Thank you. I appreciate everyone's input and it has been very helpful and enlightening. Since messages from multiple points of view are being processed right now in my head (therefore this has served it's purpose), and the post may have been unfair or unintentionally harsh, the contents have been deleted and the thread is now closed for comment.
Thats actually hillarious. Lmao, and awesome. I wish I could have seen it 
.
.
life is just a RP to us in the community
Hikari_Yagaza wrote:
Thats actually hillarious. Lmao, and awesome. I wish I could have seen it .
.Yes! I was very amused. Sandra not so much. Lmao. I stopped after a while. It was actually good practice. I've got to get her to stop talking about teaching so much...it drives me nuts....argh...same stories 50 times...we need have no work talk rule or something. Or maybe if I start doing this every time she talks about work....heh heh. Somehow I think that might jeapordize all the meals that appear in front of me so often...yeah, I better not.
LowRezCrab wrote:
life is just a RP to us in the community
Right? Deep, my friend, very deep. It's like...are we in a life writing an RP, or are we in an RP writing life?
Hmmm. Jk.
Abigail_Austin wrote:
Hikari_Yagaza wrote:
Thats actually hillarious. Lmao, and awesome. I wish I could have seen it .
.Yes! I was very amused. Sandra not so much. Lmao. I stopped after a while. It was actually good practice. I've got to get her to stop talking about teaching so much...it drives me nuts....argh...same stories 50 times...we need have no work talk rule or something. Or maybe if I start doing this every time she talks about work....heh heh. Somehow I think that might jeapordize all the meals that appear in front of me so often...yeah, I better not.
Yeah lmao. Dont dew it. Lol. And yeah, maybe limit the work talk. Wotk is boring usually. Unless your a spy. Then you prolly have stories.
Hikari_Yagaza wrote:
Abigail_Austin wrote:
Hikari_Yagaza wrote:
Thats actually hillarious. Lmao, and awesome. I wish I could have seen it .
.Yes! I was very amused. Sandra not so much. Lmao. I stopped after a while. It was actually good practice. I've got to get her to stop talking about teaching so much...it drives me nuts....argh...same stories 50 times...we need have no work talk rule or something. Or maybe if I start doing this every time she talks about work....heh heh. Somehow I think that might jeapordize all the meals that appear in front of me so often...yeah, I better not.
Yeah lmao. Dont dew it. Lol. And yeah, maybe limit the work talk. Wotk is boring usually. Unless your a spy. Then you prolly have stories.
Hahahaha.
And they're all classified.
True dat.
I think a no work talk during dates (assuming this is your partner) and eating out rule is pretty understandable.
Personally in this specific situation if I was Sandra I'd prefer you just say "hey could we talk about work later I'd like to have some quality time to discuss other things with you while we have this special time together." As opposed to this.
I've had this same thing happen to me and it honestly made and still makes me feel off put from talking about stuff in general and would ruin a night out and I'd be questioning whether I should talk at all about stuff at any given moment. If it even matters.
Not to put my opinion where it's not wanted. I just know that while reading this it made me feel really bad for her... So that's my suggestion.
Personally in this specific situation if I was Sandra I'd prefer you just say "hey could we talk about work later I'd like to have some quality time to discuss other things with you while we have this special time together." As opposed to this.
I've had this same thing happen to me and it honestly made and still makes me feel off put from talking about stuff in general and would ruin a night out and I'd be questioning whether I should talk at all about stuff at any given moment. If it even matters.
Not to put my opinion where it's not wanted. I just know that while reading this it made me feel really bad for her... So that's my suggestion.
*Hugses Gail*
That was funny.
That was funny.
damnationfromafar wrote:
I think a no work talk during dates (assuming this is your partner) and eating out rule is pretty understandable.
Personally in this specific situation if I was Sandra I'd prefer you just say "hey could we talk about work later I'd like to have some quality time to discuss other things with you while we have this special time together." As opposed to this.
I've had this same thing happen to me and it honestly made and still makes me feel off put from talking about stuff in general and would ruin a night out and I'd be questioning whether I should talk at all about stuff at any given moment. If it even matters.
Not to put my opinion where it's not wanted. I just know that while reading this it made me feel really bad for her... So that's my suggestion.
Personally in this specific situation if I was Sandra I'd prefer you just say "hey could we talk about work later I'd like to have some quality time to discuss other things with you while we have this special time together." As opposed to this.
I've had this same thing happen to me and it honestly made and still makes me feel off put from talking about stuff in general and would ruin a night out and I'd be questioning whether I should talk at all about stuff at any given moment. If it even matters.
Not to put my opinion where it's not wanted. I just know that while reading this it made me feel really bad for her... So that's my suggestion.
Awwww. No, I appreciate your opinion. Always. I know the way I handled this was...not assertive...more passive-aggressive or something. It's ironic that I would do this instead of just say, "Please don't talk about work," or something more like what you said. But I avoid direct confrontations, even with her and we really can talk about anything. Oh, and yes, Sandra's my wife. We've been married 3 years, together for 8. But yes, I avoid saying something direct because she would probably take offense to it, and say something like, "I don't go anywhere besides work, so I guess I can't talk about anything then? I guess you'd rather just talk to your strangers on the internet rather than me?" Sigh. She's really good guilt trippy comments like that. I don't want to make this sound like we don't have a great relationship -- we do, it's the best relationship I've ever been in; we are normally very supportive of each other, but we each have the buttons that when you push them the wrong way, we react defensively. One of hers is criticism...she just can't take criticism without completely misunderstanding my intentions. But honestly, if I get really sincere and explain it really carefully, I can probably explain to her why hearing her complain about work drives me up the wall. But we always go back to the problem of...if all we've both done all day is work, what else is there to talk about? I guess we need to start to listening to NPR in the car again, which gives us something to talk about. Yeah, we really need to talk more, come to think of it. I just feel like I'm drowning in monologues about work and not assertive enough to confront the issue head-on, and even if I did, she would react in a passive agressive way ("fine, I guess you just don't want to talk to me then.") Yeah it sounds like we both need...something, I don't know. I think I just need to get more assertive about it and try a little harder at igniting good conversations..because when she's not telling the same stories about work again, and I'm not trying to explain to her the entire plot of a roleplay and convince her that it is soooo awesome (to her half-hearted acknowledgement and reminder that I should have be writing lesson plans for TeacherPayTeacher or something instead, because "at least you get paid for that"), in other words, when one or the other of us is not just taking to ourselves instead of with our audience (each other) in mind, we have always had really amazing conversations. Just not as many in the last 6 months or so, for some reason. Anyway...well I guess I overanalyzed something again, but actually it's kind of helpful. I need to try harder on this. Relationships are like gardens, you have to put some time and effort into them so I guess that's get another goal I need to think about...find a way to redirect conversation without being passive aggressive and without my intentions being misunderstood. Gah...I just hear all the passive aggressiveness in this post. I guess I'm a little miffed about it right now (about her guilt tripping me about roleplaying) even though she's got some legitimate concerns. We've each got our weird tendencies that the other has to put up with. Anyway...I appreciate it. You're the second one who's kinda sorta expressed doubt that this is the kind of behavior that should be encouraged so that pretty much tells me something. This was not funny, it was mean, huh? Yeah, it was kind of mean. But j swear, if she had said "paraprofessional" one more time or complained about what is the most ideal teaching job EVER, I was going to scream! But nonetheless, this was mean, and I appreciate the insight. I want to be a kind person. I don't want to be a mean person. I've just got to figure out how to establish my boundaries somehow, without being mean, and without just escaping from the problem. Well, damnationfromafar, your take on this caused much reflection, as proven by the length of this, so I think you can take that as assurance that it was a very helpful response. Thank you for being honest, and I mean that! Not just because in learned that line from that exercise in HFY, it just so happens that that line perfectly fits this situation! Thanks for your honest opinion. Y'all are so insightful, no joke. Argghhh...I hate being wrong. But I'm wrong in this case.
TardisCatTwo wrote:
*Hugses Gail*
That was funny.
That was funny.
(((((Hugs)))))
Thanks, Tardis. I didn't realize I needed a virtual hug until just now when you just did that.
See, that's why you're awesome. Well, one reason among many.
Yay! I helped!
*Pat pat*
*Pat pat*
TardisCatTwo wrote:
Yay! I helped!
*Pat pat*
*Pat pat*
TardisCatTwo Is helping me write me my 1st ever novel
And good job you too
This is amaaazing! I will use this. Thank you so much for sharing this!
TardisCatTwo wrote:
Yay! I helped!
*Pat pat*
*Pat pat*
You always help
Omg yayyy
Eve-of-fall wrote:
This is amaaazing! I will use this. Thank you so much for sharing this!
Well thank you for the compliment. And welcome to RpR again. I friended you.
..
PrettySir wrote:
I'm not one to really chime in too often on the public forums anymore, however, I really don't feel that this is very fair to your wife. This is not a funny situation. This is showing a blatant disrespect and hurtful behaviour towards your wife.
I understand that when someone only talks about work, it can get boring and annoying, but diving in to your phone for escapism and avoiding communication entirely is not the answer to get through this kind of situation. This is the kind of behaviour that can cause a huge rift between people. In every single thing I've seen you post regarding your wife, she is asking you to get off of your phone or explaining that you aren't paying attention to her.
I myself, honestly, don't know the entire situation, but this is stating to look a little scary and I don't think anyone should be encouraging you to do these things to your partner. As a married person myself, when you're with someone, the only way to resolve issues is to talk them out. This doesn't mean you have to yell at each other, but you're certainly going to have to hear things about yourself and the relationship that you're in that you really might not want to hear.
I do not think this is funny, and honestly, I find it hurtful for her. I feel sorry that your wife has to say these things to get your attention toward her.
Maybe it is time you did something to perhaps better this relationship so that you don't actually feel like you're getting bored, glazing your eyes over, or have to do mean things like this to end a conversation that you're not interested in. However, sometimes we also need to listen to our partners about things they are going through because we have an obligation as a partner to actually be that person's emotional support too.
You spoke in your most recent talk about how she actually told you that you aren't fulfilling responsibilities to her and your own mother because you're too busy with your phone. I understand that the addiction is a hard one to conquer, but becoming addicted to ignoring reality is not the answer here. Acting like a child does to their parent for getting on to them is... really not okay.
How did that situation honestly make you feel when she got upset and was completely shut down for wanting to talk to you and have a conversation with you? She married you to spend time with you, have your attention sometimes, and that means quality time without your phone in your face. How does it make you feel that these situations are happening? Are you honestly proud that these things happen?
I get that confrontations are terrifying and she might lash back and say her own passive aggressive things, but you both can't work through anything if you're going to shut each other down with hurtful behaviour. You need to talk about your issues together. Not every talk has to be a confrontation, but when you go into it always expecting it to be something confrontational or negative, you are going to always come out with a negative result.
I do not want to be harsh or rude, but after reading quite a few posts involving you and your wife, I really felt the need to air my 2 cents and I hope that it finds you well. All in all, I do believe you're a nice person, but there is some work to be done for everyone.
I understand that when someone only talks about work, it can get boring and annoying, but diving in to your phone for escapism and avoiding communication entirely is not the answer to get through this kind of situation. This is the kind of behaviour that can cause a huge rift between people. In every single thing I've seen you post regarding your wife, she is asking you to get off of your phone or explaining that you aren't paying attention to her.
I myself, honestly, don't know the entire situation, but this is stating to look a little scary and I don't think anyone should be encouraging you to do these things to your partner. As a married person myself, when you're with someone, the only way to resolve issues is to talk them out. This doesn't mean you have to yell at each other, but you're certainly going to have to hear things about yourself and the relationship that you're in that you really might not want to hear.
I do not think this is funny, and honestly, I find it hurtful for her. I feel sorry that your wife has to say these things to get your attention toward her.
Maybe it is time you did something to perhaps better this relationship so that you don't actually feel like you're getting bored, glazing your eyes over, or have to do mean things like this to end a conversation that you're not interested in. However, sometimes we also need to listen to our partners about things they are going through because we have an obligation as a partner to actually be that person's emotional support too.
You spoke in your most recent talk about how she actually told you that you aren't fulfilling responsibilities to her and your own mother because you're too busy with your phone. I understand that the addiction is a hard one to conquer, but becoming addicted to ignoring reality is not the answer here. Acting like a child does to their parent for getting on to them is... really not okay.
How did that situation honestly make you feel when she got upset and was completely shut down for wanting to talk to you and have a conversation with you? She married you to spend time with you, have your attention sometimes, and that means quality time without your phone in your face. How does it make you feel that these situations are happening? Are you honestly proud that these things happen?
I get that confrontations are terrifying and she might lash back and say her own passive aggressive things, but you both can't work through anything if you're going to shut each other down with hurtful behaviour. You need to talk about your issues together. Not every talk has to be a confrontation, but when you go into it always expecting it to be something confrontational or negative, you are going to always come out with a negative result.
I do not want to be harsh or rude, but after reading quite a few posts involving you and your wife, I really felt the need to air my 2 cents and I hope that it finds you well. All in all, I do believe you're a nice person, but there is some work to be done for everyone.
^^^
I support this. We all need to be strict with one another in order to get the message, not strict to be rude, but because we care about others' happiness. This is an issue where nobody should be sympathized, because marrying a person means a potential and lifelong bond. I believe your addiction is hard, thought not impossible to conquer. Like I said earlier, remember why you married your wife and realize that people in your life won't be around forever. I do spend a lot of my time on RP sites as well, but it's more as a practice for writing for me and a hobby, unless I'm having a really hard time that I can't control and spend my time here to escape it and ease those hard times. Marriages to some people are very hard to maintain (I myself have issues with relationships, not because I have commitment issues, but because I'm a extremely reserved person and it's extremely hard to open up) but now that you have married, it's something you'll need to face and fight for the person you claim to love. If you're bothered for people giving you advice, you've posted this online and therefore gave the right for others to state their opinion. I want you to know that we mean well. Truly and honestly. Treat people the way you want to be treated. I wish you and your wife (and your mom) luck.
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