Forums » RP Discussion » How do you stop taking ghosting personally?

I think i'm just feeling extra sensitive today, I had a rough day yesterday which triggered a massive depressive episode but I dunno, feels like about 60% of the rps I start die after a couple of posts, many more before intros even happen and then the person just ceases to respond to me even when I give them time and then politely ask "hey are you alright? How are things?" in the hope they just had stuff come up.

Makes you feel pretty innadequate when so many people just ghost you.

I dunno, I think honestly i'd prefer some damn closure, like "I'm sorry i'm really busy right now and can't committ to this" or whatever you know? Hell, just LIE if you have to. Don't just leave and make me feel like I did something wrong! It's so cruel.

So i'm sitting here with like, 80% of the rps I had started just DOA thinking "What'd I do? Am I really that awful?" and it SUCKS.

How do you not take it personally when it happens SO often? And how do you work up the courage to try to start new rps knowing it's very likely to happen again?
How do you invest yourself in an rp you're not certain will last more than 3 days and as many posts?
Just... how do you gather the motivation to even try knowing you're more than likely gonna fail?

I've been trying so hard not to let it get to me but I sent out messages a few days ago to all my inactive people in the hope maybe i'd get something, some explanation for why they abandoned me but only one had the courage to actually reply and I got the impression they didn't want to just come out and say "I don't want to rp any more".

It hurts.

I dunno, just... feeling pretty glum and inadequate right now.

First of all, I hope whatever happened is okay now

Second, I've felt the pain of this as well. I think it's different for everybody. For me personally, it's happened so much that I just... Don't care anymore. I'll get mad for around three minutes and then be like whatever. I'll immersive myself into the Roleplay as much as I can but I find it isn't as much anymore due to the fear of them ghosting out on me. I recently had someone who deleted his whole account without giving be an explanation midway through our Roleplay which kinda sucked.

Third, just a bit of, self promotion kinda thing? Feel free to hit me up if you ever wanna Roleplay. I don't ghost out on anyone for longer than a day, two days at most without an explanation

Because every once in awhile you hit upon one that is AWESOME! One that makes you so excited to see what is going to happen next and with a person whose RP style compliments your own. For me... that's maybe 5-10% of RPs I've played.

Everyone has personal preferences. It's HARD to find partners that match up pretty close. Maybe a little like dating? LOL. You just gotta try a lot!

If you want to "roll the dice" and try some kind of D&D-ish game with one (or more) of my characters, we might line up fairly well. (It doesn't have to be literal die rolling, though I'm a fan of that too!)

^ what this person said is dead on. You keep going becuase when you find that person it's worth all the BS.

thank you, both of you.

I dunno, i'm not sure i'm really in much of a place to want to start anything new.

I do have a couple of people who've stuck with me and I love them for that, but I live in the constant fear they'll realise i'm not very good and flee too. *sigh*

The highs are great, when you find the right person but eugh.. it's so demotivating all the rejections. I just wish people had the decency to be straight with you ya know?

Sorry I havent answered in a while, been busy moving, when I get net again I will answer, however I hope I find the time to do so before.

Oh Solus, you're one of the people who DOES respond *hugs* Don't worry about delays, at least I know that I'll get a reply every so often from ya.
There's people who started something or worse, were all "yeah i'll get an intro" and them bam... nothing.
Makes me sad.

I know that feel, and it did bother me when I first started aswell, but now not so much, so you might as me, get used to it, but it will never be fun.

I think it's also important to realize that sometimes, people don't have the decency to be straight with you, and that's okay. There's many reasons for having to ghost someone: they're too shy to say anything at all, or they're so depressed that they don't even feel like moving towards their computer, let alone consider saying they want out of a RP. A lot of people here do have at least one mental-related situation, so it's not too uncommon to think about.

Or they're afraid of their partner's reactions on saying they're not interested. Maybe they've had so many bad experiences being straightforward with their loss of interest and have gotten so many bad reactions from others that they figure silence is the best option period, and you're just caught in that unfortunate aftermath... Which sucks. I know I've experienced some bad reactions from having to say "no more" to someone, but that doesn't discourage me in the slightest. Or it's just a simple matter of not that they won't respond, but that they can't respond because of technical difficulties. Life has kept them from replying, computers blow up, cell phones break, etc.

But I think the best way to sum it all up is: everyone has their own reasons to it, but they don't really owe you a response. It hurts to say it, and it may sound harsh as hell, but it's the truth and I am so sorry to say it like that. Yes, it's common courtesy, but people in the modern day aren't that courteous, or can't afford said courtesy because life is not that courteous to us as well. This is a hobby to most people, and real life will always trump hobbies. Do we complain if someone leaves a knitting group, despite having so much fun with them? Not really, but you can try and remain close if they want it. But they still don't owe you an explaination as to why they had to leave. If they want to give a reason, they will. If they feel like they can't, then it really isn't your fault. Sometimes, that's just how people are.

However, just like they don't owe you a response, you don't owe them the energy in trying to see if they're okay. In fact, you don't owe them anything once they ghost. All you can do is set it to the side and give them a final heads-up if you want to (with me, I always welcome them to try again whenever they do want to respond, just so there's no bad blood). If they do respond eventually or send you a new message, awesome! If not, then that's on them, and that's fine. You did your part in giving them one more chance and you don't have to think about it ever again. If you want to feel some closure after they still don't reply, give the abandoned RP a set time period after your final notice... Then delete it if you still get no response from them. That way you have no more ties to what could've been and move on.

Like one person said, it's kinda like dating. It's gonna take a while to find that perfect RP partner or guild. I usually can't take ghosting personally myself because I take months to respond anyway, so that's why I don't see it as a big deal. Your experiences are most likely very different, but I at least hope that this helps clear up a thing or two, or even give some inspiration.

If I sounded harsh, I am so sorry. But sometimes I can be a bit too candid with people.

to be honest I kinda knew deep down someone would come on in here all "you're wrong and here's why your feelings are invalid"

so.. you know.. you didn't disappoint on that front.

I'm gonna close this now, if I can work out how. I don't think it's helping at all.

I'm not saying your feelings are this are invalid. I honestly understand where you're coming from because I've been there too. What I'm trying to say is that it really isn't your fault that people have a tendency to ghost, and it may well just be someone else's issue, and there's no fault in your own roleplaying skills. But I'm also saying it's not their fault either because life has a tendency to happen.

Like I said, my apologies if my words seemed harsh; there may have been some possibility that I may have misunderstood the question. Ultimately, it's not your fault that people ghost, your feelings are very much valid on the matter, and I never meant my words to come across in that kind of way at all.

Personally, it's been happening to me for nearly 2 decades now so I've grown used to it. The search for an RP group I can call home continues!! +_+

Same. Still, it's all worth it when you find the gems. I just don't get that entwined to let it bother me anymore. Do I ever wonder what happened? Yes, but I don't lose sleep over it. If the story was one I am deeply involved in and have a lot invested in, I take it and write it out to a conclusion and call it good.

I would say only RP with people who are willing to talk ooc, and the ooc relationships you build will make it less likely that they ghost for some of the reasons mentioned.

But yeah I totally get it...it hurts to feel rejected. It's normal. We've all been there.

I’ve been in that situation so many times I stopped counting, but it still really sucks when it happens and it can make me feel low for days. What helps me and keeps me going is the partners I’ve had for a while and to think of said roleplays, so I try to shut out the thoughts about whoever has ghosted me

I'm just going to say that I appreciate this forum because goodness knows I've been ghosted a ton too.
It's hard to not take it as "They don't like me, what did I do wrong?" but ultimately, they're all strangers and people are more likely to avoid their problems or responsibilities then actually confront them. Some may have just not found inspiration, or legitimately got busy, or maybe they just didn't like our RP style, and ultimately were to anxious to say so or come back after so long.
It sucks, it really does, but it's best to just move on and keep trying. The right one will show up eventually just for you!

This is a tricky one. I always tell folks, "at the end of the day it's just a game", and I do stand by that. I have a great deal of real-world obstacles that totally dwarf the troubles of my roleplay hobby. But it is tough to be ghosted, because the plot we provide comes from our heads and hearts. Our story weaving is very much a part of who we are, and the more effort you put into making a plot come together, the more hurtful it can be when it feels like others are ignoring it. I'd say the best tools for coping with ghosting are patience, empathy, and tenacity.

Understand that others have lives outside of RP that could keep them from your plot. Show a willingness to check in on them, and express understanding if they admit to losing interest (or they don't respond at all). If writing is truly your passion, have the tenacity to move on and try again, WITHOUT bashing those involved and showing spite. If you dwell in your disappointment, you'll be dragged down into it. Drive forward with something, anything else that inspires you.

I can also admit I've been the ghostee in the past. There were times where I was so unsure of a plot or so uncomfortable with a post that I wasn't certain of how to respond. On the handful of rare occasions this has happened, the other party almost always contacted me, and I was honest in my unwillingness to continue. It is SO important to communicate, whether you're the one reaching out or the one being reached out to. Sometimes, if you're feeling overwhelmed, it's better to wait and keep to yourself until your mood has settled, to refuse communicating with others until you're certain you can do so calmly and concisely. But in everything you do:
be honest to the other party
be kind enough to yourself to keep going
Like the late great Stan Lee said:

Yeah. I know that feeling.
I’m in an Overwatch rp on discord and its a kind of thing where there’s the list of characters and you gotta claim available ones. So if someone chooses Sombra, no one else can choose her. And I’m a new member to the place and I got the bad characters...What I mean by bad is that they’re apart of NO AU role plays or even important at all. Some channels for rp can only be used if your character fits certain requirements and brig my characters DONT. There’s literally only two AU’s I can use where I’ll be totally valid, but nobody even uses those two au channels. I feel totally left out having to watch everyone RP in channels I can’t even use. I will start roleplays and make a post once a day on it, seeing if others will make a post back. Especially the people I was roleplaying with. And they won’t respond, but rp in other channels. I feel totally left out and ghosted. It’s gotten so bad to the point where I’m afraid to even make a character for a certain AU or even step foot in that AU channel to rp because I’m afraid I’ll get Called out. I’m super awkward in that group and make an effort to be friends with people. But they’re just not interested. I’m usually the one who will say something or spot an image and be totally ignored... Although the people running it are nice, I just don’t feel valid there! The best thing to do is give up or bring it to their attention. At this point I don’t even know. But I hope your problem subsides or subsided.
-Love, Mystic