Forums » RP Discussion » On the trend of ghosting

I've been rping for what feels like years now, hell I've even thought about it while I didn't even know it was a thing really. Rp is a large part of my life cause when video games get annoying and life tends to get abit heavy, rp has never been annoying... till i learned of ghosting.

Nothing eats at a person more then going from "Yeah here is my idea, let me know what you think, I am completely open to new ideas and trying anything out".... and then silence. Then if you try to ask them or just figure out what went wrong... silence. When you spend so long and hard developing a character and even getting custom art for them the least I can ask for is a "not interested"

I mean I get rp can be abit of a safe space for people, hell it's kinda one for me. The idea though of just running away cause of what might seem like "slight boredom" or your just too scared to admit what you did, that's just some coward actions. Most of us... actually just about all of us won't get mad, you end up making us mad by avoiding us entirely with no resolution to the problem.

Hell I even see people casually being like "Yeah I totes ghost, sucks to be them" what kinda self respecting person even does that? Communication is all we have online and yanking it all away cause "I got bored" or "I just didn't wanna talk about it" is sad and makes people lose respect for you as a Roleplayer and a person. Heck I've already been ghosted countless times on this site and that's after we agree on a topic and things are about to start... then nothing. If you could report people for ghosting I'm sure alot of people would finally get out of their holes and just say something as simple as "Sorry the idea bored me, goodbye".

I

HATE

THIS



Ghosting is more common on this rp site than others, and that bugs me so much. Ghosting is the worst thing a human could possibly do. It’s disrespectful and can sometimes leave the other person thinking that it’s all their fault, when it isn’t.

Also, ghosting mostly happens when you make one mistake. You ask the person why they’re avoiding you and they usually make up ten thousand fake reasons just to get you off of their backs. When you really just made one typo and your partner is a grammar nazi.

Communication is key, yet ghosters will never understand that. They act like ten year olds over that, and it bugs me.



But nothing will ever be more annoying than a person saying “I won’t ghost you” and they do it like an hour later. It makes me want to throw my Kermit doll out the window.

Yeup.

I live in constant and I mean CONSTANT fear of it.

Sometimes people have good reasons, mental health, life, sickness, general nonsense just gets in the way and they don't get a chance to or have the energy to come back and explain and I get that, but gosh... every time I go a few days without replies I think "oh no, I did something wrong, I displeased them. nooooo please come back!"
It's making me a bit neurotic.

Right now i'm living in this constant half fear that i've messed up somehow and my partners who I was really enjoying playing alongside have all ditched me.
It's quite sadening. (is that a word? lol)

I mean I try not to take it personally but it is a bit hard not to, especially after the 10th, 12th, 15th person does it and you're like "man.. it's gotta be me right?"

Low key the moment you said Kermit doll I instantly went "Nooo not the best meme boi"

Don’t worry, I won’t, I spent like 100 dollars on it. (Even though it was money from an Amazon gift card my friend gave me so I wouldn’t be wasting my own money)

I've never minded ghosting. To me, it's not any different than saying "No thanks" and I think the people who do ghost are rarely the types to be like "See ya, sucker". Ghosting, I think, tends to be done more by people who are anxious about telling others "no". It can be hard to tell someone no, and I think a lot of people find it easier to just...go quietly rather than tell someone that they're not into their idea that they might have worked hard on.

I think with RPing anywhere, you have to be prepared for rejection and, yes, ghosting. No one really owes anyone a response to anything--especially not strangers on the internet.

I won't say I've never minded it myself, but it's definitely a hurdle that's taken time to overcome. The collaborative nature of RP means it comes with all the risks of interaction (and for hubs like RPR, all the nuances of communicating online) and we should always take that into consideration. But yeah, this, this, this. I'm definitely the anxious sort and can say for sure that if I've ever ghosted someone, it's always been because I'm anxious about letting them down in some way (ironic, no?). That doesn't apply to everyone, of course, and that doesn't make it right or even justified, it just means I'm a little more empathetic about it in general. It's more difficult to get frustrated about ghosting when you truly realize and experience that it's not exactly something done out of malice. Sometimes people get sucked away by life, sometimes others genuinely forget, and sometimes they're anxious or lacking the discipline to just come clean. Again, that doesn't make it right, just that it doesn't tend to be personal.

That said, ghosting has absolutely caused problems in my own relationships, so I get it. It is hurtful, especially to those who consider you closer than others, and if I could go back in time and just suck it up and come clean, I would. It is cowardly to worry more about bruising your own ego than the consequences of being honest, but if the ghoster is unresponsive, there's not much you can do.

I don't mean to reinforce this notion that we're powerless against ghosters, but at the end of the day, the best thing is just to move on. We can always do better, and we can always give less weight to people who choose to take the quiet route. Your ideas have merit on their own and there will always be someone out there willing to engage them.

I never really wanted to post about ghosting, but the topic has been discussed so much lately that I feel the need to throw in my two cents. So... Honestly, I believe that ghosting is inevitable, but I also believe that it's not so bad because whether or not someone ghosts you boils down to how they would answer the question:

Do the consequences of ghosting someone outweigh the benefits?

For some people, yes. Others, no. It varies a lot from person to person, and even the people who choose not to ghost seem to have different reasons for it. In my case, I only ghost people who I see as manipulative or threatening. I once ghosted a 30 year old man I was roleplaying with after he confessed "feelings" for me. I was underage at the time. In every other case, I don't see why I can't spare a second to let someone know if I'm no longer interested in continuing a RP with them. People who pressure me or don't respect my decision simply don't get a response after that. I get enough of that B.S. from certain men who feel entitled to my body. That's just how I do things, but why does this matter? Well, because it's important to consider other people's perspectives. As someone being ghosted, ask yourself:

Why would someone think the benefits of ghosting are better than the consequences?

Or, better yet, ask:

Why might someone choose to completely cut off communication rather than tell me - someone they're not even speaking to face-to-face - that they're no longer interested?

I think once you frame it that way, you'll either come up with answers that lead you to respect that person's decision, or you'll come up with answers that make you think "I don't want to talk to them anyway!" and I find that just filling in the blank helps you accept what happened and move on. Although, I would like to encourage people not to immediately go for the second conclusion. Villainizing people usually leads to more negativity and bitterness. I only included that outcome because I think sometimes we do encounter people who ghost for reasons that would probably upset us, and no one should be beating themselves up over being ghosted by someone who isn't a good partner.

Ghosting isn't a victimless crime. I'd rather not advocate it or blame the victims here, I just want to encourage people to think over their interactions with others and perhaps take a good look at why it hurts them so much when they're ghosted. I wish I had more to say about the latter, but it's been awhile since I've actually done any rping and I stick to group rps where ghosting never seems to happen. I've damn near forgotten how I felt after running into a ghoster. I'm willing to bet that in time, you guys will forget too.

I'm just gonna pop in and say something quick. While being ghosted on sucks, we never know when those people will come back and why they have suddenly left. What if you send them all your vitriol and it turns out they ghosted because a loved one died suddenly? Saying you lose respect for them, not only a writer but as a person, as a whole, how bad would you feel? I understand hurt feelings, but perhaps you shouldn't take it so personally and condemn other people that you don't really know so harshly.

If the ghosting happens to you, and they still appear active on the site, why give them so much of your energy? Obviously there are better people out there for you. I think having an open mind, and not being so quick to anger might go a long way. Ultimately, the harsh truth of it is is that they don't owe you anything, but that also means that you don't owe them anything either. Put your creativity, your time and your energy to things that better benefit you. Get upset, of course, that's okay, but try not to let it eat you.

I agree with you two, not posting because of life problems is ok. But ghosting for no reason is rude, no doubt.

I've been ghosted far more times than I can count, and there have been times I've been the ghoster. Usually on accident, though. Muse can die pretty heavily, but I'm the type to step back until I can find something reply to. I once came back to an RP a year later after a mental black out. It ended up getting that bad because I kept thinking, "I'll try tomorrow." And it happened again and again, and by then the website was dead. I wouldn't blame anyone for being pissed at me for that.

That being said, I'm also the type to kind of just wait forever. The biggest irritation for me is that because I'm use to month long or longer wait times, I will wait that long during RP set up as well.

Trying to start up twenty RPs only for two of them to make it into a long term pile while the rest are ghosts or just unpleasant has become the norm on this end, and I've come to the understanding that this is a low priority for a lot of people. Especially if they are not invested in the idea.

While it's irritating, after about two weeks of radio silence, assuming incompatibility tends to lessen the blow. I've had people I enjoy talking to, but I don't enjoy writing with them, and that's okay. Also, having a silence strike out rule for RPs does help a lot. Two weeks of silence on something that isn't excitable, strike it. Two weeks on something that is, give a nudge and two weeks after that, strike it.

It's better to look for people who are more compatible with you than to cling and wait for someone who doesn't respect your time enough tell you to stop waiting. Also, referrals.

I've gotten flack for treating my RPs kind of like a business. But instead of money, you're investing your time. I have found people who, in OOC, can't really communicate their ideas, but in RP, their writing speaks volumes. I prefer to judge people based on their actual writing rather than what they have to say about it. Because of that, I run the start of my RPs like trials. If I like it, keep going. If I don't, then I have to stop.

If you like writing with someone, and you're looking for more partners, I don't see anything wrong with going through your current happy partners to find more. And hopefully, there ain't another ghost hiding in there.

Ultimately, ghosting is never personal in these types of situation. And to take it that way is only damaging yourself.

I understand your frustrations with being 'ghosted.' However, it's important to remember that people have personal lives and may have any number of reasons to disappear from online or from certain people. Some people may be embarrassed, unable to communicate due to personal reasons such as discomfort, personal obligations or otherwise.

If I can offer some advice: don't take these situations as personal to you! Chances are, it is not a reflection on you - but something someone may need to do. Yes, there are circumstances where it could be deemed 'rude' by the personal ethical codes we give ourselves. However, someone else's 'ethical code' may not resonate or compare to yours as everyone has different perceptions and boundaries involving how they interact with others or conduct themselves.

With that being said, rant topics tend to go on that borderline area where sometimes we may need to lock it down. This is one of those circumstances. Please know this is not a 'punishment' or an attempt to embarrass anyone for speaking their mind! It's simply one of those areas where we run into the 'ack, this may not be the greatest topic.' Similar topics like this that get deleted are: rant posts, pet peeves, personal grievances or even conduct apologies.

Thanks for your understanding and good luck!