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Bagpipes

How do I bake a potato?

You... ask someone else to do it?? Always worked for me idk about you

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

Wait. Angels are tiny? No wonder I can never see my guardian angel!

What are rainbows made of?

Skittles.

Is it easy to walk on water?

Hmmm... Wait there! Let me ask Jesus.

Why do people snore in their sleep?


EDIT: OMG. He said it. He saaaiid it! I'm literally imagining Jack Sparrow in the flesh right now. Yiiiieeeeeeeeee...

It means something is terribly wrong with them. Everyone knows that, darling.

Why is the rum always gone?

"Because my wife won it in the divorce," he grumbles.

"So, why do you think monsters keep hunting people?"

They want strawberries. Duh.

Cat, Dog, or Caog?

"Sheep."

"Have you seen my house keys?"

Traded them for a bottle of rum, love.

Why do people keep stealing my ship?

"Maybe people just really like that particular pairing," Jim shrugs nonchalantly.

"I would like to start a conspiracy," the criminal remarks with a grin. "And watch it get entirely out of control. It would be a lot of fun, I think. What sort of conspiracy should I start?"

"A birthday party with to much cake."


"Why does curiosity kill the cat?"

It doesn’t. Care kills the cat. If it was curiosity, they’d all be gone by now.

On a scale from 1-10, how good is bread?

"Azidoazide azide. It is the most explosive chemical compound to date," Sherlock states with a dreamy expression. "It is part of a class of chemicals known as high-nitrogen energetic materials, and it gets its explosive reaction from the fourteen nitrogen atoms that compose it in a loosely bound state."

He snaps out of his reverie to rub circles between his tired eyes with a pinched index finger and thumb. "Sleep. Why is it so distracting? I can't focus on my work!"

"well it does dance around in a clown outfit. It can be obnoxious like that."

"How many whole cakes can you fit in your mouth?"

"An elephant."

"How long does it take for you to zone out?"

"The Dominican Republic."

"How does one get infinite luck?"

"I blew up Malaysia."


"How do you deal with someone when they're gettin' on your nerves?"

"Pickle them!"

"Do you taste good?"

"Widespread panic," Moriarty declares with a flourish.

"I want to be entertained -- tell me the most random fact you know."