Forums » RP Discussion » I'm starting to just give up.

I think it's a combination of far too much ghosting and cowardly rudeness from partners who don't even have the decency to tell you they're not interested or busy or whatever, and the time of year making me extra fragile but I just... i'm struggling.

I feel like maybe for my own sanity a break is neccisary.

so people i'm rping with, this is my public declaration. If I don't reply for a few days, a week, whatever, it's because i'm depressed and stressed and feel like literally beating my head against a wall i'm feeling so wound up.

I HATE christmas, like I genuinely absolutely loathe this time of year. It's isolating, it's stressful, it's depressing and there's so much pressure on me to do everything and I just don't have the energy. I've already done two birthdays and have another 3 parties coming up as well as christmas itself and it's a lot of stuff to organise and figure out.
My stomach is knotting, my chest is constricting and I want to pull my own hair out in chunks.

this happens every year.

and of course nobody around me notices or cares.

Rp is supposed to be a distraction to all this, a way to escape the stress and anxiety and just... do something else for a bit, have some fun, enjoy myself but with so many of my partners periodically ghosting me it's stopped being fun.
Every time I reply to someone I have that fear "will I get a reply or will they leave too?" and when you're already highly anxious, that's more crap you just don't need.

this site isn't working right now for me. I'm not in a good enough place to handle it with grace and dignity and i'm just taking it all very personally.

The culture here isn't suiting me well. this attitude that we're just to "accept" other people's rudeness.
I really genuinely wish the people who left would have just had the balls to tell me it wasn't working, work with me to try to make it work or just had a conversation about it. Then I wouldn't wake up every day and be disappointed, it'd be easier to just move on but it'd also let me know what i'd done WRONG. Because right now I don't know what I did all these dozens upon dozens of times, and of course all my brain says to me is "it's because you're an awful terrible writer and they don't want to play with you because you suck".

which isn't helpful when you're already depressed.

I wish the mods would address this issue rather than shrugging and being dismissive. I'm sure i'm not the first nor the only user who's finding it extremely difficult to continue with this going on. It's become too common and too accepted and it's actually really damaging.

A lot of people rp for distractions, why can't we have some consideration and empathy toward other people and let them down easy rather than just disappearing and leaving them questioning themselves? That isn't fair, it really isn't.
It really shouldn't be hard to treat another human being with an ounce of respect. it takes seconds to just write a quick "i'm sorry i'm super busy/ depressed/not feeling up to this right now" message.
Basic consideration should be a given. Not a luxury.

In 20 years of rping this place has the highest failure rate of anywhere i've ever rped. Which really sucks. I've had probably 70% of the things i've started end up ghosted on, and at first it's disappointing but after a while it starts to eat at you and you start to think "why? What is it about me that puts people off?"
because that's the thing, when people are rude to you, you never look at them, it's human nature to look inward and wonder what YOU did to deserve it.
And i'm still none the wiser. I have to just assume i'm not good enough.

It makes me feel miserable. And rp shouldn't make you miserable or stressed or upset. It's supposed to be fun.

it's not fun right now.

my mood is negatively impacting my ability to reply to others creating this cycle of people being crappy to one another and it has to stop.
so i'm stopping.

at least till my mental health is a little more stable.

And no, if you feel this NEED to reply and tell me i'm wrong for having feelings? Don't. If you have nothing helpful to add and just want to belittle me or even politely tell me my feelings are incorrect, stop, don't, go away. I'm tired of having my feelings trivilised in these threads too, that's another trend of the modern internet I would rather like to just stop. If you have nothing supportive or helpful to say, shut up.

This diatribe isn't really an RP discussion.
Sorry you feel so bad and have to take it out on the site. Have a good break.

I’m truly sorry that you’re struggling right now. It sounds like you’re going through a lot and that it’s really wearing on you and stressing you out. Taking a step back from an environment that you feel isn’t contributing well to your mental health sounds like an intelligent step in the right direction. You do not owe anyone anything if it’s risking your mental health – it’s a good time to take care of ‘you’ based on how you’re feeling. Self-disclosing a little here, I’ve done it in other communities myself, where an environment did not feel supportive nor comforting to me and that it was more harm than good. It was hard to say ‘goodbye’ but it’s put a divide between me and it where it can not emotionally harm me anymore.

I do want to address some of your feelings though – not because they are invalid or because I want you to feel invalided. Your feelings are important and they’re very real and they should be taken into proper account, listen to them, accept them as they are and handle them as necessary. I hope you can come from a point of understanding that I mean nothing but well for you and that I am coming from a place to reassure you – not make you feel like you’re not being heard. I want you to be heard.

The point I want to address is that I wish you did not have the experiences that you say that you’re having. Especially regarding the ‘culture of rudeness!’ Perhaps it’s from an emotional response that you feel that RPR doesn’t support its members. Objectively, the RPR community has never been acceptable towards rudeness of others. It’s our first rule to ‘be nice.’ If you’ve experienced someone being unkind…please report the individual for your sake and those who might experience further rudeness from someone. This community is supposed to feel safe. If it’s a ‘ghosting’ issue – it’s not that we tolerate or accept rudeness, it’s that there’s a multitude of reasons that someone might do that that is almost impossible for the moderators to pin-point the reason for the behaviour. In fact, most times, it’s none of our business because it might be a personal reason. I know that ghosting hurts, I’ll never not say that, but we as people can’t determine or force someone’s actions and make a ‘you can’t ghost someone’ rule. Personally, I do not like even calling it ghosting. This is the internet and there is a very real divide between what you might owe someone through an online connection versus a real-life one. Again, please don’t take this as me trying to invalid you – I’m only trying to offer another perspective.

Can you imagine if we did create a ‘no ghosting’ rule? It would be very, very invasive if we investigated into someone’s reason for stopping to reply to someone else. Unfortunately, it may be one of those things—if I can recommend—to change mindset on. Not see it as something personal towards you but perhaps thinking ‘hey… it really sucks that this person stopped replying, but they might have a good reason and I wish them well’ and leaving it at that. It does hurt. I’m not denying that. I’ve felt that sting in the days I roleplayed far more than I do now. Roleplay takes a certain ‘chemistry’ between roleplay partners to develop a good story. When it’s suddenly cut-off without explanation? It can feel like the roleplay didn’t matter. It might be internalized and maybe thinking that your RP skills ‘weren’t good enough’ or a thousand other reasons we could list-off. – But that’s the thing.—We can’t assume, we can’t internalize or make ‘whats ifs’ because to do so would never give us an answer. Even messaging the person may never get an answer – and as harsh as it might be, it is there right to break contact. Even if it’s rude. I’m not excusing behaviour or saying that it’s ‘okay ’to be rude – it isn’t, but I am saying that there’s limits as to what can be done and the best course of action, in my opinion, is to not internalize it or take it personally. You’re right, it’s not nice, it’s not okay to be rude, but the moderators not doing something about someone ‘ghosting’ isn’t acceptance of the behavior – it’s that it’s an almost impossible thing for us to monitor or control (and we don’t want to based on the reasons I stated above.) It wouldn’t be right of us. It’s a basic human ‘right’ to walk away from a situation for any reason and without explanation.

I sincerely hope you get the break you need and any help you need towards your healthier ‘you’ journey. Please send me or another moderator an IM if you need help. Please also check-out our mental health resources. They might not be helpful to you but it might be a place to start due to the limited tools we have at RPR to help with issues relating to mental health.

I’m locking this topic due to the sensitive nature of it. I’d recommend you message people directly to inform them of your break – this sort of topic is usually considered an AFK topic and typically is deleted. However, given the nature of your concerns, I think it’s important we leave it up and hold that transparency piece to both other site users who might be feeling similar to you, as well as not wanting to censor you. That isn’t our goal!

I wish you the best and I hope you come back soon. We’ll be here waiting with open arms!