and Keaton Henson
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Constantly anxious about everything, thanks for asking!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Zen meditation
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I’ve had more recently than normal. They’re a tad too disturbing to openly share.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My life.
12. One regret?
Ahah. As bleak as everything else has sounded, I can say with all honesty I don’t have any regrets. I can look back at everything I’ve experienced and see how it has helped to get me to where I am now, even my poor choices. My life isn’t what I want it to be, yet, but it is much closer than it was.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Being the first person in my family to graduate from college.
14. One thing you wish?
For a yummy magic cake that helped weight loss.
15. Virtual hugs?
Only if you keep the dogs away!
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
I heard a quote once that sums this up for me; A mothers words are like God in the eyes of a child.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Yesterday, too many reasons.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My cat.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Lonely is an eternal state.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
No one, really. I prefer to suss out negative emotions on my own.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Rainbow - Kesha
Like That - Bea Miller
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Try - Colbie Caillat
Any song from the Rocky Horror album automatically makes me smile too
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
The Decemberists and Keaton Henson
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Constantly anxious about everything, thanks for asking!
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Zen meditation
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I’ve had more recently than normal. They’re a tad too disturbing to openly share.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My life.
12. One regret?
Ahah. As bleak as everything else has sounded, I can say with all honesty I don’t have any regrets. I can look back at everything I’ve experienced and see how it has helped to get me to where I am now, even my poor choices. My life isn’t what I want it to be, yet, but it is much closer than it was.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Being the first person in my family to graduate from college.
14. One thing you wish?
For a yummy magic cake that helped weight loss.
15. Virtual hugs?
Only if you keep the dogs away!
*Hugs!!!*
Oh man, I have a deadline in six hours, so... I guess no harm in doing a random survey, right?
Also... I browsed through many of the earlier replies here, and I'm just amazed how open and honest people are. Some of these stories are pretty heartbreaking. Thank you to everyone for sharing. And to Abigail_Austin for starting this thread.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
The latest one was when I had a couple of my nieces (14 and 10) stay over for the week a month ago. I took them out to the mall, to amusement parks, to museums. I spent a crapload of money I couldn't really afford to spend. I was supposed to be the Fun Aunt. But it turns out, having fun visits for the weekend with the kids does not translate to enjoying their company in your own home. They were critical of my decisions, judgmental about my housekeeping, constantly bored, and soon, they started playing out that kid dynamic where I was the enemy. (They would whisper to each other, and then clam up and giggle when I asked what was going on.)
I have this thing where I'm anxious and very thin-skinned and prone to long silences. I tried, man, I really tried to be the Fun Aunt. But I guess the sad, depressed, grumpy inner me showed.
When we got home, the teen girl went for her baby brother and held him tight. Then she beckoned me over. "You want to hold him for a while?"
She shoved him into my arms. He cried immediately of course. I was a stranger to him.
She took him back with a smirk. "Well, you didn't last long. I wonder what kind of mother you would make?" It was said over the dinner table, so the whole family laughed, including my own mother.
I am a 30-year-old single woman. That cut me to the bone.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Just now, lol, typing that out. But thanks for letting me vent.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Writing, honestly. Just writing. It's my one way of getting my thoughts in order and making them do things instead of lying there in a poor-me puddle.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Intensely so, right now. But loneliness is like my stray-cat friend. It comes and goes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
My mom. She often doesn't understand me, especially when it comes to writing, fantasy, and basically my entire world-view. (She thinks roleplaying is a tool of the devil, because D&D is from Satan, because
). But I can talk to her about my depression and self-esteem issues and she listens well. I get them from her.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I like listening to Christian music, actually. It reminds me of happier times when I could still believe that there's a loving, all-powerful being out there who adores me unconditionally despite what a failure of a human being I am.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
^ Hillsong, usually. Right now, I also have a bunch of songs from the musical "Dear Evan Hansen" on repeat.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
So remember my nieces from Question Number 1? Well, they have 5 siblings. Two more adorable, wicked munchkins are coming tomorrow to get the city tour with Fun Aunt! (This is probably why I'm doing this survey instead of actually working... Hoo boy. I'm a bundle of nerves.)
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Mostly, I just distract myself. Hence, this survey.
Also, earlier on in this thread, someone wrote about lists. I love lists. They help me pinpoint exactly what I can do right now, or later, or tomorrow, so I don't have to worry everything at once anymore. That way, I can organize my worry into manageable pieces.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I haven't had nightmares since I was a kid. I do have dark, strange dreams involving violence and gore and terrifying chases, but I feel peaceful about them because I'm always pretty much aware that it's all a dream. When I wake up, my first thought is Wow, what an awesome story! In contrast, when I was a child, the nightmares were so bad I would wake up and feel defiled in some way.
I'm trying to get into lucid dreaming, actually, but I haven't had any breakthroughs yet. I've had a couple of them and it was really great. One time, I was flying through this gigantic high-rise, having a boss-fight with the evil supervillain who was incidentally also my lover. It ended way too soon, pretty much a couple of minutes after I gained control. I still wish I could get that dream back and write a happy ending for it.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The internet. Before the internet existed, I felt so alone and strange. Now I still feel alone and strange, but it's comforting to know that other people feel that way too.
12. One regret?
Going to the university my dad wanted, instead of the one I wanted.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Well, I'm a better person now than I was at 20. That's not saying much, but I'll get there one step at a time.
I hope to be even better by 40. Maybe I'll even grow into a real, respectable human being by then.
14. One thing you wish?
Strength for every day. I was about to wish that I wasn't me, but I guess I'm me for a reason. There's nothing for it but to just deal and power on through it all.
15. Virtual hugs?
I'm not really a hugging person. But you did let me get my fears and anxieties out, and I feel tons better now, so... Thank you. *hug*
Also... I browsed through many of the earlier replies here, and I'm just amazed how open and honest people are. Some of these stories are pretty heartbreaking. Thank you to everyone for sharing. And to Abigail_Austin for starting this thread.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
The latest one was when I had a couple of my nieces (14 and 10) stay over for the week a month ago. I took them out to the mall, to amusement parks, to museums. I spent a crapload of money I couldn't really afford to spend. I was supposed to be the Fun Aunt. But it turns out, having fun visits for the weekend with the kids does not translate to enjoying their company in your own home. They were critical of my decisions, judgmental about my housekeeping, constantly bored, and soon, they started playing out that kid dynamic where I was the enemy. (They would whisper to each other, and then clam up and giggle when I asked what was going on.)
I have this thing where I'm anxious and very thin-skinned and prone to long silences. I tried, man, I really tried to be the Fun Aunt. But I guess the sad, depressed, grumpy inner me showed.
When we got home, the teen girl went for her baby brother and held him tight. Then she beckoned me over. "You want to hold him for a while?"
She shoved him into my arms. He cried immediately of course. I was a stranger to him.
She took him back with a smirk. "Well, you didn't last long. I wonder what kind of mother you would make?" It was said over the dinner table, so the whole family laughed, including my own mother.
I am a 30-year-old single woman. That cut me to the bone.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Just now, lol, typing that out. But thanks for letting me vent.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Writing, honestly. Just writing. It's my one way of getting my thoughts in order and making them do things instead of lying there in a poor-me puddle.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Intensely so, right now. But loneliness is like my stray-cat friend. It comes and goes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
My mom. She often doesn't understand me, especially when it comes to writing, fantasy, and basically my entire world-view. (She thinks roleplaying is a tool of the devil, because D&D is from Satan, because
). But I can talk to her about my depression and self-esteem issues and she listens well. I get them from her.6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I like listening to Christian music, actually. It reminds me of happier times when I could still believe that there's a loving, all-powerful being out there who adores me unconditionally despite what a failure of a human being I am.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
^ Hillsong, usually. Right now, I also have a bunch of songs from the musical "Dear Evan Hansen" on repeat.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
So remember my nieces from Question Number 1? Well, they have 5 siblings. Two more adorable, wicked munchkins are coming tomorrow to get the city tour with Fun Aunt! (This is probably why I'm doing this survey instead of actually working... Hoo boy. I'm a bundle of nerves.)
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Mostly, I just distract myself. Hence, this survey.
Also, earlier on in this thread, someone wrote about lists. I love lists. They help me pinpoint exactly what I can do right now, or later, or tomorrow, so I don't have to worry everything at once anymore. That way, I can organize my worry into manageable pieces.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I haven't had nightmares since I was a kid. I do have dark, strange dreams involving violence and gore and terrifying chases, but I feel peaceful about them because I'm always pretty much aware that it's all a dream. When I wake up, my first thought is Wow, what an awesome story! In contrast, when I was a child, the nightmares were so bad I would wake up and feel defiled in some way.
I'm trying to get into lucid dreaming, actually, but I haven't had any breakthroughs yet. I've had a couple of them and it was really great. One time, I was flying through this gigantic high-rise, having a boss-fight with the evil supervillain who was incidentally also my lover. It ended way too soon, pretty much a couple of minutes after I gained control. I still wish I could get that dream back and write a happy ending for it.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The internet. Before the internet existed, I felt so alone and strange. Now I still feel alone and strange, but it's comforting to know that other people feel that way too.
12. One regret?
Going to the university my dad wanted, instead of the one I wanted.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Well, I'm a better person now than I was at 20. That's not saying much, but I'll get there one step at a time.
I hope to be even better by 40. Maybe I'll even grow into a real, respectable human being by then.14. One thing you wish?
Strength for every day. I was about to wish that I wasn't me, but I guess I'm me for a reason. There's nothing for it but to just deal and power on through it all.
15. Virtual hugs?
I'm not really a hugging person. But you did let me get my fears and anxieties out, and I feel tons better now, so... Thank you. *hug*
Why answering - well, because dipping into ooc-rl-me sometimes help to develop new ideas for characters and stories. so I actually like this kind of nudging 
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
The event in my past that hurt me most - (though I am over it and by now can look back at it with a "lesson learned" attitude) was the moment whenI found out a long time relationship partner (5 years), a person I trusted and loved deeply for a long time despite having a huge amount of flaws (and I am not speaking of not making the dishes but being a narcissitic, choleric person with depression and sucidial tendencies)cheated on me with at least one person for more than 6 month.
It needed a long time and a lot of backup of friends, a lot of long, lonely rounds on my running-tracks to pick me up from that blow.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Uhm... yesterday - due to laughter in that case
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My better half, hitting the running tracks and/or working out, listening to music or watching a movie
4. Are you lonely right now?
not at all
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
my better half, a couple of good friends
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Ugh.. that´s a hard one... so much different stuff. Sometimes old-school goth stuff like Wolfsheim, Sisters of Mercy, Peter Murphy or Nosferatu or similar things. Wolfsheim Peter Murphy
Nosferatu Sisters of Mercy
Sometimes more classical things, not really in the traditional sense of classical music though but more like Norse/Asian kind of folk-stuff.
Like these: Wardruna Chinese inspired music Japanese inspired music
And sometimes Rock/Metal stuff like Summoning (Tolkien inspired Epic Black Metal from Austria) or Solstfir (Islandic alternative Rock) or Arkona (Russian folk metal)
Summoning Solstafir Arkona
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" bannd?
Wolfsheim, Deine Lakeien, VNV Nation, Rome
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
hm.. no not really - life taugh me to take things as they come, one after the other
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
If it hits anyway now and then I go for a run or a long hike - nature always helps to calm me down and get my nerves back together
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Mostly I do not remember my dreams - and if I do they are weird more than they are really frightening
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
my better half, that I am alive as such
12. One regret?
hm,... chosen Latin over French in grammar school
13. One thing you're proud of?
to make it where I am today despite all odds and cries of naysayers
14. One thing you wish?
to spend a long, happy and healthy life with my better half - basically that things remain as they are at the moment
15. Virtual hugs?
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
The event in my past that hurt me most - (though I am over it and by now can look back at it with a "lesson learned" attitude) was the moment whenI found out a long time relationship partner (5 years), a person I trusted and loved deeply for a long time despite having a huge amount of flaws (and I am not speaking of not making the dishes but being a narcissitic, choleric person with depression and sucidial tendencies)cheated on me with at least one person for more than 6 month.
It needed a long time and a lot of backup of friends, a lot of long, lonely rounds on my running-tracks to pick me up from that blow.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Uhm... yesterday - due to laughter in that case
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My better half, hitting the running tracks and/or working out, listening to music or watching a movie
4. Are you lonely right now?
not at all
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
my better half, a couple of good friends
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Ugh.. that´s a hard one... so much different stuff. Sometimes old-school goth stuff like Wolfsheim, Sisters of Mercy, Peter Murphy or Nosferatu or similar things. Wolfsheim Peter Murphy
Nosferatu Sisters of Mercy
Sometimes more classical things, not really in the traditional sense of classical music though but more like Norse/Asian kind of folk-stuff.
Like these: Wardruna Chinese inspired music Japanese inspired music
And sometimes Rock/Metal stuff like Summoning (Tolkien inspired Epic Black Metal from Austria) or Solstfir (Islandic alternative Rock) or Arkona (Russian folk metal)
Summoning Solstafir Arkona
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" bannd?
Wolfsheim, Deine Lakeien, VNV Nation, Rome
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
hm.. no not really - life taugh me to take things as they come, one after the other
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
If it hits anyway now and then I go for a run or a long hike - nature always helps to calm me down and get my nerves back together
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Mostly I do not remember my dreams - and if I do they are weird more than they are really frightening
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
my better half, that I am alive as such
12. One regret?
hm,... chosen Latin over French in grammar school
13. One thing you're proud of?
to make it where I am today despite all odds and cries of naysayers
14. One thing you wish?
to spend a long, happy and healthy life with my better half - basically that things remain as they are at the moment
15. Virtual hugs?
Selkieborn wrote:
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
I’ve had lots of things hurt me deeply that I’ve since made my peace with. But I’m still holding on to a couple and I think the one that bugs me most is that my family has never accepted me. They put me through decades of self doubt and misery simply because I refused to self destruct in all the dysfunctional and often illegal ways that they did.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Yesterday evening. Saw a video about a little girl with disabilities finding out she was going to be a big sister and she just started squealing for joy. I sobbed at how cute and excited she was. She’s going to be such a good big sister.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
I sing. If I’m sick, have a migraine, sad, angry etc.. it’s the one guaranteed way to feel better.
4. Are you lonely right now?
No. I am pretty content with friends and family currently.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I actually see my therapist. I have ptsd and bipolar 2( no mania, just phase in and out of depression instead of always being depressed) so I need someone able to help me restructure my thinking during hard moments.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
It depends on what I want to feel. If I need to express those feelings first and acknowledge them or change them entirely. If I need to acknowledge them I go with sad deeply moving ballads- if I’m needing to pump up I listen to upbeat and determined rock songs.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Don’t judge me but Evanescence
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Just dealing with life. I’ve got a lot of baggage and sometimes it gets tough.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
CBT therapy and Benadryl to be honest.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Yes. Pretty bad imagery. I dream vividly so it plays out like a story instead of just flashes. Mostly anxiety driven stuff.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My husband
12. One regret?
Not taking more risks
13. One thing you're proud of?
My kiddos. They’re turning into amazing little humans.
14. One thing you wish?
That I’d completed college.
15. Virtual hugs?
Always! *hugs!*
I’ve had lots of things hurt me deeply that I’ve since made my peace with. But I’m still holding on to a couple and I think the one that bugs me most is that my family has never accepted me. They put me through decades of self doubt and misery simply because I refused to self destruct in all the dysfunctional and often illegal ways that they did.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Yesterday evening. Saw a video about a little girl with disabilities finding out she was going to be a big sister and she just started squealing for joy. I sobbed at how cute and excited she was. She’s going to be such a good big sister.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
I sing. If I’m sick, have a migraine, sad, angry etc.. it’s the one guaranteed way to feel better.
4. Are you lonely right now?
No. I am pretty content with friends and family currently.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
I actually see my therapist. I have ptsd and bipolar 2( no mania, just phase in and out of depression instead of always being depressed) so I need someone able to help me restructure my thinking during hard moments.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
It depends on what I want to feel. If I need to express those feelings first and acknowledge them or change them entirely. If I need to acknowledge them I go with sad deeply moving ballads- if I’m needing to pump up I listen to upbeat and determined rock songs.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
Don’t judge me but Evanescence
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
Just dealing with life. I’ve got a lot of baggage and sometimes it gets tough.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
CBT therapy and Benadryl to be honest.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Yes. Pretty bad imagery. I dream vividly so it plays out like a story instead of just flashes. Mostly anxiety driven stuff.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
My husband
12. One regret?
Not taking more risks
13. One thing you're proud of?
My kiddos. They’re turning into amazing little humans.
14. One thing you wish?
That I’d completed college.
15. Virtual hugs?
Always! *hugs!*
Evanescence is awesome.
Benadryl... that's interesting never heard that before. Although, kind of makes sense.
Restructuring thoughts...good point.
Awww about the big sister with disabilities.
And...
*Hugs!!!*
I didn't plan on doing this, but a weird mood hit me... I feel abnormally sad. I need to vent. Fair warning, I typed a novel for the first question. The rest are shorter.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
There are many things, some of the worst stem from my mom. I get along with her really well now, she obviously loves and cares about me; but she's done things that hurt me on another level and she has never expressed remorse for any of it. To this day I don't think she realizes how much she's damaged me. I see her more like a strange friend than a mother.
One that comes to mind happened around the time my dad died. In the same year, my step dad was put into a coma and suffered brain damage that changed his personality permanently. I was having a hard time in school, I didn't have friends, my mom started yelling at me, whatever. It didn't feel like anything really changed. I'd always been an outsider. I'm quiet. I'm an afterthought. Nobody ever missed me and nobody was ever eager to see me, but that's what I was used to. Then one day, something I'm not going to talk about happened and pushed me over the edge. I was in suicidal territory.
My mom and I got into a fight about something, I can't remember what, but I started to cry. I never cried in front of her but I guess I broke that day. She didn't feel bad about it though, for some reason it made her even angrier. She flipped out on me, slapped me, and kept asking what was wrong. What was I so upset about? What did I have to cry about? What could possibly be so wrong with my life? I was so astounded that she couldn't figure it out. I didn't answer, so she said, "What's your problem, are you a lesbian or something? Is that it?"
I felt absolutely crushed. Her opinions of lesbians aside, I couldn't believe it. After everything I went through--after everything WE went through, the best thing she could come up with is "my daughter must be a lesbian"? Just thinking about it makes me so angry I can't put it into words. My dad died of a disease that withered his body, took away his ability to move bit by bit, changed his voice to the point where I can't remember what it used to sound like, then suffocated him to death all while I--a little girl--watched it happen before my very eyes. My stepdad was in an accident that turned him from a sweet, loving man to one who's violent, irrational, and angry. I spent my whole life alone, friendless, weird and outcast because my life revolved around nothing but work. I never learned to socialize and she never cared enough to help me. My concerns about friendship were laughed off or met with anger. Why couldn't she figure it out?
Even now that she acts proud of me, I know it's only because of my academics. It makes no difference to her that I'm still so horribly lonely and depressed. She doesn't realize or care how screwed up I am. To her, surviving suffering like that is something to be proud of, not something I need to seek help for.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Recently. Loneliness. It feels like I've wasted my whole life on the wrong things. I've been so focused on school and work that I missed out on making true friends with anyone. I always pushed people away, and now I wish I hadn't, but at the same time I'm stuck with this strange feeling that I wouldn't know where to begin trying to make a friend if I had that opportunity again.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Not much. Animals, my boyfriend, metal...
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
No one.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
When it's really bad, I don't listen to music.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
I don't have one.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I'm afraid that I'll never figure out how to get close to people.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Not sure.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Often. Usually the r-word, or something hospital related, or something like the world falling apart and nobody caring.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Good, kind people.
12. One regret?
Pushing people away.
13. One thing you're proud of?
My talents I suppose.
14. One thing you wish?
If I could have anything at all? I'd rather be someone else. I've always wanted to start a fresh, new life.
15. Virtual hugs?
Eh.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
There are many things, some of the worst stem from my mom. I get along with her really well now, she obviously loves and cares about me; but she's done things that hurt me on another level and she has never expressed remorse for any of it. To this day I don't think she realizes how much she's damaged me. I see her more like a strange friend than a mother.
One that comes to mind happened around the time my dad died. In the same year, my step dad was put into a coma and suffered brain damage that changed his personality permanently. I was having a hard time in school, I didn't have friends, my mom started yelling at me, whatever. It didn't feel like anything really changed. I'd always been an outsider. I'm quiet. I'm an afterthought. Nobody ever missed me and nobody was ever eager to see me, but that's what I was used to. Then one day, something I'm not going to talk about happened and pushed me over the edge. I was in suicidal territory.
My mom and I got into a fight about something, I can't remember what, but I started to cry. I never cried in front of her but I guess I broke that day. She didn't feel bad about it though, for some reason it made her even angrier. She flipped out on me, slapped me, and kept asking what was wrong. What was I so upset about? What did I have to cry about? What could possibly be so wrong with my life? I was so astounded that she couldn't figure it out. I didn't answer, so she said, "What's your problem, are you a lesbian or something? Is that it?"
I felt absolutely crushed. Her opinions of lesbians aside, I couldn't believe it. After everything I went through--after everything WE went through, the best thing she could come up with is "my daughter must be a lesbian"? Just thinking about it makes me so angry I can't put it into words. My dad died of a disease that withered his body, took away his ability to move bit by bit, changed his voice to the point where I can't remember what it used to sound like, then suffocated him to death all while I--a little girl--watched it happen before my very eyes. My stepdad was in an accident that turned him from a sweet, loving man to one who's violent, irrational, and angry. I spent my whole life alone, friendless, weird and outcast because my life revolved around nothing but work. I never learned to socialize and she never cared enough to help me. My concerns about friendship were laughed off or met with anger. Why couldn't she figure it out?
Even now that she acts proud of me, I know it's only because of my academics. It makes no difference to her that I'm still so horribly lonely and depressed. She doesn't realize or care how screwed up I am. To her, surviving suffering like that is something to be proud of, not something I need to seek help for.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Recently. Loneliness. It feels like I've wasted my whole life on the wrong things. I've been so focused on school and work that I missed out on making true friends with anyone. I always pushed people away, and now I wish I hadn't, but at the same time I'm stuck with this strange feeling that I wouldn't know where to begin trying to make a friend if I had that opportunity again.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Not much. Animals, my boyfriend, metal...
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
No one.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
When it's really bad, I don't listen to music.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
I don't have one.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I'm afraid that I'll never figure out how to get close to people.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Not sure.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Often. Usually the r-word, or something hospital related, or something like the world falling apart and nobody caring.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Good, kind people.
12. One regret?
Pushing people away.
13. One thing you're proud of?
My talents I suppose.
14. One thing you wish?
If I could have anything at all? I'd rather be someone else. I've always wanted to start a fresh, new life.
15. Virtual hugs?
Eh.
MinetteDuMal wrote:
I didn't plan on doing this, but a weird mood hit me... I feel abnormally sad. I need to vent. Fair warning, I typed a novel for the first question. The rest are shorter.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
There are many things, some of the worst stem from my mom. I get along with her really well now, she obviously loves and cares about me; but she's done things that hurt me on another level and she has never expressed remorse for any of it. To this day I don't think she realizes how much she's damaged me. I see her more like a strange friend than a mother.
One that comes to mind happened around the time my dad died. In the same year, my step dad was put into a coma and suffered brain damage that changed his personality permanently. I was having a hard time in school, I didn't have friends, my mom started yelling at me, whatever. It didn't feel like anything really changed. I'd always been an outsider. I'm quiet. I'm an afterthought. Nobody ever missed me and nobody was ever eager to see me, but that's what I was used to. Then one day, something I'm not going to talk about happened and pushed me over the edge. I was in suicidal territory.
My mom and I got into a fight about something, I can't remember what, but I started to cry. I never cried in front of her but I guess I broke that day. She didn't feel bad about it though, for some reason it made her even angrier. She flipped out on me, slapped me, and kept asking what was wrong. What was I so upset about? What did I have to cry about? What could possibly be so wrong with my life? I was so astounded that she couldn't figure it out. I didn't answer, so she said, "What's your problem, are you a lesbian or something? Is that it?"
I felt absolutely crushed. Her opinions of lesbians aside, I couldn't believe it. After everything I went through--after everything WE went through, the best thing she could come up with is "my daughter must be a lesbian"? Just thinking about it makes me so angry I can't put it into words. My dad died of a disease that withered his body, took away his ability to move bit by bit, changed his voice to the point where I can't remember what it used to sound like, then suffocated him to death all while I--a little girl--watched it happen before my very eyes. My stepdad was in an accident that turned him from a sweet, loving man to one who's violent, irrational, and angry. I spent my whole life alone, friendless, weird and outcast because my life revolved around nothing but work. I never learned to socialize and she never cared enough to help me. My concerns about friendship were laughed off or met with anger. Why couldn't she figure it out?
Even now that she acts proud of me, I know it's only because of my academics. It makes no difference to her that I'm still so horribly lonely and depressed. She doesn't realize or care how screwed up I am. To her, surviving suffering like that is something to be proud of, not something I need to seek help for.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Recently. Loneliness. It feels like I've wasted my whole life on the wrong things. I've been so focused on school and work that I missed out on making true friends with anyone. I always pushed people away, and now I wish I hadn't, but at the same time I'm stuck with this strange feeling that I wouldn't know where to begin trying to make a friend if I had that opportunity again.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Not much. Animals, my boyfriend, metal...
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
No one.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
When it's really bad, I don't listen to music.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
I don't have one.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I'm afraid that I'll never figure out how to get close to people.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Not sure.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Often. Usually the r-word, or something hospital related, or something like the world falling apart and nobody caring.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Good, kind people.
12. One regret?
Pushing people away.
13. One thing you're proud of?
My talents I suppose.
14. One thing you wish?
If I could have anything at all? I'd rather be someone else. I've always wanted to start a fresh, new life.
15. Virtual hugs?
Eh.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
There are many things, some of the worst stem from my mom. I get along with her really well now, she obviously loves and cares about me; but she's done things that hurt me on another level and she has never expressed remorse for any of it. To this day I don't think she realizes how much she's damaged me. I see her more like a strange friend than a mother.
One that comes to mind happened around the time my dad died. In the same year, my step dad was put into a coma and suffered brain damage that changed his personality permanently. I was having a hard time in school, I didn't have friends, my mom started yelling at me, whatever. It didn't feel like anything really changed. I'd always been an outsider. I'm quiet. I'm an afterthought. Nobody ever missed me and nobody was ever eager to see me, but that's what I was used to. Then one day, something I'm not going to talk about happened and pushed me over the edge. I was in suicidal territory.
My mom and I got into a fight about something, I can't remember what, but I started to cry. I never cried in front of her but I guess I broke that day. She didn't feel bad about it though, for some reason it made her even angrier. She flipped out on me, slapped me, and kept asking what was wrong. What was I so upset about? What did I have to cry about? What could possibly be so wrong with my life? I was so astounded that she couldn't figure it out. I didn't answer, so she said, "What's your problem, are you a lesbian or something? Is that it?"
I felt absolutely crushed. Her opinions of lesbians aside, I couldn't believe it. After everything I went through--after everything WE went through, the best thing she could come up with is "my daughter must be a lesbian"? Just thinking about it makes me so angry I can't put it into words. My dad died of a disease that withered his body, took away his ability to move bit by bit, changed his voice to the point where I can't remember what it used to sound like, then suffocated him to death all while I--a little girl--watched it happen before my very eyes. My stepdad was in an accident that turned him from a sweet, loving man to one who's violent, irrational, and angry. I spent my whole life alone, friendless, weird and outcast because my life revolved around nothing but work. I never learned to socialize and she never cared enough to help me. My concerns about friendship were laughed off or met with anger. Why couldn't she figure it out?
Even now that she acts proud of me, I know it's only because of my academics. It makes no difference to her that I'm still so horribly lonely and depressed. She doesn't realize or care how screwed up I am. To her, surviving suffering like that is something to be proud of, not something I need to seek help for.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Recently. Loneliness. It feels like I've wasted my whole life on the wrong things. I've been so focused on school and work that I missed out on making true friends with anyone. I always pushed people away, and now I wish I hadn't, but at the same time I'm stuck with this strange feeling that I wouldn't know where to begin trying to make a friend if I had that opportunity again.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Not much. Animals, my boyfriend, metal...
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
No one.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
When it's really bad, I don't listen to music.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
I don't have one.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I'm afraid that I'll never figure out how to get close to people.
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Not sure.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Often. Usually the r-word, or something hospital related, or something like the world falling apart and nobody caring.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
Good, kind people.
12. One regret?
Pushing people away.
13. One thing you're proud of?
My talents I suppose.
14. One thing you wish?
If I could have anything at all? I'd rather be someone else. I've always wanted to start a fresh, new life.
15. Virtual hugs?
Eh.
Hello there. I care. I sent you a friend request. I'm sorry you went through all that. The things you talk about here are things I can't pretend to know about and I won't pretend to, because that would just sound shallow. I will say that you describe it very well, and I can see why what happened to father, and then to your stepfather would have been so hard for you, as a child, to see and endure and process, and then to have your mom not understand it made it even harder.
I can relate to the feeling of not being known. You would expect that your mom would understand you, because that what mom's are supposed to do, right? Ugh. I'm so sorry. (((hugs hugs hugs)))
It makes sense that you were suprised, and that that makes you angry. You held it together for a long time, and then when you finally broke it probably seemed like, "why the hell don't you know what's wrong, haven't you seen me suffering all this time?" Ugh. I wish that when you had that moment you had gotten a different response, the compassionate one you should have. I'm sorry that you're still feeling lonely, and boy do I relate on that one. I was the weird kid...always, so I get that sense of outsiderness. I know it sounds lame, shallow, because this is just online, it's not real life, and it's not the same, but I'll say, for what it's worth, you're not alone. I care. "We" the RpR family care.
If you want, check this group out:
Here For You
I love it. Sanne is the moderator. It's a great place to vent, get encouragement, or encourage other people. It's the bomb.
If you ever want a chat buddy, feel free to PM. Thanks for sharing for filling out the survey and I wish you all the happiness life can bring you.
((((Huge hugs)))
anaisdeluxxx wrote:
Oh man, I have a deadline in six hours, so... I guess no harm in doing a random survey, right?
Also... I browsed through many of the earlier replies here, and I'm just amazed how open and honest people are. Some of these stories are pretty heartbreaking. Thank you to everyone for sharing. And to Abigail_Austin for starting this thread.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
The latest one was when I had a couple of my nieces (14 and 10) stay over for the week a month ago. I took them out to the mall, to amusement parks, to museums. I spent a crapload of money I couldn't really afford to spend. I was supposed to be the Fun Aunt. But it turns out, having fun visits for the weekend with the kids does not translate to enjoying their company in your own home. They were critical of my decisions, judgmental about my housekeeping, constantly bored, and soon, they started playing out that kid dynamic where I was the enemy. (They would whisper to each other, and then clam up and giggle when I asked what was going on.)
I have this thing where I'm anxious and very thin-skinned and prone to long silences. I tried, man, I really tried to be the Fun Aunt. But I guess the sad, depressed, grumpy inner me showed.
When we got home, the teen girl went for her baby brother and held him tight. Then she beckoned me over. "You want to hold him for a while?"
She shoved him into my arms. He cried immediately of course. I was a stranger to him.
She took him back with a smirk. "Well, you didn't last long. I wonder what kind of mother you would make?" It was said over the dinner table, so the whole family laughed, including my own mother.
I am a 30-year-old single woman. That cut me to the bone.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Just now, lol, typing that out. But thanks for letting me vent.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Writing, honestly. Just writing. It's my one way of getting my thoughts in order and making them do things instead of lying there in a poor-me puddle.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Intensely so, right now. But loneliness is like my stray-cat friend. It comes and goes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
My mom. She often doesn't understand me, especially when it comes to writing, fantasy, and basically my entire world-view. (She thinks roleplaying is a tool of the devil, because D&D is from Satan, because ). But I can talk to her about my depression and self-esteem issues and she listens well. I get them from her.
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I like listening to Christian music, actually. It reminds me of happier times when I could still believe that there's a loving, all-powerful being out there who adores me unconditionally despite what a failure of a human being I am.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
^ Hillsong, usually. Right now, I also have a bunch of songs from the musical "Dear Evan Hansen" on repeat.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
So remember my nieces from Question Number 1? Well, they have 5 siblings. Two more adorable, wicked munchkins are coming tomorrow to get the city tour with Fun Aunt! (This is probably why I'm doing this survey instead of actually working... Hoo boy. I'm a bundle of nerves.)
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Mostly, I just distract myself. Hence, this survey.
Also, earlier on in this thread, someone wrote about lists. I love lists. They help me pinpoint exactly what I can do right now, or later, or tomorrow, so I don't have to worry everything at once anymore. That way, I can organize my worry into manageable pieces.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I haven't had nightmares since I was a kid. I do have dark, strange dreams involving violence and gore and terrifying chases, but I feel peaceful about them because I'm always pretty much aware that it's all a dream. When I wake up, my first thought is Wow, what an awesome story! In contrast, when I was a child, the nightmares were so bad I would wake up and feel defiled in some way.
I'm trying to get into lucid dreaming, actually, but I haven't had any breakthroughs yet. I've had a couple of them and it was really great. One time, I was flying through this gigantic high-rise, having a boss-fight with the evil supervillain who was incidentally also my lover. It ended way too soon, pretty much a couple of minutes after I gained control. I still wish I could get that dream back and write a happy ending for it.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The internet. Before the internet existed, I felt so alone and strange. Now I still feel alone and strange, but it's comforting to know that other people feel that way too.
12. One regret?
Going to the university my dad wanted, instead of the one I wanted.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Well, I'm a better person now than I was at 20. That's not saying much, but I'll get there one step at a time. I hope to be even better by 40. Maybe I'll even grow into a real, respectable human being by then.
14. One thing you wish?
Strength for every day. I was about to wish that I wasn't me, but I guess I'm me for a reason. There's nothing for it but to just deal and power on through it all.
15. Virtual hugs?
I'm not really a hugging person. But you did let me get my fears and anxieties out, and I feel tons better now, so... Thank you. *hug*
Also... I browsed through many of the earlier replies here, and I'm just amazed how open and honest people are. Some of these stories are pretty heartbreaking. Thank you to everyone for sharing. And to Abigail_Austin for starting this thread.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
The latest one was when I had a couple of my nieces (14 and 10) stay over for the week a month ago. I took them out to the mall, to amusement parks, to museums. I spent a crapload of money I couldn't really afford to spend. I was supposed to be the Fun Aunt. But it turns out, having fun visits for the weekend with the kids does not translate to enjoying their company in your own home. They were critical of my decisions, judgmental about my housekeeping, constantly bored, and soon, they started playing out that kid dynamic where I was the enemy. (They would whisper to each other, and then clam up and giggle when I asked what was going on.)
I have this thing where I'm anxious and very thin-skinned and prone to long silences. I tried, man, I really tried to be the Fun Aunt. But I guess the sad, depressed, grumpy inner me showed.
When we got home, the teen girl went for her baby brother and held him tight. Then she beckoned me over. "You want to hold him for a while?"
She shoved him into my arms. He cried immediately of course. I was a stranger to him.
She took him back with a smirk. "Well, you didn't last long. I wonder what kind of mother you would make?" It was said over the dinner table, so the whole family laughed, including my own mother.
I am a 30-year-old single woman. That cut me to the bone.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Just now, lol, typing that out. But thanks for letting me vent.
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Writing, honestly. Just writing. It's my one way of getting my thoughts in order and making them do things instead of lying there in a poor-me puddle.
4. Are you lonely right now?
Intensely so, right now. But loneliness is like my stray-cat friend. It comes and goes.
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
My mom. She often doesn't understand me, especially when it comes to writing, fantasy, and basically my entire world-view. (She thinks roleplaying is a tool of the devil, because D&D is from Satan, because
). But I can talk to her about my depression and self-esteem issues and she listens well. I get them from her.6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
I like listening to Christian music, actually. It reminds me of happier times when I could still believe that there's a loving, all-powerful being out there who adores me unconditionally despite what a failure of a human being I am.
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
^ Hillsong, usually. Right now, I also have a bunch of songs from the musical "Dear Evan Hansen" on repeat.
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
So remember my nieces from Question Number 1? Well, they have 5 siblings. Two more adorable, wicked munchkins are coming tomorrow to get the city tour with Fun Aunt! (This is probably why I'm doing this survey instead of actually working... Hoo boy. I'm a bundle of nerves.)
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Mostly, I just distract myself. Hence, this survey.
Also, earlier on in this thread, someone wrote about lists. I love lists. They help me pinpoint exactly what I can do right now, or later, or tomorrow, so I don't have to worry everything at once anymore. That way, I can organize my worry into manageable pieces.
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
I haven't had nightmares since I was a kid. I do have dark, strange dreams involving violence and gore and terrifying chases, but I feel peaceful about them because I'm always pretty much aware that it's all a dream. When I wake up, my first thought is Wow, what an awesome story! In contrast, when I was a child, the nightmares were so bad I would wake up and feel defiled in some way.
I'm trying to get into lucid dreaming, actually, but I haven't had any breakthroughs yet. I've had a couple of them and it was really great. One time, I was flying through this gigantic high-rise, having a boss-fight with the evil supervillain who was incidentally also my lover. It ended way too soon, pretty much a couple of minutes after I gained control. I still wish I could get that dream back and write a happy ending for it.
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
The internet. Before the internet existed, I felt so alone and strange. Now I still feel alone and strange, but it's comforting to know that other people feel that way too.
12. One regret?
Going to the university my dad wanted, instead of the one I wanted.
13. One thing you're proud of?
Well, I'm a better person now than I was at 20. That's not saying much, but I'll get there one step at a time.
I hope to be even better by 40. Maybe I'll even grow into a real, respectable human being by then.14. One thing you wish?
Strength for every day. I was about to wish that I wasn't me, but I guess I'm me for a reason. There's nothing for it but to just deal and power on through it all.
15. Virtual hugs?
I'm not really a hugging person. But you did let me get my fears and anxieties out, and I feel tons better now, so... Thank you. *hug*
Hey there! I really appreciate you filling out the survey and I enjoyed reading what you said. And *hugs back*
I get what you're saying about the Aunt thing. Aww man. I'm sorry that said that stuff. Seriously makes me wanna hug you.
I can picture this sort of thing happening to me. Kids walk all over me because I try to be fun person and then when they take advantage of me I have to come down hard on them and they don't like it. I'll never understand how strict teachers get more respect than leinient teachers (when I was teaching full time), like me. But it's this weird thing. Anyway, I can tell that you ARE the fun Aunt, and they may not realize it just yet....but some day I am sure they will. When they get older they'll talk to you about their problems that they can't tell their mom about and stuff. It'll be ok. They know you care. I'm thinned skinned too. Reading this story bugged me...I was like "no! Don't whisper about her and don't say that! It's not right! Like...I can't feel your pain on that. Ouch. Kids can be mean, even related kids. But they'll get older. I handle ppl better one on one myself.
Also..im with you on the Christian music. And d&d being from the devil....that part made me laugh. Mothers. And also: IKR! This thread is unbelievable. I am amazed myself. That's why I answer everyone, because I am so freaking honored that anyone would share things like this. So honored. All the time.
Welp..thanks again and ****huge hugs***
HouXin wrote:
Why answering - well, because dipping into ooc-rl-me sometimes help to develop new ideas for characters and stories. so I actually like this kind of nudging
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
The event in my past that hurt me most - (though I am over it and by now can look back at it with a "lesson learned" attitude) was the moment whenI found out a long time relationship partner (5 years), a person I trusted and loved deeply for a long time despite having a huge amount of flaws (and I am not speaking of not making the dishes but being a narcissitic, choleric person with depression and sucidial tendencies)cheated on me with at least one person for more than 6 month.
It needed a long time and a lot of backup of friends, a lot of long, lonely rounds on my running-tracks to pick me up from that blow.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Uhm... yesterday - due to laughter in that case
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My better half, hitting the running tracks and/or working out, listening to music or watching a movie
4. Are you lonely right now?
not at all
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
my better half, a couple of good friends
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Ugh.. that´s a hard one... so much different stuff. Sometimes old-school goth stuff like Wolfsheim, Sisters of Mercy, Peter Murphy or Nosferatu or similar things. Wolfsheim Peter Murphy
Nosferatu Sisters of Mercy
Sometimes more classical things, not really in the traditional sense of classical music though but more like Norse/Asian kind of folk-stuff.
Like these: Wardruna Chinese inspired music Japanese inspired music
And sometimes Rock/Metal stuff like Summoning (Tolkien inspired Epic Black Metal from Austria) or Solstfir (Islandic alternative Rock) or Arkona (Russian folk metal)
Summoning Solstafir Arkona
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" bannd?
Wolfsheim, Deine Lakeien, VNV Nation, Rome
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
hm.. no not really - life taugh me to take things as they come, one after the other
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
If it hits anyway now and then I go for a run or a long hike - nature always helps to calm me down and get my nerves back together
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Mostly I do not remember my dreams - and if I do they are weird more than they are really frightening
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
my better half, that I am alive as such
12. One regret?
hm,... chosen Latin over French in grammar school
13. One thing you're proud of?
to make it where I am today despite all odds and cries of naysayers
14. One thing you wish?
to spend a long, happy and healthy life with my better half - basically that things remain as they are at the moment
15. Virtual hugs?
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
The event in my past that hurt me most - (though I am over it and by now can look back at it with a "lesson learned" attitude) was the moment whenI found out a long time relationship partner (5 years), a person I trusted and loved deeply for a long time despite having a huge amount of flaws (and I am not speaking of not making the dishes but being a narcissitic, choleric person with depression and sucidial tendencies)cheated on me with at least one person for more than 6 month.
It needed a long time and a lot of backup of friends, a lot of long, lonely rounds on my running-tracks to pick me up from that blow.
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
Uhm... yesterday - due to laughter in that case
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
My better half, hitting the running tracks and/or working out, listening to music or watching a movie
4. Are you lonely right now?
not at all
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
my better half, a couple of good friends
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
Ugh.. that´s a hard one... so much different stuff. Sometimes old-school goth stuff like Wolfsheim, Sisters of Mercy, Peter Murphy or Nosferatu or similar things. Wolfsheim Peter Murphy
Nosferatu Sisters of Mercy
Sometimes more classical things, not really in the traditional sense of classical music though but more like Norse/Asian kind of folk-stuff.
Like these: Wardruna Chinese inspired music Japanese inspired music
And sometimes Rock/Metal stuff like Summoning (Tolkien inspired Epic Black Metal from Austria) or Solstfir (Islandic alternative Rock) or Arkona (Russian folk metal)
Summoning Solstafir Arkona
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" bannd?
Wolfsheim, Deine Lakeien, VNV Nation, Rome
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
hm.. no not really - life taugh me to take things as they come, one after the other
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
If it hits anyway now and then I go for a run or a long hike - nature always helps to calm me down and get my nerves back together
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
Mostly I do not remember my dreams - and if I do they are weird more than they are really frightening
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
my better half, that I am alive as such
12. One regret?
hm,... chosen Latin over French in grammar school
13. One thing you're proud of?
to make it where I am today despite all odds and cries of naysayers
14. One thing you wish?
to spend a long, happy and healthy life with my better half - basically that things remain as they are at the moment
15. Virtual hugs?
Yay. Glad you have your better half and like the clip from Grease. Lol
Heavy trigger warning:
The pain we experience ends up as a part of all of us.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
Myself, and indubitably it will always be that way
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
When I was eleven, and my father beat me and told me to stop crying because I am supposed to be a man
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Music to soothe my frazzled nerves
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, and it is beyond painful because I've been given chances to climb out of this hole I've dug for myself
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Nobody, as I've been abandoned, disowned, and now barely living independently on my own
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
N/A
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
N/A
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I don't know if I have a future, honestly, and I know I won't ever be able to work up the courage to attempt suicide again
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Pretend that it doesn't exist, or bottle it up and let it either fizzle out or explode when nobody is around
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
They are either recurring nightmares about being driven into a corner, empty dreams, or no dreams from paranoia
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
N/A
12. One regret?
Telling her I wasn't worth her time or worthy of her at all
13. One thing you're proud of?
N/A
14. One thing you wish?
N/A
15. Virtual hugs?
No
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
Myself, and indubitably it will always be that way
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
When I was eleven, and my father beat me and told me to stop crying because I am supposed to be a man
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Music to soothe my frazzled nerves
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, and it is beyond painful because I've been given chances to climb out of this hole I've dug for myself
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Nobody, as I've been abandoned, disowned, and now barely living independently on my own
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
N/A
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
N/A
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I don't know if I have a future, honestly, and I know I won't ever be able to work up the courage to attempt suicide again
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Pretend that it doesn't exist, or bottle it up and let it either fizzle out or explode when nobody is around
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
They are either recurring nightmares about being driven into a corner, empty dreams, or no dreams from paranoia
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
N/A
12. One regret?
Telling her I wasn't worth her time or worthy of her at all
13. One thing you're proud of?
N/A
14. One thing you wish?
N/A
15. Virtual hugs?
No
Anon wrote:
Heavy trigger warning:
The pain we experience ends up as a part of all of us.
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
Myself, and indubitably it will always be that way
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
When I was eleven, and my father beat me and told me to stop crying because I am supposed to be a man
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Music to soothe my frazzled nerves
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, and it is beyond painful because I've been given chances to climb out of this hole I've dug for myself
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Nobody, as I've been abandoned, disowned, and now barely living independently on my own
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
N/A
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
N/A
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I don't know if I have a future, honestly, and I know I won't ever be able to work up the courage to attempt suicide again
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Pretend that it doesn't exist, or bottle it up and let it either fizzle out or explode when nobody is around
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
They are either recurring nightmares about being driven into a corner, empty dreams, or no dreams from paranoia
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
N/A
12. One regret?
Telling her I wasn't worth her time or worthy of her at all
13. One thing you're proud of?
N/A
14. One thing you wish?
N/A
15. Virtual hugs?
No
1. What's one thing that hurt you deeply?
Myself, and indubitably it will always be that way
2. When's the last time you cried and why?
When I was eleven, and my father beat me and told me to stop crying because I am supposed to be a man
3. Who/what makes you feel better when you're feeling sad?
Music to soothe my frazzled nerves
4. Are you lonely right now?
Yes, and it is beyond painful because I've been given chances to climb out of this hole I've dug for myself
5. Who do you call when you need someone to talk to?
Nobody, as I've been abandoned, disowned, and now barely living independently on my own
6. What songs do you listen to when you're sad or anxious that make you feel better?
N/A
7. What's your favorite "sad mood" band?
N/A
8. Anxious about anything in particular in the future that you'd like to talk about?
I don't know if I have a future, honestly, and I know I won't ever be able to work up the courage to attempt suicide again
9. What's the best way you've found to deal with anxiety?
Pretend that it doesn't exist, or bottle it up and let it either fizzle out or explode when nobody is around
10. Do you have nightmares and about what?
They are either recurring nightmares about being driven into a corner, empty dreams, or no dreams from paranoia
11. What's one thing in the world that you are grateful for?
N/A
12. One regret?
Telling her I wasn't worth her time or worthy of her at all
13. One thing you're proud of?
N/A
14. One thing you wish?
N/A
15. Virtual hugs?
No
I'm sorry, and I hope you get the help you need. Thank you for filling out this survey. If you want to talk more about this, in a supportive environment, you could check out the group on RpR called Here For You.
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