Hi, all. 2018 has been a horrible year. I joined this site only several months ago, and having seen what a kind and tight-knit community it possessed I tried my best to integrate myself and get properly involved. You've all proven to be wonderful people through and through, and I've done nought but appreciate the patience of each of you.
I have a couple of real life friends who know about my year, though I have never paid any thought into really talking about it. I've not opted for any counselling, nor have I ever put these events into words, spoken or written. It's only when I sit down and think about it that I realise how lonely it gets when I keep pushing such things aside, and just how sad I actually am. Like many others, the common phrase "someone else always has it worse" has always put off any attempt at telling others how I'm feeling. My burden shouldn't be their burden -- that sort of thing.
Anyways.
I'll put this stuff under a spoiler tag since it's not particularly pleasant. Oddly, I don't ask in particular that you read it; the fact that I've put it into words finally has brought great relief, and just knowing that someone might acknowledge it is enough to make me feel a lot better.
Thank you all for being you.
Please look after yourselves and the ones you love.
I have a couple of real life friends who know about my year, though I have never paid any thought into really talking about it. I've not opted for any counselling, nor have I ever put these events into words, spoken or written. It's only when I sit down and think about it that I realise how lonely it gets when I keep pushing such things aside, and just how sad I actually am. Like many others, the common phrase "someone else always has it worse" has always put off any attempt at telling others how I'm feeling. My burden shouldn't be their burden -- that sort of thing.
Anyways.
I'll put this stuff under a spoiler tag since it's not particularly pleasant. Oddly, I don't ask in particular that you read it; the fact that I've put it into words finally has brought great relief, and just knowing that someone might acknowledge it is enough to make me feel a lot better.
incomprehensible drivel
In September last year, I began my second year at university. Things were a little rough as I'm not particularly great at making new friends (I'm very tightly bound to my OG squad, I suppose) and struggled to appeal to any of the little cliques within my class. Near the beginning of 2018, I received a call to tell me that my parents had been involved in an accident. My stepdad passed away shortly afterwards, and my mum was left with a number of physical troubles. Unable to afford the extra support she needed, I abandoned my studies and returned home as a carer.
Things were hard, but we made it through. My mum is getting better and better with every passing moment. We were content for a while, but my morale was broken once more when my dog of 13 years passed away in April. He had been my beacon of light since I was a little girl, and my only true best friend. It's September now, and I still cry for him if I think about him for more than a moment.
A number of financial bridges arose following our losses, though the details are boring and perhaps a little too deep to mention.
At the moment, it seems as though it's one thing after the other. But things are getting better, I think. I believe most of my ill thoughts stem from loneliness and lack of motivation, and I'm taking small steps by myself to try and pick myself up again. I've put on a small bit of weight (I have a terrible habit of forgetting to eat) and have collectively rescued three (three!) cats in the past couple of months. What has been lost can never be replaced, but these sweetlings have certainly given me something new to love.
For the first time in a while, I reckon I can get up again.
In September last year, I began my second year at university. Things were a little rough as I'm not particularly great at making new friends (I'm very tightly bound to my OG squad, I suppose) and struggled to appeal to any of the little cliques within my class. Near the beginning of 2018, I received a call to tell me that my parents had been involved in an accident. My stepdad passed away shortly afterwards, and my mum was left with a number of physical troubles. Unable to afford the extra support she needed, I abandoned my studies and returned home as a carer.
Things were hard, but we made it through. My mum is getting better and better with every passing moment. We were content for a while, but my morale was broken once more when my dog of 13 years passed away in April. He had been my beacon of light since I was a little girl, and my only true best friend. It's September now, and I still cry for him if I think about him for more than a moment.
A number of financial bridges arose following our losses, though the details are boring and perhaps a little too deep to mention.
At the moment, it seems as though it's one thing after the other. But things are getting better, I think. I believe most of my ill thoughts stem from loneliness and lack of motivation, and I'm taking small steps by myself to try and pick myself up again. I've put on a small bit of weight (I have a terrible habit of forgetting to eat) and have collectively rescued three (three!) cats in the past couple of months. What has been lost can never be replaced, but these sweetlings have certainly given me something new to love.
For the first time in a while, I reckon I can get up again.
Thank you all for being you.
Please look after yourselves and the ones you love.
Oh dear Wendigo, that has been a tough year for you. I am sorry for your tragic losses. It sounds like you are working to putting the pieces together again., and putting it out there in writing is a key part of th ekealing process. Though it may not look like the artwork it was before the shattering of life, there is new piece of artwork in that which remains and is reassembled. Stay strong and keep moving forward.
All prayers to you, Wendigo, so that you may find your life back to a comfortable state of normality with no ounce of heartbreak but full of love and happiness to face in your upcoming future.
The idea that someone has it worse than you, at times might be a temporary solution to get you through the rough of it all. In truth though, no one has experienced the same things as you, felt the same things as you, and lived it all how you have. It is your own personal journey, which others may relate to, but never actually know how it all feels in the end.
Your feelings are special. They should not be ignored, and we are all so grateful that you opened up to find the relief you say you have.
In the short time we've ever been able to talk, I am happy to know you, Wendigo. Please feel free to reach out if you ever just want to chit chat.
Your feelings are special. They should not be ignored, and we are all so grateful that you opened up to find the relief you say you have.
In the short time we've ever been able to talk, I am happy to know you, Wendigo. Please feel free to reach out if you ever just want to chit chat.
(((Hugs to you)))
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, and it's not a burden at all to hear about someone's troubles and have the opportunity to know them in a real way, and sympathize with them, my friend--it's a honor. I appreciate things like that. I'm sorry that you had to leave school but I'm glad that your mom has you there. I'm glad you rescued the cats. When my wife's 2 chihuahuas passed there was nothing that could really bring her comfort until we got another dog, and even though it's not the same, it's also so much better than it was with an empty house and leashes still in the corner and things. So I relate. That's rough. And the parent thing, I relate to that too.
Anyway...bottom line is... congratulations on rising to the challenges that have arisen in your life with noble devotion. Being a caretaker can be tiring and draining, so true. Glad your mom is doing better, also. Thanks for sharing. Feel free to add me if you like!
Also...
If you have not heard of a group called Here For You on here, I recommend it. It's great. People posts things like this all the time and support each other. It's beautiful, to be honest.
Thanks again for sharing and strength and peace your way!
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, and it's not a burden at all to hear about someone's troubles and have the opportunity to know them in a real way, and sympathize with them, my friend--it's a honor. I appreciate things like that. I'm sorry that you had to leave school but I'm glad that your mom has you there. I'm glad you rescued the cats. When my wife's 2 chihuahuas passed there was nothing that could really bring her comfort until we got another dog, and even though it's not the same, it's also so much better than it was with an empty house and leashes still in the corner and things. So I relate. That's rough. And the parent thing, I relate to that too.
Anyway...bottom line is... congratulations on rising to the challenges that have arisen in your life with noble devotion. Being a caretaker can be tiring and draining, so true. Glad your mom is doing better, also. Thanks for sharing. Feel free to add me if you like!
Also...
If you have not heard of a group called Here For You on here, I recommend it. It's great. People posts things like this all the time and support each other. It's beautiful, to be honest.
Thanks again for sharing and strength and peace your way!
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