What do you call a hobbit in a nandos shop?
Lord of the Wings
*Buhduh chess*
Lord of the Wings
*Buhduh chess*
StaticNightmares wrote:
What do you call a hobbit in a nandos shop?
Lord of the Wings
*Buhduh chess*
Lord of the Wings
*Buhduh chess*
I love that
Friend 1: knock knock
Friend 2: whos there?
Friend 1: Justin
Friend 2: Justin who?
Friend 1: just-
Me: Justin time to steal your joke
Friend 2: whos there?
Friend 1: Justin
Friend 2: Justin who?
Friend 1: just-
Me: Justin time to steal your joke
Mark Twain had a son, his name was Choo Choo
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The Doctor.
The Doctor Who?
Exactly.
Who's there?
The Doctor.
The Doctor Who?
Exactly.
Another nerdy one:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a minute.
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, someone has stolen our tent!”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a minute.
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, someone has stolen our tent!”
Skrifa wrote:
Another nerdy one:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a minute.
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, someone has stolen our tent!”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a minute.
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, someone has stolen our tent!”
*I slide into your lap and wink* Hey, my name's Skittles, wanna taste the rainbow?
A duck walks into a bar and hops up on the serving bar. The bartender is confused, but it's a slow night and she's willing to risk it.
"Can I help you?"
The duck seems confused for a moment, but shakes itself out of it and replies "Sure, ya got any grapes?"
The bartender gives the duck a blank look. "This is a bar, I serve drinks, not grapes."
The duck acknowledges that this is indeed a bar and walks out.
This happens at least once a week for the next month or so and finally the bartender's had quite enough and tells the duck that the next time it asks her for grapes, she's going to staple his feet to the bar.
The duck replies that that seems very fair and waddles out of the bar.
Three months pass before the duck shows back up in the middle of a very busy night. The bartender looks annoyed but finally says hello to the duck.
"Hi, I just had a quick question - do you have any staples?"
"I- what? This is a bar! What is your problem!?"
"Oh, I just wanted to check. In that case, do you have any grapes?"
"Can I help you?"
The duck seems confused for a moment, but shakes itself out of it and replies "Sure, ya got any grapes?"
The bartender gives the duck a blank look. "This is a bar, I serve drinks, not grapes."
The duck acknowledges that this is indeed a bar and walks out.
This happens at least once a week for the next month or so and finally the bartender's had quite enough and tells the duck that the next time it asks her for grapes, she's going to staple his feet to the bar.
The duck replies that that seems very fair and waddles out of the bar.
Three months pass before the duck shows back up in the middle of a very busy night. The bartender looks annoyed but finally says hello to the duck.
"Hi, I just had a quick question - do you have any staples?"
"I- what? This is a bar! What is your problem!?"
"Oh, I just wanted to check. In that case, do you have any grapes?"
This a quality comedy thread lol
A child began to cry when his mother gave him a tube full of only red smarties that were manufactured for Christmas
Why?
Because he was scared that he was eating Rudolf's nose
A child began to cry when his mother gave him a tube full of only red smarties that were manufactured for Christmas
Why?
Because he was scared that he was eating Rudolf's nose
Have you guys ever heard of pig tipping?
That's just sow I roll, man.
That's just sow I roll, man.
This is a joke based on professions, so I apologize if anyone who reads it is one of the involved professions, I do not intend offense by it.
So several doctors were meeting together for lunch like they usually do, and a conversation was struck up about their favorite kinds of patients.
"I like to operate on librarians. Everything is alphabetized, making it easy to locate and arrange properly," the first one says, nibbling on some leftover pastries from her breakfast.
The second one glances up from his sandwich and shakes his head. "Nah, man, it's electricians. Everything's color coded for your convenience and it's easy to see when something's going wrong or right due to all the twitches."
The third one chortles, pausing in the middle of rolling up a bite of noodles. "No, engineers. They always have spare parts available and they understand if there's some left over at the end."
The last doctor smirks, sipping at her cup of coffee. When the others have had her say, she sets it down for a moment. "Those are all good reasons, but lawyers and politicians really are the easiest in the end. Gutless, spineless, and the brains and buttocks are interchangeable."
"I like to operate on librarians. Everything is alphabetized, making it easy to locate and arrange properly," the first one says, nibbling on some leftover pastries from her breakfast.
The second one glances up from his sandwich and shakes his head. "Nah, man, it's electricians. Everything's color coded for your convenience and it's easy to see when something's going wrong or right due to all the twitches."
The third one chortles, pausing in the middle of rolling up a bite of noodles. "No, engineers. They always have spare parts available and they understand if there's some left over at the end."
The last doctor smirks, sipping at her cup of coffee. When the others have had her say, she sets it down for a moment. "Those are all good reasons, but lawyers and politicians really are the easiest in the end. Gutless, spineless, and the brains and buttocks are interchangeable."
Subtleknifewielder wrote:
This is a joke based on professions, so I apologize if anyone who reads it is one of the involved professions, I do not intend offense by it.
So several doctors were meeting together for lunch like they usually do, and a conversation was struck up about their favorite kinds of patients.
"I like to operate on librarians. Everything is alphabetized, making it easy to locate and arrange properly," the first one says, nibbling on some leftover pastries from her breakfast.
The second one glances up from his sandwich and shakes his head. "Nah, man, it's electricians. Everything's color coded for your convenience and it's easy to see when something's going wrong or right due to all the twitches."
The third one chortles, pausing in the middle of rolling up a bite of noodles. "No, engineers. They always have spare parts available and they understand if there's some left over at the end."
The last doctor smirks, sipping at her cup of coffee. When the others have had her say, she sets it down for a moment. "Those are all good reasons, but lawyers and politicians really are the easiest in the end. Gutless, spineless, and the brains and buttocks are interchangeable."
"I like to operate on librarians. Everything is alphabetized, making it easy to locate and arrange properly," the first one says, nibbling on some leftover pastries from her breakfast.
The second one glances up from his sandwich and shakes his head. "Nah, man, it's electricians. Everything's color coded for your convenience and it's easy to see when something's going wrong or right due to all the twitches."
The third one chortles, pausing in the middle of rolling up a bite of noodles. "No, engineers. They always have spare parts available and they understand if there's some left over at the end."
The last doctor smirks, sipping at her cup of coffee. When the others have had her say, she sets it down for a moment. "Those are all good reasons, but lawyers and politicians really are the easiest in the end. Gutless, spineless, and the brains and buttocks are interchangeable."
I love it
Awesome. *Takes a bow, pressing my hat to my chest* I'm here all night, ladies and gents and otherfolk!
Once I put a firefly in my butthole.
Person: why?
To make my farts glow.
Person: why?
To make my farts glow.
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